800 Years of Women's Letters

by Olga Kenyon

Inasmuch as the immortal mind excels the immortal body so every wise man will deem the works of the mind more highly to be esteemed and worthy of greater honour than any corporal act. As, therefore, your Majesty is of so high an excellence that none or few may be compared with you in royal and gracious attainments such that not only am I bound to you by the law of the land as my lord, by the law of nature as my lord and by divine law as my father, but as [you are] the most gracious of lords and my own matchless and most kind father so I would be bound to your Majesty by all laws and by all sorts of duties and by all means possible.

  It seemed most appropriate to me that a work of such piety, a work compiled in English by the pious zeal and great industry of a glorious Queen and for that reason a work sought out by all, and by your Majesty highly esteemed, should be translated into other languages (this work which is its theme is truly worthy of a King and in its compilation worthy of a Queen) and it seemed fitting to me that this task should be undertaken by myself, your daughter and one who should be not only the imitator of your virtues but also heir to them. Whatever in this work is not mine, is worthy of the highest praise, inasmuch as the whole book is so pious in its argument, so skilful in its compilation and so well drawn up in the fittest order. But as to what is mine, if there by any error in it yet it may merit pardon on account of my ignorance, my youth, my short time of study and my goodwill, and if it be undistinguished, even though it merit no praise, yet if it be well received it will powerfully incite me to further efforts so that even as I advance in years so I shall advance also in learning and in the fear of God and so it shall come to pass that I shall worship Him ever more zealously and serve your Majesty ever more dutifully.

  Wherefore I do not doubt but that your fatherly goodness and royal foresight will set no lower value on this private labour of my mind than on any other attainment and that you will feel that this holy work which is the more highly to be valued as having been compiled by the Queen your wife, may have its value ever so little enhanced by being translated by your daughter. May the King of Kings, in whose hands lie the hearts of all kings, so guide your mind and protect your life that under your Majesty’s rule we may live long in true piety and religion.

  From Hertford, the 30th day of December 1545.

  MARIA PERRY, THE WORD OF A PRINCE: A LIFE OF ELIZABETH I (1990)

  ON THE EDUCATION OF DAUGHTERS

  In this sensible letter to a prosperous tradesman recommends that girls be taught enough about business to manage their own and their husbands’ money, and avoid ‘ruin of soul and body’.

  1739

  ’Tis the misfortune of this nation that the most part of our gentlemen and tradesmen bring up their daughters at a boarding school, where . . . time is, for the most part, employ’d in trifles, whilst the useful and becoming part of her education is wholly neglected, as her being taught to cut out and make up (her own and her family’s) linen, and prudent management of household affairs, whereby she might become qualify’d for the government of a family, at her entrance into the married state.

  But no sooner does the little creature leave school, furnish’d with all these trifling accomplishments, than the father and mother are for showing her off to get her a husband. This of course spoils the girl; for she now thinks of nothing but dress, receiving and returning visits, tea-drinking, and card-playing, which last is of the most fatal consequence . . . if this manner of life fails of getting her a husband, when young, and her parents are unable to give her a large fortune, she is obliged to live an old maid, and die useless to her generation. On the contrary, if her parents die, and leave her only a small fortune, she can’t live upon the interest, and consequently must endeavour to marry for a livelihood; whence she becomes a prey to some designing mercenary fellow, or otherwise she spends her narrow income, and then what must she do for a support? Why she takes to ill courses; which makes so many women kept awhile, and then come upon the town, to the inevitable ruin both of soul and body.

  . . . Let all gentlemen who have several daughters, and tradesmen, who can’t give about 1000 or 1500 l. a piece to their daughters, and some who are able to give no more than two or three hundred pound . . . take care their daughters be taught the most useful part of needlework, all the arts of economy, writing and book-keeping, with enough of dancing and French to give them a graceful easy freedom both of discourse and behaviour: And when they have acquir’d these necessary accomplishments in some degree of perfection, let them also at the age of fifteen or sixteen be put apprentices to genteel and easy trades, such as linen or woollen drapers, haberdashers of small wares, mercers, glovers, perfumers, grocers, confectioners, retailers of gold and silver lace, buttons, etc.

  Why are not these as creditable trades for the daughters of gentlemen as they are for their sons?

  . . . If women were train’d up to business from their early years, ’tis highly probable they would in general be more industrious, and get more money than men, and if so, what women of spirit would submit to be a slave, and fling herself away, as many are forc’d to do, merely for a maintenance, because she cannot stoop to be a servant, and can find no reputable business to go into? . . .

  As for tradesmen in particular, it would be much happier for them, if their wives and daughters knew how to keep their books, and be serviceable to them in their shops, than to have them walk through with that state and unconcernedness they usually do: They would then better know how to spend their husband’s money, so as not to exceed his income . . .

  . . . From the delicacy of their make, they are, indeed, unfit for certain laborious employments, which require considerable strength and robustness of body; but in all those where quickness of thought, activeness, dispatch, neatness, address, and a habit of pleasing are capital requisites, they would, I persuade myself, in no wise fall short of the men as are most remarkable for these qualifications.

  GENTLEMAN’S MAGAZINE, VOL. 9, SEPTEMBER 1739

  AN ENLIGHTENED WOMAN PROPOSES BETTER EDUCATION FOR GIRLS

  Lady Pennington, writing to her daughters, advocates a serious and sensible programme for women’s education, with ‘mornings wholly to improvement’. She realizes both the need for ‘diversions’ and sufficient knowledge to manage ‘all domestic affairs’.

  1770

  It is an excellent method to appropriate the mornings wholly to improvement; – the afternoon may then be allow’d to diversions: – under the last head, I place company, books of the amusing kind, and entertaining productions of the needle, as well as plays, balls, cards, etc., which more commonly go by the name of diversions: . . . One half hour or more, either before or immediately after breakfast, I would have you constantly give to the attentive perusal of some rationally pious author, or to some part of the New Testament.

  It is necessary for you to be perfect in the four first rules of Arithmetic – more you can never have occasion for, and the mind should not be burthen’d with needless application.

  The management of all domestic affairs is certainly the proper business of woman – and, unfashionably rustic as such an assertion may be thought, it is not beneath the dignity of any lady, however high her rank, to know how to educate her children, to govern her servants . . . Make yourself, therefore, so thoroughly acquainted with the most proper method of conducting a family, and with the necessary expense of every article.

  ED. B. HILL, EIGHTEENTH CENTURY WOMEN (1984)

  THE RIGHT TO EDUCATION

  Maria Edgeworth (1768–1849) was the eldest daughter of a much-married Irish landlord. She felt responsible for the education of his many younger children and wrote Practical Education with him in 1798. She designed enlightened reading schemes and here defends the right of women to education – by argument designed to appeal to men in power:

  You apprehend that knowledge must be hurtful to the sex, because it will be the means of their acquiring power. It seems to me impossible that women can acquire the species of direct power which you dread: the manners of society must totally
change before women can mingle with men in the busy and public scenes of life. They must become amazons before they can affect this change; they must cease to be women before they can desire it. The happiness of neither sex could be increased by this metamorphosis.

  MARIA EDGEWORTH, LETTERS FOR LITERARY LADIES (1795)

  SENIOR WRANGLER

  Thanks to efforts of women such as Millicent Fawcett, Girton and Newnham College were founded, and the Tripos examinations finally opened for women. The student with the highest marks in the Finals Tripos is called Senior Wrangler. In 1890 it was Philippa, Millicent’s daughter, who came top. Her affectionate father, old Mr Garrett came over from Aldeburgh with two of his other granddaughters, and one of these sent home to her mother a graphic description of the proceedings:

  It was a most exciting scene in the Senate this morning. Christina and I got seats in the gallery, and Grandpapa remained below. The gallery was crowded with girls and a few men, and the floor of the building was thronged by undergraduates as tightly packed as they could be. The lists were read from the gallery and we heard splendidly. All the men’s names were read first; the Senior Wrangler was much cheered. There was a good deal of shouting and cheering throughout; at last the man who had been reading shouted ‘Women.’ The undergraduates yelled ‘Ladies,’ and for some minutes there was a great uproar. A fearfully agitating moment for Philippa it must have been; the examiner, of course, could not attempt to read the names until there was a lull. Again and again he raised his cap, but would not say ‘ladies’ instead of ‘women,’ and quite right, I think. He signalled with his hands for the men to keep quiet, but he had to wait some time. At last he read Philippa’s name, and announced that she was ‘above the Senior Wrangler.’ There was a great and prolonged cheering; many of the men turned towards Philippa, who was sitting in the gallery with Miss Clough, and waved their hats. When the examiner went on with the other names, there were cries of ‘Read Miss Fawcett’s name again,’ but no attention was paid to this. I don’t think any other women’s names were heard, for the men were making such a tremendous noise. We made our way round to Philippa to congratulate her, and then I went over to Grandpapa. Miss Gladstone was with him. She was, of course, tremendously delighted. A great many people were there to cheer and congratulate Philippa when she came down into the hall.

  RAY STRACHEY, MILLICENT FAWCETT (1931)

  Four

  Love and Sexual Passion

  Male writers have frequently declared that men feel greater sexual passion than women. And since Plato they have also claimed to experience greater spiritual love for other men. But the depth of women’s responses can no longer be underestimated, as evidenced in these letters; intended for only one other person, they are both revealing and honest.

  The letters range from apprehensive to passionate, from heterosexual to lesbian. Women show themselves as taking far greater initiative, and reacting in far more varied ways, than cultural role models usually acknowledged. The strikingly different discourses demonstrate abilities of assessing and judging a wide area of emotion, including lesbian.

  The bold love letter from Héloïse to Abelard opens the book. She is worthy of this pre-eminence, with her passionate ‘You alone have the power to make me sad, to bring me happiness or comfort’. Four centuries later Elizabeth I, fully aware of the real power of a husband, skilfully prevaricates, in order not to commit herself – or her country – to a foreigner (see Chapter Eleven).

  Women in the French court of Louis XIV seemed to have more social influence in that they ruled over literary discussions in their salons. Yet the King’s cousin, ‘La Grande Mademoiselle,’ was not allowed to marry the man of her choice, though a duke. I include three letters describing her unhappy, brief love affair because their author, Madame de Sévigné, transforms the account into a work of art. To continue this theme of the interlinking of fiction and reality, I include in Appendix I an extract from the first novel in English: Love Letters Between a Nobleman and his Sister (1676?). The passionate discourse of the Restoration both echoes and influences the ways in which the literate formed their ideas about sexual feelings. The actual letters of Lady Mary Wortley Montagu before she eloped with her future husband sound remarkably like the outpourings of a fictional heroine. They raise again the intriguing question of how far the concepts of the language we learn in a social context mould our psyche.

  In the latter part of this chapter, letters analysing different approaches to courtship are compared to extracts which consider money settlements. A settlement on a Roman bride (the earliest letter we have in a woman’s hand) and letters on French dowries in the nineteenth century show the continuing importance of a financial bond.

  ROYAL DRAMA IN THE MAKING AND BREAKING OF AN ENGAGEMENT

  Mademoiselle, niece of Louis XIII, was a large, ungainly woman appreciated mainly because of her close relationship to Louis XIV. Madame de Sévigné recounts with dramatic suspense the amazed reaction of most courtiers when they heard that Mademoiselle had achieved a triumph, an engagement to the soldier-adventurer Duke of Lauzun. Coulanges, to whom these letters were sent, was cousin and lifelong friend of Madame de Sévigné.

  Paris, Monday 15 December 1670

  What I am about to communicate to you is the most astonishing thing, the most surprising, the most marvellous, the most miraculous, most triumphant, most baffling, most unheard of, most singular, most extraordinary, most unbelievable, most unforeseen, biggest, tiniest, rarest, commonest, the most talked about, the most secret up to this day, the most brilliant, the most enviable, in fact a thing of which only one example can be found in past ages, and, moreover, that example is a false one; a thing nobody can believe in Paris (how could anyone believe it in Lyons?), a thing that makes everybody cry ‘mercy on us’, a thing that fills Mme de Rohan and Mme de Hauterive with joy, in short a thing that will be done on Sunday and those who see it will think they are seeing visions – a thing that will be done on Sunday and perhaps not done by Monday. I can’t make up my mind to say it. Guess, I give you three tries. You give up? Very well, I shall have to tell you. M. de Lauzun is marry on Sunday, in the Louvre – guess who? I give you four guesses, ten, a hundred. Mme de Coulanges will be saying: That’s not so very hard to guess, it’s Mlle de La Vallière. Not at all, Madame, Mlle de Retz, then? Not at all, you’re very provincial. Of course, how silly we are, you say: It’s Mlle Colbert. You’re still further away. Then it must be Mlle de Créquy? You’re nowhere near. I shall have to tell you in the end: he is marrying, on Sunday, in the Louvre, with the King’s permission, Mademoiselle, Mademoiselle de . . . Mademoiselle . . . guess the name. He’s marrying Mademoiselle, of course! Honestly, on my honour, on my sworn oath! Mademoiselle, the great Mademoiselle, Mademoiselle, daughter of the late Monsieur, Mademoiselle, granddaughter of Henry IV, Mademoiselle d’Eu, first cousin of the King, destined for the throne, the only bride in France worthy of Monsieur [Louis XIV’s brother]. If you shout aloud, if you say we have lied, that it is false, a fine old story, too feeble to imagine, you are perfectly right. We did as much ourselves.

  Goodbye, letters coming by this post will show you whether we are telling the truth or not.

  TRANS. L. TANCOCK, MADAME DE SÉVIGNÉ; SELECTED LETTERS (1982)

  The following day Louis XIV decided that his cousin should not be allowed to marry a mere duke. Madame de Sévigné wrote again to her cousin.

  Paris, Friday 19 December 1670

  What you might call a bolt from the blue occurred yesterday evening at the Tuileries, but I must start the story further back. You have heard as far as the joy, transports, ecstasies of the Princess and her fortunate lover. Well, the matter was announced on Monday, as you were told. Tuesday was spent in talk, astonishment, compliments. On Wednesday Mademoiselle made a settlement on M. de Lauzun, with the object of bestowing on him the titles, names and honours needed for mention in the marriage contract, and that was enacted on the same day. So, to go on with, she bestowed on him four duchies: first t
he earldom of Eu, which is the highest peerage in France and gives him first precedence, the duchy of Montpensier, which name he bore all day yesterday, the duchy of Saint Fargeau and that of Châtellerault, the whole estimated to be worth twenty-two millions. Then the contract was drawn up, in which he took the name of Montpensier. On Thursday morning, that is yesterday, Mademoiselle hoped that the King would sign the contract as he had promised, but by seven in the evening His Majesty, being persuaded by the Queen, Monsieur and divers greybeards that this business was harmful to his reputation, decided to break it off, and after summoning Mademoiselle and M. de Lauzun, declared to them, in the presence of Monsieur le Prince, that he forbade their thinking any more about this marriage. M. de Lauzun received this order with all the respect, all the submissiveness, all the stoicism and all the despair that such a great fall required. As for Mademoiselle, according to her mood she burst into tears, cries, violent outbursts of grief, exaggerated lamentations, and she remained in bed all day, taking nothing but broth. So much for a beautiful dream, a fine subject for a novel or a tragedy, but above all for arguing and talking for ever and ever. And that is what we are doing day and night, evening and morning, on and on without respite. We hope you will do the same. Upon which I most humbly kiss your hands.

  Madame de Sévigné

  TRANS. L. TANCOCK (1982)

  The following letter, again to her cousin, shapes the real romance into a suitable fiction. Madame de Sévigné realized the potential of this drama for the stage, and with her vivid pen she has made the story into art.

  Paris, Wednesday 24 December 1670

  You now know the romantic story of Mademoiselle and M. de Lauzun. It is a real subject of tragedy according to all the rules of the theatre. The other day we were plotting out the acts and scenes, giving it four days instead of twenty-four hours, and it made a perfect play. Never have such changes been seen in so short a time, never have you seen such general emotion, never have you heard such extraordinary news. M. de Lauzun has played his part as to the manner born; he has endured this misfortune with a self-control, courage and yet grief mingled with profound respect which have earned him universal admiration. What he has lost is of inestimable value, but the goodwill of the King, which he has kept, is also beyond price, and his fortune seems by no means in a parlous state. Mademoiselle has behaved very well too. She has wept a lot, but today she returned to her duty calls at the Louvre, whence she had been receiving all the visitors. So that is that. Good-bye.