Just Claire

by Jean Ann Williams

  “The doctor ordered your mama to stay in bed, Claire Bear.” Daddy washed his hands at the kitchen sink. “He agreed to release her only because I said you’re old enough to help.” He towel-dried his hands. “Boys, bring in the groceries.”

  Scampering like chipmunks, the boys ran to the station wagon.

  “So,” Daddy said, “before school, you’ll continue to get everybody going, and keep it quiet. Your mama needs silence.” He leaned against the counter. “Sometimes I’ll try to get in early and fix supper.” His nut-brown eyes went soft, but it didn’t calm ClaireLee. “When I don’t, you will. Just like you’ve been doing, Claire Bear.”

  More work? Daddy was rushing out the orders, making it hard for ClaireLee to think. She said, “What’s the baby’s name?”

  “It’s not a family name.” He rubbed his brows. “Your mama chose Chipper Frank.”

  Her jaw sagged. “What a funny name. Why does Mama seem what Nana would call peek-ed?”

  Opening his mouth, Daddy yawned. He blinked his tired, watery eyes before answering. “She’s weak because she’s lost a lot of blood and sore from the difficult delivery. I’m hoping she’ll be okay soon.”

  Locking her arms around Daddy’s chest, and emotions building as though she would burst, ClaireLee said, “I didn’t like it, because Mama was gone so long.”

  “I know, Claire Bear.” He thumped her on the back. “Thank you for holding down the fort. I’m off to bed now.” With caution, he stepped over the bags of food, and the bedroom door opened and shut.

  I’m left alone with the kids again and to put away the groceries. All ClaireLee wanted was to hold Chipper and feel the safety of Mama’s protective arms. How long before Mama is well?

  * * *

  * * *

  Next morning, ClaireLee leaped out of bed after Daddy woke her and left for his work. She squatted at Mama’s bedside. In the soft glow of a miniature bedside lamp, she gazed at her new brother’s feather-brown hair. His heartbeat thumped steady, strong at the soft spot on top of his head.

  Tenderly, her fingers caressed the fuzz on his ear. “Mama?” Mama’s gown buttons gaped opened to allow Chipper to drink his milk. Her eyelids remained closed.

  She kissed Mama’s cheek, but then moved away from her mama’s sickly odor. ClaireLee pinched her lips between a thumb and finger, staring at Mama. “I missed you. I worked hard like you would have expected. And, I didn’t hit Liam, even though I wanted to.” Her brows furrowed. “Well, I’m sorry I shoved him once.”

  Mama’s eyes fluttered open. “It’s okay, ClaireLee. I know you did your best.” Her complexion had not improved from last night; she appeared as faded as one of Nana’s old photos. “I’m tired,” Mama said with a wheeze. “Change the baby before school.” She slid a finger in his mouth, loosening his suckling grip. “Burp him first. You’ll take Lolly with you?”

  Relieved her mama spoke, ClaireLee’s shoulders no longer weighed down as though a boulder stood upon them. “Yes, Mama, yes. The school doesn’t mind a bit. Everything’s taken care of, and you’ll be well before we know it.” She fluttered her lashes to rid them of the fresh tears. “Oh, Mama, I’m so happy you’re back.”

  She kissed Mama, again, and cradled her arms to receive Chipper—light as one of her sister’s dollies. Warm, but whoops—wet. Just like Mama said. ClaireLee tiptoed from the room, and her heart filled with the love for a new baby brother. Still marveling at his doll-light weight, she chuckled. I know exactly what I’m going to call him. It won’t be Chipper Frank.

  Their kitchen clock showed it was time to get ready for school. In a soft voice, so as not to disturb Mama, she said, “Rise and shine, kids.” ClaireLee grew even more cheerful from the phrase she used to waken her siblings. Mama always says this to us, and now we’re a family again.

  Bolting upright, Lolly rubbed her eyes, and blinked at the baby. “Hi, baby boy.”

  ClaireLee held him over the bed. “Make room for our little man.” The kids sat and folded their legs. “Guys, I’ve nicknamed him Feather.”

  The boys peered at him and Liam said, “Handsome little fella.”

  Sitting up, Grayson wiggled his finger into Feather’s hand, and Feather’s eyes followed Grayson. “He likes me.”

  “He sure does.” ClaireLee loosened their grip and cradled Feather to her chest. Careful to pat with the right pressure, she forced up Feather’s gas bubbles and he burped. Running a wash cloth under warm water, she wrung it with a free hand. Afterward, she lay the baby’s blanket down on the bed and placed him on top. Soon, she removed his wet diaper and washed him. “Lolly, get his powder in the bassinet. Don’t talk to Mama, either.” She worked up a stern expression on her face as she glanced at her brothers and she said, “Remember, we need peace and quiet.”

  Squishing his face to show his dislike, Liam said, “You told us last night.”

  She held the clean diaper in the air, visualizing how she might fold it. “Well, I’m telling you, again.”

  Back in the living room, Lolly held the powder, aimed, and fired. Poof. A white cloud burst over Feather’s bottom. She giggled as the boys backpedaled off the bed. “See what I did?”

  Waving a hand through the plume, ClaireLee choked. “Yeah, you made a mess. Now go on the porch and brush yourself off.” Lolly shook her nightgown. More dust fell from her clothes and hair and sprinkled to the floor like a soft snow. ClaireLee nodded toward the bathroom. “Liam, clean Lolly’s face. I’ll brush her hair later.”

  Examining the damage, ClaireLee wiped the excess from the baby’s bottom. After three attempts to reshape the cloth into a perfect-fitted diaper, she pinned the sides. Frowning at her pin job, she didn’t like the saggy folds at Feather’s scrawny legs. This is not how it is when Mama does it. She shrugged, slipped a pair of clean rubber pants on him, and kissed his pug nose. The baby blinked, keeping his dark round eyes on ClaireLee.

  After nestling him against Mama, ClaireLee made breakfast and then four peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches for their lunches. She remembered Mama and made a cheese-and-mayonnaise sandwich with sliced pickles—Mama’s favorite. She wrapped it in wax paper and set it in the refrigerator in plain view. Before they headed for the door, ClaireLee examined each of her siblings to make sure their clothes appeared clean.

  The clock showed they needed to leave, and ClaireLee hurried on to the porch and down the steps. On the way to school, they walked on layers of hard-packed snow. ClaireLee marched and sang, “The saints go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah. . .” The kids followed her, and Laddie yipped and pranced ahead of their group. Once at the school building, ClaireLee pointed in the direction they had come. “Go, home, Laddie. Go see Mama.” He wagged his tail and trotted toward the cabin.

  Inside the classroom, before first bell, ClaireLee settled Lolly at the table with a box of crayons and colored paper.

  Mrs. Reed walked over to their table and wrapped her sweater-covered arms across her chest. “Good morning, Claire. Have you heard how your mother’s doing?”

  Her eyes locked with her teacher’s. I’ll not tell her Mama’s back. “Mama’s real tired and needs a lot of rest and quiet.”

  “I take it your mother’s still in the hospital.”

  Not correcting her, ClaireLee said, “Mama’s bedridden.”

  “I’m sorry, Claire.” Mrs. Reed readjusted a slipping hair comb in her silvery curls. “I hope your mom will be with the family soon.”

  Lolly opened her mouth, and before ClaireLee could stop her, she said, “Teacher, my mama’s home now.”

  Mrs. Reed’s demeanor grew solemn. “Claire. If your mother is home, Lolly isn’t allowed here.”

  Her heart, could it sink any further? Whispering, she said, “Oh, but—”

  The teacher shook her head. “Again, I’m sorry, Claire.”

  Reaching for Lolly’s hand, ClaireLee sulked away with her little sister. I told Mama not to worry. Now I can’t face her. I’ll take Lolly somewhere for the day. We won’t go t
o the cabin.

  But, ClaireLee knew she must deliver Lolly to Mama. Also, she worried about what Daddy would expect. Stay at the cabin and watch over Lolly, or go back to school?

  At the school’s double doors, which led to the outside steps, Lolly pulled back. “I want to stay here with you, Sissy Pie.”

  Why is it now with Mama back, life is still a mess? ClaireLee frowned. “I don’t want to take you, but you heard Mrs. Reed.” Pulling on Lolly’s hand, her stomach twisted into a wad. She decided some questions had no right answers.

  9

  SWEET HOUR OF PRAYER

  * * *

  In the cafeteria, Belinda gave ClaireLee a soft-jab to the ribs. “Hurry on up. I’ve dared Wendy and Kay to play us as teams in a game of tetherball. We’ll beat the pants off those city slickers, ClaireLee.”

  ClaireLee unscrewed the thermos lid, ignoring Bossy Mouth. She poured the flavored juice meant for Lolly. Don’t spill like you did last time, baby. This is what she would have said if Lolly were sitting next to her.

  A blue mood settled over ClaireLee, as she bit into her peanut butter between slices of bread. She closed her eyes and chewed her favorite sandwich, but her insides quivered like jelly. I’m sad for Mama. Woke her up to tell her Lolly couldn’t stay at school. I’ve never seen her eyes this droopy. On ClaireLee’s orders, Lolly had crawled into bed with Mama and promised to stay quiet, so Mama could rest.

  Belinda pumped her elbow into ClaireLee’s. “What’s got you in a knot?”

  Dabbing her mouth with a napkin, ClaireLee sensed a sad note rising from her voice. She said, “It would take all recess to explain, and you made plans.”

  Belinda cupped a hand to her ear, munching on corn chips. “I’m listening.”

  Grateful for someone to tell, she crooked her finger for Belinda to come closer. Their faces almost touched as they exchanged whispers. “Mrs. Reed says with Mama out of the hospital, Lolly can’t stay at school.”

  On the crunch of her chip, Belinda said, “You mean they’re home?”

  Nodding, ClaireLee spoke, even though she had food in her mouth. “Finally.”

  “I wondered where Lolly was this morning.” Belinda stared around the room. “Figured she was with your brothers. How’s the baby? Your ma? I’ll betcha Lolly’ll give your ma no trouble and whatnot.”

  “If she does, I’m afraid Daddy will expect me to stay home and help with Lolly.” Stiffening, ClaireLee said, “Everything’s changing in our family.”

  Licking salt off her fingers, Belinda didn’t comment right away. Then, she said, “Ya got another kid, so sure.”

  ClaireLee glanced from side to side and made certain no one would hear. “No. Listen. My mother’s sicker than I thought.”

  “I’m sorry.” Belinda threw her arm around ClaireLee’s shoulder. “You’re going through a rough patch.”

  What she was about to say made her heart sag. “Daddy says I’m to keep working and taking care of the kids. I have to keep them quiet, so Mama can sleep. At least if it was warmer, they could stay outdoors and play. We’re doomed to a cooped-up cabin.” A buzz sigh escaped ClaireLee’s lips. “Then there’s Liam. I burn the meals a bit, sure, but he makes it worse. He’d get an A-plus for acting like a grumble bee.”

  Belinda snorted. “A good one: grumble bee.”

  “I’m serious, Belinda.” She scowled. “None of this is funny.”

  The corners of her lips froze where they had lifted. “You’re right. Liam’s not helping matters.” She snapped her fingers. “I’ve got it. Ya need to have some fun, little buddy.”

  This is the second time she’s called me little.

  “Spend the night at my house, ClaireLee. Bring Lolly. It’ll be our girl party.” Slapping the table, she continued. “I know. We’ll make one of Grandma’s chocolate cakes and smear homemade butter on top.” She rubbed her stomach. “Eat the whole thing warm.”

  Is she kidding? “Your grandma wouldn’t let us eat an entire cake.”

  Sparkles in Belinda’s eyes grew brighter. “Yeah she would. Grandma loves food, and she expects everyone else does.”

  ClaireLee rolled her eyes, done with the fantasy of eating a whole cake. Just the four of them. “Think about it. How can I leave Mama? I told you what Daddy said—”

  “Okey-doke.” Belinda held a hand up. “Plan B.”

  Plan B? ClaireLee had never heard of this.

  “I’ll come to your place on Saturday. I’ll help ya with chores.”

  Before ClaireLee could answer, Big Red’s stick-thin legs appeared in front of them. “Young ladies. This room becomes a square dance class in thirty minutes.”

  Kids were leaving the lunchroom. Big Red had lifted up a few of the fold-out tables and set them back into their cubbies within the walls. ClaireLee stuffed wrappers in her lunch box. “We’ll hurry, Big Red.”

  In the hallway ClaireLee said, “Square dancing was Lolly’s favorite class.”

  Belinda leaped in front of ClaireLee, forcing her to halt. “Come on, sunshine, be cheery.” Belinda grabbed ClaireLee’s arms. “If your dad says it’s okay, I’ll be spending the night at your house.” Her one good brow arched and bobbed.

  Deciding to make the effort, ClaireLee sighed. “You’re right. I’ll think happy thoughts, and I’m sure Daddy won’t mind if you come over.” No sooner had the words crossed her lips, ClaireLee began a new worry session. Surely Daddy won’t ask me to stay home from school. Otherwise, how would Mama manage with Lolly and the baby?

  * * *

  * * *

  At the kitchen table after school on Friday, ClaireLee jotted down a menu for tomorrow’s sleepover with Belinda. Grayson and Lolly were playing cards in the cabin, while Liam was cutting kindling on the porch. ClaireLee bent over her tablet and wrote “chocolate pudding,” when Mama appeared and slumped before ClaireLee. Her face as pale as a winter moon, Mama thrust the baby into ClaireLee’s arms like he was a seven-pound sack of potatoes. “Here. With Lolly to tend to, I get no sleep in the daytime.” She disappeared into her bedroom and shut the door.

  Mama twisted the lock—ClaireLee cradled Feather tighter—then came the click. Mama doesn’t lock her bedroom door. She never used to sleep this much either.

  Wanting—no, needing to forget the change in Mama, ClaireLee soaked in the baby’s features. Her heart pitter-pattered with love for him. A few times, like now, she regretted Daddy’s agreement for her to stay in school. ClaireLee kissed Feather’s cheek. “I’d take care of you, baby, and we’d have fun.”

  Now, ClaireLee had more work to take care of. Laundry was once Mama’s job, but no longer. Before leaving for school, ClaireLee had to dress Lolly, remind her to color in her coloring books, and let Mama sleep. Why is it me who has to do everything around the house?

  With Feather asleep in the crook of her arm, she finished writing a menu for three meals and a dessert. With care, she adjusted the baby to her shoulder. She checked the cupboards for supplies and wrinkled her nose. “Shoo-wee, Feather, you stink like rotten milk. I don’t think Mama’s given you a bath, so we’ll get someone to hold you for a minute.”

  Knowing Liam was too busy with his job outside, ClaireLee pulled Grayson in to hold their baby brother. Grayson settled into the rocker. He pursed his lips while ClaireLee placed Feather on his lap. “Hold him tight, now, and don’t move.”

  Bending, he kissed the baby’s head. “Okay.”

  Finished with scrubbing the sink, ClaireLee rinsed and plugged the drain with the stopper.

  “What’re you doing, Sissy Pie?” Lolly was kneeling in a kitchen chair with her chin in her hands.

  “Feather’s having his first bath. At least he smells like he hasn’t had one before.” ClaireLee dipped her forearm in the stream of water to test for the perfect baby temperature. She took Feather from Grayson and undressed him. As she pulled off the newborn’s undershirt, he shuddered. “I’ll get you warm, little guy, and when I’m done, you’ll smell flower sweet.”

  T
hinking about his belly-band, she unwrapped the cloth, which hid his navel, and examined the remnant of an umbilical cord. The night he was born came rushing back, again. Picturing the fleshy cord which had hung from Mama still caused her to quiver. She shook her head to rid it from her memory and touched the dried stump. I’ll be sure to keep this from getting wet. Mama taught her when Lolly was a baby all about newborn belly buttons.

  As she placed him in the few inches of water, he squirmed like a wiggle worm. Before she could blink, he slid—face-first—underwater. ClaireLee grabbed under his arms. She jerked him upward and bumped his head on the spout, and she gasped.

  He curled in his arms and legs, sucking down water and air.

  Breathe, baby, breathe.

  Feather sputtered and choked.

  Please, Lord, make this baby breathe.

  Water dribbled from his nose. “Waah.”

  “I’m sorry.” Tears rose within her lids. Why did I think I could do this? ClaireLee cuddled him as he kicked and wailed.

  A strong little fellow, his feet pushed his weight on her chest, and he cried. “Maa.” Right then, Lolly and Grayson crowded next to them.

  Checking the soft spot on his head, ClaireLee pondered the situation she had created. It’s a welt, but not on his heartbeat-tender spot. “Shhh, you’re safe, little Feather.” Her arms enfolding him, she snuggled deeper into the wet baby.

  “We’ll help,” Grayson said. He and Lolly draped a towel over Feather, and ClaireLee wrapped him as though in a cocoon. She sniffed and dabbed her tears, and the baby’s, on a corner of the terry cloth.

  An ax still in his hand, Liam called from the front doorway. “What’s wrong, guys?”

  Grayson ran to meet him. “ClaireLee didn’t mean to.”

  Following, Lolly patted her big brother’s arm. “Liam, Liam, our baby can’t breathe in water.”