Blind Faith (Shattered Lives, Book Four)

by Blakeley, Rissa

  We’ve hung Quinn’s paintings throughout the house, so thank you for giving them to me. Grey loves to look at them and listen while I talk to him about his mummy. I miss her so much, Josie. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about her. I hope she’s proud of how I’ve been handling myself recently. Stepping up to the plate, taking care of my own.

  I feel I need to confess something to you. Before I left NY, I got a woman pregnant. Carly. Before we left the camp, I checked and she was on the survivor list. We were here a bit before I grew the bollocks to go find her. Her family owns a hotel in the city. Henry and I went and there she was at the front desk, just like when I first met her. I found out she had a boy… Joel. He’s wonderful. Shy and quiet. Much different from Grey. She allows him to visit frequently now. No overnights yet. Soon, I hope. When all the kids get together, it makes for a noisy household, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

  Kate, Silas, and Callie are all doing great. Silas and Grey share a room, so you can only imagine the trouble those two get themselves into. When Joel is here, all bets are off. Cora and I decided we wouldn’t buy any nice things until all three move out. Kate is brill, as always, and Callie’s lovely smiles and giggles melt my heart every time. They all dote on Everette. It’s a beautiful thing, love. I wish you were here to see.

  Nicky is doing well, too. I am counting my lucky stars Everette sleeps because that lad never sleeps for more than twenty minutes at a time.

  Henry and I are opening a gym in the village we live in. Pretty exciting. We plan to teach self-defense classes, along with personal training. I can’t wait until we get it all together. It’s going to be outright amazing.

  Things have been difficult with Henry, to say the least. He’s not right in the head and it worries me. He and I almost came to blows just a few days ago over his behavior. We’ve all been doing everything we can to try and keep his mind straight.

  Anyway, I hope you are getting along well with Jake. Tell him I said hullo. I hope he’s treating you well. I’d hate to have to get on the first plane to Charlotte and kick his arse.

  Bloody hell, Josie. I miss you. Cora and I would love for you both to come up for a visit. I’ll take care of the airfare. If you need money or anything, let me know. I can send you some funds.

  Much love. Hope to hear from you soon,

  G

  Call me anytime…102-520-1442.

  After draining his cup and rereading the note several times, Gunther addressed an envelope, stuck a stamp on it, and jogged down the stairs.

  Cora was sitting in the living room feeding Everette. She smiled when he sat beside her.

  Looking at the envelope in his hand, she asked in a low murmur, “Write a letter?”

  “Yeah, to Josie. Can you see it gets out tomorrow?”

  “Of course.” He sat forward, staring at nothing. “You okay?”

  “I’m just missing Quinn and Josie.”

  “Well, I hope Josie gets back to you.”

  “No doubt in my mind.” He watched Cora care for their daughter, then rested his hand on her thigh.

  She leaned away from him, trying to wiggle away, still not wanting to have too much physical contact with him. What little touches did happen drove her beyond crazy. She had no idea why, but every time they connected, it was as if a bolt of lightning ran through her body. The only explanation Cora offered herself was the love she felt for him was so strong, that little disconnection hurt twice as much when he did attempt to connect.

  Sighing, he stood and headed toward the kitchen.

  When Gunther reappeared, he had refilled his coffee. Cora watched him sit at the dining room table, his brow furrowed, leaving Cora to understand his mind was elsewhere. It worried her that he still went to those dark places in the deepest parts of his mind.

  She balanced the baby on her shoulder, stood, and went to him. Even when she sat beside him, he didn’t acknowledge her presence. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

  When his limbs jerked, startled from her voice, he spilled a little of his coffee. “Yeah… Yeah, I’m fine.”

  “Don’t lie to me.” She pulled the burp cloth from under Everette and cleaned up the puddle of coffee. “I haven’t exactly been the best ear or shoulder for you, but I’m here for you when you need to talk. I know you miss Quinn terribly, but it’s okay to come to me about it. I have moments when I miss Peter and would like to talk about him.”

  She watched him struggle, fighting his tears. All he could manage was a single nod. She wanted to stroke his stubbly cheek, but she couldn’t bring herself to do so. Instead, she opted to head upstairs to put the baby down.

  Gunther sat in the same spot, not moving a muscle, for about an hour before Cora asked him to get Grey and Callie ready for their nap, as well.

  Nervously, I knocked on Gunther’s front door. The last time we talked wasn’t exactly pleasant. Elaina told me I needed to apologize and explain to him what had been going on, which was why I was standing on his front porch now.

  Kate opened the door. “Hi, Mr. Henry.”

  “Hey, sweetheart. Is Gunther here?”

  “Yeah…” Then she belted out, “Gunther!”

  “Kate! Stop yelling. The little ones are getting ready for a nap.” Cora came to the door and stopped in her tracks. “Oh… Hey.”

  She seemed hesitant about me being there. “Hi,” I said with a shy smile.

  “Everything all right?”

  “Yeah. I just wanted to chat with him for a moment.”

  “No arguing or fighting,” she warned with an arched brow. “I don’t want that around my kids anymore.”

  I raised my hands in surrender. “Understood.”

  “Come on in. He’s upstairs getting Callie and Grey ready for their naps.”

  “I just need a few minutes.”

  “He should be down soon. Kate, why don’t you go keep an eye on Silas.” When she groaned and stomped off, I chuckled.

  Moments later, Gunther jogged down the stairs, stopping when he got to the last one, glaring at me. “Let’s go into the living room,” he said, then walked past me. I nodded at Cora and followed behind.

  Leaning against the fireplace, his face was stiff, his brows severely furrowed. He seemed off, but I didn’t dare ask.

  “Look… I need to apologize.”

  “On with it. I’m a busy man.”

  “I’m sorry. I was a dick. I just wanted to let you know what’s going on and what I’m going to do about it starting today.”

  He crossed his arms in front of his chest, tilting his head to the side. “Accepted.”

  “I, uhh…” My gaze dropped to the floor, avoiding his angry stare. “I’m hearing my demons again. Yesterday, I had a terrible bout with my OCD issues. It flooded back into me, and not gradually like before.”

  He pursed his lips and shook his head. “Mate, I understand, but there are a few things you need to understand. We are here for you. Here to listen, here to help. You don’t have to hide, be ashamed…or be an arse. Believe it or not, we all care about your welfare and want you to be happy. Don’t hinder that.”

  His words moved me. Roughly, I said, “Thanks. Elaina scheduled an emergency therapy appointment today. Even though I’m a new patient, she told the receptionist I’m a high suicide risk in order to get me in.”

  “Are you?”

  I shrugged. “It crosses my mind daily, so I guess I am.” He reached out and gave my shoulder a squeeze. “We’re about to head out to the village and see this doctor.”

  “I’m sorry to hear you feel that way, but I’m glad you’re seeking help. We’re right next door if you need us. Keep that in mind.”

  “Yeah, thanks. Well, I have to run. Elaina should be ready to go by now.”

  “Take care.”

  “Yeah… You, too.” I felt self-conscious and pulled away from the awkward situation.

  When I left his house, Elaina was already sitting in the driver’s seat of the Tahoe. I hopped into the passenger si
de. “Everything patched up?”

  “Yeah.” I closed the door and buckled the seatbelt.

  My hands tremored as they landed on my thighs. I continuously rubbed my palms over them. She sat staring at me and I tried not to look at her.

  “Henry, it’s going to be okay.”

  “I’m just nervous.”

  She sighed, then backed out of the driveway.

  Even after Henry left, Gunther stayed by the fireplace. He knew what it was like to contemplate ending the torture, but Henry was further down the hole than he was. While still feeling responsible for the role he played in Henry’s demise, Gunther needed to keep his focus on the things that mattered in his own life, or he would be in that sinking ship, as well.

  After his moment of despondency at the table, he decided he needed to start trying to push his love for Quinn into the back of his mind. Even though he knew it was time, it was a difficult choice. He wasn’t sure he would be able to do so and wondered how Quinn would feel about it.

  Gunther let out a loud sigh and scrubbed a hand over his face, fearing if he tried to push her away, he would lose her altogether, which was something he didn’t want to happen.

  “How did it go?” Cora asked, peeking into the living room.

  “Uhh… With?”

  She gave him a confused look. “With Henry… Did you two patch things up?”

  “Right… Henry. He’s just…sick.”

  “You should take your own advice.”

  He pursed his lips. “I know.”

  Cora tilted her head and gave him a sorrowful look. “How about I make you something to eat?”

  “That would be brill. Thank you,” he murmured.

  Cora smiled as she turned, Gunther following, watching her hips sway in the jeans that perfectly hugged her body.

  Chapter 37

  As Elaina and I sat in the waiting room, the walls started closing in on me. I checked my watch several times, noting the doctor was forty-five minutes late. This was a bad situation for me. I was sweating, shaking, and needed to pace, but I bounced my legs instead.

  “Want me to get you some water?” Elaina whispered.

  “No. I’m fine,” I snapped.

  “I can see that.” I glared at her. “Just try to calm yourself. I’m sure you will be going in soon.”

  “I just want to get this over with.”

  The door opened and a chubby bloke stepped out. “Thank you,” he murmured.

  “Take care, Walter. I’ll see you at your next appointment. Be mindful of the time for your next appointment.”

  I looked at Elaina and mouthed, A woman?

  She elbowed me, saying in a heated whisper, “What’s wrong with that?”

  “Just not what I was expected. I thought it would be some toff, dodgy bastard.”

  “Shhh…”

  “Mr. Daniels?”

  Elaina took my hand as we stood. “Uhh, that’s me.” I jammed my hand into my hair.

  “I’m Dr. Tevara Winley.”

  I gave her a quick once-over. The sequined black top, red skirt, knee-high black leather boots, and the bright red lipstick seemed more nightclub than psychiatrist. She looked like something I would take into the back room of Cam’s before Elaina and I met.

  “Hi. Is it okay if my wife joins us?”

  “Absolutely. However, I do encourage follow-up visits to be alone. I find patients feel less guarded when not around spouses.”

  “Right.” If there were any follow-up visits, Elaina would be by my side. I needed her there in case I cracked.

  My skin was itchy as hell. Every nerve vibrated like a plucked string, leaving me with a serious case of the sweats. I wanted out of there.

  “Have a seat.” Dr. Winley waved us toward the couch, sitting in a chair across from us. “Normally, I go through a quick little speech with my new patients, but my receptionist said this was an emergency visit, so I want to get to the meat of the situation.”

  Flexing both hands, my knuckles cracked. “Yeah.”

  “I want to get you on the correct path of treatment.”

  So many thoughts ran through my head…

  What the fuck am I going to tell this woman?

  How will I even begin to describe my situation and issues to her?

  Why did I even agree to this nonsense?

  I stood and headed to the door.

  “Henry?” Elaina chased after me. “Henry!”

  “I can’t do this, Elaina. I just can’t.”

  She turned to the doctor. “Can you excuse us for a minute? Is there a bathroom or an office I can take him to calm down?”

  “Allow me to step out. I’ll be right outside when you’re ready.” Dr. Winley stood and strode past me, heading out to the waiting room.

  I began pacing the room, repeatedly jamming my hand through my hair. “I can’t do this. I mean, what the hell am I going to say?”

  “You need to get help.”

  “I don’t think this is the way.”

  “Then what is the way, Henry?” she snarled.

  I really didn’t need her attitude. “I don’t know! I just… I can’t do this.” My hand jutted out toward the doctor’s chair.

  “Henry, listen to me-”

  “No! Enough. We’re out of here.”

  She grabbed my shoulder and spun me around. “Don’t get pissy with me. I’m trying to get you the help you need! You agreed to do this!”

  “What I need is to get out of this fucking office!”

  “Henry…” Tears welled in her eyes. “I just want you better.”

  “When will you understand I will never be better? I will have okay moments, but this is what you get, Elaina. This is who I am. So sorry to disappoint you time and time again.”

  She choked on a sob. “I don’t want to wake up to find you gone.”

  My lids slammed shut as I exhaled a sigh. I knew she wasn’t talking about me leaving.

  The chuckle echoing in my mind raked on my nerves. “I need to get out of here before I snap.” I opened the door and stalked into the waiting room.

  “Are we ready to continue?” Dr. Winley asked, smiling.

  “No, I can’t do this,” I said, walking past her.

  “I insist you stay so we can try to get you the help you need, Mr. Daniels.”

  “I’m sorry for wasting your time.” I went to the receptionist, paid for the hour, and headed out the door.

  “Mrs. Daniels…” Dr. Winley curled her lips into her mouth at the sight of Elaina.

  “I apologize for wasting your time.”

  She grabbed Elaina’s arms, stroking them. “Call me if things get out of hand. I can have him hospitalized and placed on watch, if need be.”

  “While it may be a great idea for some, he would freak out. Being forced to stay in a little room, possibly tied to a bed…” She shook her head, thinking about what would happen. “He has had a horrid past and committing him would just be the cherry on the sundae. Thank you, though. Again, I apologize for my husband’s behavior. I assure you, he’s a good man.”

  “I understand, but know that I am willing to help.”

  Elaina nodded and left the office, feeling like they were further away from a solution than they were before.

  Irritated beyond words, Elaina and I didn’t speak a word to one another the rest of the day. Listening to my mother trying to make small talk during dinner was excruciating.

  I ended up leaving the table and went to bed to get away from the feeling of angst coming off Elaina. When she finally came to bed, I lay awake even as she fell asleep beside me. She was so close to the edge of the bed, one false move and she would’ve hit the floor.

  When a storm rolled in, the room lit up from the constant flashes of lightning. Thunder rattled the windows, scaring Nicky awake. I felt relieved to get away from the heavy air lingering in my bedroom.

  After calming and getting him back to sleep, I headed downstairs to watch the show. I sat on the couch, sinking back into the cus
hion. The leather against my skin was soothing.

  There was an intense amount of thunder and lightning, vibrating the flooring beneath my feet. It was beautiful in a dangerous sort of way.

  Felt familiar.

  The stairs creaked and the soft shuffle of bare feet fell upon my ears. I glanced up at my wife standing before me, stunning in her tight tank top and skimpy panties. My gaze drifted back to the window, watching the lightning.

  Doing the only thing that would get my attention, she climbed up and straddled my lap. “Henry… I want you to know I love you.”

  “I love you, too,” I murmured.

  She leaned down and pressed her lips to mine. I didn’t deserve her to be kind to me after I had embarrassed her.

  “Allow me to show you,” she whispered.

  I swallowed hard as she maneuvered her hands under my t-shirt, making me hiss as her nails raked down my chest to my abdomen. She peeled off the shirt and tossed it on the floor.

  “Allow me to love you.”

  Her lips found the pulse in my neck, trailing up to my ear. Her hands massaged my tense shoulders.

  “Allow me to make you feel good.”

  She ran her hands down my sides to the waist of my sleep shorts. We hadn’t made love in a while and it felt bloody good to have her touching my body.

  “Allow me to take you to a place of peace and pleasure.”

  At that point, my soldier was saluting, weeping for the desirable, taut channel. She pulled my shorts down enough to expose me.

  “Allow me to make love to you. To show you how much you mean to me.”

  I watched her slide her panties aside, grab me, then settle down. Oh god… The feeling was a rush of heaven, better than a snug fit with heat radiating through my body.

  The lightning charged the air, thunderous claps sounded, deafening the din of our lovemaking.