by Jolene Perry
Micah’s arms are around him and her face is desperate as she searches his features. Landon’s eyes focus on her for a moment before giving her a smile and something flips in my gut as I think about all the times I wondered what it would feel like to have Landon Michaels smiling at me that way.
Ocean’s brows come down as he watches me and I stare down at the table, not wanting to give anything away, but knowing that I probably already have. And it’s not like I still feel that way for Landon—he’s not at all the person I thought he was.
“Why don’t you come downstairs?” Micah pulls him toward their room.
Landon shakes his head. “We all need to talk.”
TWENTY
Kara
There are tears on Landon’s face before he says a word, and we’re all hovered around the oblong table waiting for him to speak. Micah’s hands never stop touching him, like she’s afraid he’ll fall apart without her—serves him right for stepping in there again.
“I’m still hot.” He shakes his hands a few times and wipes his pale forehead.
Yeah. Because they’re hot ash. I know exactly how hot they are. I rub my leg a few times under the table.
Micah’s blinking back tears, and it hits me in that moment that she’s what he needs. Exactly. Humiliation creeps in as I think about how many hours I sat looking at pictures of Landon and reading up on him and his dad. Such a ridiculous thing to do. I’m burning any and every notebook when I get home that might have his name in it, and once I have my computer back, I’m going to purge from there as well.
It’s not like I lost him, because I never had him, it’s that I lost the possibility of him, which shouldn’t hurt. But maybe does just a little—and maybe simply because it was in the back of my mind for so long. I glance back at Ocean, whose face is pulled in concern as he watches Landon. My chest tightens in response to seeing him and having him so close to me. I feel so much more for Ocean than I ever felt for the fantasy-boy I’d painted in my head.
“Micah.” He turns toward her. “There was a night when we were fighting.”
And it’s like the words hurt coming out of his mouth, and not because of how scratchy his voice is, but because of the emotion behind it. Micah’s whole presence changes, and I know she knows exactly when he’s talking about.
I’m holding my breath waiting.
“And I yelled at you on the dock,” she whispers.
“That’s the one.” He pauses as if he’s trying to formulate the thought into words. “You chased a shadow that night, which led you to me.”
Micah nods, but it’s so imperceptible, that no one would notice if they weren’t watching. She’s in shock.
I’m a little in shock that he’s back. And instead of letting my brain run away with me, I’m waiting like everyone else to see what he’ll say next.
“And we talked that night and it’s the night that made me realize how stubborn I was being and how much I missed you.” His head tilts to the side as he studies his face with every bit as much love as I’ve seen my dad look at my mom. “How it was stupid for me to be angry with you and how much I wanted to be a part of your life.”
Micah shakes as if she’s going to cry as her hands leave Landon and hold her mouth.
Overdramatic much? There are a million other explanations for that. The shadows just gave Landon the reasons that’ll help their cause.
“And with your mom. Up the hill. It was terrifying, but we went so fast. And then, at the end, when they took Ethan away. They watched you again, to make sure you were okay.” Landon takes another deep breath, which puts him into another fit of coughing. “This couple. Edward and Marie. They’re shadows now. His doll was commissioned by her father to keep him away from his daughter, and his daughter was commissioned into a doll by the soldier her father wished her to marry in hopes of forcing a wedding the soldier knew she was wary of.
“It was that soldier who made the order to burn down the woman’s shop when he saw the two together, and they’re both shadows now, together. But the smoke.” He coughs again. “I just…”
“Landon. Why don’t you rest?” Micah wraps her arms around him, tears running down her cheeks.
He shakes his head, and I wonder how far around our circle he’s going to go to explain the shadows’ actions because I’d be really curious as to how they explain away my burn.
“Addison.” Landon’s eyes rest on her. “The night you left your father’s house.”
Her face drains of color, and I wish I knew the story there.
“There was a shadow in your room. She used to be a servant woman who knew too much about how the affairs of the British crown were being run. She went to help you. You were afraid that night. You ran into your closet to escape her, enabling you to pack a bag and get your money. And then later, when you were with Dean.”
Dean’s arm tightens around Addison and part of me aches for the kind of comfort Dean and Addison find in each other and Landon and Micah find in each other. I glance at Ocean, but he’s watching them the same way I am.
“When you were going to see Dean’s brother, you turned around. The shadows were there. You ran. You weren’t seen. You made it here. And the night when you picked the hotel that the shadows knew The Middle Men would search first, they sent you to the other one.”
Dean’s nodding slowly as he takes deep breaths.
They’re totally buying the stories. Don’t they realize they were simply being herded to help the cause of the shadows?
“We’re really going to do this,” Dean says.
“You’ve got to be kidding me.” I can’t stay quiet any more. “Don’t you realize this is all them just gathering you together to come down here and set them free?” Come ON.
“That’s part of it,” Landon agrees.
Wait. He’s agreeing? I’m so stunned that my brain stops, and I’ve lost words.
Landon can’t seem so reasonable to everyone else when he’s talking about things that are so clearly fake and ridiculous and manipulative on the part of the shadows. My heart starts racing in fear as I begin to understand that I might be right here and with them and telling them all the truths I know, and they still won’t listen to me and will set the shadows free.
Micah gasps in as her eyes hit mine.
“See?” I point to her and resist the urge to stand. “You’ve seen something. What are you seeing?”
“I feel what you’ll feel,” Micah says.
“When?” I ask.
“I don’t know.” She shakes her head but then she looks at Landon, and I’m suddenly sure she does know because they’re going to decide to do this even though she knows how honestly afraid I am. How I know that they’re making a huge mistake. I bet just her vision of them working on this will be enough to convince the others. The weight of defeat begins to press on me again.
Micah’s eyes go between Ocean and I a few times making me wonder what else she sees between us. I don’t want any kind of a relationship that’s manipulation by visions or magic or energy.
“And what kind deed was one of them doing when they burned my leg?” I demand.
“Not everyone with a doll burned in the fire that night was nice.” Landon sighs.
I stare him down. I don’t care how tired or weak he feels. Serves him right jumping into that world again. “Convenient answer.”
“I don’t know why you were hurt.” Landon looks inexplicably sad, but I’m not going to let him sway me. Not now.
Landon scratches his forehead. “I did ask about you. It’s hard. The words we speak there sound like they’re crackling with fire, and sometimes it sounds like we’re talking underwater. Some shadows work directly for The Middle Men to try and convince people that the shadows are evil, so the Middle Men can keep their members with a healthy dose of fear. At least that’s the best guess was from the rest of them. They only half exist, so the ones who don’t get along, don’t stick around in the same places as the others.”
My brain
spins around his words trying to figure out a way to respond to him.
“Wait. You’re saying that The Middle Men asked one of the shadows to burn me?” He only says this because he doesn’t know who my parents are. “You don’t know anything.”
“I know some things.” Landon finds a way to give me a tired half-smile. “But, in simple terms, yes. Someone from The Middle Men asked that you be burned. Or maybe not you specifically, but there sometimes has to be a show of power.”
I laugh a harsh laugh. “That’s ridiculous.”
“Your burn looks like it healed pretty well,” Landon says.
I don’t know him well, but I do know how to question people, and he’s leading me to where he wants me to go.
“We’d just dropped off a friend at the hospital. It was late at night, and I’d forgotten my taser.” It was not long after a few of The Middle Men were killed trying to set the shadows free the last time. I was ten. Mom’s bodyguard had gotten hurt somehow so we were at the hospital. Or… Maybe we weren’t there, but we were close. I think. That whole night is tainted by the feeling of my leg burning and knowing in that moment I could die. Maybe we were just near the helicopter...?
“So. Why didn’t you have your taser?” Landon asks.
“My mother was carrying it in her purse…” Oh. Nice. Now he’s trying to bring my parents into this.
Landon’s eyes don’t waver.
“Don’t you dare.” Anger spreads as my body tenses and I think about what Landon’s implying. “Don’t you dare blame my parents for what happened to me. They lost sleep for a week over this dressing my burn in the middle of the night. There’s no way.” I shake my head. “Some of their best friends turned away from The Middle Men to save the shadows, and the shadows killed them trying to escape.”
“I’m sorry you lost friends.” Landon’s still relaxed, but I’m sure hoping that it sinks in. The shadows have killed before. And they’ll do it again. They have no love for us, and I can see why. For generations we’ve been using the energy that could set them free.
“And who exactly are your parents if you think they’re up high enough to get the shadows to do something for them?” Landon’s voice is even more quiet now.
We’re not doing this. No way.
“Let me out of here!” I stand up but the table doesn’t move so I’m still trapped on the stupid bench seat. “I want back in my room. You are all looking at this in exactly the light the shadows want you to! You have to take a moment to look at them the way I’ve known them my whole life!”
They trust me enough to keep me prisoner without a lock or cuffs, but can’t listen when I’m sharing reason? Who the hell do they think they are? I’ve been part of this world since I was born, and now they’re going to just come in and tell me how things should happen? And Landon thinks my parents did this to me?
I crawl past Ocean, Dean and Addison, all of whom let me go. I run down the few steps and slam the door of the tiny room I share with Ocean. Sucks that I feel like I’m being overdramatic and ridiculous when this is the kind of reaction they should all be having when we’re talking about setting people free. They should be terrified, and I have no idea what to do to convince them.
“Thank you for going in.” Ocean’s voice carries to my room. “Micah worried about you.”
“Brother. I…” Landon’s voice this time. “I can’t wrap around it yet.”
“I know. Me either. I’m going to check on Kara. I’m new to all of this, just like the rest of you, but she isn’t. At least think about looking at this whole scenario the way she is. Try to see the shadows through her eyes. You’ve got to weigh the options before jumping in and doing something stupid.”
My whole body relaxes in relief at his words. I hate admitting that I’m glad he’s along, but he definitely helped get them a possible step in my way of thinking.
“No matter what happens,” Ocean says, “I’m glad we met up with you guys. Thanks for being nice when you don’t have to be.”
Landon coughs a few times, and I’m straining to hear more conversation.
“Storm’s supposed to clear tomorrow,” Dean says. “But there’s no cell or satellite service outside of the weather broadcasts.”
Ocean’s footsteps come down the stairs and I roll onto my back, tears still flowing, wondering how I’m going to stop this.
TWENTY-ONE
Ocean
Kara’s staring at the ceiling when I step in, her whole body tight.
“How can they think that my own parents would ask for this to be done to me?”
All I can think is that the whole situation is pretty coincidental, but I’m not about to tell her. I don’t dislike Kara’s parents, but I’ve never seen them treat her like a daughter, and everyone at the house says that she’s just like everyone else, and no one worries about preferential treatment. Special treatment would definitely cause dissension, and that’s something The Middle Men can’t have. Not when the people they deal with have talents.
I’m curious about me and Landon again. Why were we separated? Why did we have to grow up in different places? How did his dad and my mom get together? Maybe some part of where Landon and I came from had to do with nothing more than keeping The Middle Men strong. They’re really asset managers more than anything else. And maybe a lot colder and more calculating than I guessed from my brief stay at The Middle Men house.
And then it almost makes more sense that they’d do this to their own daughter because it would make the threat of the shadows seem more real to the others. And then it hits me that it happened just after the last time that Kara said people tried to help the shadows, only I think those people died—or at least some of them did. And that’s exactly when her parents would need or want someone to be hurt by the shadows so everyone else would see that the threat from them is real, and not continue where the others had failed. Though—the deaths should have done that, so maybe there’s something I’m not following here.
I sit down on the bed, and rest my hand on her calf, glad I spent so much time with my mom, and that I’m not one of those idiots who’s afraid of crying girls.
The whole thing, though. I see both sides. I can see what Landon’s saying about how the shadows helped them, but in the end, the shadows helped them get here, so it’s entirely self-serving.
Or maybe it’s not.
And the shadows could have been punishing The Middle Men for stopping the people who tried to help them by burning Kara. Or maybe they did it out of pure malice and anger. Or maybe, after some of The Middle Men broke off to help the shadows, Kara’s parents had to make sure that no one else tried to help the shadows, so they had to prove the shadows were wicked, and how better to show that than have their own daughter hurt. Only it happened to be near somewhere they could get her help… My thoughts are starting to circle back to the beginning.
Kara’s burns are cold and callous, no matter how you look at it. I feel like my brain is just wheels spinning in the sand, and I’m not sure how I’m going to figure out which side the shadows are on, or even if I will.
“I don’t want this assignment anymore. I’m not a quitter, Ocean. But I just want to go home. That’s all I want.” She sniffs a few times, and she’s so tough and so determined that I’m starting to get an idea of how catastrophic this situation is for her.
“I’ll help you. We just have to wait for the storm to clear.” But what will I do? They need a Seeker if they’re going to set the shadows free, I know this much. That means they need to use one of us, or someone with our same talent.
If the shadows do need to be freed, I want to be a part of it. I’m just still not sure how I’ll know if it’s the right thing or not. Or even if I’ll know. I’m wondering if I’ll have to make this decision without being able to get any more information.
“Why don’t they believe me?” she asks, still staring at the ceiling with her huge brown eyes.
I want to tell her that I don’t know, but I do know. There are t
wo very logical sides—both of which make sense. But her side has the fear that’s been engrained from birth and from a huge scar on her leg.
“There are two sides to everything.”
She closes her eyes and swipes her hands across her face to wipe her tears away. “You know what? Never mind. I’m too angry to talk about this.”
“Do you want to talk about Landon?” I ask, not sure if I want to know what the weirdness is there. I do know that the way she looked at him had history, and after learning how much he’s already had, I’m not sure I want to know.
“Do you?” she asks.
“I don’t know.” I sigh.
“I’ve known who Landon is since I can remember. His dad and my parents were tight, and part of me thought that when he came…” she trails off. I’m left knowing that she wanted the brother I didn’t know I had before any part of her wanted me.
And it’s maybe a bit petty, but Landon already got everything. The boat, the trust fund, the rare gift. Maybe that’s why his dad took him instead of me—Landon has Mr. Michaels’ gift, and I’m one of many with mine.
It feels like someone kicked me in the chest.
“He’s not what I expected.” Her voice is hardened a bit. There’s no whimsy or what-ifs. “Too soft and too impetuous, and stupid, and…”
“Too taken?” I don’t mean to have a bitter edge to my voice, but it comes out just the same. Her tone of voice should satisfy me, but it doesn’t. My arms are crossed and I lean back against the bathroom door, which is the only place I can be in this room that doesn’t put me on the bed with her.
Kara’s silent and I wonder if I’ve crossed a line or if she knows even what I was gearing toward with my comment because it’s way more than energy between us—even if she doesn’t see it yet.
I get the yin and yang thing, now. I get it. She fills the parts of me that I didn’t know were missing and she balances me in a way that I never expected to be balanced, and all she cares about is stopping them from helping the shadows and how she was too late for Landon.
