“I… She’s dead?” He sounds so weak, so heartbroken.
“I’m so sorry.” I feel utterly useless.
“But I just talked to her this morning,” he says, his voice hollow.
“What did she say?” I ask, because I have to know.
“She said she never wanted to see me again. I’ve been begging her to take me back, to forgive me for what I did, but she won’t She said she couldn’t get the picture of me and Lexi out of her head, that it was driving her crazy.”
I didn’t blame her. I had a hard time with the fact that Cheyanne was with Roman and Reece, and that was a long time ago, before I ever even knew her.
“Did she say anything else?” I ask, thinking that the police will want to know.
Tears welled in his eyes. “She said she loved me, that she could forgive me, but she could never forget. And then she wished me a good life and then said goodbye.”
I sighed. She was saying goodbye forever.
“I was her goodbye call. Maybe if I had kept her on the phone, she wouldn’t have done it,” he starts.
“No, Nolan. You couldn’t have stopped her. Obviously, she was sure in her decision. She wanted to die, which is why she went somewhere no one would find her.”
“Where was she? How did she do it?”
“I’m not sure you want to know,” I say.
“Tell me, dammit!” he says, his words identical to what I said to Hazel earlier.
“She went to the alley where you two used to hook up and she slit her wrists.” I look away from him, unable to watch him break.
His sobs draw my attention and when I glance at him, he’s crying into his hands. I don’t know how to comfort him, how to tell him it’ll be okay. The truth is, I have no idea how anything is ever going to be the same again. With Hazel gone, the world has tilted on it’s axis. I mean, sure, she was a bit of a bitch, but that means nothing in the scheme of things. She was still a person with feelings and emotions. She meant something to a lot of people, me included.
“Where is she?” Nolan asks, lifting his head.
“She was taken to the hospital,” I say.
“I want to see her.”
“I figured you would. We can go now,” I tell him.
“Who else knows?”
I sigh. “You, me, Miranda and Rome.”
“How the hell do they know?”
“Rome found her,” I explain.
“He found her?” His voice breaks and the sobs start again, but he quickly pulls himself together. “I need to talk to him,” he says, standing up.
“They should still be at the hospital. I’ll text him to make sure, but let’s get to the parking lot.”
He nods and the two of us make our way out of the building. We find Cheyanne, Destiny, and Lexi in the parking lot, loading up Lexi’s SUV with stuff.
Nolan loses it. “You bitches!” He runs toward them, fists raised.
I barely manage to tackle him on to the grass just a few feet in front of the girls, who all look dumbstruck.
“I hate you crazy bitches! You killed her!” he screams from the spot where I’ve pinned him down.
“Killed who? Stop being such a drama queen, Nolan. Hazel will take you back eventually. The whore is ruined to any other guy on campus, but you’ll fuck her no matter what, huh?” Destiny says, venom in her words.
“Shut up, Destiny. Don’t speak ill of the dead,” I say to her.
“What do you mean?” she asks and I can tell she feels the guilt immediately. Good.
“She killed herself this morning, so I guess you girls all got what you wanted, huh?” I ask, helping Nolan up. He’s not any calmer, but I need to get him in my car.
“But…” Destiny starts, but Cheyanne interrupts her.
“Shut up, Des. I’m not sorry she’s gone. She deserved it for what she’s done to everyone at this school. You can try to deny it, Nolan, but we all know you helped her with the rumors, gathering information and with the phone. I found the phone when I was cleaning out my room this morning.” Cheyanne says.
“You bitch!” Nolan spits at her.
I can’t even speak; I just stare at the girl I thought I loved, the one who I saw as compassionate and a good person. She avoids my stare, but I can tell she feels it, feels the raw hatred I have for her.
“Come on, Nolan, let’s go,” I say, dragging Nolan toward my car.
Whether any of us want to admit it or not, our lives have all changed.
Six
Cheyanne’s lackluster display of emotion has infuriated me, but it doesn’t matter right now. I’ll deal with Cheyanne and her apparent Hazel deserves it attitude later. For the time being, my responsibility is to Nolan and making sure he deals with his grief in the right way.
He’s silent during the short trip to the hospital. I park in the general lot and we walk through the main entrance together. At the receptionist’s desk, the woman looks at Nolan.
“Can I help you?”
I wait half a second, to see if he’s going to answer before I draw the woman’s attention. I wave my hand at her. I tell here who we’re here to see and she looks down at her clipboard. After a minute, she types a few keys into the keyboard and then she looks back up at us, her eyes sad.
“She’s still in the emergency room,” she explains, directing us toward a long hallway.
I thank her cordially and then lead Nolan down the hall.
He stops about halfway down. “I don’t think I can do this,” he says.
“I know it’s hard, but I’m going to be right next to you,” I say to encourage him, tugging on his arm.
After his accident last semester, I thought for sure he’d be out of sports for the year, but the guy was tough, tougher than anyone I’d ever met. Sure, he was a bit of a man whore, but Hazel seemed to curb that in him, for a while, at least. Until the latest incident with Lexi, Nolan’s been faithful to Hazel. It’s a nice change to see in him and I wonder if he’s going to turn back to his whorish ways now that the love of his life is gone.
He shuffles his feet but takes a few steps forward before stopping again to stare at his feet. After several deep breaths, he tips his head up and I see the determination in his eyes. He’s not going to break, not yet. For the time being, he’s going to be strong.
When we push through the double doors into the ER, Miranda’s face is the first I see. She’s standing in front of Rome, who’s sitting in a chair, head in his hands. She’s stroking his hair affectionately, tears in her eyes.
We walk over to them. “Hey guys.”
Rome looks up at me with tears streaming down his face. His sobs are gut-wrenching. When he turns to look at Nolan, he breaks down completely and Nolan with him. Rome stands and the two embrace, a show of brotherhood, of solidarity. Miranda puts her arm around my waist in a sideways hug and the four of us stand there and mourn, knowing that no matter how much we wish we could change things, reality has set in and there’s no turning back.
After a few minutes, a nurse approaches. “Excuse me, but do any of you have the contact information for Hazel’s family?”
Nolan looks up in surprise. “I… I don’t know,” he says, his voice cracking.
“I’ve got her dad’s cell number,” Roman announces, pulling his phone out of his pocket. He gives the number to the nurse and then turns to us. We’re all staring at him in awe, wondering why he has Hazel’s dad’s number.
He sighs. “When she and I were dating, we traded emergency contact info. I never got around to deleting the number.”
Miranda looks hurt and I have to wonder if he didn’t trade numbers with her. But there’s no time for that now. A police officer approaches us next.
“I need to speak to Roman Callahan,” he says.
Rome steps forward. “That’s me.”
“Come with me, please, Mr. Callahan,” the cop says, motioning for Rome to follow. The two of them go into an empty room.
“I want to see her,” Nolan says.
<
br /> “She’s right through here,” Miranda says, pointing behind a nearby curtain.
When she moves to follow him through, Nolan stops her. “I need to do this alone.”
Miranda nods and then comes back to me. We sit side-by-side in the chairs. She reaches over and holds on my hand and squeezes. There’s no tension, sexual or otherwise between us. Right now, we’re just friends who each desperately need someone to cling to.
Roman returns a few minutes later, his eyes void of tears. “Hey guys.”
Miranda stands and hugs him. “Everything okay?”
“No, it’s not. Until the autopsy, I’m a suspect.”
“What?” I ask, standing. “You found her like that.”
“Yeah, but no one saw her do it and so they’re covering their bases. I can’t go home this weekend to see Deacon. They’ve asked me to stay in Myrtle Beach until everything gets sorted out. Audric, can you call Cheyanne and let her know?”
“No.”
“What? Why not?” he asks.
“Cheyanne doesn’t care about what’s happened to Hazel. In fact, I think they might have been bullying her this morning, which is what pushed her over the edge,” I explain. It’s all speculation, of course, but I’m sure of what happened.
“What did she say?” Miranda asks.
“Trust me, you don’t want to know. Nolan heard her and it was too much for him, I think. For now, let’s just leave Cheyanne out of it. Can you call your parents, Rome?”
“Yeah, let me do that,” he says, walking down the hall to go outside.
“What did she say?” Miranda asks again. “Tell me.”
I sigh, knowing there’s no way I can get around it. “She basically said that Hazel got what she deserved.”
Miranda gasps. “I can’t believe she’s so heartless! I mean, sure Hazel was a royal bitch, but that doesn’t mean she deserved to die. Cheyanne isn’t the person I thought she was.”
I couldn’t agree more with her. I nod my agreement as Nolan comes out of Hazel’s room. Miranda and I envelop him in a hug.
“I can’t believe she’s gone,” he says, his voice a low whisper.
“I’m so sorry, Nolan,” Miranda murmurs.
“Don’t be sorry. I’m going to get revenge.”
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“I think Hazel was being bullied,” he explains. “And I know exactly who was dishing it out.”
Seven
I’m floating through white, puffy clouds, completely weightless. My vision is blurry, but I don’t mind. I feel like I’m on top of the world. The clouds clear and before me are huge gold gates. I’m at the pearly gates of heaven! How I know is beyond me, but deep in my gut, I know that’s what I’m staring at.
To the left of the gates is a line of people. I glance through the line, seeing if I recognize anyone. Hazel’s pitch-black hair stands out in the crowd. I call out to her and she turns to me, motioning me forward.
“What’s going on?” I ask, thoroughly confused.
“We’re all waiting to see if we get in,” she replies.
“How do you know if you get in?”
“You have to check and see if your name is on the list,” she says, pointing toward a podium at the front of the line.
As I watch, two people are let in through the gates and one drops down through the clouds, presumably to hell. I gasp as I hear the person’s screams get quieter.
“What was that?”
“He went to hell,” Hazel says, shaking her head.
“Do you have any idea what’s going to happen to you?” I ask, remembering all the times she ruined people’s lives, just this year.
“I know I’m going to hell, Audric. It was determined a long time ago, and even if it weren’t, suicide is a sure way to go to hell.” She sounds resigned.
“Isn’t there anything you can do?”
She shakes her head slowly. “Like what?”
“I don’t know! Fight it, Hazel!” I shout.
“Fight the truth? That’s hardly a plan,” she says.
“But you can’t just accept hell as your choice! You’ve got to prove you’re a good person!” I scream, willing her to understand.
“I’m not a good person, Audric. You know that. Cheyanne was right about me. I do deserve this. Burning in hell for all of eternity is my penance for destroying so many lives this past year. I deserve to burn.”
I grab her shoulders. “No! You don’t deserve this! Fight it, Hazel!”
She’s next in line and she steps forward, easily out of my grasp. She states her name for the weird old guy at the podium.
“You have not been a good person, Hazel. Many people’s reputations have been ruined during your time at Coastal Carolina. And so many of them don’t even know it was you, do they? You did it anonymously, so you wouldn’t have to face the consequences of your actions. For this and many other reasons, you cannot be admitted into the gates of heaven. Instead, you are damned to hell.”
“Hazel! Nooo!” I scream, grabbing her arm so she won’t fall.
Instead of holding her up, she brings me down with her. We fall together, through the clouds below. When the clouds clear, there’s a beautiful blue sky surrounding us.
“Audric, you’ve got to let me go,” Hazel says, glancing at where my hand is still firmly wrapped around her arm.
“I won’t let you go, Hazel!”
“You’ve got to. This is how it has to be,” she says solemnly. She gives me a sad smile and then removes my hand from her arm. “Go back and live a better life than I did. Be better, Audric.”
Just as I go to grab her again, flames lick at my feet, the warmth not yet unpleasant. We fall further and Hazel’s body erupts into flames, her skin set on fire and the smell of burning flesh filling my nostrils.
I yell to her, desperate to save her and she shakes her head. “Be better.”
Eight
I wake up in a cold sweat, a shout bubbling out of my mouth.
“Audric? What the hell, dude?” Roman asks, leaning off his bed to see me.
Somehow, I’ve managed to scoot into the corner of my bed where the walls and my headboard meet. Curled in a tiny ball, my whole body is numb from being in such a position.
“Sorry, man… I guess I had a bad dream,” I say, realizing how much I sound like a little kid. Thr truth is far more terrifying, though.
“Are you okay?” he asks.
I glance over at him, taking in his bloodshot eyes. “Yeah, I’m good. Are you okay?”
“I haven’t slept much,” he says, rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands. “It’s hard to sleep when I know she’s gone.”
“Yeah, I hear you. Although I’d rather be awake than having the nightmare I just woke up from,” I admit.
“At least in dreams, she’s not dead,” he commented.
In my dreams, she’s in hell. “Yeah.”
“It’s almost lunch time. You want to go out with Miranda and I?” he asks.
“Sure. Let me grab a quick shower, though,” I say, stretching my body and getting off the bed. I grab my shower bag and leave the room.
Less than twenty minutes later, I actually feel refreshed. I’m still depressed by my dream, but no one will ever know about it. I can’t tell people I had a dream Hazel went to hell and told me to be a better person – they would think I’m crazy.
“All set,” I say to Roman, who looks like he hasn’t moved off the bed.
He glances up at me, as if he’s forgotten he invited me to lunch. He shakes his head as if to clear it and then puts his feet on the floor. “Yeah, okay.”
He pulls out his phone to send a text and then we set out to the parking lot.
I know, at some point, I’m going to have to talk to Cheyanne about what she said, but I don’t want to face her. I’m still so angry, so completely pissed off that she said such horrible things that I can’t force myself to come face-to-face with her. Chances are, I’ll lose it, especially after that dream.<
br />
Roman agrees to drive, which is good, ‘cause I shouldn’t be anywhere near a steering wheel at the moment. I’m too distracted.
We arrive in no time, neither of us bothering to make small talk. Miranda is there, waiting for us, and I can see Nolan sitting on a bench in front of the restaurant. He looks so despondent, so utterly lifeless that I wonder if he’s ever going to snap out of it. His depression is weighted with guilt, as is mine, but he’s is so much different than mine. He broke Hazel’s heart.
Miranda hugs Roman and I and then turns to pull Nolan off the bench. He goes willingly, but I can see the huge nothingness in his eyes. He’s empty. Not so dissimilar from how I feel.He looks at me and I see myself mirrored in his eyes. Even though Hazel and I had our skirmishes, we weren’t in utter hatred of each other, and before I started dating Cheyanne, Hazel actually liked me. I see now why Hazel despised my girlfriend.
Cheyanne is spiteful and full of hate. No matter what Hazel did, she didn’t deserve to die. And that’s where Cheyanne and I differ. Even now, Roman and Miranda, whose relationship was in disarray because of Hazel for a brief period of time, are mourning the girl we included in our little group. She was one of us. And now she’s gone.
The whole group is sort of toxic, if I really examine it. Nolan cheated on Des with Hazel. Des got her revenge on them by getting Lexi to seduce Nolan. And now Nolan is proclaiming he wants revenge on Des and her friends. It’s all so… juvenile. I feel like we’re still in high school, all of us doing what we can to one another to get ahead. I was certain before I came to this school that I would among adults, people with morals and general respect for each other. I was horribly mistaken.
And so I know, without any doubt at all, that I need to get the hell away from these people. I keep quiet as a hostess leads the four of us to a table. I’m lost to their conversation as I consider my options. I want to leave, but I’ll have to make smart choices so my grades don’t suffer.
“Audric?” Miranda calls to me.
I blink at the three of them, all staring at me.
Best Friends Forever Page 30
