by Ryan Michele
Nox comes back to me. “That’s his little girl, Mazie. Come on.”
He obviously loves the girl, but that means nothing to me. Doing what Nox says, I dig in deep and pull out some of that strength I’d found the day before, and Nox leads me over to him.
“Rhys, this is Carsyn.”
His sharp eyes narrow on me then calm in a flash, catching me totally off guard. He holds out his hand, “Hey. I’m Rhys.”
Looking to Nox, then steeling myself, I slip my hand into his rough calloused one. He doesn’t hold it too tight, but it’s firm and he shakes it softly. Hell, I didn’t think anything was really soft about him. He releases me.
“I’m Mazie!” the girl in his arms says, excited and full of energy.
“Hi, Mazie. I’m Carsyn,” I say, giving her a little wave. Being around kids hasn’t happened in a long ass time.
She smiles bright. “You’re pretty.”
A blush comes to my cheeks. “Not as beautiful as you.”
She laughs. “My daddy says that all the time.”
Just then a boy a little older than Mazie saunters over. Yes. Saunters, with a swag that in a few years is going to knock some girls on their butts.
“Baby,” he says, glaring at Mazie.
She turns to her father as he says, “Boy.”
“Daddy, put me down.” Rhys does slowly but watches his daughter and this little boy intently. The boy doesn’t seem fazed by him, surprisingly. The little boy has light brown hair that’s a bit longer but not touching his shoulders.
Mazie marches up to him, and they’re eye to eye. Her hands go to her hips. “Booker! Shut up!”
“No. You’re a baby and you know it.”
Mazie takes a step forward, crowding him, but Booker doesn’t back down.
“You’re a jerk,” she spits.
“That’s the best you’ve got?” He smirks at Mazie.
She doesn’t take it, lifting both hands and pushes him hard with them. So hard he stumbles back a bit, then starts to charge forward. I’m impressed with Mazie because she doesn’t flinch or run.
“That’s enough,” Rhys says, grabbing Booker by the back of the shirt. “You wanna do this shit, I’ll pound your ass.” Rhys picks the kid up off the ground, his feet in air. “Stay the fuck away from my girl.”
Rhys lets his hand go, but not before tossing him a bit. Booker dusts off his pants, glares at Mazie, then turns to leave.
“A match made in paradise,” I murmur to Nox, who laughs.
“Little shit needs to stay away from my girl,” Rhys rumbles as Mazie takes off in the opposite direction. “I’ll end up pounding his ass soon it seems.”
“You’re screwed, my man,” Nox says, slapping his hand on Rhys’ shoulder.
Rhys shakes his head. “Fuck, if I don’t know it.” Rhys takes off just as an older, beautiful woman with dark hair with red streaks comes up to us. The man standing next to her is an older, wiser, and bigger version of Nox. His parents.
I’d never met them in school. There was never any need to, but seeing them now—they’re a powerhouse couple, and I can tell that just from the vibes they give off.
Nox steps away from me and hugs his mom, then the one-armed handshake hug thing men do to his father. He steps back to me, putting his arm around my shoulders.
“Carsyn, this is my mom, Princess, and dad, Cruz. Mom, Dad, this is Carsyn.”
Princess’ eyes are assessing, digging into my brain and pulling out every secret, hope, and nightmare I’ve ever had in my life just from her gaze. It’s freaking me out, but I don’t release my gaze because something inside of me is telling me not to. Something is telling me that I need to pass whatever this is or I’ll be leaving in the next few minutes.
After a long few moments, Cruz steps forward and holds out his hand as I release my gaze from Princess. I take it. “Nice to meet you,” he says softly.
“Thanks. Same.” He releases me, stepping back, my attention going back to Nox’s mom. She hasn’t moved an inch from her spot, but I don’t fidget. Where I find this determination from, hell if I know, but I do it.
Finally, what feels like forever, Princess steps forward holding out her hand, and I take it as she shakes. “Welcome to our home.”
She releases me, nods to Nox and Cruz, and walks off.
“Don’t mind her,” Cruz says on a chuckle. “She’s just pissed at me.”
“What’d ya do now, Dad?”
Cruz eyes his son. “You really don’t want to know.”
“Yeah. Probably not.”
That is how the day goes. Introductions. Food. Music. Lots of people and kids. But one thing that is absent after a while—fear. It seems to have vanished.
Several hours later, I’m sitting outside on a picnic table with Nox looking up at the night sky when Princess comes up to the table. “Give me a bit,” she says to Nox, but he doesn’t move.
“If you’re gonna scare the shit out of her, then no. I’m not going anywhere.”
A small smile tips her lips. “So protective.”
“Damn straight. She’s been through enough.”
My head turns, not wanting to hear that. Pity. No one ever wants people to pity them, and those words feel like it.
“I’m just gonna talk to her, Nox. Go.”
I’m caught. If I grab Nox’s arm, he’ll stay because he’ll know I’m scared. But I can’t show her that. She’s a strong woman. I’ve watched all night how men and women really respect her. So I won’t do that.
“It’s good, Nox,” I say softly. He looks into my eyes then nods, moving to his mother.
“Be good.”
Princess laughs full out. “You’re tellin’ me to be good?”
“Yeah,” he says on a smile and walks into the clubhouse.
Princess takes a seat beside me, beer in her hand, holding it by the neck loosely. She doesn’t talk and the silence is killing me. It’s like waiting for a boom from a firework, but it doesn’t come. Then, when you’re not looking, it explodes and makes you jump out of your skin.
“My boy cares about you,” she starts. “Somethin’s been off with him the past few months. He’s been him, but not.” She turns fully to me. “Now I can see why.”
I suck in deep, not sure exactly where this is going.
“Why didn’t you come back with him the first time?” she asks straight out.
I clasp my hands in my lap trying to stop the fidgeting. “Because I didn’t want him involved with all the crap that is my life. He did enough for me just by getting me out. No way was I going to put my past on his doorstep.”
“But you did.”
My head shoots to hers. “It was taken care of, but now you’re here.”
“Yeah. I didn’t want this.”
Her hand comes to my knee, that I notice is bouncing rapidly, stilling it. “I know that. Know where you come from. Know what you’ve dealt with.”
Nox told her? Damn. Not that I would’ve, but hell. Everyone is going to know how I’ve lived my life, and that sucks. She removes her hand.
“Cooper told us how you took care of those guys.” I grip my hands together tightly. “That took a lot of strength. I’ll tell you the same thing I’ve told others. Scars on the outside heal, but it’s the ones on the inside that tear us up, feeding and festering. It’s the past that holds us back to a great future. You got out. Wear that shit like a badge of honor.”
Sucking in a deep breath, her words sink in, but I don’t know what to say. Sometimes the scars are so deep that no matter what, you never get over them. While, I’d love too, I don’t know if that’s in my future. One can hope.
“It’s hard,” I whisper, not realizing I said it till after it’s out.
She carries on as if she expected me to say it. “Know that. Nothin’ in life is ever easy. You take the good with the bad and make sure the good outweighs the shit. We never have a plan in life because shit happens, taking us on different paths. But happiness is out there.”
<
br /> “He’ll find me.”
“And I’ll cut his balls off.”
My head jerks up, and a sinister smile comes over her face. “What?”
“I catch that sonuvabitch, I’m cutting his balls off and shovin’ them down his damn throat. He’s a piece of shit and in no way a man.”
She stands up and says bizarrely, “Nine AM in the gym. Meet ya there,” then walks away.
What the hell just happened? This place is nothing like the Rangers. The men don’t leer at me and the woman actually talk to me, unlike with the Rangers where they treat me like I’m nonresistant.
All of this is overwhelming, and I feel my legs tremble.
What have I gotten myself into this time?
25
Nox
Carsyn’s lips wrap around my cock providing just the right amount of suction, driving me fucking crazy. It’s more to do with the fact that her confidence is coming through. The way she looks up at me with hooded eyes gauging my reactions. Or the way those soft smiles tip the sides of her lips when I can’t hold back and arch my back, pushing my cock further inside of her.
God, this woman.
My balls pull up ready to explode. I curl up, grabbing Carsyn under her arms and hauling her on top of me. Reaching over to the nightstand, I grab a condom and put it on, then plant myself deep inside her warm heat.
“Ride me.”
That sexy glint comes to her eyes as she uses her knees and begins to push up and down. She squeezes her muscles down there, and I almost come. My head goes back, my hands on her hips as she moves steadily, then rolls her hips, her breaths turning into pants.
Her hands on my chest sear me. Then she does some opposite roll thing and screams out my name.
“Fuck, Carsyn!” I growl, spilling inside of her. Her smile lights up the room as she falls beside of me. Fuck, she’s beautiful.
We lay there in my room at the clubhouse, out of breath and dog ass tired. The day just didn’t want to end, like it was gripping us in its web. Carsyn held up throughout meeting all of my brothers and their ol’ ladies. She even helped prepare dinner with my mom.
While she’s not completely comfortable, she’s at least a bit and I like that. My family is unorthodox, but it is a family. One I love dearly. The fact that she gets along with everyone is perfect.
“Can I ask you something?” Carsyn says from my chest.
“Of course.”
“Who’s Dagger? I overheard his name a few times, but didn’t meet him. Is he not here?”
My gut twists remembering his bike and the sounds. Fuck. “He’s a brother of mine. He died recently in a bike accident. The woman in the wheelchair, Mearna, that was his ol’ lady.”
“I’m so sorry,” she whispers, looking up at me with all the compassion in the world. Fuck, I love that.
“Me too. Fuckin’ car came out of nowhere and slammed into his bike, tossin’ him and his woman off. He was brain dead, but gave his liver to his wife and saved her life.” My words shake with the fury coursing through my veins as that day replays.
“Wow. That’s a wonderful gift he was able to give her.”
My arm squeezes around her. “Yeah. It is.”
“Do you know who did it?”
A huff of air escapes. “Not yet. All that was left behind was a Pontiac Bonneville. No one in it. No tags. Nothing. It’s wind.”
“Wind?”
“Blowin’ in the wind. Ghost. Nothin’. The car was impounded when no one claimed it.” My eyes shut as the accident replays in my mind, watching Dagger flip and fall. His bones cracking and Tanner’s screams. All of it killing me because we haven’t found Dagger his justice.
She stills for a moment. “What color was the car?”
“Green.”
“Oh my God,” she whispers, and I pull her face up to mine.
“What?”
“I…” she pauses as my heart starts hammering in my chest.
“What, Carsyn? Do you know the car?”
Her body starts to shake, and she can’t meet my eyes. This is too important, so I move her so we can look at each other. “Talk.”
“Big Jim. He has a car like that. Only uses it when it’s raining. That means…”
“Fuck me. The fuckin’ Rangers.”
Anger flows up, the kind that pumps you up so damn much you want to burst everywhere. I roll off and out of bed, throwing my jeans on.
“Where are you going?” she asks, and I can hear the fear once again.
“You’re fine, Carsyn. Not pissed at you. But if this shit is true, then Buck took out one of my brother’s and that fucker will pay.”
I lean down, giving her a soft kiss. “Gotta go. Stay here. I’ll lock the door on the way out. You sleep.”
“I’m sorry.”
I should stay and comfort her, but I don’t have fucking time. This shit needs to be handled and quick.
“Gotta go.” And I’m gone out the door and down the hallway.
**
“I’m drunk, and my pussy is in my room. Why the fuck am I up?” Ryker growls, coming into church. It’s going on daylight, and some of the guys haven’t been to sleep yet.
“Sit,” my father barks from the top of the table. Ryker gets his tone, stifles a yawn, and sits as Rhys comes in slamming the doors and standing with his hands over his chest. He’s pissed, and he needs this play.
He knows what I’m going to say, I can feel it through the anger pulsating off him; his eyes telling me I’m fucking in for it.
I do too.
Guilt is a horrid gonorrhea-laced bitch and right now, it’s taking everything I have to focus on what needs to be done to find my brother’s murder.
“Nox, talk,” my father barks. GT and Coop sit at either side of my father while the other brothers are all around. The room is large and smells of history.
Two seats are empty. One is Rhys’… the other is Dagger’s. Sharp pain pierces my heart. Fuck.
Buzz’s computer hums in the room, the silence deafening.
Sucking in a deep breath, I lay it out. “Talked to Carsyn, and she says the Bonneville could’ve belonged to Big Jim from the Rangers.”
“The prick she killed.”
“Yeah.”
“Are you fuckin’ tellin’ me that because you were a little bitch and wanted to sneak out your pussy, Dagger is dead?” Rhys roars, stepping forward with only the table separating us. His wrath is felt around the room, and I can’t blame him. If this shit is true, I let down my entire club.
“Could be,” I answer honestly, not backing down and letting the men in the room focus their anger on me.
“You little shit,” Rhys growls, jumping across the table. My head cocks just as Rhys’ fist comes only inches away. Chairs fly to the floor in crashes along with the grunts from GT, Breaker, Deke and Cooper trying to hold Rhys back.
Fuck.
I swipe my hand over my face letting everything sink into me, crushing and slicing me.
“Stop!” my father barks to the entire room. It takes a bit, but Rhys gets himself under control, shrugging off the men around him. “We don’t have the fuckin’ facts yet. Until we do, stand down.”
I’ll take it. His anger. His pain. I feel it too. If this is on me, I deserve what he wants to dish out.
“Can’t promise that, Prez,” Rhys tells him.
“You can and you will,” my father orders.
Rhys just shakes his head telling me that if he gets me alone, he’s pounding the shit out of me. The guilt on my shoulders weighs me down, and I’d much rather get the pounding he intends than feel this way.
I killed my brother, and living with that… I don’t know how. It is a huge mark on my soul that will never disappear. No matter how many years that pass, it will always be there festering. With the way the brothers are looking at me right now, Rhys is looking at me, shame is all I feel. Helping Carsyn was the right thing to do, that I can’t deny. But my actions have consequences, ones that will make living
with them impossible.
My father sits back down at the head of the table and begins to bark orders out at everyone. Buzz is on computers. Deke, Green, Jacks and I are on recon. Coop, Ryker, and Breaker are setting up ears inside Buck’s place. Tug, Rhys, and GT are on ears once the others get them in place.
We’re all on Buck lookout while doing our other jobs.
“We need to find out where Big Jim lived and go through his place,” I say to Deke, Green, and Jacks as we leave the room. “And that Cary D.”
“On it,” Deke says, grabbing his iPad and plugging away at it.
“Let’s get supplies and move,” Jacks says, and we get busy. We have a lead, and it’s more than we had before. Fuck me if I don’t want it to be true, though.
If I caused this, I’m not sure how in the fuck I’ll be able to live with myself.
26
Carsyn
It’s my fault. Dagger died because I got Nox involved in my messed up, fucked up life. If I would’ve just stayed inside the clubhouse that day and not taken one more look at Nox before he went, he wouldn’t have stopped to talk to me. He wouldn’t have approached me at the store. Nor would he have asked me to meet him again at the laundromat or gave me the out that he generously gave without hesitation.
And now—all of those actions led to the death of someone Nox cares deeply about because of my stupidity. Because I wanted one more look. One more chance to talk to him. One more grasp at a life I’d never have even if it was only for a second.
I knew it was wrong and I did it anyway. It was selfish—all of it is selfish.
All this time I’ve worried about Nox getting hurt in the crossfire, when I should’ve thought about his entire club. All the people that he loves and would do anything for.
Yeah. I should’ve thought about all of them and not my selfishness to grasp on to something that has never been in the cards for me.
