by Amber Garr
The packed memorial service on Friday felt cramped, but I was pleasantly surprised to see that our friends from Cotillion had made it to the event. Throughout the ceremony, I stole fleeting glances at Daniel, Lily, and Carissa who stayed interspersed amongst their clans throughout the back of the room. Vance and Brinsley had more freedom than the first year syrenkas, so they caught a few moments of our time for conversation. It sounded much like the other million exchanges I watched Kain go through. Everyone was sorry and they all wanted him to know that they were available to help in any way. Some were much sincerer than others. Considering Kain’s new elevated status in our society, it was more difficult to determine who was really on his side and who just wanted to get into his good graces.
I stood next to Kain as he stepped into his father’s role that day. His mother acted stoic, yet quiet, allowing her son to represent their family with the grace and dignity she strained to hold on to through her grief. She was an admirable woman and her total faith in Kain allowed me to see him in another light. Strong, confident, and capable; Kain had become an adult overnight.
The Matthews didn’t stay at our house. Secretly thankful for that, I tried not to let my emotions show. Just one more day to endure and then Brendan and I would be able to start our new life together.
Although Kain and I had acted as a couple most of the day on Friday, we really hadn’t had much of a chance to talk. So I was surprised when he knocked lightly on my open door just a few minutes before his appointment ceremony was slated to begin downstairs.
“May I come in?” he asked bashfully. Always such a gentleman.
Dressed in my gown, I just needed to put the final touches on my hair and makeup. Even though I was to be a bride the next day, my dress tonight was much more elegant than I would have ever dreamed I could wear. The blue silk fabric clung to my body like ocean waves wrapping me in an embrace. It had a drop waist line that pointed down toward my feet where layers upon layers of fabric fell stylishly to the floor to make it look like I was floating. The top of the dress stretched over my left shoulder and around my neck like a serpent. Gold highlights interlaced with the royal blue material and the matching gold tiara with sapphire jewels only emphasized the elegance of the design. I fashioned my hair up into a twist, allowing a few subtle curls to drape lightly around my face.
I stood as Kain asked his question. “Yes, please come in.” Even though I was sure he heard me, he didn’t move. Almost a full minute passed before we said anything. “Are you okay?” I finally asked.
Kain shook his head and smiled apologetically. “You look really beautiful, Eviana.”
He’d dressed in the formal leadership attire in the colors of his clan; royal blue and black. The jacket looked custom designed and fit his tall frame really well. The suit reminded me a bit of what a member of a human royal court would have worn centuries ago. Still admiring his presence, he stepped into the room and held out his hand toward me. Not knowing what he wanted, I laid my palm in his a little reluctantly.
“I’m a lucky guy,” he said and lifted my hand to his mouth for a gentle and respectful kiss.
My stomach knotted up instantly and guilt seared through my veins. I pulled my hand away and pretended to straighten out my dress. “Thanks,” I replied with my head down to avoid his questioning look. “You clean up nicely too.”
He chuckled at that and walked further into the room, forcing me to take a few steps backward. I quickly glanced toward my closet where I had my bag packed and ready to go. It was as though I worried that he could see through the closed doors, but if he noticed my odd behavior, he didn’t comment on it as we sat on the edge of my bed.
“I need to ask something of you,” he stated.
“Sure. Anything,” I replied, not quite knowing what to expect.
He sighed and rubbed his forehead. “I’d like for you to be the one to pin the shield on me tonight.”
“What?”
I was very surprised. The shield was a small pin fashioned out of gold, black pearl, and pink coral pieces that represented his leadership. Each clan had their own individual design. It was somewhat equal to high ranking military decorations, but the shield was only reserved for clan leaders. Typically, the wife or husband would have the honor of anointing the new leader by pinning on the shield. In his case, I’d assumed Kain would ask his mother. But now, he sat here, requesting something very important of me.
“We’re to be married tomorrow.” I shifted in my seat as he continued. “A few hours don’t matter to me. You’ll be my wife and our clans will be united. There’s some unrest amongst us, and I think our show of unity will let those naysayers know we cannot be divided.”
His suddenly serious demeanor frightened me a little. I hadn’t heard about any issues in the clans and not only did that make me feel uneasy, but also inadequate. I feared I didn’t know because I was a still considered a child.
“Won’t your mother be upset?”
“I’ve already talked to her. She understands.” He looked at me and smiled. “She’s ready for us to be married too.” I tried to return his grin but I’m sure that it looked forced. He grabbed my hand and squeezed. “I’d be honored if you would do this, Eviana.”
Well, how could I say no now?
“Of course I’ll do it, Kain.”
And before I knew what happened, his lips pressed against mine in a kiss. It wasn’t a quick peck on the cheek, this was a full out passionate kiss. The warmth of his mouth consumed me and I momentarily forgot who I was. I gently placed my hands on his cheeks as he wrapped his arms around my back to pull me closer. My stomach fluttered and my heart felt like it would climb out of my body. All of the stress Kain had dealt with over the loss of his father seemed to pour into his movements, desperate for an escape. The moment seemed to last for minutes, but then we realized what was happening at the same time. I suddenly tensed and Kain jumped away from me to walk to the other side of the room. The abrupt end to our kiss stunned both of us.
“I’m so sorry. I…I shouldn’t have done that,” Kain stuttered. His words sounded muffled through both of his hands which now covered his mouth like he could wipe the kiss away. “Please forgive me.”
I didn’t really know what to say because right now I grappled with the feelings inside of me. I wasn’t mad at him. In fact, I’d enjoyed that kiss very much. Too much.
I walked over to him and grabbed his hands. “You have nothing to apologize for.” I smiled up at his apprehensive face. “Like you said, we’re to be married tomorrow.”
He stepped away from me, however, not before I saw the corner of his mouth curl up a little bit. “So it was like a practice kiss?”
I still felt very uncomfortable, but I didn’t want to make the situation any worse. So I laughed. “Yes, that was the practice kiss.”
He ran his hand through his hair and blew out a deep breath. “I’ll meet you downstairs then,” he said. “Thanks.”
I listened to his footsteps walk through the hallway until I moved again. What had just happened? What did we just do? Before I could analyze the situation anymore, my phone beeped with a message.
Tonight at 2am. Meet me at the end of the drive. Love you Evs.
I almost started to cry. The kiss between Kain and I was wrong on so many levels but most especially because of my relationship with Brendan.
“Eviana, it’s time,” my mother’s voice called up from the bottom of the stairs.
It was time to play the most important person in Kain’s life and time for me to grow up. I brushed all of the anxious thoughts aside, threw my shoulders back, and lifted my chin. The tiara had tilted to the side during our little make out session, so I adjusted the crown and walked out of my room.
A special area in our house had been built specifically for gatherings such as appointment ceremonies. And weddings. My mother added a raised dais at the far end of the room to serve as a stage. There were no chairs up there, only a lone microphone strategically placed in the cen
ter. I didn’t see Kain yet, but I knew we would walk up there together.
Politely pushing through the crowd, I made my way to the side of the room and toward the awaiting party. Kain, his mother, my mother, and a few other important political clan members were lined up and talking amongst themselves. Kain’s mother tried to smooth down his hair and he kept pulling away and swatting at her hand. I smiled at that scene and when he caught my eye, he grinned and shook his head. Nothing like your mother doting over you before the most important day of your life.
“It looks fine,” I whispered as I slid in next to his side. He still fiddled with it as a regal old man took the stage and began speaking. In just a few moments, we were called to the platform and the ceremony began.
There was a formal agenda to follow that my mother had actually briefed me on. Basically, my role was to stand in the back and smile. There was nothing for me to say and nothing for me to do until the end when I’d be asked to pin the shield on Kain.
My hands shook when I picked up the small ornate broach off of the pillow the old man held out to me. I wasn’t sure if it was due to the fact that a whole bunch of people had their attention focused on me, or because the shield seemed to pulse with electricity. I’d never touched a valuable clan item before and although I’d heard stories about them being charmed with merfolk magic, I always thought that was a fairy tale.
But this shield seemed to radiate energy. It trickled through my fingers and up my arms as I looked at it in awe. Kain quietly cleared his throat, bringing me back to the present and encouraging me to continue with the task. I smiled up at him and took a step forward.
The shield didn’t have a clasp or a pin and after a brief stir of panic rushed through me, I remembered that it should adhere to the leader without any physical attachments. A sign of our magic and birthright, a shield will only adjoin with its rightful owner. I lifted my hands and held out the broach near an area on Kain’s upper left chest, just above his heart. In an instant, the shield literally jumped from my hands to land on his body. He took in a deep, shuddering breath, closed his eyes, and froze.
The room fell silent. Not even the rotating ceiling fans seemed to make a noise. Everyone watched. Waited. I jumped when Kain suddenly let out a sigh and opened his eyes. He grabbed my hand and squeezed, using me for support in front of everyone. His grip was intense, but a few seconds later he released some of that tension and kept a hold of my hand. I moved to his side so that my back wouldn’t face the curious crowd anymore.
“It is done,” the old man declared. “I give you Kain Harlan Matthew, leader of the Matthew Clan and Protector of All.”
Kain stepped forward, pulling me along with him by my hand. The room erupted in cheer and a few of our friends in the back of the room whistled loudly with delight.
“That was intense,” Kain whispered through his smile.
I looked at him, questioning his comment, but he never had a chance to explain further. A round of sitting sessions occurred next so there would be an official portrait of the ceremony and of Kain. It would hang in all of the Matthew Clan houses as well as any official political building. The remainder of the day seemed to pass in a blur and once darkness came, we finally had a chance to relax and unwind.
Our friends started a bon fire down at the beach. After exchanging the formal gown for a pair of jeans and a sweater, I took out my hair and walked downstairs to go join them. Kain met me in the kitchen, already free of his official attire except for the gold shield still attached to his chest.
“Why did you do that?” I asked pointing to the broach. I didn’t think that he’d have to wear it all night. He looked down at it awkwardly while pulling his shirt away from his body.
“I don’t know. It was like I couldn’t leave the room until it attached to me again.” He shook his head and laughed. “Freaky stuff.”
“Yeah, no kidding. Wouldn’t it be nice if our elders would enlighten us about more things?”
“Agreed,” he said as we walked through the doors, down our large deck, and toward the beach. The cool and crisp night brushed against my skin, and the smell of smoke and burning driftwood filled my senses. It was just after nine but from the sounds of laughter and chortling coming from the bon fire crowd, it seemed as though the night had just begun.
With that thought, my heart froze. This would be the last time I’d set foot on my beach. The last time I’d see my friends. The last time I’d see Kain before breaking his heart. Once again, the guilt stomped down to smother my excitement and I stopped walking.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“Nothing,” I said a little too sharply. I really didn’t know what excuse to use. He gave me a look and I shook my head. “Really, it’s nothing.”
He moved his body in front of mine, effectively blocking the pathway to the fire and our friends. “Listen, I know that you’re not thrilled about the wedding tomorrow, but I promise you that I’ll do what I can to make you happy.” He grabbed my hands and pulled them to his chest. “I want us to be partners in this, Eviana. I won’t keep you in the dark like your mother. I won’t force you to stop seeing Brendan.” I dropped my head, weighed down by my heavy conscience with the mention of Brendan’s name. “We can do this.”
“I know,” I whispered without making eye contact.
“Eviana, look at me,” Kain demanded. I lifted my head and hoped he wouldn’t comment on my glistening eyes. “Please know that I’ll do anything for you. Be anything for you. All you have to do is ask.”
I’d never understand why Kain continued to place me on a pedestal and hold me in such high regards. It was clear that he was in love with me, and I suppose that a part of me deeply cared for him as well. But I didn’t deserve his affection or his attention. And he certainly didn’t deserve the pain and humiliation he would face tomorrow morning when I was gone. I frantically wished there was some way I could tell him or warn him. But I knew I couldn’t and that fact cut through my bones like a knife.
“You’re a good man, Kain.” The words flowed without a filter now. “Please know that. And if something were to happen to me, I want you to find someone else and be happy with them. Don’t mourn me. Don’t hate me. Just live your life.”
“Why would I hate you?” His brows pinched in concern.
“Just promise me that you’ll live and move on. Please!” I squeezed his hands harder and pulled them against my body. Escaped tears rolled down my cheeks, adding authenticity to my plea.
Kain leaned forward and kissed my forehead. “Okay. I promise. Now stop crying.” He tried to tease me, but his voice sounded strained. I took a deep breath and sighed.
“Thank you,” I breathed, but the remorse and fear of his impending pain and heartbreak still stirred around at the surface of my skin. I looked up at Kain to see him studying my behavior. So much for playing along and keeping my cool. To distract him, I let go of our entwined hands and wrapped my arm around his waist, pulling him toward our friends. “Let’s go. They’re probably waiting for us.”
It took a few tugs but Kain finally began walking with me. He slipped his arm over my shoulder and we approached the orange fire ball. Shadows from the flames cut throughout the collection of mermaids sitting next to each other in a semicircle facing the ocean. We found an empty spot in the sand at the edge of the group, and I sat down while Kain walked to the other side to greet Vance and Daniel.
My sister’s annoying voice squawked out a laugh and I almost told her to go home. But then I thought about it some more. She should be here to represent our family, because in just a few hours, I’d be leaving. I didn’t know what would happen to me in regards to clan politics, but at least they’d still have one Dumahl left that everyone could count on.
“What’s going on with you?” a smooth, silky voice asked. I hadn’t noticed anyone sitting next to me.
“Huh?”
Carissa threw back her head and laughed. “Very eloquent, Eviana.” Her longs legs folded undernea
th her and she held some sort of drink in her hand. “You’re going to be the wife of a clan leader tomorrow. Better get all of the one syllable words out tonight.”
I think she was toying with me, but it still sounded kind of rude. Choosing to ignore my glare, she continued to press.
“I saw your exchange back there.” She jerked her head behind us toward the place where Kain and I had stopped.
“And?”
“And I wanted to see if everything was okay with you two. Is someone getting cold feet?” Her shoulder pushed against mine and I tried to pull out a smile.
“No. Everything’s fine.”
Carissa sat and stared at me for at least half a minute before shaking her head. “You’re lying.”
“No I’m not.”
“You are. I know.”
I looked at her with curiosity. She said that like it was a fact. Like she really could declare when someone lied and when someone told the truth. “There’s something going on with you.”
I didn’t like the way this conversation was going, so I decided for a distraction. Maybe a partial truth would keep her busy? “I’m nervous. I’m going to be a child bride.”
She laughed again and the serious look she’d been giving me disappeared. “That’s not all that’s bugging you, but it’s a start. You’ll be eighteen in no time.” She waved her hand at me. “Besides, seventeen was practically middle-aged back in the day.”
“Yeah, like a hundred years ago,” I said with a groan, getting another chuckle out of her.
“What’s so funny?” Lily cut in with authentic curiosity.
“Oh, just talking girl stuff,” Carissa replied. When Lily looked at her questioningly, she continued in a friendlier tone. “We’re discussing her upcoming nuptials.”
“Oh! I’m so excited for you!” Lily exclaimed and plunked down in front of us. “Tell me about your dress. Who’s doing your hair? Are you going on a honeymoon?”
And so went the rest of my evening. Brendan would be proud of me. I spoke of the wedding with ease, swallowing the ball of guilt each time it tried to escape. For several hours, all of our friends talked, laughed, and shared stories about Cotillion and how Kain would never have to go again. He played along, although I sensed his unease when the topic broached his father’s death. No one spoke of it outright, but whenever his new leadership was mentioned, it became an unspoken link to his father’s legacy.
By midnight, we doused the fire and returned to my house. Everyone said their goodbyes, but mine were pierced with the reality that I wouldn’t see any of them again. Brendan and I would be safer if we cut all ties from our current lives. Besides, once they realized what I’d done to Kain and our families, I doubted any of my friends would ever want to speak to me again.
Surprisingly, saying goodbye to Carissa was hard. She’d spent the entire evening by my side, refereeing Lily and Brinsley and changing the subject when she sensed that I felt uncomfortable.
“Whatever it is, I hope that you’re sure,” she said to me as we hugged goodbye. I jerked back in surprise but she walked away before I could ask.
“She’s an interesting one,” Kain said from behind me.
I turned and looked at him. “What do you mean?”
“Carissa. I can’t quite figure her out,” he said while staring after her retreating form.
“That makes two of us,” I mumbled back.
He shrugged and stepped toward me. “I’m going to go too. We have a big day tomorrow.” His mouth curved up in a grin and I had to return it. He stood there with his heart on his sleeve again. I wrapped my arms around his solid body and rested my head against his chest. The steady beating of his heart soothed me like a lullaby and suddenly I didn’t want to let go.
He rubbed his hands against my back in a calming motion and we swayed back and forth. Neither of us said anything for a long time. In fact, I began to get sleepy because his presence relaxed me. When he pulled away, the angry ball of shame clawed around in my stomach again.
“I’ll see you in the morning, Eviana. Sleep well.”
He kissed me quickly on the mouth and then walked out the door. I didn’t say anything. Didn’t do anything. I let him walk away knowing his world would change tomorrow. He’d face humiliation and embarrassment, and worst of all, he’d hate me. I stood there, with my hand on the door, watching him walk out of my life permanently.
“Goodbye, Kain,” I whispered and closed the door with a click.
