Counterbalance

by Aidan Wayne

  “I’m doing much better, thank you. John is an excellent caretaker.”

  “Yeah,” Matt said, “he’s pretty great, right?”

  “Oh yes!”

  “Matt,” John interrupted, “thanks for bringing by my stuff. Appreciate it.”

  “Sure thing.” Matt dropped it suspiciously fast. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

  “Yeah.”

  “How long until you’re back, Bao?”

  “The doctor said a week to see how I am doing, so hopefully only a week.”

  “All right,” Matt said. “Well, hope you’re all better by then.”

  “I hope so too!”

  “Have a good night, you guys.”

  “Bye, Matt!”

  John followed Matt into the hallway, after a quick glance at Bao. “Thanks a lot, Matt,” he said. “I mean it.”

  Matt shrugged. “No problem. Just maybe you should take your perfect opportunity, huh?”

  John rolled his eyes. “Yeah, ’cause ‘he’s concussed’ is really a good time. Even if you weren’t crazy.”

  “Think it’s you who can’t see the forest for the trees, mate. He’s nuts about you.”

  John didn’t sigh. “Good night, Matt. I’ll see you tomorrow. Thanks.”

  “You owe me a drink!” Matt called over his shoulder. “Not even for the overnight but for putting up with this!”

  John waved him away, stepping back inside the apartment to Bao.

  Who had put away the rest of dinner by himself, damn it.

  “What happened to taking it easy?” John asked, moving his duffel over next to the kitchen entrance.

  “This was nothing,” Bao said. “I am not doing heavy chores or practicing. That will be taking it easy.”

  “Still. You could’ve let me do it.”

  “You have already done a lot,” Bao replied. “It is fine. Do not worry about me!”

  “Too late for that.”

  Bao grinned at him, before glancing at the duffel. “So you were all ready, it looks like!”

  John rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah. Remember that overnight trip I had a few weeks ago? Those happen a lot, so I keep a bag ready just in case.”

  “Well, I’m glad. If you are spending the night, and tomorrow morning, it’s good you will be comfortable. I do not think any of my clothing would fit you.” He flashed John a sly look. “Though I would be fine if you chose not to have the clothes.”

  John felt his throat tighten, expression shutter. It’d been the first time Bao had really commented on John’s appearance and . . . even if it was Bao’s version of teasing and he knew there was no menace behind it, it still— It was hard not to immediately think of other people who had said similar things, with smirks and coy looks to get him to bare his body.

  Bao was immediately walking forward, hands hovering anxiously in front of John like he wanted to touch him but wasn’t sure if it was allowed. “I’m sorry,” he said. “Did I say wrong? I’m sorry. I only meant that I would like it. To see you. And I want you to be comfortable.”

  “I— Yeah, okay,” John replied helplessly. “It’s fine. Why don’t we just—” He gestured toward the living room. Bao watched John, frowning, before he nodded.

  “Okay,” he said quietly. “Maybe—maybe we can watch something.”

  They had just sat, John making sure there was a cushion of space between them, when Bao sighed.

  “What?” John asked, alarmed. Bao wasn’t holding his head this time but— “What’s wrong?”

  “I don’t know,” Bao said, sounding the most frustrated John had ever heard him. “I have been trying very hard. I like you very much and I think you like me as well. But it never seems to go right.”

  John froze. “I—I do like you,” he said dumbly.

  Bao smiled, eyes sad. “But as friends, yes? I understand. I . . . I could call Shen Ting to stay with me if you wish to go. She—”

  “Wait,” John said, stuck on the “as friends” because no way. No way. “Wait, Bao, what—” He swallowed, feeling shaky. “I’m not— You might have to spell this out for me, because I don’t think I’m wrong, but I’m not usually right. When you say you like me—” God, he felt like a teenager “—did you mean more than just friends?”

  “Of course,” Bao said seriously. He searched John’s face. “Is that not what you thought I meant?”

  John shook his head, unable to come up with words. Bao’s eyes softened. “John,” he said, “I’m sorry if I have not been clear. I like you very, very much. I would like to love you. As more than friends.” He sounded nothing if not sincere, looking John right in the eyes.

  John had to turn away, stare at his lap. His hands were shaking.

  “John?” Bao carefully reached over and took one of his hands. “Is that okay? I don’t want to lose you as a friend, even if my feelings are not returned.”

  “No, I—I like you too. A lot. I just, I’ve never—” He licked his lips, feeling the scar tissue there. He hadn’t realized it would affect him this much. “People don’t like me all that much. I mean, friends, yeah, sure, but not more than that. So I . . . I don’t really know what to do.”

  Bao inched forward, and he was smiling again, gently putting his other hand on John’s knee. “I would like very much to kiss you,” he said. “Without drink. Could we start with that?”

  And for all the wanting and hoping and denying, having it spelled out made something release.

  “Yes,” John said in a rush, leaning forward before he remembered. What he looked like. Which was funny, ’cause he didn’t usually forget.

  “John?” Bao asked, smile fading into concern. “What’s wrong? Is it— You don’t like kissing? Don’t want to kiss me?”

  “No uh, I just— You can’t be too worked up about this.” He waved at his face.

  Bao glared. “I want to kiss your whole face,” he said, tightening his fingers on John’s knee. “All the time. So you should let me. It is a good face,” he added, quieter. “I am sorry you do not like it. That others have given you trouble for it. But please do not think that I am the same.”

  “I’d really like it if you kissed me, then, yeah,” John whispered. He barely believed the look of joy on Bao’s face, and then Bao was leaning carefully forward, winding his arms around John’s neck and pulling himself closer.

  The first press of lips was gentle, a soft caress, like John was something fragile. He felt like it, like he could break apart into pieces over this kiss, the slide of lips over his own. It’d been a long time, but it was more than that. This was Bao, who John liked back, and the idea that his feelings were reciprocated, that was— It felt amazing.

  Bao was pretty amazing.

  Bao pulled away first, dark spots of color high on his cheeks. “Did you like that?” he asked, sounding shy, maybe a little scared.

  “Liked it a lot,” John murmured. Feeling brave, he reached out to cup Bao’s cheek, and Bao immediately nuzzled into his palm. “A . . . a hell of a lot, Bao.”

  “Good. I-I’m glad. I like you so much, John.” He leaned forward for another kiss, practically in John’s lap now, and John closed his eyes and enjoyed it before being the one, this time, who pulled away.

  “As much as I’d love to keep kissin’ you,” he said, “I’m actually pretty sure that this counts as strenuous activity.”

  Bao glared. “No, no, it’s relaxing,” he insisted. “And I feel fine.” John had to let out a laugh at how incensed he sounded.

  “No strenuous activity,” John said. “For a week.” And that sounded like a long, long time now. Bao looked heartbroken.

  “Could we still kiss a little?” he asked, fingers twitching on John’s shoulders.

  “Maybe a little,” John allowed, smiling.

  “Oh good.” Bao sounded relieved. “And also we can be close now! And you will sleep with me again. I liked that you did, last time. I like being with you, to sleep.”

  “Well, then,” John said, swallowing at the rus
h of feelings. “We can do that, sure. Yeah.”

  Bao grinned down at him. “That sounds very good.”

  John was just getting out of the shower when his phone started to ring. He had to dash into his room to get it, still dripping. When he glanced down at the caller ID, Bao’s face flashed cheerfully up at him. Bao had insisted on taking the picture and setting it himself. It made John smile every time he looked at it. Which was a lot, because they had been texting each other constantly since John left Bao’s place for work yesterday morning.

  “Hey, Bao.”

  “Good morning! I wanted to wish you a good day at work, since I did not wake up with you today to do it in person.”

  John knew he had the goofiest grin on his face. “Thanks. How are you feeling?”

  “I am feeling fine. No headache today at all. I am going to be very bored having to rest again today.”

  “Enjoy the break,” John said. “Constantine will be working you twice as hard once you get back.”

  “I will be working me twice as hard! I am running my routine in my head a lot, but my body needs more practice.”

  “Aw, you’ll be fine. You’re one of the hardest workers I know.”

  “Flattery! But I accept, I accept.”

  John laughed, and he didn’t think he’d laughed this much in his life, before meeting Bao. “Every word’s true,” he said, putting the phone on speaker so he could get dressed while they continued to talk. “How, uh, how are your parents doing?”

  There was a long silence, and John even checked his phone to make sure they hadn’t been disconnected. “Bao?”

  “They are good,” Bao said, voice quiet. “I . . . Thank you for asking.”

  “Bao?” John paused what he was doing to give the conversation his full attention. “Is something wrong?”

  “No, no. They are good. I talked to them yesterday. I told them I was hurt, but that I have someone close who is helping me.”

  John couldn’t help but smile. “Good. I’m glad you talked to them again. And that they’re all right.”

  “Yes. Me too. I just . . .” There was another short silence and then Bao continued, “I just. I am sad that you do not have your parents. I feel how much I miss mine and I feel badly. That I have them to miss and . . .”

  John’s heart clenched. “Bao, it’s okay. It was a long time ago. I don’t . . . I don’t mind that they’re not in my life. After what happened, I don’t want them to be. But your parents are important to you. Of course I’m gonna ask you about them. If that’s okay.”

  His short laugh sounded just a little wet. “It is very okay. I . . . I love that you care to ask.”

  “Of course,” John said. “Of course I care. Why, uh, why don’t you tell me a little about them?”

  Bao happily started up, and kept going for a good ten minutes before he must have glanced at a clock. “Ah, but I am keeping you! You have to get ready for work.”

  “It’s fine. I like talkin’ to you. But you’re right, I should be heading out. I’ll talk to you later?”

  “Yes!”

  And if John went into work that day with a stupid grin on his face, at least he spent the morning in his office so Anastasia and Matt couldn’t give him a hard time.

  “How was work today?”

  “Not bad,” John said, shouldering his phone so he could open his door. “We’re finally all set up on the waterworks for practice, at least until something changes. The group routines are able to work on the stage now.”

  “That is very good!”

  “Yeah, and everything’s safe. How was your day? About to jump out of your skin yet?”

  “It is very hard to be still!” Bao said. “Even though I sometimes get tired. I have been watching whole seasons of shows, since that is all I can do. And some stretches.”

  “Bao!”

  “Just very simple ones! I even called Melissa and asked if they would be okay.”

  “All right,” John allowed. “As long as you’re cleared.”

  “I also asked about one other thing,” Bao added.

  “Yeah?” John said absentmindedly as he rooted around in his refrigerator. “What?”

  “When I can have sexual activities, and if they count as strenuous.”

  John almost dropped his phone. “You what?”

  “And Melissa said that if my headaches are still better by the end of the week, then it should be fine,” Bao said cheerfully. “And that is only two more days away! So it is something I am very much looking forward to.”

  “I . . . Me too?”

  “You can stay the night, if you’d like,” Bao chattered on, oblivious to John’s growing trepidation. “I would like you to.”

  “Bao—”

  “I have really enjoyed waking up next to you in the morning, the times you have stayed over.”

  “Bao.”

  “Yes?”

  “You . . . God, okay, sorry, this sounds stupid, but you really want . . . You’re sure?”

  “I said before I want everything.” John could tell from the tone of his voice that Bao was frowning, probably had that little furrow between his eyebrows that he got. “That is still okay, yes?”

  “Yes. I mean, yeah. It is. If you want to.”

  “I do! Very, very much. I would love to see you now, if I could.”

  John licked his lips. “Me too.”

  “But it is okay that you were busy! I know you worked very late. Several of the cast came over to see me again today. They have been keeping me company! Would you like to say hi?”

  “Wait, Bao, they’re over right now? Still?”

  “Yes?”

  John felt himself flush. “So . . . they’ve been hearin’ your entire side of the conversation, is what you’re saying?”

  “Is that not okay?”

  Christ, word was going to travel fast, if it hadn’t already. And Matt and Anastasia would never let him live this down. But . . . maybe that was all right. He had a good team, a good crew who actually cared about him. It wouldn’t . . . Their teasing wouldn’t hurt.

  He breathed out. “Nah, Bao, it’s fine. I just got taken by surprise. I don’t want to keep you from your guests though. How about I stop by tomorrow? I’ll come over after work.”

  “Yes, please! I will order dinner ready for you.”

  “You don’t have to do that.”

  “Hush, I want to. I will talk to you tomorrow?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Okay, John. Thank you for talking with me. I look forward to seeing you soon! And then I will kiss your whole face!”

  John chuckled. “Looking forward to it. G’night, Bao.”

  Friday evening and John was knocking on Bao’s door, feeling both excited and nervous, especially since he was carrying his overnight bag again. But Bao had offered and John really wanted to, and . . . he might’ve been useless most of the day, thinking about Bao’s cheerful news over the phone about his recovery.

  Bao opened the door, beaming at him, and pulled John into a hug. “I am glad to see you,” he said, punctuating his words by bouncing up on his toes to press a kiss to the corner of John’s mouth. “Come on, come in.” He took one look at the duffel and his smile got even wider. “Why don’t you put that down in the bedroom, and then come to the kitchen. I have dinner!”

  “That sounds amazing,” John said, following Bao inside the apartment. He quickly dropped the duffel bag off in Bao’s bedroom and was back in the kitchen in seconds.

  “So.” He came up behind Bao and, refusing to hesitate, wrapped his arms around him from behind and pressed a kiss to the top of Bao’s head. “How was your day?”

  Bao practically melted back into the embrace. “It was all right,” he murmured. “Boring. Better now that you’re here. There is only so much time I can spend alone with myself while everyone else is working.”

  John smiled into Bao’s hair, squeezing tightly once before he stepped back. “I was working,” he said, grin in place so Bao could see the tea
se. “Didn’t stop you from texting me every three minutes.”

  Bao swatted at him. “You texted me just as much! Do not say you minded, because I know that’s a lie.”

  “Wasn’t gonna say I minded. I liked that you wanted to talk to me.”

  “I always want to talk to you,” Bao replied, open and honest. He waved John toward the table. “Now sit, sit. You have had a long day. Dinnertime. You can tell me about how your day went.”

  “You already know that,” John said, taking a seat. “Because of the texting.”

  Bao made a face at him. “I want to hear you tell me. I like listening to you.” He got up and took several pans out of the oven, where he’d been keeping dinner warm, and set them down on the table.

  “Indian?” John said, eyebrows raising. He’d thought it’d smelled like it.

  “I liked it a lot when we had it,” Bao said, suddenly sounding shy. “And I know you like it. I thought it would be nice to have again. I tried to remember what you ordered last time, but it all sounded very interesting, so I tried some new things too.”

  “It all looks great,” John said. They both wasted no time filling their plates, and the conversation turned back to John’s day.

  “A lot of the performers kept sending me looks,” John said, with a significant glance at Bao. “And I caught at least a couple of ’em gigglin’ behind my back at me. Think you might know why that’d be?”

  Bao actually blushed, poking at his plate. “I do not think they mean it as mean-spirited,” he said. “They were teasing me yesterday, after I hung up with you. Shen Ting and the others have, ah, been listening to me sing your praises for a while. Mostly they are all saying it is about time. I agree!”

  “Nothing else?” John asked, gently. “They’re not givin’ you a hard time?”

  “I do not care for those that are.” Bao scowled at his plate. “And I told them right away that it was not allowed, for them to say things about you.”

  “Bao, I don’t want you to make waves with the other performers over me. It’s fine that—”

  “It’s not fine!” he burst out. “It is not fine at all. If they cannot be kind to you, I do not need to be kind to them. We will all work together. We can do that. But I do not need to be around them otherwise.” He smiled at John. “It is okay. Not everyone can get along always.”