“Hello Jamal…nice to meet you!”
I don’t know what hurt more, the fact that she was engaged so quickly or to whom she was engaged to…a very successful, good looking, well respected doctor. A black doctor at that!
“It’s nice to meet you Sasha,” said Imani. “Well, we’ll let you two lovebirds get back to your dinner…bye.”
As we walked back to our table, I said nothing and held my peace. Minutes later, during the course of our meal my appetite was gone.
“You’re not hungry?”
“Huh?” I was daydreaming and I hadn’t noticed that I was pushing my food around on my plate until she said something.
“Well for starters…you haven’t touched your food or drink, and…you have been staring in that direction now and again…what’s up? Talk to me.”
“Remember the stuff I told you about a while back?”
“The girl you cheated on you mean?”
“Yes…well.”
“Wait…let me guess, that’s her right?”
“Yeah, a trip ain’t it?”
Imani nods her head and sips her drink. “To tell you the truth, it’s not really a trip because I’ve been cheated on before, twice.”
“Damn, sorry to hear that.”
“It’s okay. I know how she feels right now.”
“I hope you don’t think that I...”
Imani interrupts, “If I did Jamal, I wouldn’t be sitting here with you.”
“Well that’s a relief. Is it because I don’t appear to be the player type?”
“Is there really a player type?”
“Not really.”
“A person does what they want to do because no one puts a gun to your head and said screw his brains out or take off her panties.”
She had a damn good point, but I was still confused as to why she trusted me or if she really trusted me at all.
“A person that has had enough gives off a certain aura. I don’t know if there is more you didn’t tell me but I appreciate what you did tell me. To tell you the truth, it has been my experience that there are two types of people in the world; people who cheat and the ones who get cheated on. At this point if I’m stupid enough to stay with a man that’s cheating on me then I deserve it.”
“And why would you deserve it?”
“Past experience…I was engaged once.”
“What happened?”
“He was very insecure.”
“Did he have a reason to be?”
“Jamal, some men are, dangerously, jealous. I was young so I had little friends and the friends that I did have were chased away by his insecurities…I went along with it because I loved him and wanted what he wanted. For some people that isn’t enough.”
“For some people the world isn’t big enough.”
“Worse than that…he had very little trust in one of his closest friends.”
“Did his friend fall in love with you or something?”
“That’s what he claims, although his boy never said or did anything disrespectful.”
“That doesn’t mean he didn’t have feelings for you though, Imani.”
“That’s true…but still he was a gentleman.”
“Okay…so what happened? How did it all end?”
Imani slowly took a sip and began to narrate her story.
“One day he came in upset about losing his job, we were supposed to go out to celebrate my transfer to the Emergency Room but he started an argument saying it was my fault. That if I wasn’t in his life, he would be better off. Some men feel intimidated by a successful woman.”
So is that when it broke off?”
“Unfortunately, no because he just left out and went to the bar. I needed someone to talk with me, calm me down, and let me know if I was tripping or didn’t support his frame of mind at the time. I didn’t want to stay in the house so I called his friend Shaun to come over so we could go for a short walk. He came, and the short walk turned into several blocks and guess who drove past us walking together at 11pm…my man.”
“Damn!”
“Yeah, damn is right because he stopped the car, started a fight with his boy, called me all kinds of names saying that he knew I was a two timing bitch and that I was going to get mine.”
“Did you go home that night with him?”
“I had to so he wouldn’t think anything went on but it didn’t matter because we argued half the night.”
“So what happened?”
“He ended up sleeping with one of my friends as pay back.”
“That’s really fucked up; you should have rolled out right after that.”
“I did, after the he found out the truth about his boy. He used to be bisexual, and now he’s gay so that was more proof nothing was going to jump off between us anyway. He confessed to sleeping with my friend and begged for my forgiveness.”
“You ready to leave Jamal?”
“Yeah.”
As we proceeded to leave the restaurant, I took another look at Sasha and her fiancé; she didn’t look my way, after what I did, I would be lucky if she would spit on me to put out a fire.
The car ride back to my crib was a long and quiet one.
“Jamal, I’m really glad we opened up and you were able to listen to my story. I’ve really never talked about my past in a while.”
“It’s all good.”
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Hmm…yeah I’m cool.”
“You’ve been pretty quiet ever since we left the restaurant.”
I gave no response and continued gazing out of the window. “To tell you the truth, I don’t know what I feel right now.”
“You still have feelings for her don’t you?”
“It’s not that, I just haven’t been myself lately.”
“We all make mistakes, you just have to learn from the ones you made and move on.”
“Some mistakes taunt us for an eternity though.”
“I hope you’re not still worrying about us…are you?”
“No.”
We arrived at my crib and walked upstairs. There was a young woman in a full-length leather coat and short black hair waiting by my door; the closer I got I noticed who it was…Monica.
“Hey Jamal,” she said as she noticed the sudden change in Imani’s face.
“Hi. I’m Monica.”
She extends her hand. I’m still in shock but manage to open my mouth, “Imani this is an old friend Monica. Monica, this is my girlfriend Imani.”
“It’s nice to meet you Monica,” said Imani in a much more pleasant voice. For a second there I thought karma was going to whoop my behind again but I guess I prejudged Imani’s commitment.
“Jamal open the door so we can all go in.” To Monica and my surprise, Imani was being quite pleasant although I don’t think Monica was comfortable talking in front of Imani.
“Can I please use your rest room real quick?”
“Sure go right ahead it’s down there on your right.”
“I think I’m going to go home.”
“What? Why?” I whispered.
“It’s obvious your friend wants to talk to you in private besides, I’m real tired.”
“Stop playing Imani, please stay…she’s just a friend. What happened in the past is in the past.”
Imani stared at me with a blank expression on her face as if to tell me she wasn’t buying what I was selling. “Please…believe me Imani; I’m just as curious as you.”
“Okay…ten minutes, then I really have to go home.”
Monica came out of the rest room then joined Imani and I in the kitchen. “Sorry, I really had to go.”
“Long time no see, so what brings you here?”
“Well…I just wanted to thank you and…” Monica hesitated before continuing.
“It’s okay, whatever you have to say to me, you can say to her as well…it’s cool.”
“I just wanted to apologize for what happened between you and my husband.”
“It’s cool, how are you doing now though?”
Imani let off a small giggle that made me real nervous. This may seem like too much in one day for a Valentine’s Day date.
“Well I’ve had enough of his bad temper and playboy days, and we’re in the middle of a divorce.”
“That’s good, good stuff…so you finally decided to walk away?”
“Well it’s actually mutual. You see, I dropped the assault charges if he agreed to a divorce and of course he did to save face.”
“I’m glad to hear things worked out, so what’s next for you?”
“I’m going to Texas to stay with my cousin and start a new life. And I don’t want a penny of his money.”
“Good for you.”
“Yeah well sometimes you have to start fresh,” Monica looked at Imani, “You have a great guy, he kept me from messing up my life. He is the one that actually opened my eyes.”
Imani looked at me and smiled.
“Well I guess this is good bye Jamal.” Monica hugged me before walking towards the door.
“Nice to have met you, Imani, I wish you two the best of luck in life.”
“Thanks.” said Imani.
We both watched Monica go down the stairs and possibly out of my life.
“Would you like some coffee or something Imani?”
“Decaffeinated with French Vanilla creamer if you have it please.”
At this point it would be stupid to ask if she was leaving because whatever the reason, she changed her mind. Surprisingly Imani leaned over the table and kissed me. I put my hands around her waist and returned her kisses.
“Mmm…your lips taste so good.”
“So does yours Sasha.”
“What did you say Jamal?” Imani pushed me hard in the chest and waited for me to confirm what she heard.
“I said Imani.”
“NO…you didn’t!”
“Yes I did.”
“Do you think I’m stupid? You said Sasha clear as day.”
At this point I knew I fucked up real bad because there is nothing worse than saying another woman’s name, even worse, right before having sex.
“Jamal…are you still in love with that woman?”
“I apologize if I said her name. You have to believe me, I was thinking about you. Can’t you see I’m here with you and nobody else?”
“Believe you?”
“Yes.”
“Jamal, you may be here with me but your heart and mind are suddenly with her.” Imani reached for her coat and walked towards the door.
“Imani please don’t go. We’re having such a great night.”
“A great night, is that really how you are going to try and clean up what you just did?” Imani placed her hand on the doorknob and stopped to face me. “You’re right…it was a great night but…it’s clear you have feelings for two people. I’m not mad at you Jamal but you have to choose and it’s obvious you can’t right now. When you man up and make your choice, let me know.”
Just like that, Imani walked out of the door and down the stairs leaving me all alone on Valentine’s Day. As quick as it started it was all over. I couldn’t believe this was all happening in one day. Some people can go for years without the past catching up to them, but for me it took a few short months. I couldn’t believe I had fucked up another relationship once again.
Chapter 7: Rebirth
There was no sense in covering the truth. The truth has a way of finding a person, humbling them in front of the ones they might have wronged, and redeeming them. Such, at the time, was not the case in my situation in my life. I felt like a child that has lost their best friend.
It had been about three and a half months since I spoke to Imani. I left dozens of messages on her answering machine without any reply. Truth was… I had done a whole lot of thinking and I didn’t want to be alone like that. That’s the true reason why I kept calling Imani and leaving all those messages. Insecurities about my past, present, and future left me sleepless every night but I guess I brought it on myself.
To make matters worse, I really hadn’t heard too much from my boys. It was almost as if they didn’t give a damn anymore or were just fed up with my complaining.
Eli was close to planning his wedding and last I heard Crystal was pregnant. Life is not a race, but I’d at least wanted to get my boat in the water, even if it sunk. At times like that, a man needs his close friends, peeps, boys, or whatever one chooses to call their support group. Food had lost its taste; I was losing weight like a drug addict on a treadmill and fell, way behind on most of my work projects. I wanted to believe it was all a bad dream but if that was the case, it would be the worst nightmare I’ve ever had. The question was how do I wake up? I never used to be like this!
I woke up to my phone beeping indicative of a voice message. I must have over slept, and quickly ran over to listen to it in hopes of it being someone… Anyone.
“Beep…Hey Jamal, this is Crystal. I think it’s about time we talked. Give me a call on my cell phone when you get this message. Bye.”
What the hell was going on? Why did Crystal leave a message and not Aaron? I hope everything was good. I gave Crystal a call.
“Ring… Hello?”
“Hey Crystal, I got your message. Is everything cool?”
“Yeah, I’m okay.”
“You sure?”
“Yes, I actually called to check on you.”
“Word, well I’m happy you did. For a second there it seemed like no one cared about me.”
“Well… That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Hmm?”
“Do you have some time to meet me so we can talk?”
“Sure, I’m not doing anything. Where’s Aaron?”
“Hubby…is at home.”
Crystal and Aaron were inseparable and if she wanted to talk to me alone, something was going on. “Alright… Where do you want to meet at?”
“I’m here at the 24 hour diner down the street from you!”
“Give me about fifteen minutes to get freshened up real quick.”
“Okay.”
After a quick shower, some clothes, and some cologne, I arrived at the diner to find Crystal drinking on a cup of coffee.
“Hey Crystal, how are you girl? Get up and give your boy some love.”
Crystal reached up to give me a hug but I’d seen her in better moods.
“What’s new girl?”
“Nothing new… A bunch of old things.”
“Come again?”
“I’m talking about love.” Crystal opened a door that had been closed with no intentions of being reopened.
“Crystal, no disrespect but I do not really want to talk about the things I’ve done lately.”
“I’m talking about my past!”
“What do you have to complain about? You have a beautiful life.”
“Sometimes looks can be deceiving.”
“You have a good job, children, a home, and a good husband.”
“Husband… That’s what I wanted to talk to you about Jamal.”
The conversation sounded bad. Are all the good men starting to fuck up like being a ‘dog’ was written in our genetic make-up?
“Aaron is a very good man Jamal and I love him dearly… Sometimes life can give you a challenge you think you can’t handle and you screw up. When you screw up you realize that it didn’t have to be like that.”
“What are you getting at?”
Crystal looked at me then said, “I bet you’re feeling like you have nowhere to turn, every good thing you try to do is overshadowed by the mistakes you once made, no matter how long ago it was?”
“Actually that’s exactly how I’ve been feeling. A million things to say and yet, I don’t know how or where to start. My world has been flipped but it’s all my fault.”
“That’s why I called you because I know how it hurts. I cheated on Aaron.”
“When did you ever cheat on Aaron?�
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What Lies Between The Sheets Page 12
