Blind Faith (Shattered Lives, Book Four)

by Blakeley, Rissa

  “Have a seat and I will explain our membership options.” Amanda turned to sit, pulling up information on the computer.

  Xander bit his lip, dying a little, knowing he’d follow her anywhere.

  When the tinkling sound of chimes grew louder, Cora realized it was Gunther’s cell phone. He was up in the shower getting ready for work, so she took it upon herself to answer.

  “Hello?”

  “Cora?”

  “Josie?” The scream that came through the phone was deafening. Cora laughed. “How are you, sweetheart?”

  “I’m so glad Gunther wrote! A girl! Congrats.” The smile in her voice was unmistakable.

  “Thank you! Everette is such a joy. She’s happy, loving, and beautiful.”

  “I’m so thrilled.”

  “I assume you and Jake are still together?”

  “Yes! He asked me to marry him.”

  “And?”

  “I said yes!”

  “That’s so wonderful, Josie! Both of you deserve happiness.”

  “He’s an amazing man. It was sweet when he proposed. Poor guy was crying so hard, he could barely get the words out. He will be a wonderful husband…and father.”

  “What?!”

  “I’m pregnant! But don’t tell Gunther. I want to tell him myself.”

  “Okay, okay! My lips are sealed.”

  “Jake got this really great job with the county, supervising the reconstruction of the area. They said they wanted someone young and fresh to show the area strength and perseverance. He totally fits that.”

  “He does. That’s wonderful, Josie. You tell Jake that we are proud of him.”

  “We would like to come for a visit. Jake has a couple weeks’ vacation time he needs to take, and I’m pretty much just cooking this baby. He doesn’t want me working. He’s being such a man over it.”

  “How about we set up something without Gunther knowing and surprise him?”

  “Perfect! How are things between you two?”

  Cora let out a sad laugh. “He’s still Gunther. He’s opened up a little, but I don’t know if that’s just because I’m the mother of his ‘little lass’, as he says.”

  “I’m sure he loves you. He’s just…”

  “Stuck.”

  “Yeah.”

  Crying came through the monitor on the counter. “Ohh… I have to run. Everette is working her lungs again. She’s been clingy and cranky these past couple days.”

  “I’ll work it out with Jake when he can take time off.”

  “Call us back when you find out.”

  “For sure.”

  “I will let him know you called. I’m sure he’ll call you back.”

  “Sounds good. I love you.”

  “Love you, too. ’Bye, sweetheart.”

  “’Bye.”

  Cora set the phone down and jogged upstairs to bring Everette down for breakfast.

  Feeling worse for wear, Gunther rolled out of bed. His dream had jolted him awake about an hour before his alarm went off, but he couldn’t fall back to sleep. Instead, he lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. His thoughts continued to go over the vision, analyzing it.

  Like many nights, Quinn had visited him in his sleep. She always whispered her praise for all he accomplished…and touched him. Whether it was a stroke to his cheek, a rub on his chest, or a grip on his heavy arousal, she spent the dream with him in every sense of the realm.

  This time was no different, but something happened which made him startle upright and wonder what she was trying to tell him.

  Quinn had leaned down to kiss him, and Gunther was happy to oblige. Their lips fluttered, tongues tangled, moans exchanged… Suddenly, she pulled away.

  “Don’t walk in my shadow,” she whispered.

  Her face morphed into Cora’s, causing the hair on his body to stand on end.

  Confused, he said, “Quinn…?”

  “Walk forward, never backward.”

  He scrubbed at his eyes. “Cora…?”

  The face wavered back into Quinn’s. “Don’t walk in my shadow,” she repeated.

  “I… I… I don’t understand what you’re trying to say.”

  Her face shifted once more into Cora’s. “I love you,” she whispered in Quinn’s voice.

  Gunther sat up, panting, and poked at himself to make sure he was awake. He looked around his room, then at the clock. The sounds of the children rose to him from the first floor. He should’ve gotten up to help out, but he couldn’t bring himself to face Cora yet.

  After his alarm went off, he rose with a hiss and headed to the bathroom across the hall. He had a major meeting later that afternoon and needed to tighten up his head. In the vanity mirror, he stared into his gray eyes and wondered what Quinn was trying to tell him.

  “Don’t walk in my shadow…,” he whispered, his voice trailing off. “What the fuck does that mean, Quinn?”

  After a quick brushing of his teeth, Gunther padded to the shower. He cranked it on, then groaned and rubbed his neck. “Fucking virus,” he mumbled. The day before, he needed a donation, but Cora was exhausted from being up all night with Everette. He figured he would ask after his shower.

  Stepping into the spray, he moaned in relief. Occasionally, the hot water helped the ache and, thankfully, this was one of those times. The past few days of back-to-back training sessions was wearing him down.

  He grabbed the bar of soap and washed his upper body. As he bent to wash the lower half, he groaned, palming his lower back. “Motherfucker…”

  The door creaked open. “Gunther? Can I come in?”

  He stood straight and looked through the clear glass shower door, blinking a few times, needing to make sure it was Cora. She peeked in, her gaze lowered to the floor.

  With a shrug, he said, “Sure.”

  The steam settled over her as she stepped in. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but you just got a call and I felt it couldn’t wait.”

  “All right…”

  After rinsing, he turned off the shower and pulled his towel from the top of the door. Once wrapping it around his hips, he stepped out. Cora’s eyes remained focused on the tile floor.

  “Cora… Look at me,” he murmured, approaching her.

  “I’m sorry. I should’ve waited until you were done.” She tried to duck out the door, but Gunther closed it and held it shut. The spicy scent of his freshly showered body intoxicated her. Her gaze drifted up and connected with his. Swallowing hard, she said, “You’re gray.”

  He reached out and tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear. He absolutely wanted to dive in for the momentary sexual release. His eyelids lowered as his arousal stirred to the surface.

  “Touch me.”

  Her eyes widened. “I’m sorry?”

  “Touch me, Cora… Please. Other than when it’s absolutely necessary, you avoid being close to me.”

  “I should go.” She tried to duck under his arm, but he moved closer.

  “Cora, please. Just one touch is all I’m asking for.”

  “Gunther, that’s not fair,” she whimpered.

  “I need to know if I feel something. I feel so dead inside some days, I swear I’m just ghosting through time and space…from day to night, night to day. So, please, I beg you… It doesn’t have to be sexual. Just touch me.”

  Her fingers trembled as she reached up, the tips flitting over his chest, collecting leftover droplets of water. A sigh pushed through his lips and his arousal became obvious, causing a significant bulge under the fluffy, white towel.

  Pinning her against the door, he took her face in his big hands. The look in her eyes damn near killed him. She wanted him for so much more than he felt he could offer. He wanted to make her pain go away and seal the fracture within her heart, but…

  He was scared.

  He was so fucking scared of what would become of them and his memories of Quinn. He knew he needed to move on. Everyone told him he would be able to have room for Cora in his heart, but he wasn�
�t so sure. After opening it only once, he was afraid to unlock Pandora’s Box again.

  “I’m in love with you,” she whispered.

  “Something of which I’m aware.”

  “This is not fair…”

  Quinn’s words played in his head. He could have sworn Cora’s eyes flickered, momentarily changing to Quinn’s. He cupped her cheek and swiped a thumb across her dampened lips. The need to kiss her became so overwhelming, he had to step away.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “You want me to allow this closeness, but won’t allow me into your heart? Help me understand this, Gunther.”

  “I’ve been trying, but I need more time.”

  “You aren’t making a lot of sense to me.”

  “I’m confused, as well.” Every time he glanced at Cora, her eyes wavered, taking on Quinn’s gaze.

  “I can’t just do physical. I need more. You know this already, Gunther. I don’t want to travel any further down that road with you.”

  Tears welled in Cora’s eyes and it made the ache in his soul increase, crushing the air from his lungs. The feelings began to leak out and his mind assimilated the situation to his dream…

  Quinn’s face and voice was morphing into Cora’s. When it hit him, he had to step back, gasping. “Don’t walk in my shadow…,” he whispered.

  Cora’s brows furrowed. “What?”

  He staggered back when he realized what Quinn was saying. She wanted him to move forward.

  “Oh god…”

  “Gunther?”

  The words repeated in his head, making him unable to draw a breath. The panic set in.

  Quinn had let him go.

  “Gunther, what’s wrong?”

  “Can’t…breathe,” he strained, bending over, hand at his throat.

  She grabbed his arm, pushing him down on the lid of the toilet. “Pain in your chest?” He nodded. “Arm hurt?” He shook his head. Thinking he may be hyperventilating or having a panic attack, she pushed on his back. “Lean over.”

  Gunther tipped forward, his arms shaking as he cradled his head. A continuous uncontrolled shudder coursed through his body.

  The crackle in Cora’s knees echoed as she knelt in front of him, pulling his elbows apart. “Gunther, talk to me.” He just whimpered between sharp breaths. “Do you want me to leave you alone?” He nodded. “Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” Once more, he nodded. When she stood and headed to the door, she said, “I hate leaving you like this.”

  Cora watched him struggle for another minute, the distress painful for her to witness. Completely forgetting the original reason she sought him out in the first place, she opened the door and stepped out, clutching her own chest, feeling his agony.

  Before she went down the stairs, she heard sobs coming from behind the door. Touching her palm to the painted wood, she fought the urge to rush in there and hold him while he cried. Her heart shattered into a thousand pieces as she listened to his agony.

  Kate had Everette sitting in her high chair at the table eating pureed pears. “Thank you, sweetheart.”

  “She was crying, so I got her up. But she’s not eating much,” Kate murmured while shoving another spoonful in Everette’s mouth, only for her to spit it back out.

  “That’s okay. Listen, can you watch her for a few more minutes? Gunther isn’t feeling well and I want to bring him a cup of tea before he leaves for work.”

  “Yeah, but if she wrecks that diaper, she’s all yours.”

  Laughing, Cora said, “No problem.”

  She headed into the kitchen and started the teakettle. Heavy footfalls above made her glance toward the ceiling. When a door slammed, she pursed her lips with worry.

  His words ran through her head. Don’t walk in my shadow… What did he mean by that? She pulled at her bottom lip and continued to think.

  “Breakfast… Omelet coming up,” she said to herself.

  She quickly grabbed the eggs, leftover ham, and cheese from the fridge. After firing up another burner on the range, she dropped a small spoonful of clarified butter in the pan. She poured in the eggs, then dished up a bowl of fruit salad.

  Hearing more heavy footfalls in Gunther’s bedroom, she assumed he was pacing. Her heart went out to him, but he needed to know what he meant to her. Maybe that would help him get to the place in his heart he needed to.

  More than bearing his child, more than helping care for his children, she wanted to show him she could be a wife to him. Someone he could not only desire, but who could take care of him. That was what he needed.

  The kettle whistled, making her rush around to grab a cup and the diffuser for the fancy tea he had bought her for her birthday. Finishing the omelet, she plated it up and placed everything on a serving tray. She smiled at her efforts, adding a cloth napkin and silverware next to the plate.

  Cora headed back up the stairs and knocked, asking for permission to enter not only his room, but also his heart.

  Gunther opened his door just enough to see who it was. He was in sad shape, having a tear-streaked face and swollen eyes.

  She lifted the tray slightly. “Umm… I made you breakfast.”

  Still in the towel, he opened the door further, letting her pass by. After she set the tray on his desk, he stared in disbelief as he looked over the plate. Omelet… Not his first choice, but there was tea.

  That went miles with him.

  Cora cooked for the family, but she had never put such a loving touch on it just for him before.

  “Thank you,” he managed, working through the rough rasp in his throat.

  “You’re welcome. Enjoy your breakfast.”

  As she left the room, he stared at the plate. As much shit as he put her through, she still wanted him to feel loved.

  And, fuck… She sure as hell did make him feel loved.

  Chapter 40

  Things couldn’t get any better with Edge. Between the sponsorship and the continued influx of new members, business was booming so much, we had to hire two more trainers just to keep up with the demand. I couldn’t have been more proud of the accomplishments Gunther and I had made. Nevertheless, there was one problem…

  As quickly as everything peaked, there was an even larger valley following it.

  My personal life was in shambles. I wasn’t managing my time well, which took a major toll on Elaina and me. With all the shit in my head, it was easier for me to stay busy away from home, rather than listening to the noise in the house. When I was home, I was in bed or partying with Nicky in the late night hours.

  I loved my wife to death and would do anything for her, but we were all over the map. At times, we were at each other’s throats so much over my behavior, I felt like our end was near.

  Our sex life became nearly non-existent. When we did, it was just a quick hard fuck to get us both off. There was no passion, no emotion behind the actions like there used to be. I missed the days when I could stare into her beautiful eyes while making love, feeling every bit of the adoration we shared. The wells had run dry and I didn’t know what to do to refill them.

  Most, if not all, of our problems stemmed from me. At least that’s what Elaina told me every fucking time I tried to talk to her about what was going on between us. It seemed as if the happily ever after was a true fairytale. Just once in my life, I wish I could carry on like a normal person, enjoying my career and looking forward to coming home after a hard day’s work.

  Sleep was a luxury. My demons would come and go, invading my mind as if they owned me, which wasn’t far from the truth.

  My OCD would come and go, sometimes leaving for days, sometimes for weeks, but was always a reminder of how things would never be lined up the way I needed them to be.

  As soon as I thought I tightened the grip on everything, something triggered it all again. It was frustrating and stressful, and I dreaded every minute the echo carried on. I silently begged for it all to stop.

  There were times I begged for my own silence.

  B
esides growing distant from Elaina, the other major issue I was plagued with was my anger had reached an all-time high. I was on a hair trigger and it wasn’t working out so well for anyone around me.

  The day at Edge started much like every other with back-to-back training sessions. I was instructing a new client, Will Jarvis, in the basic techniques of kickboxing. This bloke was a total knob from the get-go. It was as if he didn’t have a care in the world. Moron.

  “Square your stance,” I instructed. Will pushed his shoulders back. “Perfect. One hand on guard at all times so when you throw a punch, you’re ready to receive.” Before I knew it, the bastard punched me right in the face. I laid my hand on my cheek, rubbing the sting, and glared at him. “What the fuck?!”

  He shrugged. “You didn’t have a hand on guard.”

  My face heated from the anger. “Are you fucking for real?”

  “Just messing around.” Will laughed, then whispered, “Slowpoke.”

  The arrogant fuck. “Really?” I stalked right to him, pressing my chest into his. “You call sucker punching someone messing around? What the fuck is wrong with you?”

  The air grew heavy from the tension, and a crowd formed. Between them and my demons, the whispers were harsh.

  “Ease back, brother,” he warned.

  “Fuck you, you bitty twat.” I stuck my finger in his face and growled, “I’m revoking your membership.”

  Will’s jaw dropped for a moment before he yelled, “You can’t do that!”

  “Bullshit. If you read the fine print on your contract, it states either Gunther or I can revoke your membership at any time when you act like a cocksucking son of a bitch!” He shoved me and that was it. I grabbed him by the neck and threw him down on the mat. Hovering over him, I yelled, “Stand up, you bitch!” He staggered to his feet and stepped back. “You want to learn to fight. Let’s have a go then. Show me what you’ve got.”

  Will came at me and I blocked every punch he threw. “Come on, baby girl. Let’s go! Fight me!” I punched him in the face. His nose exploded and blood ran everywhere. “Come on!” When he threw another punch, I grabbed his arm and cranked it behind him. “Now, you want to leave peacefully, or do I-”