by Jolene Perry
And I love how passionate she is about doing what she feels is right, but I’m not sure what to do with how stubborn I know she is, and how I’m now seeing Landon as the childhood fantasy of hers that he probably was. The thought crumples in my chest as I stare at Kara and wonder if I’ll get a chance to see what it’s like to be with someone who touches my energy and my brain and my heart all at once because I’ve never had that before.
I press my fingertips into my eyes and press until I see spots—at least it’s distracting.
Kara’s hand touches my cheek and her breath hits my face about the same time as her body slides to standing next to mine, shocking me in so many different places I lose my breath.
“I’ve never looked at you and thought you were almost like the real thing. I may look at him that way, but not you.” Once the words are out, she looks down and I’m left with this huge admission and the girl so close that all the logical parts of my brain fade out.
I can practically see the embarrassment wash through her as she scoots back onto the bed and lies down. I’m reminded again at how little she’s had normal people relationships, which overwhelms me in a different way because we’re not in an easy situation here for anyone, and still she’s opening up to me at all the right times.
I climb up and lie on my stomach next to her touching my fingers to hers. The ends of her fingers twitch, and I know she feels what I do when we touch. I love it, and I’m pretty sure it’s part of what makes her uncertain. As I slide our fingers together until we’re holding hands she tenses, and then relaxes, squeezing me back.
She turns to face me, her dark eyes taking me in. I’m not sure how to lie here and be open for her to see, but I try to relax and let her feel what it could be like for us to be together.
I’m dying to feel her lips again, but I know it’s not the time. There’s too much here. Too much between us and around us. Instead I scoot over until our shoulders are touching and clasp my hand more tightly with hers.
“Thank you, Ocean.” She blinks a few times as she watches me.
“For what?”
“Just being here and not thinking I’m crazy.” A tiny smile plays on the edges of her mouth making me at least feel like I did good.
I touch her thigh where I know she’s burned because I know it’s the most obvious way for me to show her what I mean. “You’re not crazy.”
Kara’s finally asleep and the boat is quiet, and I know I’m not locked in because no one followed us down. I figured Dean would be more careful than that, but maybe he trusts me now, too.
For the first time Kara actually looks peaceful as she’s sleeping and I wonder what changed for her or if she’s just that tired.
I slide out of bed and walk quietly up the stairs, freezing when I see Landon bent over a chart on the table.
My brother.
“Wanna sit?” he whispers without looking up, and I wonder how long it’s been since he’s slept.
I slide across the bench seat until I have the same view of the chart as him. I swear I can feel the moment that our energies touch because I stop and have to scoot away an inch. Too personal for us yet, I think. Maybe it always will be.
“I know you’re on the fence as to what we should do.” He pauses to look at me. His face seems even paler than before and his voice still raspy from the smoke that he breathed while he was gone.
“I am.” Best to be honest.
“Good.” He pulls in a deep breath. “I’m running as fast as I can to help those people because I’ve been there and no kind of being should live like that, and I don’t know you, but…”
“But you do, because we think alike.”
“Maybe. Yeah.” He ruffs his hair before pushing out a breath and leaning against the back of the booth seat.
“I see both sides, so clearly. I can see how it’s possible that Kara’s parents had her burned, and I can also see the side that shows how the people led you together, protected you and brought you here. The actions serve both purposes, and I’m not sure how to best make sense of it all.” At least I feel like I can be honest.
“But what will actually happen when we sit inside this stupid circle and wish or chant or whatever we’re supposed to do to set them free?” The idea of this is eating away at him. The guilt if we walk away from the shadows request might be more than he could take. I know I don’t know my brother, but I swear he’s aged years in the two days I’ve been here.
“I don’t know.”
“What I want to happen is for all of them to move on, but I think if that happens, we all lose what we can do. They’ll take it. They’ll have to because they need that energy to move on.” There’s no hesitation in his voice, but there is some uncertainty. He’ll do it, but he’s not sure how he’ll feel about it once it’s done. “This is so arrogant, but I feel a little like a superhero, you know? I make this whole boat disappear. How crazy is that? And I’m about to give it all up, just when I realized what I could do.”
This stuns me, and I guess it should have been obvious because if they need our energy, we’re giving it up. “Wonder how that’s going to feel?”
He coughs a few times, but tries to be quiet. “By all accounts… Not good at all. And I’m sure it’s something I should be honest to everyone about, but I’m not ready to give this up. The shadows have been trying to get out of there for three hundred years and we’re so close to being able to help.”
“What do you think happened with the people who tried before?” It’s something I hadn’t given much thought to until the question came out of my mouth.
“You want my biased or my impartial view?” Landon actually looks at me briefly before staring at the darkness of the window.
I almost don’t hear the wind and rain anymore.
“I want your biased opinion.”
“I think the Middle Men killed them for trying to set the shadows free. If they succeeded, The Middle Men would have crumbled. But since The Middle Men stopped them, they were able to do something to make the ones they let live be afraid to spread the word.” He sighs. “That’s where I think Kara’s burn came from. The Middle Men needing people to be afraid of the shadows.”
As much as I don’t want to admit it, he’s probably exactly right. Kara’s burn lends weight to the idea that the shadows can do damage, though. But if they could, why did they leave her alive?
Why haven’t they attacked us here or anywhere unless they’re simply holding off to lure us in?
“The problem is that we don’t know enough and there’s really no way to find out,” I say.
“I’m both grateful and cursing this storm,” Landon says. “Grateful because we’re hidden, and cursing it because I want more information.”
“And how do you know what information you get is correct?” I ask. “And you’ve said yourself not all the shadows are good—so even you, with the most positive view of them, know what could happen.”
Neither of us says anything because we don’t know enough. I don’t know if anything I’ve heard is correct. Maybe we’re not attached to the shadows at all. Only, in my gut I know better. I know there’s a connection. But that’s almost all I know for sure.
“Who are Kara’s parents?” Landon asks.
Telling him would be somewhat of a betrayal to what Kara would want, but if I want Landon to give me the honest truth, I need to give it to him, too.
“They’re it. The head of the organization as far as I can tell.”
His lips purse together as he stares down at the chart, and I think he already figured as much—or at least had an idea.
“And they sent her with just you for all four of us?” Landon’s eyes meet mine.
And at first I didn’t think it was that big of a deal. But now that I know what they believe to be at stake here, it seems like an enormous task for two people.
“Her dad said it had something to do with odds.” It’s the only explanation I have, and one that came from Mr. Marins gift of Insight.
>
“Maybe that’s what he told her, but they’re not a group to play the odds. I think they know enough about Micah’s gift to see ways around it.” Landon’s forgotten he doesn’t look at me, and now that we’re just talking, it feels better. More relaxed. More like I might get to know my brother.
“So, you think they told Kara one thing but are doing another?” I ask.
“Which means that we have to move now or not at all.” Landon’s hands press into his hair as he lets out another long sigh. “I’ve never been this tired my whole life. I’m too tired to sleep, so I offered to take the shift.”
“Shift?”
“Not just for you. One of the four of us is always awake. There are too many things that could go wrong. One thing I do know is that I definitely can’t keep living like this.” Landon presses his fingertips into his eyes like I sometimes do, and for the briefest moment, it’s like looking in a mirror.
“The wind’s dying down,” I say, wondering if I’m really saying that I’m okay with moving forward with his plan.
“I think just enough. It’ll be rough, but we can move in the morning.” His voice still cracks as he speaks.
We sit in silence for a few minutes.
“It’s weird looking at you,” Landon says. “You look more like my brothers than I do.”
“We’re brothers.”
“Yeah. I still… I’m trying to figure out how that happened without our parents being total…”
“Assholes?” I offer.
“Yeah. That.”
“Maybe they are.” I stand. “I don’t know what the answer is with the shadows, Landon. I haven’t been there.”
“But can I trust you to give me your honest opinion, not tainted by Kara or Micah or anyone else?” He seems so desperate, haggard with exhaustion.
“What does Micah see?”
“We’re not there yet. It could change.” Landon stands up. “I shouldn’t feel this old.”
So. He doesn’t want to tell me what Micah sees. With the little I know, my guess is that the only person she sees is Kara because Kara’s emotions would probably overwhelm what Micah might get from everyone else. I don’t envy her gift.
My chest rips a little at the thought of what it will be like for Kara if I step in with Landon and try to set the shadows free. I hate the idea of losing her just as we’re moving forward, and I’m almost sure I would.
Pictures in my brain float through of shadows creeping all over the earth, using the energy from the magic we hold. But at the same time, if they can do damage now, in their state, why would they need us if all they wanted was to destroy? I’m finding that the further we get into this, the more questions I have.
“None of us should feel old,” I say. “This should be the summer of avoiding work, drinking Slurpees and wasting time.”
“Maybe after this summer, huh?” Landon chuckles.
I shrug. “Maybe.”
But we both know that something changed within us and we won’t be able to push all the knowledge we have away. That some things when you know them, they change you, and there’s no going back to ignorance after that.
Landon reaches out and grasps my arm. “Didn’t think I’d say this even yesterday, but I’m glad you’re here.”
“Me too.” It starts to hit me in the chest how much I’ve missed someone I didn’t know to miss, and we grab each other in a hug.
My brother.
He smacks my back a couple times and I hit his, and then it’s too much and I turn back to my room.
This trip is definitely not what I expected.
TWENTY-TWO
Kara
I wake to the sound of engines and waves splashing against the side of the boat. My body tenses until I realize how warm and perfect I feel.
Ocean’s arms are curled around me, and his face is buried in the back of my neck. Our bodies are totally pressed together and I have no idea how or when that happened, but I definitely don’t want it to change.
As I roll over, I put my hand over my mouth to prevent bad breath hitting him and bury my face in his chest.
Then I realize—I’m a prisoner, and we’re moving.
Where are we going?
I leap out of bed and the door is miraculously unlocked and run into the main area of the boat, which is empty. I step onto the back deck, tensed and crouched, ready to be attacked when I see Landon at the steering station, looking years older than he did yesterday.
“Are you okay?” The words are out before I can stop them.
“Tired. Can’t sleep.” He presses a button the side of his navigation screen without glancing my way.
“They’re keeping you awake,” I tell him. “Fuzzing your brain so you can’t think straight. It’s the only way they’ll win.”
He sighs instead of answering.
“Where are we going?” I ask.
The silence is long enough between us that I know where he’s going, now I’m just wondering if he’ll tell me.
“It’s my boat. I’ll take it where I like.” He readjusts his hands on the steering wheel but still won’t look at me.
Right. Panic begins to seep into my chest, but I shove it away, wondering if I can’t get to Landon a different way.
“Do you remember me?” I ask.
“What?” His head snaps my way. Now I have his attention.
“Do you remember me?”
He shakes his head but studies me differently than he has so far.
“When I was about five or six, my dad and I came to visit you.”
“My dad’s in politics.” His voice sounds forced. “Lots of people come visit.”
I keep my eyes on him hoping to read him better. “You took me to your beach.”
Landon blinks a few times as if trying to remember. “I don’t know. Maybe.”
Maybe? That trip to the beach was a defining moment in my life. The one where I knew I’d follow in my parents’ footsteps. The one where I knew I’d get to work with people like Landon. “I knew then how powerful you’d be, a ten for sure, but I didn’t tell anyone. And even with that I didn’t really get what all you could do.” I start to say how smart The Middle Men must have been to try and keep some kind of relationship between their mom and Mr. Michaels but keep it to myself. I’m sure it wouldn’t help me and Landon get along any.
I also should have run to my parents to tell them about Landon’s strength, but in my silly kid mind, I thought it could be a secret between us. Only that’s stupid for a million reasons, the first being that he had no idea until recently and the next being that he’s really fighting to remember me.
It hurts a little that Landon doesn’t remember because I never forgot.
“No. Wait.” Landon’s head cocks to the side. “Yeah.” He smiles a little. “I do remember. It feels like a different life.”
“It was for you.” I take a step closer, wondering a little what it would feel like to touch someone with so much energy. “The same life for me because I’ve grown up knowing what I could do. There was really no way for you to test yours without being around other people.”
“So, why did my dad keep me away?”
“Testing a theory, I guess.” I shrug. “That someone with your particular talent would grow stronger on their own. Or with only someone who had the same talent. Or maybe, because I told no one, he didn’t know until Micah came around.”
“Still trying to find a way for him to not be an asshole.” He smirks.
The more I think about it, the more I’m sure Micah was the trigger to how immense his abilities are. I felt him as a ten, but it would have done him no good unless he knew what to do with it. It probably also has to do with how much he feels for her. And it means The Middle Men were wrong in assuming being around just his dad would strengthen him. “Before we got to you. Usually after high school we pick people up, give them training through college years and then they go off into the world to work. Some come in and out, but not all.”
“My
dad left headquarters then.”
“He was asked to. He’s still a part of The Middle Men, and having him in government has helped a few times.” I’m watching Landon closely. “He came in once in a while. I know your dad pretty well.”
Landon frowns and I take a step back, remembering too many reasons why we won’t be more than what we are now.
“Did you know about me and Ocean?” he asks.
“I’ve just sort of realized that his mom was a woman my parents talked about once in a while as someone they allowed to leave, but I didn’t know.” And right now I’m so glad that’s the truth because I can’t imagine how it would hurt Ocean if I’d held on to something like that.
Landon studies my face for a few more moments before turning back to his navigation screen. The boat’s rocking hard in the waves, but it’s not as horrible as it could be.
Ocean’s presence pulls my gaze from Landon and he looks between us a few times, and I’m sure he’s getting the wrong idea now and I’m not sure how to correct that.
I give Ocean a small wave, only we kissed yesterday and I want him to know that I wanted it. That I still want it.
Ocean steps around me, careful not to touch and I get a twinge of sadness. Why is he being so careful?
Ocean stands next to where Landon sits in the captain’s chair. “Where we headed?”
“Long Island.”
I already sort of knew, but hearing it out loud… I stare at the navigation equipment. “You’re just going to do it? Without talking about it more? Or learning anything else?”
“I was hoping that I’d get some inspiration once we get there.” There’s no fight in Landon’s voice and even I’m starting to worry about him. But maybe now is also when I can break him down a little.
“We might get inspired,” I say. “We also might get burned or torn to shreds if we don’t do what they want.”
Landon turns. “Kara. I’m tired. I don’t want to lock you up again, but I will. Why don’t you join Micah on the front. She’s felt how scared you are. She gets it. Convince her because she’s probably the only one who could convince me to stop.”
