Blind Faith (Shattered Lives, Book Four)

by Blakeley, Rissa

  Our gazes met and she nodded. After opening the door, she took off toward the lingering community members and ushered them away.

  As I stepped into our room, relief overwhelmed me, then worry flew in, thinking Elaina would push me away once more.

  Chapter 13

  With Elaina’s face tucked into my body, I sat in the desk chair, cradling her in my arms. When she hooked her arms around my neck, I rocked her slightly.

  Daylight faded into night. I held her the entire time, never saying a word, trying to hold her together. Pledging to be her strength, I wasn’t going to falter one bit. Every so often, I would stroke her hair and place a small kiss next to her ear.

  Finally, my beautiful, yet broken wife looked up at me, locking onto my chemical-laden eyes with her magnificent blue ones. I hoped our baby had her eyes.

  “Hey,” I rumbled, barely above a whisper.

  When she touched my face, I closed my eyes and slowly exhaled as she ran her warm fingertips over my cheek, down to my jawline, across my lips. I parted them just enough for her to trap my cool breath in her palm.

  Without warning, she leaned in and brushed her lips across mine. My breath caught. It was the most amazing kiss I had ever experienced because it contained a world of hope.

  When she pulled away, I opened my eyes. “Love…,” I whispered.

  “I’m sorry.” She returned my hushed tone. “I’m sorry for everything. For locking you out of here.” She took my hand and placed it over her belly. “We’ve missed you.”

  “Elaina, you have no idea how scared I am. I deserved every ounce of what you did. After a while, I understood what you wanted and needed to see me do. I had to prove I could support you and our baby. I had to buck up and be a man. Be strong and hold my head high, regardless of my past. Show you, and myself, I could be the man you always knew I could be. I believe I have proved it to everyone…including myself.”

  “You did. You’ve made great strides.”

  With all the honesty breaching, it was time to tell her about my demons.

  “Elaina, I need to tell you something I’ve been hiding from you and battling for a long time. This is difficult for me.” I tried to gauge her reaction, but her face stayed flat.

  “I’m listening,” she encouraged.

  Full of shame, my gaze dropped from hers. “I hear voices,” I whispered.

  Suddenly, all the confidence I gained while we were apart was one frayed thread away from unraveling. As if someone hit a switch, the sobs poured from me. She deserved better than what I was. I should have just let her go so she could move forward in her life.

  “Come again?” she asked.

  “Voices… My demons… I hear them. I drink to drown them, but they keep resurfacing. They keep coming back and I don’t know how to make them go away.”

  “Oh, my god, Henry…” Her voice trailed off.

  “I’m sorry, Elaina. I’m so fucking sorry.”

  “Don’t apologize.”

  “They won’t stop. They call me names, tell me you’ll leave me, tell me to drink, tell me I will always be this way and end up alone. Sometimes they even tell me to kill myself.”

  She rested a hand against each side of my face. “Henry… Is it a voice or voices you recognize?” I nodded. “It’s them, isn’t it?” I nodded again. “Henry, look at me.” I couldn’t because of the sheer fucking shame. “Henry… Please.” She pulled on my shoulders. Despite my humiliation, I lifted my face to hers, but refused to look in her eyes. “I want you to listen to me. Henry, look me in the eyes so I know you are hearing what I’m saying.” I dragged my gaze to hers. Elaina spoke to me in a strong, supportive voice, which was something I needed from her. At that very moment, I knew we would fade into the blackness without each other. “You’re sick. I will do whatever it takes to help you. I won’t judge you or leave you on your own to deal with this. I wish you would’ve told me, though.”

  My hands shook as I moved to cover my face, but she pulled them away. I fought so hard not to shed another tear, I was practically convulsing. “I’m so sorry. I hate being like this. I hate doing this to the both of you. I’m the root of all your sadness and anger.”

  “That’s not true. I hate this for you and wish I could take it all away. I love you, Henry. Thank you for telling me. Now we just have to work you through it. I don’t know what we need to do, but we’ll try different things to help you find some peace in your mind.”

  My breath shook as it left my body. “I just want to be normal. I’m tired of being like this.”

  “They hurt you beyond anything I could imagine. They destroyed the man you were supposed to be. What they did to you…” She shook her head. “I don’t even have words for it. It goes far beyond abuse. Hear me when I say this to you again. I love you and I am not going to leave you. We’ll repair our relationship day by day. I want forever with you. I feel so fucking awful for putting you through the wringer, not knowing everything with which you were struggling.”

  “Elaina,” I whispered, “I was too embarrassed to tell you. I didn’t want you to think any less of me than you already did. Any weaker than I already was in your eyes.”

  “I’m right here for you no matter what. Understand?”

  “Yeah,” I croaked out. “I was so fucking scared.”

  “I know. Don’t be afraid anymore.”

  “Their voices always echo in my head, but it grew worse the more I drank. The more I heard it, the more I wanted to drink to drown it. The only time it’s quiet and not a whisper in the back of my mind is when I’m passed out. It’s my only escape.”

  “It’s going to be okay. I’m not sure how or when, but it’s going to be okay.”

  I swallowed hard, trying to hold it together and build the courage to speak the words I so desperately needed to ask. “So you’ll be my wife again? I miss you so much, and am so sorry for fucking us up. Whatever it takes to earn you back, I’ll do it because I have to earn you. You mean that much to me. I need to earn your respect and love because that’s what you deserve. I can’t just expect it, especially when I have done so much to crush you.” Elaina wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me harder than ever. I needed to feel our love for one another, but I also needed to hear her answer. Pulling away, our lips lingering a breath apart, I asked, “Is that a yes?”

  She nodded. “Will you hold me together as I hold you together?”

  The ache in my heart ebbed, the hole in my chest began to seal, and the emptiness in my soul began to fill. “God, love.” The tears poured from my eyes. “You have no idea what that means to me. I don’t deserve this chance. I won’t ever break your trust again. You’ve drilled it home for me.”

  Once again, she silenced me, pressing her lips against mine. I held her perfect face in my hands and traced my tongue along her lips. She opened just enough and let me invade while she reached and unbuttoned my shirt. Our tongues collided and danced rhythmically. Euphoria…so much more than love…built in me.

  I was addicted.

  I let go of her face and struggled to get my shirt off, making short work of the t-shirt underneath. My breathing stopped when her hands rested on my chest. Then she ran her finger over the deep pink scar on my shoulder—the scar from when I battled hard to find her. Her fingers danced across my abdomen.

  My soldier strained against the zipper of my cargoes so much, I groaned as I kissed her. Gingerly, her fingers walked around my waist, exploring every spot. Elaina fidgeted with my belt buckle, but I stopped her. It was my turn.

  She straddled my lap and I yanked off her shirt, exposing her bra. The cups were overflowing with her soft, swollen flesh. Unhooking it, her breasts sprang free. They amazed me. I ran my hands under them, feeling the heavy, full weight. I had no idea pregnancy would make that happen, but it was absolutely glorious.

  “Good god, love. You look amazing. Stunning. Perfect,” I murmured.

  I kissed her neck, then raked my teeth over her jaw. I had a need to touch her ever
ywhere, feel every inch of her to make sure this moment was real. Elaina pushed her chest up as I ran my tongue over her perked nipples, causing her to let out a soft moan. I needed to get us to the bed to be able to make love to my wife properly.

  When I scooped her up, she protested, but I shook my head. “I’m taking care of you. You just enjoy yourself.”

  After setting her on the bed, I took care of my belt buckle, kicked off my pants, then pulled hers down. My hands trailed all the way up from her toes to her heated, already wet core. “Jesus suffering fuck. I missed this. My body has been aching for yours,” I murmured, pressing a soft kiss to her folds.

  “Henry…,” she moaned. I dipped my fingers into her, teasing and exploring. Her inside pulsed and I knew she needed to release. “Henry, I need you. Now.”

  I slithered up her body, kissing every area, especially where my baby lay in safety. I rubbed my hand over her rounded belly and gazed up at her. The soft smile said it all.

  As I hovered above her, she spread her legs, waiting for me to enter. Her eyes fluttered closed, then opened, catching me soaking in her beauty. I was still in shock that she allowed me back into her life. Unable to control my emotions, my eyes went wet once again. Elaina reached up and swiped her thumbs over my cheeks.

  The fear of hurting our unborn raced through my mind. “The baby…?” I roughly whispered.

  “It’s okay. Just don’t put your weight on me.”

  I braced myself above her, and she held my face as I slid in. Not once did my gaze leave hers. It was a battle to keep my eyes from rolling into the back of my head, but I was desperate to keep focused.

  I rocked in and out of her begging body. It was so stellar with so much emotion attached.

  Every doubt, every ounce of tension, every bad thought left my head when she exploded around me. Waves of pulsations grabbed my thick cock, taking me to places I hadn’t been in a long time.

  The sounds of her moans… The gape of her mouth… The deep shudder of her body… She valiantly fought to keep her gaze locked onto mine. Knowing how she usually peaked, she wanted to throw her head back, cry out in pleasure, scream my name, but she couldn’t look away, and neither could I.

  My beautiful wife.

  I drew my bottom lip in between my teeth as my moment built in me, licking up my spine, tickling every nerve ending throughout my entire body. My lip slipped from my teeth, leaving my jaw hanging open. Continuing in the same slow, rhythmic motion, more groans poured from my throat. I pushed my hips into her, following up with a few heavy breaths and uncontrolled growls.

  With a shout, I filled her with my seed.

  Never once breaking eye contact, we started stitching us back together, forever as one. Without a doubt, it was the most powerful moment in our lives and I would never forget it.

  We lay there the rest of the night, intertwined with one another. I didn’t want to let her go. I was so fucking thankful to have her back in my life, thanking every god I could think of while listening to her sleep.

  The next morning, Elaina woke and gazed at Henry sleeping on his belly, head turned toward her, hand over the baby. She shifted around in the blankets to get a better view of him.

  For the first time, she could see how her absence from his life affected him. She stroked the dark circles under his eyes. He looked fatigued, even in his sleep. She traced his slightly more pronounced cheekbones, running her fingers over his lips.

  She felt guilty for how she treated him. She focused on the fact he drank, not why he drank. She hoped the voices he heard were his past poking at him and nothing more. The culpability he felt for whatever his role was had crippled him.

  There were massive amounts of worry traipsing through Elaina’s mind for his mental health. Would he ever be able to overcome all the bullshit they put him through? No matter how far he had come, those memories still pushed him back to a low point. That alone scared the hell out of her, but she would never tell him.

  Not now anyway. He was too weak.

  One more touch to his lips…

  A soft touch to my face stirred me awake. As I opened my eyes, a lazy smile lifted Elaina’s lips. I returned the gesture.

  “Good morning, my black-haired beauty.” I rolled on to my side and laid my arm across her hip, staring in disbelief. I was actually waking up with her. “I missed waking up with you. I slept less during those weeks than I normally do.”

  “I missed you more,” she murmured, a glint in her eyes.

  “Always so sassy.” I smirked and kissed her forehead.

  Then I remembered. Her rings! I grabbed my cargoes and stuck my hand in each of the pockets, pulling stuff out until I found them.

  Rolling back over with a smile, her rings in my open palm, I said, “I’ve been carrying them in my pocket since you took them off. I hope you want to put them back on, but I know I have to earn you back and understand whole-heartedly if you want to wait.”

  The anxiety had me swallowing more times than I could count. Finally, Elaina smiled and held out her left hand, and with a grace in my touch, I slipped the rings back on her finger, exhaling with a sigh.

  She was mine again.

  “Thank you for giving me another chance. You have no idea what this means to me. I promise to do better for me, you, and our little peanut.” She snuggled in between my arm and body. With a giggle, her hand swept over and circled her belly. “What’s got you giggly?” I asked.

  “The baby… I feel him or her moving.”

  “You do?”

  I placed my hand near hers. “It may be too early for you to feel it. Soon, I hope, since I seem to be getting bigger by the second.” Not feeling anything, I gave her my best pouty lip. “It’s like a butterfly flitting around inside my stomach. Like this…”

  She fluttered her fingertips over my stomach. I smiled and grabbed her hand, kissing her fingers.

  We lay there, reconnecting, until there was a knock on the door.

  “I’ll see who it is,” I said, peeling her off me. “I suppose we should get up anyway.” Elaina moaned in protest, but when I stood, she stopped and gawked at me. “What?” I pretended to be clueless as I grabbed my cock and bollocks.

  “You know what, you ego hungry punk.” She threw her pillow at me and I laughed, slowly sliding on my cargoes, making sure to tease her. She stuck out her bottom lip, and I laughed again as I swaggered to the door.

  Opening it just a crack, I saw my mum waiting on the other side with a smile. I opened the door a little further, but not much.

  “I know you didn’t want to be bothered, but I wanted to check on you two. I assume everything is going all right since you never came back last night…” She lifted her eyebrows. “And since you seem to be missing some clothes.”

  I smiled and rubbed my hand over my short hair. “Yeah, I think we’re good. I still have tons of work to do, but one step at a time. Slowly but surely, I will earn her trust and respect back.”

  “I know you will. I was just heading for breakfast and wanted to make sure everyone was doing all right.” She touched my cheek and turned to leave.

  “We’ll be down in a minute or so. She’s just waking up.” As she walked away, I leaned out the doorway. “Uhh, Mum?”

  She glanced over her shoulder. “Yes?”

  “Thanks.”

  She smiled at me and headed off. I closed the door and went back to the bed, slipping in to curl up with Elaina, kissing her several times. “Come on,” I murmured against her lips. “Let’s go eat. I’m starving, and I suspect you haven’t eaten much at all, either.”

  “You know me so well.”

  “Up you go then. Come on. Baby needs to eat.” I yanked the blankets off her, exposing her luscious, curvy body. She posed seductively. “Hmmm… Maybe we’ll go in a minute or fifteen.”

  With a groan, I pulled her on top of me and spent the next several minutes working up an even bigger appetite.

  Chapter 14

  Gunther had just finished changing Gr
ey when Josie popped in and asked the kids if they wanted to go to the library. “I can take Grey, as well. Lauren’s bringing Maggie along, so it could be like a playdate.”

  Cora smiled and hoped Gunther would like the idea. She waited for his response.

  Gunther thought for a moment, then shrugged. “I’m fine with that.” He had his hands around Grey’s waist, holding him steady while he stood on his lap. “How about you, Grey bear? You like that idea?” Grey squealed, causing them all to laugh. “Sounds like a yes to me.” Gunther stood and handed him to Josie.

  “Is he set for feedings?” she asked.

  “Yes. He ate about fifteen minutes ago,” Cora said, smiling, as Josie gathered and set off with the kids. “She’ll be a great mother someday.”

  “That’s the truth,” Gunther murmured.

  He sat on the couch opposite Cora, watching her mend a few articles of the kids clothing. A ripple of excitement rolled through his body. He had been waiting for this moment. Quietly, he took a deep breath. Nervous, but feeling a little impetuous, Gunther got up and took the seat right next to her.

  A quick glimpse at him over her sewing and Cora smiled.

  The soft pink skin of her face called to him. The coloring was different than Quinn’s, but was beautiful nonetheless.

  He licked his dry lips and threw caution to the wind. Reaching for her cheek, he touched the smooth skin with the back of his weathered fingers. Her pale blue eyes closed and she relaxed into the couch. Relief. He took her project from her hands and set it on the table.

  With an electricity surrounding them, they shifted to face one another. Again, he reached out, now holding her face in his hands, moving his thumb over her silky, rose-tinted lips. Need built within him. He swallowed several times, knowing if he went one step further, things would change between them forever. Quietly, he asked, “May I kiss you?”

  It had been a long time since Cora had kissed a man. Her thoughts flashed to Peter, but she felt comfortable with what seemed to be on the horizon. She had been thinking about Gunther for months. This moment couldn’t have happened soon enough. The nerves buzzed through her body, dizzying her with excitement, as she welcomed Gunther with a slight nod.