“If?” she questioned.
“We are giving Luke a fifty percent chance of survival.”
“And he agreed?” Michelle asked, holding up a picture of him in the front yard of a house with a young, dark-haired boy. “In this picture, it looks like he has a family.”
Erik took a deep breath. “Well, to be honest, he doesn’t know yet.”
“What?!” Michelle stood.
“Please, sit.”
“How can you make us agree when he doesn’t even know?”
“I have full confidence I can talk him into this.”
“You better hope so,” Joseph warned. “Because if I’m wasting time, I won’t be happy.”
“And neither would I. However, I’m confident enough to have you all in place ahead of time. Consider that. I will be flying out in two days to do a… How shall I put it?” Erik smiled. “A meet-and-greet.”
“Why do I get the feeling this is all very illegal on both shores?” Erik nodded at Michelle’s observation. “I hope I haven’t made a mistake,” she mumbled, staring at the picture once more.
Chapter 42
-Gamebridge, New York-
“How have you been doing?” Gunther asked, sitting on his porch steps and leaning against the rail.
I shrugged. “Same old bullshit, different day.”
“Hmm… That’s not convincing me you’re ready to come back.”
“Shocker,” I muttered, rubbing at my beard.
“You look like shit, mate. Are you eating and sleeping?”
“Sort of.”
“What does that mean?”
“I don’t know… I don’t eat with Elaina anymore because she’d rather not sit with me. Therefore, when I do eat, it’s usually standing in the kitchen. Sometimes a plate of food, sometimes just a snack.”
“You think you two are going to break up?”
“Christ, I don’t know. She hardly talks to me. The last time she actually spoke to me—and I use that term loosely because it was more like yelling and crying—was about a week ago. I suppose we’re just roommates at this point. We’re still sleeping in the same bed, but she sleeps so close to edge, I’m certain one false move and she will hit the floor.”
“So no ‘fun’?”
A sad chuckle escaped me. “It’s a rare occasion. Usually it’s just a quick, hard fuck and that’s it.”
“And what do you think has caused all this excessive tension in your relationship?”
I turned and glared at him. “Really? You some sort of relationship counsellor now?”
“No, but I want everything to be out in the open.”
After a hearty sigh, I said, “It’s me and my behavior. You know this. Why are you even asking?”
“I just want it clear.”
“I know I’m ninety-nine percent the issue here.”
He shifted and hoisted his big leg up, laying it across a step. He cocked his head to the side when he looked at my back. “You carrying?”
“Yeah. Don’t you?” I knew the answer, but I wanted to make it sound like it was normal.
“No. Cora’s too nervous about guns. I keep one in my truck, one in my nightstand, and the rest locked in a safe.”
“We have a safe, as well.”
“When did you start carrying again?” I rolled my eyes. “You didn’t for a while.”
“What do you do? Watch me every moment of the day? Got a spy on me?” I muttered.
His heavy palm landed on my shoulder and squeezed. “Mate… Let’s start with I’m not watching you. However, I have a trained eye, as do you, for these things. You still feel like someone is watching you?”
“I can’t shake the feeling. Nicky and I were at the store picking up some stuff and, I swear to you, I saw that pot-bellied, mullet-wearing twat.”
“I’m sure some people have pot-bellies and bad hair. Next time, slip a business card into his bag.” He chuckled.
“No… It’s not funny. It’s the same guy. If Nicky wasn’t with me, I would have gone after him.”
“Why would someone be following you around?”
“I don’t know, but I never seem to be in a good position to chase the motherfucker down.”
“This just sounds-”
“Crazy, I know. Believe me, Elaina has told me many times how crazy I am.”
He stared at me as if he were trying to analyze me. “Listen, I don’t think you’re ready to come back.”
I pursed my lips and began to get emotional. “I’m losing everything. I can’t lose the gym, too.”
“You’re not losing the gym. You just aren’t ready to deal with any sort of clients.”
“I need something. A lifeline… Please, let me do something,” I pleaded. “I won’t train anymore. I can make appointments, do the books, something.” I wiped the tears off my cheeks.
“You know I see you like a brother, right?” I nodded. “I want to do what’s going to be right for you. I don’t want to add to the mess in your head.”
“Please…”
Gunther blew out a breath. “Let me think about it. Maybe you can do the books from home for a while. Then, eventually, we can reintegrate you back into the gym. One step at a time. Until then, I want you to really put forth an effort into healing your mind.”
“This is the worst I have ever felt. The lowest. I mean, when I lost Elaina after my last bender when she was pregnant with Nicky… God, that was bad, but this… I feel like a fucking outcast in my own life.”
“I can understand why you feel that way. I imagine I would feel the same.”
When I turned, we locked gazes. “Then don’t do this to me.”
“We’ll get you on track. Just give me a little more time to get a plan together. That’s all.”
“Okay,” I croaked and stood from the steps.
“It’s nothing personal. You’re a good guy, Henry. You just need to get your head screwed on right.”
“Yeah, I got it. Thanks.” I waved and lumbered back home.
“Henry,” Gunther called out, but I completely ignored him.
I went into the house, seeing my mum and Elaina staring at me from the couch. After slamming the door, I headed for the stairs.
“What did he say?” Mum asked.
I paused with my foot on the bottom stair and my hand on the rail. “I’m not ready and maybe we can work something out to slowly integrate me back in, like doing the books from home or something.”
“That’s something, isn’t it?” Mum said, coasting up to me.
I turned and stared at my wife, who remained on the couch. “It’s not enough. I know some have lost everything, but I have, too.” I pointed to my head. “Try living in this for five minutes and see how long you survive.” Then I jogged up the stairs, slamming the bedroom door behind me.
Anne turned and looked at Elaina. “I don’t even know what to do for him anymore.”
Elaina sighed. “Some days, I just want to love the hurt from him, but I’ve tried that. I’ve tried everything. I don’t know how to get him to go from feeling helpless to feeling like he can conquer his demons.”
“I know you have.” She went back to the couch and sat, wrapping her arms around Elaina. “You have done right by my son and have done so much more than you should have.”
“It feels unrepairable at this point, Anne. I don’t think Henry will ever come back. And I don’t think we will ever be back. What he doesn’t realize is I need him, too.”
Sitting back against the cushion, Anne adjusted her skirt. “He does, Elaina. I can see the pain of your absence in his eyes.”
“But he’s so caught up in his own tragic tale, he can’t see what I need. He can only see what he wants and needs. I love that man so much and I would sacrifice myself to save him, but I have to shut him away from me because Nicky needs one of us to stay afloat.” Elaina quickly wiped her cheeks.
When she dropped her hand to her lap, Anne took it. “You’re doing all you can. We just have to keep encour
aging him.”
“How much more can I take before I have to tell him to leave?”
Anne’s eyes widened and she placed a hand at her throat. “You absolutely can’t do that. He would surely kill himself if you did. I think you two can repair this fracture.”
“I don’t know anymore. All the hope I had for us has been sucked dry.”
“Please, don’t give up on him. You’ve had some really good times and done wonderful things together.”
“We’ve also had some seriously bad times. Don’t get me wrong. My love for him will always be strong, but it will also always be the bane of my existence.”
With that, Elaina pushed to her feet and headed into the kitchen.
Chapter 43
So there I was, still stuck at home. I could have gone out more than the few times I had, but I was sure my bike was on autopilot and I would have found myself back at the gym.
There was no way I could handle another confrontation with Gunther. The chat we had the day before left me raw and filled with ire. All of it lingering beneath the surface would lead to a situation that would spiral out of control.
Elaina took Mum and Nicky to the grand re-opening of the library. They wanted me to go with them, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do so. The house would finally be serene, and I was going to enjoy the peace and quiet around me while I could. No glares from Elaina, no words of wisdom from my mum, no screaming from Nicky. I loved my family, but I sometimes needed peace to sort myself straight.
Well, as straight as I could.
I settled at the dining room table with a cup of coffee and my journal, trying to wake up after another sleepless night. My energy level was at an all-time low. At least I was showered and dressed in something other than gym shorts and a t-shirt. Progress.
I had only written two sentences when someone knocked on the door. As my usual paranoia kicked in, I reached behind my back and made sure my Sig was in place. Another knock made me jump.
The chair scraped across the hardwood as I rose. Cautious and noiseless, I stepped to the window to peer through the curtain. Whoever it was stood so close to the door, I couldn’t see him or her. I cursed under my breath over my ridiculous behavior. It was probably just one of the kids.
I was silent as I moved to the door. A third round of knocking caused my anger to bubble beneath the surface, threatening to boil over. Shaking out my hands and cranking my head back and forth, readying myself, I counted down from three in my head, then grabbed the handle and yanked open the door, my anger gushing forth when I saw him.
Erik Carlson, the rat-faced bastard who ran the lab in the program. The one who actually made the fucking virus that tainted my mind, body, and everyday being.
I charged at him and pressed his bony body up against the pillars of the front porch, my Sig jammed into his temple.
“Please! D-don’t shoot!” he screamed.
“Give me a motherfucking reason not to,” I growled.
“W-we need to have a p-proper chat,” he whimpered.
I pushed him further into the pillar. “Get the fuck out of my life.”
“I-I’ve come to h-help you.”
“You need to go fuck yourself. I don’t want any more of your kind of help.” I pressed the Sig harder into his temple.
“L-Liam, please…” He swallowed. “J-just listen to me.”
“I think you’ve helped me plenty.”
“I know what I did was wrong a-and I’ve spent the last couple years trying to fix it.” I laughed. “What’s so funny?”
“You can’t fix this, you slimy fuck! What the fuck is wrong with you?! You made a death sentence, which I’m wearing around my neck every goddamn day of my existence.”
His next words hit me straight in the chest.
“Liam, I’ve developed a cure.”
“Stop calling me that! My name is Henry! And don’t fuck with me!”
“I’m not! I swear. I s-swear on my family!”
There was something about the desperation in his voice and the sincere look in his squinty, dirty brown eyes. My gaze ticked around the area, scanning for any goons. I fine-tuned my hearing for anything other than the usual surrounding noises.
I grabbed him by his scrawny neck and shoved him inside the house, slamming the door behind us. “Sit! If you try anything funny, I will drain you and watch the life fade from your eyes.” His whole body tremored, focusing on the business end of the Sig as he lowered himself into a chair at the table. “You have five minutes.” I pulled my phone out of my pocket and brought up the timer app. After setting it, my thumb hovered over the START button. “Do not waste a second. Explain everything. If you don’t, I will not think twice. Have I made myself perfectly clear?”
Erik pushed his glasses up on his nose and ran his hand through his spiky, drab hair. The bloke tugged at his jacket and audibly swallowed not once or twice, but three times. “Y-yes,” he choked out.
“Very well then.” With a sadistic edge, I smirked. “This is great fun, yes?” I tapped the button. “Start talking.”
He was silent for a few moments, then stuttered, “I-I, uhh…”
“You just wasted thirty seconds.”
“Roger took every last bit of the virus with him, and everyone has left the facility. I have no one and nothing to inject.”
“Pity,” I muttered.
His words came out with such speed, they almost slurred together. “I want to right my wrongs. I believe we can cure you with an injectable antiserum Tess and I made from the blood of a chimp that was turning.”
“I think I’ve had enough with injectables.”
“It’s a long, involved process.”
“Three minutes,” I warned, watching the seconds ticking away, willing them to move faster.
“I, uhh….” He paused for a moment, looking for something to try to convince me. “I have a team ready to act as necessary. I wanted-”
“Two minutes.”
He wiped the sweat from his brow. “I wanted to ask you to join me and allow me to try and cure you.”
My eyes lifted from my phone screen. “So you think you’re going to use me as a fucking guinea pig? How about I give you a grand send off with a bullet to your head because, thanks to you, that’s what’s going to happen to me.” I glanced back down at my phone. “One minute.”
“There’s so much more explaining to do than I can do in just five minutes.”
“Thirty seconds…”
Erik’s Adam’s apple bobbed several times. He was nervous as hell, and rightfully so. I wasn’t joking around. I would kill him. It was my due and privilege for what they had put me through.
“I’m fifty percent certain I can cure you. A chance at true survival.” I pressed the end of the Sig into his temple again. “Please…” He raised his hands. “I want to help you…and Gunther. Allow me to do so!”
Beep – beep – beep.
I watched the fear in his eyes blossom into absolute terror. Erik quaked in the chair as the chime continued to fill the air around us. The sweat persisted on his forehead, beading up and running down his face, causing his glasses to slip down his nose once again.
It was brilliant to watch someone who wronged me feel what I had for ages. It was so fucking glorious, it made my cock thicken.
The chime sustained rhythm and volume, stealing the silence stretching between us. I tapped my thumb on the STOP button, making Erik whimper.
A smirk lifted my lips. “Now you know how it feels to be me and on the verge of demise at any moment. And if I say I will do it?”
“We will work out the details. You’ll have a few options about handling the situation.”
“Is that so?”
“Yes. You get to choose your own path as to whether you go through this, or live your life as you do right now.”
I have to admit, choosing my own destiny was something I craved since my freedom to choose was taken from me ages ago. “Tell me why.”
“I need to
rectify what has happened. I was stupid to follow along and create what I did. I regret everything. I took part in killing hundreds of thousands of people. Children…innocent victims. All for nothing. If I can cure you-”
“So you want to feel better about yourself. This is for you, not us.”
“No… Well, yes. I want you to live like me. Normal. I feel I can do that. Let me try.”
“Why me?”
“Because Roger was the worst to you. He was… I read your file and know he was your father. Please, allow me to help you.”
Cranking my head to the side, I tried to surpass a shudder.
I desired a normal existence. Maybe my demons would permanently leave me. Maybe my OCD would finally go away. Maybe Elaina and I could get back on track. “When do I need to decide?”
“You can take your time, but I need to explain so much more to you. Let me give you my card. You can call me and we can chat about the process.”
I didn’t trust him. “Where?”
“Where what?”
“Your card, you imbecile!”
“Inside my jacket. Front left pocket.”
I dropped my phone in my pocket, still keeping my gun trained on him, and reached into his jacket, fishing around for his card, then tucked it next to my phone. I grabbed him by the throat and yanked him to a standing position, marching him across the room. Swinging open the door, I shoved Erik back out to the front porch.
I spun him around and growled in his face, “Leave. I will phone with my decision either way. If you come back here or try to contact me, I swear I will make you bleed to death one drop at a time.”
I lowered my Sig to my side and pushed him down the porch steps. He scurried up from the sidewalk and jogged off to his rented Toyota. I stood with my arms crossed, a menacing vibe surrounding me, letting him know not to fuck with me. I held his weak stare until he backed out of the driveway and headed off.
After tucking my Sig into my jeans, I pulled his business card out of my pocket. As I ran my thumb over the fancy embossed printing, I contemplated. The decision was mine to make. I could live as I was, or I could die trying to get to the normal I craved.
Blind Faith (Shattered Lives, Book Four) Page 38
