Just Claire

by Jean Ann Williams

  “Go on home.” ClaireLee motioned to her brothers. “I’ll be there soon.”

  Whining, Liam said, “Why do you get to stay here and we don’t?”

  She nudged him forward. “I said I’ll be there soon. Now get.” Liam gave ClaireLee the Ugly Look and stuck out his uglier tongue.

  Before she could respond to him, the Lavender Girls formed a circle around ClaireLee. Voices filled with drama, they each spoke. “We’ve. Decided. You’re. A. Lavender. Girl.”

  ClaireLee fumbled with her braid. “Me?” She had to flutter her lashes as the tears wouldn’t stop.

  Wendy shook her head. “There’s no crying in the Lavender Girls Club.”

  “Welcome to our group, Claire.” Valerie gave her a knowing nod.

  Her emotions from the day broke loose, and she sobbed.

  “Oh brother.” Kaye moaned. “Are we sure about this?”

  “Yes, we are.” Valerie grabbed ClaireLee and hugged. “She’s just glad.”

  Relieved for the rescue from Valerie, ClaireLee said, “Thank you. I sure am.”

  Wendy’s eyes softened. “You’ll be a nice addition to our club.”

  Tapping a foot on the sidewalk, Kaye said, “Are we through with the gushy gabbing?”

  “Let’s make a pact.” Wendy motioned for everyone to join hands. “To the most fun before we leave this crummy little town.”

  “Okay, I’m ready,” ClaireLee said, and she whooped for joy.

  “I’m having another party on Saturday,” Wendy said to ClaireLee. “Can you come?”

  Now, her lips tipped way up. “Well, sure.” Although, nothing could be for certain until she got permission from Daddy. As a Lavender Girl, however, she had a responsibility to the club. She felt certain Daddy would understand.

  Swinging down, Kaye grabbed a pile of library books off the curb. “For this party we’ll experiment with makeup and hair.”

  Fixing her teeth on her lip, ClaireLee nibbled. “Oh, I don’t know if—” I can’t let them know, Daddy doesn’t approve of makeup. Besides, she didn’t have to wear it to have fun with the Lavender Girls. “I’ll be there. What time?”

  “It’ll be at seven,” Valerie said, “and last until we’re done.”

  “Okay.” ClaireLee gazed at the Lavenders. “I’ve got to get home.” As a group, everyone started for their houses, and ClaireLee fell silent, listening to the discussion of party details.

  Soon, they approached Valerie’s driveway, and they said their see-you-laters. A short distance more, they came to ClaireLee’s road. She waved. “Can’t wait for tomorrow.”

  Grabbing ClaireLee’s arm, Wendy said, “Listen, don’t tell Belinda about the party. I think she’s bold enough to crash it now since you’re one of us.”

  The comment jarred ClaireLee. “She wouldn’t do it.”

  Moving next to ClaireLee, Kaye said, “Believe me, she would.”

  “Okay.” She had no intention of telling Belinda, anyhow. She wouldn’t hurt her friend’s feelings for all the trees in Gallagher Springs. And she still needed to convince Belinda to be nice to Wendy, so she could become a Lavender Girl.

  On her way home, ClaireLee hummed a song about loving others.

  Guilt plagued her, though, for she was struggling. Haven’t I been trying with Mama? What about Kaye Tyner? I’ve held my temper lots of times. In spite of all this, ClaireLee knew things were getting better for her. I’m a Lavender Girl. Later. I’ll get Belinda into the club.

  She just knew it.

  23

  AMAZING GRACE

  * * *

  With Daddy home, ClaireLee planned to avoid him. She would go to the party one way or another. What if he wants to know what we’ll be doing? After Daddy went to bed at his regular time, she could leave. At seven thirty, though, it would make her late.

  Within sight of Daddy at the woodpile, she started up the porch steps. “Claire Bear?”

  Oh, boy, I’ve got to figure this out right away. She tsked her tongue.

  He set down his axe and leaned an arm on the handle. “Change your clothes, so you can carry wood to the box.”

  She sighed. “Why don’t the boys help?”

  “I sent them to gig frogs for supper.” His eyes narrowed.

  She mumbled. “Okay.” ClaireLee stopped inside the doorway and gazed at Mama’s back. She’s washing dishes? Finding her voice, ClaireLee said, “Hi, Mama.” The sides of Mama’s mouth went up a smidgen, and she finished what she was doing. A happy Mama is good.

  Moving toward Lolly, who was on the bed, ClaireLee ran a hand over Lolly’s hair and kept going. Feather lay in his crib. Dreaming of Mama’s milk, his fat cheeks moved in rhythm to his suckling noises.

  Content to see her family in a normal routine, ClaireLee sighed. In the bathroom, she slipped into her trousers and wrestled with herself. I want to go to the party, but I must ask Daddy’s permission. Before she did this, though, she must confess to Daddy about her disagreement with Mama. It weighed heavily on her chest. Besides, if she could tell the teacher, she could tell Daddy.

  After changing, she went outside, and Daddy said, “This may be my last wood-splitting, Claire Bear. Spring is here, and summer’s around the bend.” He lifted the axe and slung down, exhaling with an uumph. “Though nights stay chilly, don’t they?”

  “I guess.” ClaireLee filled her arms and staggered to the cabin with her armful of wood. Indoors, she leaned over the waist-high box and let the pile drop.

  When ClaireLee returned, Daddy said, “Are you upset because I couldn’t come to your conference?”

  This seemed ages ago. “No.” Maybe a little.

  “You’re sure quiet, Claire Bear. Is there something I should know?”

  Her scalp prickled. “How about I drop off this load, and I’ll tell you what’s bothering me?”

  Not commenting, Daddy pursed his lips.

  ClaireLee’s gut wrenched. Hope Daddy doesn’t get mad at me for what I said to Mama.

  * * *

  * * *

  After dropping off another armload of wood, ClaireLee sat on a cut-off log and watched Daddy work. With a final swing of the axe, he left the blade in a chunk of wood. Rooting around in his pocket, he lifted a hanky, put it to his nose, and honked. Before, ClaireLee would have laughed at his nose-blowing. Instead, she nibbled on the tip of a fingernail. He sat next to her on another log and flicked open his knife blade. Whittling on a stick, he said, “What’s eating at you?”

  “I sort of told Mama she wasn’t Mama anymore.” She clasped her hands in her lap, and held her breath just a bit.

  His brows met in the middle like two caterpillars in a tussle.

  Daddy didn’t comment, and so ClaireLee told him about the letter she wrote to Nana—leaving out the part about Mama being sick—and what happened after Mama found out about the dresses Nana had sent. She mentioned going to the river—leaving off the part about wanting to swim away forever—and how Lolly came to find her.

  After she finished, Daddy’s face wadded into a sulking knot. “I’m afraid of confronting your mother.” He lowered his chin and stared at his steel-toed boots. “I’m not saying this right.”

  ClaireLee forgot about the Lavender Girls’ party. She forgot about missing Oregon and wanting Mama to always stay a good mama, if even for a few moments. She remembered to breathe and she gasped. “You? Afraid of Mama?”

  “Your mother forgot she upset you by the time you and Lolly came back inside.” Daddy gazed at her. “Am I correct?”

  “Or she was being mean to act like it never happened, Daddy.” She stared at her hands, a sob building in her stomach.

  “Claire Bear, no.” His face softened. “She’s not herself. Your mama suffered a trauma when she almost died having Chipper. So now, you’ve got to forgive her shortcomings.”

  “I’ve got to be an angel?” ClaireLee made fists. “She can act any way she likes, but it’s not fair.”

  His sad expression wobbled. “We’ve gotta help h
er along. This is one of many times your mama has had a breakdown.”

  Frowning, ClaireLee just knew she was about to learn a thing about Mama. “Breakdown?”

  “Honey.” Daddy cupped her hands within his. “Your mama has had emotional issues since her teenage years. Your mother’s grandmother? Same problems.”

  She pulled from his grasp. “You mean it’s contagious?”

  “No, no, no, honey. Besides, you’re more like me. We feel deeply, but we know how to bounce with the punches.”

  “No.” Trembling all over, ClaireLee shook her head. “We need to go back to Oregon.”

  “I can’t leave here, and we need to stay together.” He lifted her chin. “I’ve almost made the needed amount to pay our bills for the next year.” Daddy grabbed her hand, again. “This tunnel job will free me to work on our property. I’ve been thinking of logging fifty acres of our trees to bring in more money for later.” By this time, ClaireLee’s tears flowed along her cheeks. “And I give you my word. We’ll make the four-hour drive back home the night after the tunnel is finished.”

  Sniffing and wiping her face, ClaireLee said, “Why didn’t you tell me about Mama’s problem?”

  Daddy raised his palms in defense. “It seemed too adult for your age.”

  “I’m not a baby anymore, Daddy.” She swiped at a rogue tear.

  The merriment ClaireLee had grown to love settled over his eyes. “I can see this, Claire Bear.”

  “How about just Claire, Daddy.” She let go a sigh. “No more Claire Bear.”

  The warmth in Daddy’s features calmed her as he said, “I’ll try to remember. You’ve worked hard around here, not falling down on the job.”

  “So, then,” ClaireLee blinked away the tears, “shouldn’t I have a break?”

  “Depends on what this break is all about.” He cocked a brow. “Do you want to tell me?”

  Sucking in a breath, she said, “Wendy Lavender invited me to her party tonight.”

  “Yes, you may go.”

  She flew into his chest and hugged him in a thank-you.

  “Now help your mama.” He patted her back. “Start an early supper, since you’ll be gone later.”

  What should I make? She ran inside and started opening cupboards.

  Mama reached around ClaireLee, took the damp kitchen towel, and wiped the counters. “What are you doing?”

  “Looking to see what I should fix for supper. Daddy said I could go to the Lavender party tonight, so I’ve got to hurry.”

  “Leaving us again?” Mama leaned against the stove, a longing in her eyes.

  ClaireLee ignored Mama’s comment and pulled down two large cans of tomato soup with a box of crackers. She opened the refrigerator and gathered butter and cheese for grilled sandwiches. I can’t wait to leave and take a break from her.

  How long would this breakdown last?

  * * *

  * * *

  In the early evening, ClaireLee finished supervising her brothers’ kitchen duties. She was about done with her own work, when Daddy yawned in his rocker. His mouth opened wide in a huge right-before-bed yawn which always ended with an “ahhh.” Soon, ClaireLee would be going to the party. Lolly had her bath and was dressed in her clean nightgown. The boys prepared for bed, also. Mama, of course, went there long ago, making more space in the cabin.

  ClaireLee’s ears perked when Feather whimpered.

  Yawning once more, Daddy tilted his head. He blinked on the sleepy tears. “I’m ready to hit the hay.” Daddy tucked Lolly in and said, “Time for bed, boys.” They did without complaint.

  Eying a higher shelf, ClaireLee reached on tiptoes and placed the last dish in its spot. Daddy called to her. “Good night, Claire. You know I love you.”

  Her heart warmed at just Claire. “I know, Daddy.”

  Leaving, he then came back and handed her his flashlight. “You’ll need this to see on your walk home.”

  “Thanks.” She hugged her daddy good-night.

  In the bathroom, ClaireLee sang in a soft whisper, “Was blind, but now I see,” as she pulled her plum velvet dress over her head. She spread her hands over the high nap of the garment. Spotting dirt underneath her toenails, she stopped singing. “Uh-oh.” After scrubbing her feet with a small brush, ClaireLee stretched her cable knit socks over her toes and up to her knees. Shoes tied, she retrieved the flashlight and gripped the doorknob.

  When she stepped onto the lighted porch, the baby wailed.

  As Daddy opened his bedroom door, ClaireLee grimaced. She wanted to shut the front door and bolt to Wendy’s. Act like she didn’t hear Feather crying. Act like she didn’t know Daddy was coming for her. She swayed between freedom and responsibility, and her feet stuck to the floorboards.

  “Claire Bear, I need you to take Chipper and rock him.”

  She bowed her head. He forgot just Claire.

  24

  IVORY PALACES

  * * *

  Feather fussed in her arms, and ClaireLee spoke as Daddy disappeared behind his door. “But. The party.”

  She held squirmy Feather and stared at the front door—her gateway to a few hours of freedom. Settling into the rocker and rocking with the baby, his eyes began to close. Patting his back, he burped.

  The whole time, she was thinking of a way out of this. An idea formed.

  She searched the cabin for a spare baby blanket. Finding none, she slid out her clothes box from underneath the bed and retrieved her bulky sweatshirt. Wrapping him in it, she then tied the sleeves together. Cradling Feather, the clock showed it was seven thirty.

  * * *

  * * *

  ClaireLee reached Pit Street and walked across to Wendy’s road. Within a few minutes, the Lavenders’ bright lights shone behind a picket fence. “Wendy’s house.” She repositioned Feather and stopped. What should I say when the Lavenders see the baby?

  She hadn’t thought this far ahead.

  Would Kaye spout off a wisecrack? ClaireLee didn’t care. Wendy and Valerie were who she wanted to please. Then, the perfect solution popped into her mind. Everyone would love her for it.

  At ClaireLee’s knock, Wendy opened the door. “Why do you have a baby?”

  Talking in a rush, ClaireLee passed her in the doorway. “I decided to add excitement to the party.”

  “So, you brought a baby?” Wendy followed her inside.

  ClaireLee faced her host, and her voice rose to a higher note. “My mother fed him and he’s asleep. Besides, I wanted to show him off.” She pulled down the shirt’s neckline to show all of Feather’s face. “Isn’t he cute?”

  Kaye came in mouth first. “Is it Claire—” She halted, making her high heels scrape on the floor. “What are you doing with this?”

  A glance passed between Wendy and Kaye. “She brought her baby brother,” Wendy said.

  “He’s a good baby.” Caressing his forehead, ClaireLee swayed with him. “He won’t give us a bit of trouble.” She readjusted his weight to her other arm. “I told Wendy, Feather would sleep right through the party, and everyone can hold him. Won’t it be fun?”

  “Well, he better stay quiet.” Kaye frowned. “A crying baby would ruin our party.”

  Valerie walked in and gushed. “Oh, how sweet.” She reached for him. “May I hold the baby?”

  Handing him over, ClaireLee let go after Valerie had him in a secure position. She cooed, “Sweet. He’s in dreamland.” Then she giggled. “He’s sucking in his sleep.”

  Wendy leaned closer. “He sure is.”

  Waving them over, Kaye said, “C’mon, girls, let’s do ClaireLee’s fingernails.”

  Wanting to apologize for being late, ClaireLee pulled off her jacket. Someone might ask why. They couldn’t know she’d had a ton of chores to do before she came. She had to bathe her sister and make sure the boys changed into clean pajamas. And she almost made it out the door without her baby brother.

  Kaye stopped in the dining room. “You’re a whole half-hour late, Miss Monteiro.
”

  Complicated. This is my life. ClaireLee made her face as blank as a clean chalkboard.

  “Sit here, ClaireLee.” Wendy sidled next to the table, where a row of colorful nail polishes waited. “I’ll clean your nails, while you decide on a color.”

  “My favorite color is pink.” She did as she was told, grateful there was no lipstick or makeup in sight. The temptation might have been too great. ClaireLee pointed. “I choose this shade.”

  “I chose the same one.” Valerie stopped swaying the baby and held up her hand. “Doesn’t it remind you of the pink medicine our mothers make us take for an upset stomach?”

  ClaireLee said, “It’s nice and bright.” Like the medicine I have to give to us kids, since Mama’s been sleeping too much to notice.

  To start, Wendy used a miniature brush to scrub ClaireLee’s nails in a dish of soapy water. Later, Wendy applied ClaireLee’s choice of polish. Off to the side on the dining room table sat bowls of chips, candies, cookies, and purple punch. Throughout the evening, the Lavender Girls filled their plates and cups and chatted.

  When the clock chimed nine times, ClaireLee gasped. Feather’s going to be hungry. I’ve got to get home.

  “Got a date, do you?” Wendy was cocking her head to one side. Everyone giggled, even ClaireLee, but hers was more like a nervous titter.

  “We’re used to staying awake until midnight.” Kaye popped the last bite of a sugar cookie in her mouth and chewed. “Aren’t we, Wendy?”

  “Indeed.” Examining her fresh nail polish, Wendy curled her fingers and blew.

  Right then, the same lady who served ClaireLee at the Easter party appeared in the dining room doorway. “Do you ladies need anything else before I retire?”

  “I don’t think so.” Wendy squinted. “Do we, Kaye?”

  On the crunch of a rippled potato chip, Kaye said, “Nope.”