But I couldn’t deny how I felt. As unreasonable as the feelings were, I still had them and they were still real.
When we got to Ella’s door, I panicked. What if Steel tried to crash at her place tonight and she was afraid to tell him no again? It made me sick to my stomach to think about Ella being with anyone else but me.
“I’ll talk to Steel. Now. I’m going right now.” I felt as surprised as Ella looked by my statement.
She leaned up and whispered “Thank you,” into my ear. Then she placed a soft kiss on my cheek.
More. There it was again. That one word reverberating through my head.
I pulled Ella close and kissed her. This time, it wasn’t a soft kiss. It was needy and filled with desire. When Ella let out a soft moan, it fueled my desire even more and I could feel myself getting hard as I plunged my tongue deep into her mouth.
As we stood outside her door continuing our make-out session, I was glad that she lived on a very quiet street.
“Are you sure you don’t want to come in?” Ella asked breathlessly.
At that moment, I wanted Ella more than I wanted air but I planned on sticking with my vow to take things slowly.
I brushed the hair away from her face. “I want to come in. I truly do. But I’m not going to. Not right now.”
Ella nodded but I could see sadness in her eyes. I placed another soft kiss on her lips but when I looked at her again, the sadness was still there. “What’s wrong?”
She shook her head. “Nothing.”
There was something going on and I needed to know what it was. “Ella, please tell me why you look so sad.”
“Because I know you probably won’t come back.” She wiped at a stray tear that had escaped down her face.
I placed my hand on her cheek and she looked up at me with her wet eyes. “Why would you say that?” I asked.
“Just call it a hunch.” Her voice sounded pained.
“You’re wrong. Nothing is going to keep me away from you, Ella. I’ll be here every day, if you’ll let me.”
“Don’t make promises you won’t keep.”
How could I tell her I was already all in? I thought it would scare her but maybe it was exactly what she needed to hear. “Ella, I don’t make promise if I’m not going to keep them and I promise you, I’ll be back. What time do you want me here knocking on your front door?”
I could see the faintest hint of a smile cross her face. “Would you like to come over for dinner?”
“That depends,” I teased. “Are you going to buy groceries?”
“Maybe we can go shopping together. Then we can get whatever you want.”
“It’s a date,” I agreed.
***
On the way back to my apartment, I decided to make a quick stop at Arts² to see if I could have a conversation with Steel. I wanted to tell him I had absolutely no respect for a guy who used women the way he used Ella. He obviously didn’t care about her. He just used her body to satisfy his own needs. It made me sick to think that she allowed him to use her because she was afraid of him.
When I entered Arts², I noticed the smells weren’t quite as pungent. Maybe because it was getting late and most of the artists had already gone home for the day. Half of me was hoping that Steel had gone home, too. I wasn’t sure I was ready to face him. But the other half of me just wanted to get it over with.
I made my way to the room where the guys had been sculpting various metals. They were all still there, banging away on their art pieces. I noticed Steel was on a stool in the corner working on a sculpture that looked like a large crucifix. It struck me as an odd artistic choice. He didn’t seem like the religious type.
When I entered the room, all of the hammering stopped and all eyes were suddenly on me. Steel rose and walked over to meet me in the center of the room.
“What’s up?” Steel asked.
I felt very uncomfortable talking with all of his friends staring at me. “Is there someplace we can go to talk?”
He laughed. “Just say whatever it is you came here to say.”
“It’s about Ella.” My throat suddenly felt dry and I tried to clear it.
“I told you, man. That girl’s a freak.”
“Okay,” I said. “That may be true but she doesn’t want you to crash at her place anymore.”
His eyes narrowed as he sized me up. “She doesn’t or you don’t?”
I gulped. I could feel myself starting to shake but I stood my ground. “Both.”
He laughed again. “The chick gives new meaning to the term high maintenance. I’m not saying she’s not a fantastic lay but if you play you pay. Know what I mean?”
I’ve never been a violent person. As a matter of fact, I’d often been accused of being a guy who would never hurt a fly. But I wanted to punch this guy in the face so badly it hurt to keep my fist by my side. And I knew if I hit him, he’d probably beat the shit out of me.
“Just stay away from her, okay?”
When he crossed his ample arms over his wide chest, I immediately regretted my previous statement. The guy was a menacing presence.
“What are you going to do if I don’t stay away from her?” he threatened.
“Maybe you could respect her decision not to see you anymore.”
“Respect?” He laughed again. He looked like he was going to say more but he just shook his head. “When you’re done with her, she’ll be back. She always comes back.”
“Not this time,” I spat.
“Just what do you, Mr. Straight-laced Engineer, want with a girl like that? Do you think you’re going to fall in love and get married? Have kids and a little white picket fence and a dog? It’s a fantasy, man. She’s damaged goods. I’m willing to bet you’ll be gone in a matter of weeks. That’s just enough time for you to get in her pants then you’ll be out of there.”
My jaw was clenched so tight it was starting to ache and my fists were both little balls of rage at my sides. “You don’t know anything about me and my intentions towards Ella.”
“Your intentions?” Now Steel’s friends were laughing but I didn’t know what they all found so funny. “Dude, it’s the 21st century not the 1800s.”
“Ella’s made her decision. Just stay away from her.”
“She knows where to find me when you’re done with her.”
It was obvious we were at an impasse and neither one of us was going to convince the other to take his position seriously. As I turned to exit, I heard Steel shout, “Three weeks. Tops. Then she’ll be back.”
***
As soon as I got out of the building, I exhaled the breath I’d been holding. My pulse was racing and I wiped the sweat that had accumulated on my forehead. I don’t think I had ever been more nervous in my life.
The sun was just starting to set and the air had cooled down a bit. I took in a deep breath and tried to calm myself down. If this was an example of the types of guys Ella had been with I didn’t ever want to meet the other fifty-seven of them.
The more I thought about Ella and Steel and their relationship, or whatever you wanted to call it, the more confused I got. It didn’t make any sense. Ella made it sound like Steel was using her and he didn’t care about her at all—he just wanted sex. He made it sound like it was a little more than that. Perception is an interesting thing and it can be so different depending on one’s point of view. I decided to ask my communications expert for some assistance in deciphering everything that I had heard.
***
When Marney came to the door of the apartment she shared with my sister she looked tired.
“Lucas, what’s up?” she said as she swiped at her eyes.
“Is my sister home? I need to talk.”
She narrowed her eyes. “Is everything okay?”
“I’m not sure.”
Marney stepped away from the door so I could enter. “She’s in the bedroom. We were just taking a quick nap. What time is it?”
“After six,” I said.
> Marney’s eyes went wide. “Wow, that was a much longer nap than I thought. I’ll get Olivia.”
A few moments later, my sister entered the living room.
“You could have brushed your hair,” I noted. She had one of the worst cases of bed head I had ever seen.
Olivia just gave me the finger in response. Sibling love. She plopped down on the leather couch and I joined her. “So, what’s up?” my sister asked. “You look off.”
“I am off,” I agreed. “That’s a good way to describe my current state.”
“Why don’t you start at the beginning and tell me what’s wrong.”
“Great idea,” Marney agreed as she plopped down in the oversized chair next to us. “Tell us what’s wrong.”
Ever since my sister and Marney met their freshman year of college, they’ve been inseparable. I’ve always admired their relationship. They balanced each other out. I always wanted to find someone who was like my other half, the way Marney and my sister are with each other. I thought I might have found that with Ella.
I told Olivia and Marney the whole story and I was sure to emphasize the fact that Steel was a big and intimidating guy with equally scary friends.
“You sure know how to pick ‘em,” Marney commented when I finished my story.
My sister placed a hand on my upper arm. “I think you need to really ask yourself if you think Ella is worth it. It sounds like she comes with a truckload full of baggage that you’re going to have to deal with.”
“Not to mention the fifty-eight exes,” Marney added. “One of which could probably snap your neck like a twig if he wanted to.”
“And it sounds to me like Steel has some feelings for Ella that he either doesn’t realize he has or he’s not willing to admit.”
“It’s a lot to consider,” I admitted. Even with everything that was being thrown at me, I still wanted to be with Ella. It made absolutely no rational sense whatsoever. If this was a balance sheet, there would be no question that being with Ella was a losing proposition. There were too many negatives to balance out the one positive thing—my feelings for her.
But affairs of the heart are nothing like accounting. Unfortunately. And my feelings for Ella were so strong, and so irrational, there only seemed like one obvious conclusion. I had to be with her regardless of the challenges and consequences.
“I think I’m falling in love with her,” I admitted. And once the words were out there, they seemed so right, I knew my fate was sealed.
My sister’s eyes went wide. “You? Falling in love? And so quickly? I’m stunned.”
“So am I,” I admitted. I was the guy who didn’t even hold hands on the first date. I wasn’t the guy to fall for a girl on the first date. But Ella was different.
I felt like she was the one.
Olivia’s eyes narrowed. “You’re going to go for it, aren’t you?”
I nodded.
“Good luck,” Marney added.
“I’m sure everything will work if you give it some time,” my sister tried to assure me. That made one of us who were confident in the eventual success of this venture.
I stood. “I’ll let the two of you get back to doing whatever it was you were doing.”
My sister jumped from the couch and grabbed my arm. “I have a job interview tomorrow. Wish me luck!”
“I’m sure you’ll knock their socks off with your mad skills,” I teased.
Marney was now at Olivia’s side. “She’s going to kick some interview ass.”
Olivia and Marney always had a way of making me smile. Even when I still had a million unanswered questions swirling around in my head.
***
Sleep was not my friend. I tossed and turned most of the night until I finally got up to continue my research on bipolar disorder. Not only had I completely immersed myself in the psychiatric literature on the biochemical imbalance, I had found a number of memoirs written by people who had been diagnosed with the disorder. If I was going to completely abandon all rationality and go headfirst into a relationship with Ella, I wanted to be armed with some facts about her diagnosis.
I felt like I sleepwalked through my entire day at work. All I could think about was Ella and seeing her again. I couldn’t wait to feel her warm hand in mine, kiss her incredibly soft lips and hold her in my arms.
I felt like a complete sap.
All of the feelings were overwhelming and that was probably the reason I found it so difficult to work. The hours slowly ticked by until it was five o’clock. Then I powered down my laptop and headed to Ella’s place.
***
I was surprised that I actually felt a twinge of nervousness as I stood outside Ella’s front door. The feelings I had for her were so new and so raw, I guess I wasn’t sure how to handle them and it frightened me. I was the type of guy who liked to have everything under control. The guy who could solve every problem with my keen intellect and critical thinking skills.
But Ella was a puzzle I felt like I couldn’t solve. It was unnerving.
I finally took a deep breath and knocked on her door. It didn’t even take a second for Ella to answer.
“I was wondering how long you were going to stand there.” She gave me a huge grin that sent a wave through me that nearly knocked me to my knees.
“How did you know I was here?”
She grabbed my elbow and pulled me inside. “Let me get my purse and we can go grocery shopping. I’m looking forward to cooking our first meal together.”
I had to admit, I was, too.
She still had a hold of my elbow and she pulled me toward her bedroom. I swallowed because I wasn’t sure if getting her purse was her only reason for pulling me in there with her.
As much as I really wanted to take things slowly, I wasn’t sure how much longer I could refuse her advances towards me. Making love to her was something I absolutely craved and the intensity of that desire scared me. I felt like I could easily go off the deep end and completely lose myself in her.
I was sure she had no idea she already had me in every way. I was completely hers. I was lost in her spell. I would do absolutely anything for her.
When we got into her room, I took in everything around me. Each object felt like another clue to her being, another piece of the Ella puzzle. I took note of a didgeridoo, an Indigenous Australian wind instrument, sitting on the floor next to her desk and a small zither, a stringed instrument on the desk next to it. I also noticed she had a djembe, an African drum, sitting in another corner of the room. I had to smile at the odd assortment of instruments. I wondered if she played all of them or just collected them.
“What are you smiling at?” she asked looking up at me.
“Not many people have a collection of international instruments in their bedrooms,” I laughed.
“There’s only one thing that I care about having in my bedroom, besides the bed of course.” She placed a hand on my chest. “You,” she said softly.
The room suddenly felt hotter. Or maybe it was just me. Or the fact that she had her hand on me and I was getting turned on.
I swallowed.
She was still looking up at me with her beautiful eyes and the moment seemed to expand and contract at the same time.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
I wasn’t sure how to respond. I didn’t feel okay. I felt like a ship that had been set out to sea without a map and without an anchor. I had set sail in the unpredictable depths of Ella Warner.
I placed a soft kiss on Ella’s lips and the contact was so charged, I took in a quick breath.
Ella’s expression turned serious.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
She shook her head. “It’s not wrong. It’s too right.”
That made me wonder if she was just as scared and confused and excited about what was going on between us as I was.
When my stomach rumbled, she laughed. “We’d better get to the grocery story. I don’t want your stomach to get mad at me.”
“What do you feel like having?” Ella asked as we headed down the produce aisle. “We could make a salad. Maybe some pasta?”
“Sounds good,” I agreed.
Ella filled our basket with all kinds of vegetables, some of which I had never actually eaten (like artichokes and kale). But she seemed to have something very specific in mind.
She also selected fresh angel hair pasta and told me she was going to make a pesto sauce.
“So, you don’t keep food in the house and you don’t eat very much but it sounds like you know how to cook...”
She glanced down at her sandals averting my gaze. “I do.”
“Did you do some cooking in your past?” As soon as the question escaped my lips, I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer. I had a feeling it probably had to do with the fifty-eight men in her past.
“Just a guy I hung out with for a while,” she said. “Nothing serious. He was a chef and he taught me a few things.”
We were stopped in front of the fresh baked breads. I wasn’t sure if she wanted to include a loaf as part of the meal of not. “Was it not serious because you didn’t want to get serious or he didn’t want to get serious?”
She shook her head then grabbed a French baguette. “I don’t know. We just spent some time together when I lived in New York. I thought maybe he had a girlfriend. We never really discussed it.”
I grabbed the thin loaf from her hands and placed it in the cart.
“That bread is exceptional with an olive oil and garlic dip,” she commented. “I could make some.”
Final Play (Matchplay Series) Page 5
