She slowly opens her eyes and wraps both her arms around my neck, watching me as I begin moving inside her again.
With the way she’s looking at me, need and want in her eyes, all it takes is me moving inside her a few more times before I’m releasing myself inside her, filling her with my cum.
She’s mine. No one will ever be inside of her again. My cum coating her insides is me showing her that. I lost her once. I won’t lose her again.
Looking each other in the eyes, we both fight to catch our breath as I hold her against my truck with my hips, while running my thumb over her face. “Fuck, that felt so much different than last time.”
She nods, running her hands through my sweaty hair. “So much different.”
We stay like this for a while before she clears her throat. “Put me down, Jax.”
Releasing a hard breath, I pull out of her and set her down to her feet, keeping her blocked in with my body. “Do you know where we’re at?”
She swallows and looks around us, while reaching to put her pants back on. “Yes,” she whispers. “Is it still here?”
I shrug my shoulders and adjust my jeans. “I don’t know. It’s been twelve years since I’ve been here. Wanna take a look?”
“I don’t know.” She shakes her head when I grab her hand to walk. “Maybe we shouldn’t.”
“I’ve been wondering about that damn tire swing for twelve years now. I’m not going back without you, Lex.”
She pushes away from my truck. “Fine. We’ll just take a quick look and leave.”
Keeping her hand in mine, I hold it, guiding us through the woods toward where the old tire swing used to be. It takes a few minutes of walking around the area to realize that it must be gone.
It may be dark out here, but it’s hard to miss the disappointment on Alexandra’s face when she realizes the same thing. “Let’s get out of here. I’m pretty tired.”
She pulls her hand from mine and takes off through the trees, not stopping until we reach my truck and she jumps inside.
I take a few minutes to stand here and gather my thoughts, because truthfully, I’m just as disappointed as she is that it’s gone after all these years.
We spent so much time here as kids; me making her forget about her crappy home life every chance that I could. Sometimes we stayed for hours, and even though my arms ached from pushing her, I never stopped.
I run my hands over my face, before making my way to my truck and jumping in. “I want you with me tonight. There’s somewhere I need to take you in the morning.” I turn to face her. “Are there any more pills in your purse? Please don’t hide the truth from me. I can’t help you if you do.”
She nods her head and reaches into her purse, pulling out a small bag. She looks down at it as she speaks. “This is everything I have.”
I lean over and grab the back of her head, pulling her close to me. “No more, Lex. You don’t need these, and tonight is just the beginning of me showing you that.”
She hesitates for a brief moment, before placing them in my hand when I hold it out, but I can tell from the look in her eyes how nervous it makes her to give up the last of her stash.
“Now, let’s get you home.”
I just need to make sure I’m enough for her. I’ll fight every fucking day to be that, starting right now . . .
IT’S BEEN YEARS SINCE I’VE cried. I’ve tried so damn hard to be strong, telling myself that crying made me weak, but the moment I heard what Jax had been through, I couldn’t fight back the tears.
I hate with everything in me that Jax had to go through almost losing his mother multiple times to drug abuse. I had no idea it was bad enough to the point she almost died right in front of him. He was just a damn kid. He didn’t deserve to have to grow up that fast, to have to take care of her. He didn’t deserve the pain he had to endure because of her habits. It hurts to imagine what that must’ve been like for him. It scares the shit out of me to think about that happening to me. It also terrifies me to consider being without them, but knowing it would hurt him had me handing the pills over, because I’m weak when it comes to Jax.
I can’t do it.
I tried.
I really did.
I tried staying away from him, knowing that it would hurt him to know the current me, but I couldn’t do it. I could’ve dropped his truck off at his house and left before he noticed, but I didn’t. I went to his work and waited for him to come outside.
I knew he wouldn’t let me leave, and a part of me wanted to see how hard he’d fight for me to stay. I don’t know why. Maybe I was afraid he wouldn’t fight as hard this time and I needed him to prove me wrong, because I was too damn close to popping that whole bag of pills I had. I think deep down I want to know there is something or someone to stop me.
The ride back to Jax’s place is silent, lost deep inside my head, replaying the way it felt when Jax took me slow and deep in the woods. The first time we had sex was fantastic, don’t get me wrong, but having him inside me and knowing it was him this time, made me forget about everything bad in the world. For that moment in time when we were molded together, breathing the same air, I was a different person. One with a future where I could be happy.
I felt safer and more loved in that short amount of time than I have in my entire life. All I needed was Jax, and that’s the reason I’m walking into his house this very moment.
I’ve spent so much time worried about ruining Jax, when in reality he might be the only thing able to save me from myself.
He’ll either save me or I’ll ruin him. I’m terrified to take that gamble, but it’s clear Jax doesn’t plan to let me go anytime soon, and I can’t deny that makes me happier than I’ve been in years.
I’m not going to lie; my stomach is still twisting into knots from handing my stash over to Jax in the truck, leaving me feeling physically ill. For a second I thought I was going to throw up. I’ve needed pills to get by for so long now—even if just a few—the fact that I have none scares the shit out of me. Considering withdrawals is enough to set me on edge.
What if I need them? He knows of my bad habit, my need to escape, and I know he’ll do everything in his power to keep me from getting more.
What if I can’t cope without them?
I went a week without them before and I felt like I was dying. One damn week.
How will I feel after two weeks or a month?
My thoughts are scrambled, running around in my head, when Jax grabs my hand and guides me through the dark house to his bedroom. Once inside, I’m assuming he’ll leave me alone like last time, but instead, he strips his shirt off and takes a seat on the bed, looking up at me. “Want a pair of my briefs to sleep in?”
I shake my head and strip off my Converse and jeans. I’m standing here in nothing but Jax’s t-shirt, and I wonder if it has the same affect on him as it does me. I must’ve slept in this thing almost every other night since running off with it.
He looks me over, before reaching for my hand and pulling me down into his lap, holding me against him. I couldn’t get away even if I wanted to, and right now, I don’t think I do. I want to stop fighting for once. Even if just for tonight. “Do you need pills to sleep at night?”
I swallow and nod. “It’s the only way I can sleep. Otherwise, my mind wanders to a dark place I can’t control. It’s been that way for as long as I can remember.”
He takes a deep breath and slowly exhales, before picking me up and placing me down onto the mattress. I watch in silence as he strips out of his jeans and crawls in the bed beside me. “Then I’m staying in here with you. Don’t think I’ve forgotten over the years how easily you always fell asleep in my arms. Come here.”
My heart speeds up when he wraps his arms around me and pulls me against him, taking charge. I didn’t think I wanted a man to take charge with me, but truthfully, I’ve never minded when it came to Jax. Even when we were kids I liked it when he told me what to do, because I always knew it was his way of ta
king care of me.
We lay here in the dark for a while, neither of us speaking. I was starting to think he was asleep until he gently brushes his lips over my neck, before kissing it.
A small moan escapes my throat when he does it for a second time, his soft lips lingering this time. It’s such a distraction that all I can think about is him. Nothing else. It has me wanting to ask about what he said earlier. “Where are you taking me in the morning?”
He moves his hand around the front of my neck, before gripping it and whispering into my ear. “I owe you a new job. One that you deserve and that you’ll feel comfortable doing. I need to know you’re safe. Royal’s wife owns a salon and last I heard they need some help.”
I lay here in silence for a few moments, unsure of what to say. The thought of working in a salon occurred to me before at one point, I even got my cosmetology license a year back but couldn’t push myself to find a salon that would consider hiring a fuck up like me. It just seemed too good to be true.
No drunk assholes to fight off anymore.
I could definitely get used to that, but I try not to get too hopeful yet.
“I have my license but no experience in an actual salon,” I point out. “What makes you think she’ll hire me?”
He growls into my ear, before pulling me closer, as if to protect me, even though it’s just the two of us. “Because you’re mine and that makes you family. Any family of mine is family of Royal and Avalon, and we do what we can for each other. Always have and always will.”
His words silence me again, and I find myself wrapping my arms around his as tightly as I can. It’s like I can’t get him close enough, even though there’s no space between us.
Why do I like it so much when he says I’m his?
“Tell me what happened that night, Lex,” he says against my ear, a few moments later. “What happened after I blacked out?”
I squeeze my eyes closed at the memory. I’m afraid saying the words out loud will hurt just as much as witnessing it all those years ago. I don’t think I ever fully recovered from seeing him hurt.
“I need to know,” he whispers when I don’t respond. “Did he hurt you worse because of me?”
I shake my head. “No. He actually took it easy on me that night. It was like he took all of his anger out on you.” Tears sting the back of my eyes, but I hold them back as I continue. “He hit you over and over again after you blacked out. I was so terrified he had killed you or was going to if he didn’t stop. I jumped on him and screamed for him to stop. Begged him to. He knocked me across the room and then dragged you through the house. I don’t know what he did to you after that. I just remember him coming back a long time later and forcing me to grab the few things I cared about. I cried for you the whole time, and even though I knew you were hurt I had hope that you would show back up and save me. I wanted you to take me away from him. It wasn’t until we were in the car that I knew I’d probably never see you again.”
His breathing picks up against my neck as he squeezes me to him. “I would’ve come back for you if I had the choice, Lex. I need you to know that.”
“I believe you,” I whisper. It’s the truth. Jax is the only person in the whole damn world that I know wouldn’t lie to me. “I don’t want to talk about things in the past anymore tonight.”
Bringing up the past has a wave of nausea assaulting my stomach. There’s so much I haven’t told him yet. “I need some sleep.”
“Goodnight, Lex.”
The feel of his lips against my neck when he kisses me makes my stomach flutter. It calms me. A feeling I never once got from James when he did the same thing.
The fluttering in my stomach turns to knots when I think about that son of a bitch. As much as I want him out of my life, I know he’ll show up again soon. He doesn’t know how to stay away for long when it comes to me.
Jax cusses under his breath at the sound of the backdoor opening.
“Does someone else live here?” I attempt to sit up, but Jax pulls me back down to him.
“It’s just Blaine. Trust me, you don’t want to go out there right now.”
A few seconds later, the sound of something crashing to the ground is followed by the loud moans of a woman.
“That fucker is going to replace whatever the hell that was in the morning.”
I jump when something slams hard against the hallway wall. “Holy shit . . . Sounds like he fucks like you. I’m surprised the walls are still standing in this place.”
I can’t help but to laugh when Jax yells at Blaine to take it to the backyard before he kicks his ass.
All Jax’s threat does is causes his friend to fuck louder and harder, making the damn wall sound like it’s about to fall down.
“I’m going to kill him in the morning,” Jax growls beside my ear.
“Does he have his own place?” I ask on a laugh. “Or does he just come here to annoy you with his sexcapades?”
“Yes to both,” he breathes angrily. “The asshole has his own place, but he drives me to wanting to murder his ass at least twice a week. He’s lucky to still be breathing.”
The banging suddenly stops, followed by what sounds like a fist pounding into the wall. A few seconds later a female voice shouts at Blaine and calls him an asshole, followed by the sound of the backdoor slamming shut.
“Looks like he’s pissed off at Madison.”
“Was Madison the girl that just left?”
“No. Madison is the girl who has him all fucked in the head. I have no clue who he brought here tonight, but it wasn’t her. It’s a bit complicated.”
“Clearly,” I say on a yawn.
The house is quiet after that, so I’m guessing Blaine has passed out on the couch. Either that or he’s sitting in silence somewhere, lost in thought. I know that feeling all too well.
“Now we can get some sleep.”
I yawn again and lose myself in his big arms, the comfort of them making it hard to keep my eyes open. For a split second my mind wanders back to the things I haven’t told Jax about my past, but the moment his breath hits my neck, I focus on that, and before I know it everything goes black and I fall asleep in Jax’s arms just like I used to when we were kids.
Eleven Years Ago . . . Fifteen Years Old
I FEEL DEAD INSIDE AS I sit here staring at the door, hoping with everything in me that my father’s friend doesn’t stumble into my room drunk again. He’s been doing it more often over the last few weeks and it makes me hate my body.
Every time he looks me over with greedy eyes I feel dirty. But that’s nothing compared to the way it makes me feel when he touches me.
Being around my asshole father all these years, taking his physical and mental abuse, has already broken me enough. I didn’t think things could get worse. I didn’t think there was anything else he could do to make me feel more worthless than I already do, but I was wrong.
Every single day I wake up wishing I would die, because death has to be better than the shit I live with every moment of every day. I’m stuck here like a prisoner.
I’d take my father hitting me any day over him allowing his friend to come into my room and touch me. His big, rough hands on me makes me feel physically ill.
It didn’t start until my fifteenth birthday when George pointed out how grown I was becoming. He said I was beautiful, and he couldn’t stop looking at me. I expected my father to yell at me and force me to stay out of sight when they were drinking, but instead, he told his friend he could touch my thigh if he wanted; almost like a dare.
I still remember holding my breath, my entire body shaking with fear as he reached out and ran his hand up the inside of my thigh.
He may not have touched my private area, but it sure as hell felt like he had.
I tried not to cry as he moved his hand along my thigh and moaned in pleasure. I tried so hard to hold it back, because my piece of shit father always punishes me for crying in front of George. He said it makes him look bad and that he isn�
�t going to tolerate me doing that in front of his friend, especially when he allowed us to move in with him.
But I couldn’t hold the tears back that night. I cried right in front of George, which pissed him off, and he told my father I embarrassed him, making him feel dirty in his own home.
My father slapped me across the face, before dragging me through the house by my hair and threw me face down onto my bedroom floor. But at least I was away from his friend, and for that, I was thankful.
My entire body stiffens when I hear the bedroom door across the hall creak open, and then it closes shortly after. I hate not being able to lock my door. My asshole father made sure the day we moved in that wasn’t a possibility.
It’s late, which is usually when George decides to make his way into my room. The thought has me pulling the blanket around me for safety, even though I know it won’t do shit to keep him away from me.
With every noise I hear close by, I look at the door, expecting it to open, and every time that it doesn’t, I breathe a little easier.
It’s nights like these that really make me miss Jax. I still look outside my window late at night as if he’ll be out there, and every time he’s not there, my heart aches a little more for the boy I left behind.
I still remember the night he tried saving me. It’s been two years, and I’ll never forget the way he climbed into my bedroom with that baseball bat. He took it to my father knowing he was putting himself at risk to protect me.
My father was much bigger than Jax back then, and even though I knew he’d hurt me even more, I jumped on my father’s back in an effort to get him to stop hitting Jax with the bat that night.
He threw me across the room and then dragged Jax out of the house and drove him away.
Memories of that night still haunt me to this day.
Now we’re more than four hours away and I’m stuck in this shitty house with no friends and no one who cares whether I live or die.
As the minutes go by I keep looking over at my window, wishing that I could climb out and escape for a while like I used to before we moved, but the night we moved in, my father nailed the window shut to ensure I wouldn’t be able to sneak out anymore.
Beautiful Savage (Savage & Ink Book 2) Page 14
