by Maisey Yates
She wasn’t letting him off easy. And that was all right. He didn’t need it to be easy. He just needed to fix it.
“I do feel,” he said, his voice coming out so rough it was like a stranger’s. “I feel a lot. All the time. It’s just easier when I don’t. So I’m very good at pushing down my emotions. And I’m very good at separating feelings from a moment. That way I have time to analyze what I feel later, instead of being reactionary.”
“Because being reactionary is bad?”
“Yes. Especially when... When I might have read a situation wrong. And I do that a lot, Poppy. I’m a perfectionist. I don’t like being wrong.”
“This is not news to me,” she said.
“I know. You’ve also known me long enough that you seem to know how to read me. And I... I’m pretty good at reading you too. But sometimes I don’t get it right. Feelings are different for me. But it doesn’t mean I don’t have them. It does mean that sometimes I’m wrong about what’s happening. And... I hate that. I hate it more than anything. I hate feeling like everything is okay and finding out it isn’t. I hate feeling like something is wrong only to find out that it’s not.”
“You know everyone makes those mistakes,” she said gently. “Nobody gets it completely right all the time.”
“I do know that,” he said. “But I get it wrong more often than most. I’ve always struggled with that. I’ve found ways to make it easier. I use organization. My interest in numbers. Having an assistant who helps me with the things I’m not so great at. All of those things have made it easier for me to have a life that functions simply. They’ve made it so I don’t have to risk myself. So I don’t have to be hurt.
“But I’m finding that they have not enabled me to have a full life. Poppy, I don’t just want easy. That was a mistake I made when I asked you to find me a wife. I thought I wanted a wife so I could feel the sense of completeness in my personal life that I did my professional life. But what I didn’t realize was that things felt complete in my professional life because I was with you every day.”
He took a step toward her, wanting to touch her. With everything he had.
“I had you in that perfect space I created for you. And I got to be with you all the time,” he continued. “Yours was one of the first faces I saw every morning. And you were always one of the last people I saw before I went home. There was a rightness to that. And I attributed it to...the fact that you were efficient. The fact that you were organized. The fact that I liked you. But it was more than that. And it always has been. It isn’t that I didn’t think of you when I decided to put an ad in the paper for a wife. You were actually the reason I did it. It’s just that... I’m an idiot.”
He paused and watched her expression.
“Are you waiting for me to argue with you?” She blinked. “I’m not going to.”
“I’m not waiting for you to argue. I just want you to... I want you to see that I mean this. I want you to understand that I didn’t do it on purpose. There’s just so many layers of protection inside me, and it takes me days sometimes to sort out what’s happening in my own chest.
“You are right. I hated it because it wasn’t in my head. I hated it because it all comes from that part of me that I find difficult. The part that I feel holds me back. It is amazing to have a brother like Joshua. Someone who’s a PR expert. Who seems to navigate rooms and facial expressions and changes in mood seamlessly. I’ve had you by my side for that. To say the right thing in a meeting when I didn’t. To give me your rundown on how something actually went so that I didn’t have to.”
“I already told you it’s not hard for me to do that for you. The way you are doesn’t bother me. It’s just you. It’s not like there’s this separate piece of you that has these challenges and then there’s you. It’s all you. And I could never separate it out. I wouldn’t even want to. Isaiah, you’re perfect the way you are. Whether there is a label for this or not. Whether it’s a disorder or it isn’t. It doesn’t matter to me. It’s all you.”
“I bet you resented it a little bit yesterday.”
“You hurt me. You hurt me really badly. But I still think you’re the best man I know. I still... Isaiah, I love you. You saying terrible things to me one day is not going to undo ten years of loving you.”
The relief washing through him felt unlike anything he’d ever experienced before. He wanted to drop to his knees. He wanted to kiss her. Hold her. He wanted to unlock himself and let everything he felt pour out.
Why wasn’t he doing that? Why was he standing there stiff as a board when that wasn’t at all what he felt?
So he did.
He dropped down to his knees and he wrapped his arms around her, pressing his face against her stomach. Against Poppy and the life that was growing inside her.
“I love you,” he whispered. “Poppy, I love you.”
He looked up at her, and she was staring down at him, bewildered, as he continued, “I just... I was so afraid to let myself feel it. To let myself want this. To let myself have it. I can’t help but see myself as an emotional burden. When I think of everything you do for me... I think of you having to do that in our lives, and it doesn’t feel fair. It feels like you deserve someone easier. Someone better. Someone you don’t have to act as a translator for.”
“I’ve had a long time to fall in love with other men, Isaiah. But you are the one I love. You. And I already told you that I don’t see you and then the way you process emotion. It’s all you. The man I love. All your traits, they can’t be separated. I don’t want them to be. You’re not my project. You... You have no idea what you give to me. Because I’ve never told you. I talked with Rosalind last night.”
“You did?”
“Yes.” Poppy crouched down, so that they were eye to eye. “She told me I needed to fight for you. That we are not foster children anymore, and I can’t live like someone else is in control of my destiny. And she’s right. Whether or not you showed up at my house this morning, we were going to talk. Because I was going to come find you. And I was going to tell you again that I love you.”
“I’m a lot of work,” he said, his voice getting rough.
“I don’t care. It’s my privilege to have the freedom to work at it. No one is going to come and take me away and move me to a different place. No one is controlling what I do but me. If I choose to work at this, if I choose to love you, then that’s my choice.
“And it’s worth it. You mean everything to me. You hired me when I was an eighteen-year-old girl who had no job experience, who had barely been in one place for a year at a time. You introduced me to your family, and watching them showed me how love can function in those kinds of relationships. Your family showed me the way people can treat each other. The way you can fight and still care. The way you can make mistakes and still love.”
“That’s my family. It isn’t me.”
“I haven’t gotten to you yet.” She grabbed hold of his chin, her brown eyes steady on his. “You’ve told me how difficult it is for you to navigate people. But you still do it. You are so loyal to the people in your life. Including me.
“I watched the way you cared for Rosalind. Part of that was hiring me, simply because it meant something to her. Part of that was caring for her, and yes, in the end you felt like you made a mistake, like she made a fool out of you, but you showed that you had the capacity to care deeply.
“You have been the most constant steady presence in my life for the past decade. You’ve shown me what it means to be loyal. You took me with you to every job, every position. Every start-up. You committed to me in a way that no one else in my life ever has. And I don’t know if you can possibly understand what that means for a foster kid who’s had more houses than she can count.”
Poppy stroked his face, her heart thundering hard, her whole body trembling. She continued, “You can’t minimize the fact that you taught me
that people can care that deeply. That they might show it in different ways, but that doesn’t mean they don’t care.
“I do know you have feelings, Isaiah. Because your actions show them. You are consistent month to month, year to year. It doesn’t matter whether I misinterpret your reaction in the moment. You’re always in it for the long haul. And that seems like a miracle to me.” Her voice got thick, her eyes shiny. “You are not a trial, Isaiah Grayson. You are the greatest gift I’ve ever been given. And loving you is part of that gift.”
The words washed over him, a balm for his soul. For his heart.
“I was afraid,” he said. “Not just of being too much for you—” the words cut his throat “—but of losing you. I wish I were that altruistic. But I’m not. I was afraid because what I feel for you is so deep... I don’t know what I would do if I lost you. If I... If I ruined it because of... Because of how I am.”
“I love how you are.” Poppy’s voice was fierce. “It’s up to me to tell you when something is wrong, to tell you when it’s right. It doesn’t matter how the rest of the world sees things, Isaiah. It matters how we see things. Here. Between us.
“Normal doesn’t matter. Neither of us is normal. You’re going to have to deal with my baggage. With the fact that I’m afraid I don’t know how to be a mother because I never had one of my own. With the fact that sometimes my first instinct is to protect myself instead of fighting for what I feel. And I’m going to have to learn your way of communicating. That’s love for everyone. Sometimes I’ll be a bigger burden. And sometimes you will be. But we’ll have each other. And that’s so much better than being apart.”
“I think I’ve loved you for a very long time. But it felt necessary to block it out. But once I touched you... Once I touched you, Poppy, I couldn’t deny it. I can’t keep you or my feelings for you in a box, and that terrifies me. You terrify me. But in a good way.”
She lifted her hand, tracing a line down the side of his face. “The only thing that terrifies me is a life without you.”
“Will you marry me? This time I’m asking. Not because you’re pregnant. Not because I want a wife. Because I want you.”
“I will marry you,” she said. “Not for your family. Not in spite of you, but because of you. Because I love you.”
“I might be bad when it comes to dealing with emotion, but I know right now I’m the happiest man in the world.”
His heart felt like it might burst, and he didn’t hide from it. Didn’t push it aside. He opened himself up and embraced all of it.
“There will have to be some ground rules,” Poppy said, smiling impishly.
“Ground rules?”
“Yes. Lines between our personal and professional lives. For example, at home, I’m not making the coffee.”
“That’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.”
“Good. But that won’t be the only one.”
He wrapped his arms around her and pulled them both into a standing position, Poppy cradled against his chest. “Why don’t I take you into your bedroom and show you exactly what sorts of sacrifices I’m prepared to make.”
“I don’t have a bed in there,” she protested as he carried her back toward her room. “There’s just a sleeping bag.”
“I think I can work with that.”
And he did.
Epilogue
December 24, 2018
WIFE FOUND—
Antisocial mountain man/businessman Isaiah Grayson married his assistant, his best friend and his other half, Poppy Sinclair, on Christmas Eve.
She’ll give him a child or two, exact number to be negotiated. And has vowed to be as tolerant of his mood as he is of hers. Because that’s how love works.
She is willing to stay with him in sickness and in health, in a mountain cabin or at a fancy gala. As long as she is with him. For as long as they both shall live.
She’s happy for him to keep the beard.
They opted to have a small, family wedding on a mountain.
The fact that Poppy was able to have a family wedding made her heart feel like it was so full it might burst. The Grayson clan was all in attendance, standing in the snow, along with Rosalind and her husband.
Poppy peeked out from around the tree she was hiding behind and looked at Isaiah, who was standing next to Pastor John Thompson. The backdrop of evergreens capped with snow was breathtaking, but not as breathtaking as the man himself.
He wasn’t wearing a suit. He was wearing a black coat, white button-up shirt and black jeans. He also had on his black cowboy hat. He hadn’t shaved.
But that was what she wanted.
Him.
Not some polished version, but the man she loved.
This would be her new Christmas tradition. She would think of her wedding. Of their love. Of how her whole life had changed because of Isaiah Grayson.
For her part, Poppy had on her very perfect dress and was holding a bouquet of dark red roses.
She smiled. It was the fantasy wedding she hadn’t even known she wanted.
But then, she supposed that was because she hadn’t known who the groom might be.
But this was perfectly them. Remote, and yet surrounded by the people they loved most.
There was no music, just the deep silence of the forest, the sound of branches moving whenever there was a slight breeze. And Poppy came out from behind the tree when it felt like it was time.
She walked through the snow, her eyes never leaving Isaiah’s. She felt like she might have been walking down a very long aisle toward him for the past ten years. And that each and every one of those years had been necessary to bring them to this moment.
Isaiah didn’t feel things the way other people did. He felt them deeper. It took longer to get there, but she knew that now she had his heart, she would have it forever.
She trusted it. Wholly and completely.
Just like she trusted him.
He reached out and took her hand, and the two of them stood across from each other, love flooding Poppy’s heart.
“I told you an ad was a good idea,” he whispered after they’d taken their vows and the pastor had told him to kiss the bride.
“What are you talking about?”
“It’s the reason I finally realized what was in front of me the whole time.”
“I think we would have found our way without the ad.”
“No. We needed the ad.”
“So you can be right?” she asked, holding back a smile.
He grinned. “I’m always right.”
“Oh, really? Well then, what do you think is going to happen next?”
He kissed her again, deep and hard and long. “I think we’re going to live happily-ever-after.”
He was right. As always.
* * * * *
Keep reading for an excerpt from Love in Catalina Cove by Brenda Jackson.
In her brand-new series, New York Times
bestselling author Brenda Jackson welcomes you to Catalina Cove, where even the biggest
heartbreaks can be healed...
Keep reading for a sneak peek at
Love in Catalina Cove
Love in Catalina Cove
by Brenda Jackson
CHAPTER ONE
New York City
VASHTI ALCINDOR SHOULD be celebrating. After all, the official letter she’d just read declared her divorce final, which meant her three-year marriage to Scott Zimmons was over. Definitely done with. As far as she was concerned the marriage had lasted two years too long. She wouldn’t count that first year since she’d been too in love to dwell on Scott’s imperfections. Truth be told there were many that she’d deliberately overlooked. She’d been so determined to have that happily-ever-after that she honestly believed she could put up with anything.
But reality soon crept into the world of make-believe, and she discovered she truly couldn’t. Her husband was a compulsive liar who could look you right in the eyes and lie with a straight face. She didn’t want to count the number of times she’d caught him in the act. When she couldn’t take the deceptions any longer she had packed her things and left. When her aunt Shelby died five months later, Scott felt entitled to half of the inheritance Vashti received in the will.
It was then that Vashti had hired one of the best divorce attorneys in New York, and within six weeks his private investigator had uncovered Scott’s scandalous activities. Namely, his past and present affair with his boss’s wife. Vashti hadn’t wasted any time making Scott aware that she was not only privy to this information, but had photographs and videos to prove it.
Knowing she wouldn’t hesitate to expose him as the lowlife that he was, Scott had agreed to an uncontested divorce and walked away with nothing. The letter she’d just read was documented proof that he would do just about anything to hold on to his cushy Wall Street job.
Her cell phone ringing snagged her attention, the ringtone belonging to her childhood friend and present Realtor, Bryce Witherspoon. Vashti clicked on her phone as she sat down at her kitchen table with her evening cup of tea. “Hey, girl, I hope you’re calling with good news.”
Bryce chuckled. “I am. Someone from the Barnes Group from California was here today and—”
“California?”
“Yes. They’re a group of developers that’s been trying to acquire land in the cove for years. They made you an unbelievably fantastic offer for Shelby by the Sea.”
Vashti let out a loud shout of joy. She couldn’t believe she’d been lucky enough to get rid of both her ex-husband and her aunt’s property in the same day.
“Don’t get excited yet. We might have problems,” Bryce said.
Vashti frowned. “What kind of problems?”
“The developers want to tear down your aunt’s bed-and-breakfast and—”
“Tear it down?” Vashti felt a soft kick in her stomach. Selling her aunt’s bed-and-breakfast was one thing, having it demolished was another. “Why would they want to tear it down?”
