by Ryan Michele
“No!” She blushes, realizing how loud she yelled the word. “No, I mean.” She settles quieter.
Carsyn makes me smile. Those sweet blushes when her cheeks look like she’s been in the sun all day. She’s cute, fucking adorable. “Right. In order for you to be right here in my arms, you did what you had to do.”
“How did you know where I was?”
“Well it’s not from you using your damn phone, that’s for sure.”
Her eyes cast down. “I didn’t want you to have to deal with my shit. It’s so much that I can’t even carry it half the time.”
Finger under her chin, I lift her gaze to mine her lips so close the smell of mint comes off of them. “No more, Carsyn. Let me help you. I want you back in Sumner with me at the clubhouse.”
“But…” she starts with worry lines creasing her delicate face. Placing my finger on her lips she stops, but her eyes narrow a bit showing me that backbone once again.
“No more buts. Buck’s still out there, and it’s not safe. I’ll keep you that way. And I…” My words don’t come out, and her hand comes to my arm comforting me. “I missed you.”
A small smile greets me. “I missed you too.” She wastes no time wrapping herself around me tight once again.
Whatever this is, this feeling inside of me, I don’t want to let it go. Having her next to me brings on this sense of completeness. It’s strange, but I’m holding on to it. At least as long as she’ll let me. While everything inside me is screaming to just take her and make her mine, no fucking way am I going to be Buck. She has choices and after I take care of that prick, she’ll be free.
Ten minutes later we’re sitting in a small Podunk greasy spoon. Carsyn is shaking, and I pull her close and wrap my arm around her, giving her support. The last time she was around a big group of men, it didn’t end well for her. I get her shyness, but it’s my job to make her comfortable.
“Nice ink,” Cooper says to Carsyn. At first, she stiffens, then ever so slowly her shoulders begin to relax. Leave it to my brother to break the ice. Love that man.
“Have you seen the butterflies?” I ask, loving those damn things. This time there will be nothing that will harm her, ever. No need to get another if she chooses.
“I kinda have a thing for them,” Carsyn says quietly.
“Let’s see,” Deke adds in, becoming part of the conversation. I knew my brothers would welcome her with open arms, but here, this—they aren’t going full bore with her. Instead going gentle and calm.
Carsyn pushes back slightly in her chair and holds her leg out showing off the now ten butterflies.
“You got another one?” I ask and she smiles, knocking me on my ass.
“Yeah.”
“Red and black… nice,” Jacks tosses in, and I take a closer look. Hell, all the guys get up from their chairs to look, but stay far enough away that she doesn’t tense.
Red and black. Butterfly after we met. Could that be a butterfly for me? My insides warm. I reach over and pull her to me, kissing the top of her head.
She may not tell me now, but she will tell me. It’s one thing I have to know.
And fuck me, I want to be right on this one.
24
Carsyn
We walk back to the hotel, Nox’s arm around my shoulders holding me close, his heat warming me. He hasn’t taken it off since we sat down, and I’m grateful for it. While I know his brothers would never hurt me because I have that trust in Nox, it helped in that I didn’t think of the times when being with that many men hurt. When their smiles came with ease and the teasing tone they obviously have, it helped me to settle down a bit.
Green is intense. It’s a quiet type, like he’ll take anyone out and they won’t even know it happened. Since I’ve met him before it helped.
Jacks is his own brand of dangerous. When his gaze lands on you, it takes your breath away. Like he’ll rip someone’s head off their body in a second just for looking at him wrong.
Ryker is a nut, and it surprises me that he’s with Austyn in that he’s a teaser. But, what do I know, I haven’t seen Austyn since I was fifteen-years-old; change is what we’ve all done.
Deke. Holy motherfucking shit. Deke. That man I would not want to piss off in any way, shape, or form. He could crush anyone with just a damn look. I caught him several times with a smile tipping his lip, relaxing the features on his face, and even that was scary.
Cooper is an older version of Nox, but different too. Their personalities are similar from what I can gather, but Cooper seems wiser in a way, like he’s been around the block a few too many times. He also loves to give his baby brother shit.
All of them together—holy hell, it was hard to talk, but I tried. Intimidation is not even the word for it, but they were cool allowing me to relax a bit.
Now, we lay on the bed with only the television playing, shining its light in strobes across the room. My head rests on Nox’s chest as he breathes in and out in a calming rhythm. The sounds of his heartbeat are a lullaby. His fingers draw small circles on my shoulder sending shocks and tingles through me.
Safe. Comfortable. Protected. Those are exactly the emotions running through me. But I don’t know what this is. He says I’m going back with him to the clubhouse, but what after that? Just because he missed me doesn’t mean he wants me to be with him permanently.
So many questions roll through me. What do I do after we get to the clubhouse? Where am I going to live because Buck isn’t going to give up on me? Why would I bring all my shit down on the club? Why would Nox even want to put himself in that situation?
Everything twists and turns inside of me. I guess right now, I just need to take one day at a time. ODAT, as my mother would call it. She was wise, teaching me things even at a young age. Damn, I miss her and wonder what she’d tell me to do in this situation. Would she be proud I held my ground today, or disappointed I took someone’s life? While Nox is right, it was them or me, it still is painful. Big Jim’s opened dead eyes staring back at me will haunt me for a while.
“You’re thinkin’ awfully hard there. Care to share?”
No, I don’t, but since it’s Nox, I will. “Just trying to piece my life together.”
“Tell me about Nashville.”
I shift and look up at him, his shimmering brown eyes captivating me. “How’d you know I was there?”
A cocky grin graces his lips, and it is the sexiest thing. “Had my sister do some tracking and found you got a job there.”
School girl giddiness makes my smile appear. He looked me up. He gave a shit even when I didn’t know. He was taking my back even though I pushed him away. “Yeah. I really liked it there. I made a friend, had a good job, and felt safe. That was until…”
“What spooked you enough to take off to St. Louis?”
Shivers go down my spine, not wanting to remember but unable to forget. “Butterflies,” I whisper.
“What about them?”
I rest my head on his chest and speak like not looking at his face will lessen the blow. “I went to the grocery store and when I came back my room was trashed. It freaked me out, but not as much as the tub filled with dead butterflies did.”
“You’re shittin’ me?”
My head shakes as I look up into his brown depths, feeling anger coming from him. “But what I don’t understand is that if Buck found me, why he didn’t stay in my room and take me then. Why let me leave and make my way across states? It doesn’t make sense.”
“People do fucked up shit. You know that better than anyone. We’ll figure out what’s goin’ on.” He kisses the top of my head, and flutters occur in my chest. I love when he does that. It’s such a simple gesture, but it means so damn much.
“Yeah,” I whisper, placing my hand on his chest and feeling the hardness beneath. My body lights up. It’s him. Only him who does it to me.
“Tell me about the red and black butterfly,” he asks and a slow smile crosses my face. He’ll be the only one I tell t
his secret. It’s only his and mine to share.
“Red and black for Ravage.” I bend down and move so he can see the tattoo clearly. “Do you see anything inside?”
He sits up and looks, his finger tracing the lines, and my heart melts. I never thought I’d have the opportunity to feel his hands on me again and touching the tattoo, the one I got just for him, is taking my breath away.
“Nope. Just lots of lines, beautiful shading, and the 3D is spot on.”
“Yeah, it’s perfect.”
“Wanna tell me why I was lookin’ for something inside of it?”
Slowly, my index finger traces the invisible letter N, and Nox watches with avid fascination. “I wanted you to always be with me.”
“Fuck,” he groans.
Not asking him, I lift up and place my lips on his needing to feel the softness of him again, needing that connection. The fire burns inside as he deepens the kiss and I straddle him, his hands coming to the sides of my face—another thing I love about him. Small acts like this one make me feel special and unique as if I’m the only woman in the world he’s given this to. It’s a euphoria in and of itself. A feeling I don’t want to go away, ever.
My body is so needy and primed for him. All the dreams from the past few months slam into me, making my libido fill with yearning, need.
He doesn’t pull away, so I take that as a good sign I didn’t fuck everything up between us. He hasn’t seen me in months and for me to just jump on him like this, when I would never do something like it, filled me with apprehension. I could’ve read him wrong when he found me. But as he takes my mouth, he wants it just as much as I do. Then everything disappears except for him and me and this moment.
Resting my body on his, his hard length presses against my core and my hips begin move in time with his kisses, loving the friction between us.
He twists and tosses me to the bed, releasing me, stripping of his shirt, and coming down on me once more and attaching our lips. His warmth surrounds me, encompassing me in his strength.
Our hands roam each other, his coming up my shirt and sliding against my skin causing goose bumps in its wake, taking my shirt with it all the way up and off.
My nipples pebble against the cold air of the room and each time he moves, brushing them, I feel it in my core.
His lips leave mine and make a trail down my body, to each breast and my torso. When he lifts, the most gorgeous smile comes from him making me feel like all of him is just for me. Damn, I want that. So much.
Nox sheds his clothes then mine, grabs a condom from his wallet, and sheaths himself before falling down on top of me.
“Are you okay?” he asks, making my heart, already goo, melt further.
“Yeah. I’m always okay with you.”
His response is another searing kiss as his cock rubs at my clit. He falls down to his elbows and looks down at me, watching to make sure I really am okay. I wasn’t lying. With him, nothing else exists now. I’ve been without him for so long, and I know what that’s like; this means the world to me. He means the world to me.
He slips inside of me, filling me up, his eyes never leaving mine with each glide. There’s so much swarming in those eyes, and hope blooms inside of me.
Hope that this won’t end.
But just as soon as those thoughts hit, so do the ones of Buck and how he’s still out there.
“Hey. What was that?” he asks, fully inside of me but not moving.
Shaking my head, he doesn’t take that as an answer. “Talk to me, Carsyn. That’s what this is. We talk and work through shit.”
I can’t tell him what I was thinking. It’ll ruin everything, and I’ve been waiting for this moment in his arms for so long. I can’t do that. But I also can’t lie to him. That’s one thing between Nox and I that I’ll never break because if I do, it will sever one of the lines between us and that can’t happen.
“Buck just came to mind.”
“Why?”
My hands come up and clasp the sides of his face, like he does to me all the time, feeling the heat. “This means too much, Nox. You mean too much. I’m scared he’ll take it away.”
“Never. That fucker has nothing to do with us, ever. I’ll make sure he never has anything to do with you.” His words come out like a vow, and the fear of him getting hurt tears at my insides. Nox can never be hurt because of me. Ever.
“Whatever that was…” he starts again. “Get it out of your head. It’s only me and you in this bed.” Nox clasps my hand and pulls it down his body, landing on where his cock is entering me. “This is all you have to think about.”
Tears spring to my eyes because I feel it. The connection. The hunger. The everything. A smile comes to my face as tears fill my eyes. Only then does Nox move, starting slow and steady.
He pulls my hand back up and laces his fingers through each of them, holding them at the side of my head.
It’s a romantic gesture, one of keeping me close and showing me exactly what I mean to him. It’s deep and beautiful.
The orgasm comes in a low coil and springs to life, burning like wildfire hitting me from every angle.
“Give it to me, gorgeous.”
At his words, it explodes inside of me in a way that doesn’t stop and even when Nox stills inside of me, my orgasm continues to burn.
My breaths are hard to find and when my eyes open once again, his are on mine, intense, and that connection between us grows stronger, almost like live wires pulling us together.
It’s both beautiful and scary as hell.
Having something and losing it once was horrible. Doing that again, will destroy me.
**
The drive back to Sumner is entirely too short. If I could’ve made time slow to a snail’s pace, I would’ve. Passing the city limits, my nerves begin causing a fit. After leaving here, I never thought I’d be coming back, yet here I am and going into another clubhouse.
I want to trust the Ravage MC the way Nox does, but it’s hard after the life I’ve led. I do trust him, though, so I need to tap down that fear. Grown women are not supposed to have this fear every time they turn around. That feeling is utterly exhausting, sucking every bit of life out of me. I’m tired of it.
We pull onto a street and a large gate begins to slide open displaying a vast open space. We ride inside and park off to the left where other bikes are and stop.
This place is so much bigger than Buck’s. There’s a huge shop off to the right side, Banner Automotive, and a large grass area with a gigantic playground that any kid would fall in love with. Off to the side of that is a huge building that’s probably three times the size of Buck’s and made of cinderblocks.
Men and women are out mingling around, but their focus comes to us. It doesn’t seem like a party, at least not ones I’m used to. This one seems more like a gathering of some kind. Strange how I can tell the difference.
Lifting my leg, I hop off the ride, waiting for Nox and taking off my helmet. Jitters surround me shaking me. What if they don’t like me? What if they tell me to leave? Where am I going to go? What if they think Nox is too good for me and I’m ruining his life. I’m already too close to Buck as it is and if I have to disappear again, it’s like starting over from scratch.
Several women start running toward us, making my chest tight. It isn’t until each of them runs into the arms of the men around me that I realize these are their woman.
Instinctively, my eyes go to Ryker and suck in a deep breath. Austyn turned out more beautiful than she ever was in school. Her dark hair falls down in a silky stream, and the look of joy on her face at seeing her man lights her up.
Me… I look nothing like her. She’s well put together. Me, I’m a mess. My life is nothing like what she lived growing up with a family who loves her and protects her with everything in them.
The other women are just as beautiful and put together. They won’t like me, and I already know I’m not good enough for Nox.
Embarrassment washes o
ver me and my feet falter, but Nox is there to catch me.
“Relax. Everyone here is good,” he whispers in my ear as I nod, still freaked out.
Austyn is the first to approach with a wide smile and eyes darting between me and her brother. “Hi. I’m Austyn. Not sure if you remember me, but I’m his”—she points to Nox—“younger and nicer sister.”
“You’re only a minute and forty seconds younger,” Nox says on a smile.
“And that means I’m younger,” she says, her focus coming back to me.
“Hi, yes. I remember you.”
“Let me introduce you to everyone.”
Nox stays by my side as I’m introduced to Bristyl, Rylie, Leah, Rylynn and Emery. All very attractive women who seem nice enough and they don’t crowd me, giving me space to breathe. Nox more than likely told them this, but that’s fine with me. It helps. A lot.
As we move closer to the grassy area, my feet stop moving when a very scary man stands with his arms crossed and this look on his face like he’ll smash me into the ground and no one will ever fine me. My heart picks up as his eyes narrow on me. He’s going to hurt me. He already can’t stand the sight of me, and I just got here.
Shit.
I pull my hand out of Nox’s and take a step back. His head swings around to me. “What’s wrong?”
But I can’t talk, my words are lodged in my throat. Nox turns and follows my view, then he stands in front of me, blocking it.
“That’s Rhys. He’s a bit intimidating to newcomers, but he’s good.”
“He doesn’t like me,” I whisper, hating this fear pounding out of me. “He hates me.”
Nox rubs his hands up and down my arms reassuringly, but it doesn’t help much as my body starts to tremble. Fuck.
“Dig in deep, Carsyn, and breathe. He’s been through shit lately so he’s extra asshole right now, but it’s not about you.”
Nox turns around to Rhys and yells, “Can you stop fuckin’ scarin’ the shit out of her?”
Slowly, I creep around Nox’s body to see the large man release his arms as a girl with blonde hair runs up to him. She says something to him and he picks her up with ease, a smile coming across his hard face as he hugs her close and kisses her cheek. She has to be around ten or so, but that doesn’t stop him one bit.
