Blind Faith (Shattered Lives, Book Four)

by Blakeley, Rissa

  “I can rattle him-”

  “No. I don’t want him to get hurt.”

  “I won’t hurt him, just scare him a bit.”

  “I really don’t think it would be effective. He would become combative and it would get ugly. I just need you to help me keep an eye on him.”

  “I can do that. Whatever you need, Anne.”

  A pang of guilt ran through Gunther as he watched Anne fight her emotions.

  “Well, thank you. I need to get back. He’s alone with Nicky.”

  Gunther sat straight. “Do you think he would harm him?”

  “No. I’m amazed about his patience for his son. It’s a beautiful thing to witness. I just wish he was like that with all of us.”

  Gunther stood as Anne did. “If you need anything, don’t hesitate to call or come get me. If he gets out of hand, I want to know.”

  “Yes. Thank you, Gunther,” she said, heading toward the door.

  “You’re welcome. I have no problem kicking his arse if he hurts her again.”

  Anne nodded and walked out of the house, feeling good knowing Gunther was ready to take charge if need be. Someone had to.

  Elaina wasn’t talking to me and was sleeping in my mum’s room, and my mum was hardly looking at me, making me feel shameful, and rightfully so. I just wanted them to acknowledge me and allow me to apologize, but I didn’t foresee that happening anytime soon.

  Gunther was buzzing around, as well. I had a feeling he knew what happened and was keeping an eye on the situation.

  I had to do something before I completely lost myself. I figured it was time to decide what I would do about Erik’s offer. The decision wasn’t that difficult to make now because of my poor behavior. I needed to change before I did something worse than I already had. If I could get rid of the virus, my demons and poor behavior would go with it. They had to… It couldn’t possibly be any other way.

  I had to do this for me and my family. There were no other options.

  As I stalked into the gym, clients and staff stopped me four times before I made it to my office, which frustrated me even more. Immediately after closing the door and locking it, I pulled the blinds. Fishing Erik’s business card out of my wallet, I stared at it for a while before dialing the number.

  Ring.

  Ring.

  “Pick up, asshole,” I growled.

  Ring.

  “Hullo?”

  “Carlson, it’s Daniels.”

  “Mr. Daniels, how are you-”

  “Yes.”

  His swallow was audible. “Yes… As in yes, let’s do this?”

  “Yes. Let’s go ahead before I change my mind.”

  “Let’s meet at Reede’s. Leo Harrison is my check-in name. We can discuss the details over lunch in the café. Bring a typical outfit of yours, something blending in with what you wear every day.”

  That wouldn’t be a problem. Edge’s logo was something I wore more often than not.

  I began thinking it might not be a good idea if Carly was working, but I was sure I could come up with some sort of wild tale.

  “I’ll be there at eleven.”

  “Excellent. Before you hang up, I need your height and weight.”

  “Six-two, two-fifteen.”

  “Your American measures,” he chuckled. “I’ll be seeing you in a bit.”

  “See you.” I hung up.

  I sat back in my chair and kicked my trainers up on my desk. I just signed my death certificate, and all I could think about was Elaina. Was I being delusional to think my absence would affect her? Maybe. My boy would be okay. He was too young to understand. My mum would be fine, as well. She was tougher than anyone I knew, no thanks to the sperm donor of a father of mine.

  If I could come back healthy and only needed to worry about everyday life, it would all be worth it. I expect Elaina would be happy if Erik cured me of everything which ails me. Maybe this would get her back on my side. After the meeting and work, I planned to sit down with her and try to make amends.

  Hoping Carly wasn’t working, I walked through the tall glass doors of Reede’s Hotel, gym bag in hand.

  Of course, Carly was standing at the front desk.

  I cursed under my breath before I announced my entrance. “Hey, Carly.”

  “Henry!” She strolled around the desk, her beautiful ginger hair flowing behind her, and embraced me. “How the hell are you, stranger?”

  I forced a smile. “I’m good. Been busy with the gym and everything.”

  “You okay? Is everything okay?” Her eyes grew huge and she slapped her hands over her mouth. “Oh god… Is Gunther okay?”

  I had to laugh. Bird still had it bad for him. “Everything is good. How’s Joel?”

  “He’s doing well. He and Gunther have their first father/son weekend. Joel is so excited. Cora invited me to stay for dinner when I drop him off Friday.”

  “That’s lovely. I bet Gunther is just as excited.”

  “He is. He’s an amazing father. Frankly, I’m shocked how hands-on he is. He’s helping me potty train him.” She smiled. “Anyway, what brings you here?”

  “An old mate phoned and said he was in town, wanting to meet me for lunch at the café.”

  “Is he staying here?”

  “Yes. Leo Harrison.”

  “Oh, right. He’s such a gentleman. Nerdy, but sweet.” She laughed and I joined in, humoring her.

  I looked through the doors of the café. “He’s already in there. Can I ask a favor? Can you not tell Gunther I was here? I’m kind of working on something for him.”

  “Of course! I wouldn’t want to ruin a surprise. Lunch is on the house.”

  “I couldn’t possibly-”

  “No arguing. Go to your mate.” She chuckled. “I get such a giggle out of your language.”

  With a smile, I shook my head. “The same language…different slang.”

  “It’s just much more fun than ours! Anyway, enjoy your lunch.”

  “Thank you.”

  “You are very welcome.”

  I turned and headed into the café. As soon as Erik saw me, he stood and waved. “Such a pleasure, mate. Been too long! It’s been… What? Almost five years or so?” I saw his eyes fix behind me as we shook hands.

  “I can’t believe it myself.” I turned and Carly was smiling. I didn’t even realize she was behind me.

  “I love reunions! So exciting.” She clapped her hands. “I’ll get you the menus. I told Henry lunch is on the house.”

  Erik caught the panic before it ran rampant across his face. “Oh, you two know each other?” he asked with a smile.

  “Sort of. His friend, or mate, is my son’s father. He’s British, too. Maybe you know him. Gunther Erikkson?”

  I laughed. “Carly, we aren’t a rare breed. Not all Brits know each other.”

  Her cheeks pinked up. “I suppose that’s true.”

  Erik laughed. “Actually, I do know him.”

  Wasn’t that the truth? The life-changing injection passed from his hand to Gunther’s. “I told Carly I was setting up something for him—a surprise, of sorts—and to keep our meeting quiet.”

  “Indeed. Definitely a surprise of a lifetime.”

  “Well, I’ll just get your menus and get a server for you so you two can get down to business.” Carly ran off.

  “Shit, that was close,” I muttered under my breath, handing him the gym bag.

  Erik and I sat. He leaned in. “He has a child?”

  Distracted by the ill alignment of the salt and pepper shakers, I lined them up several times, checking the angles, before Erik put his hand on mine. “I’m sorry. What was that again?” I asked.

  “Gunther has a child?”

  “Seven. Three are his blood, and the others are adopted. The oldest stayed in North Carolina with her fiancé.”

  “Wow. I would’ve never guessed he would be the sort.”

  “He’s really made a huge turnaround and is a great father. It makes him happy.
I admire that about him.”

  “Impressive, to say the least.” Erik tilted his head and smirked. “Although, I’m shocked you two have made amends.”

  “Initially, it wasn’t by choice, but we’ve learned to get along quite swimmingly.” Carly set the menus in front of us, saying our waitress would be right with us. When she scurried off, I said, “Okay, let’s get down and dirty so I can get back to work before Gunther questions where I am.”

  “I need a mold of your face and detailed photographs of your body.”

  “For?”

  “So we can make someone look similar to you. I have an associate looking for someone with a body built like yours.”

  “You aren’t going to take anyone out, are you?”

  He swished his hand through the air. “No. I wouldn’t think of it. We’ll be working with a coroner. He will be the one who shows up on scene to declare you…you know.”

  I narrowed my eyes at him. “You are a shady motherfucker, Carlson. I can’t believe it, but I don’t have a choice, do I?”

  He shrugged. “If you want to keep your disappearance quiet, you’ll just have to go with the flow.” I shook my head and sighed. “We won’t have a lot of time once the right one is found. Therefore, everything has to be in place ahead of time. I will phone you when it’s time, then you’ll have forty-eight hours at most.”

  “So this could happen tomorrow?”

  “Or two months from now. Either way, you have to prepare. We’re thinking suicide…gunshot to the head. You’ll need to leave a note explaining the reasoning.” I shuddered, knowing how close I was to that many times. “Tell me. Do you have any issues, or are you generally happy? I think you’ll need to act as if you have slipped into a deep depression.”

  I smirked. “I’ve got that handled.”

  “Also, you’ll need to get all your assets in order.”

  “Are you fella’s ready to order?” the waitress asked, surprising us both.

  “Ahh, yeah… I’ll have a…” I whipped open the menu and ordered the first sandwich I came to. “Turkey on rye, hold the mayo, with sweet potato fries and bottled water.”

  “And for you, sir?”

  “You know, that sounds delightful. I’ll have the same, please.”

  “Perfect. I’ll put this in and be back with your water in a moment.”

  As she walked away, Erik continued, “Get a will made. Do you have a lawyer?”

  “Yeah. We needed one to buy the gym and transfer the house into our name.”

  “Excellent. There are many little details I’ll work out for you. Paperwork…” The waitress set our drinks in front of us and hurried off. “Paperwork, travel, et cetera. We need to meet very soon to do the mold. Can you come tonight?”

  “No. I have two personal training sessions and won’t be out until around eight. I need to be home when my son decides to party in the evening hours, so my wife can sleep.”

  “Hmm…” He tapped his chin. “Can you take time tomorrow morning?”

  “I’m off tomorrow. I should be able to come up with an excuse.”

  “Perfect.”

  “How does the mold thing work?”

  “This bloke is a magician. I’ve seen his work. Absolutely brilliant.”

  His twisted smile creeped me out, and I didn’t want to know anymore.

  After the waitress delivered our meals, I situated the food on my plate so the fries lined up perfectly. However, there was one which was two-thirds the size of the rest. I stared at it for a minute before I tucked it under the lip of the plate so I couldn’t see it.

  As I examined the stack once more, Erik lifted his brow. “Everything okay?”

  “Yeah. I just…” I glanced away, embarrassed. Most of the time, I had no idea I was doing it until someone pointed it out. It was always worse when my stress was at the max.

  “I can bring in a therapist to work with you during the treatment.”

  “I’m fine,” I snapped, picking up my sandwich and taking a bite.

  As I chewed, the seriousness of the situation hit me. My beautiful wife… I hope she accepts my apology.

  I swallowed and took a sip of my water. “Let me at least tell Elaina. She won’t say anything.”

  “No. I can’t have that.”

  “Shit. My mum and my boy… Fuck.” I sighed.

  “I understand, but this is how it has to be.”

  I picked up a fry, careful not to knock any out of place, and pointed it at Erik. “Then you make me a promise.”

  “Okay…”

  “If I don’t make it through the process, I want you to come back here and talk to her, telling her exactly what happened. I want to keep a video journal while I’m there.”

  “We can do that.”

  “I want to have proof of what was going on because if I just show back up, she will think I was lying to her. I don’t exactly have the best track record of truthfulness.”

  “Whatever you need, I will provide for you.”

  “Thank you.”

  We finished our conversation and lunches, then said our fake goodbyes as Carly watched from the desk. I left the hotel with fear in my steps.

  The deal was sealed.

  Henry was going to die.

  And I hoped for a rebirth.

  As soon as Henry left, Erik phoned Xander.

  “I’m in the middle of something, Carlson. This had better be good.”

  “Very well. I’ll be quick.”

  “Faster… No, not you, baby.” Then Xander barked, “Erik, faster… Come on.”

  “We’re on.”

  There was a crash, a shout of pain, then a female giggled. “Sorry about that. I, uhh… No matter. He’s game?” The female voice came through again, but Xander said, “In a minute, baby. I’m working here.”

  “Yes. I just met with him and talked over a few details.”

  “Perfect! I’ll get us squared away with Solly and the double.”

  Erik smirked. “Excellent.”

  “Got to run… Fuck, baby. Gimme a sec,” Xander muttered. “Got some business to finish up here. Fuck me… Yes, just like that.”

  “Right. Chat with you soon,” Erik said, hanging up to avoid hearing anymore of Xander’s personal business dealings.

  Just as I walked in the door, Elaina was carrying Nicky upstairs to bed, so I followed behind her. Her vanilla scent hit me hard and made my knees weak. It had been so long since I was that close to her. When she realized I was right behind her, she staggered a little and nervously glanced over her shoulder, doing her best not to make eye contact.

  “Let me take him,” I said.

  “I’ve got him.”

  Crushed, I followed her into his room. She swayed in front of the crib with him nestled into her neck. Her hand tremored as it circled his back. It was obvious she was terrified of me. Hell, I was terrified of myself.

  As she laid Nicky down, he puckered his lips and made a few sucking noises. He was perfect and sweet. I patted his belly, kissed my fingers, and touched his forehead.

  Elaina ducked out of the room, but I caught her in the hallway. “’Laina… Can I talk to you?” It wasn’t a talk I was looking forward to, but she needed to know all the dark details of my depraved past before I had to leave.

  “I’m not ready for one of your chats.” She started down the stairs.

  I couldn’t blame her, but in order to begin silencing my demons, I needed to confess. “’Laina… Please,” I croaked. “I’m begging you. If you’re too uncomfortable being alone with me, my mum can be in the room. I have to tell you something extremely important.”

  “Family room,” she said before jogging down the stairs.

  Once again, I followed behind. When I walked into the family room, my mum was on the couch, watching television. Elaina sat beside her, but leaned forward, her hands cupping her face. With a raised brow, my mum watched me sit on my trunk we used as a coffee table directly in front of Elaina.

  I spent several momen
ts in silence, berating myself. I was having second thoughts, but it was the only way.

  “Elaina…” I reached out and touched her hands, but they stayed put. Her strength was unyielding in times of anger and sadness. “Please, love. Look at me.” The tears had already begun flowing from my eyes.

  A shake of her head led me to believe she was hiding her emotions. Maybe she wasn’t as strong as I thought. I did this to her. I had broken my wife.

  Glancing at my mum, I said, “I want to apologize.”

  “You can, but I don’t think it’ll be accepted.” She began to stand, but Elaina reached out and gripped her thigh.

  The exposed half of Elaina’s face showed me how much I had destroyed her. Dark circles, drawn face, lips taut, and no glimmer in her eyes. There wasn’t even a sparkle of her usual devil, only a hollowed look of defeat.

  My mum settled back in the couch, crossing her arms and legs. There was no sense in pushing, but they needed to hear what I had to say.

  Clearing my throat, I started, “I want to tell you about my journal entry ‘I want to die’. You remember it?”

  Both Mum and Elaina nodded. I took a deep breath in a lame attempt to control the horrific images continually running through my head.

  “I was seventeen. One afternoon, Sophie and I were having sex in one of the bathrooms when Drew walked in. He reminded us sex between recruits was against the rules of the program. He sent us back to our rooms and told us to wait for punishment.

  “About an hour later, Roger came into my room and dragged me into the hall. Every recruit was lined up against the walls, and Drew had Sophie by the back of the neck.” I was choking up so I paused. After a whimper, I continued. “He put a syringe in her hand and told her to inject me. She refused because he didn’t tell us what was in it, but Drew grabbed her arm and dragged her to me, adjusting the syringe in her hand so her thumb was on plunger. He shoved her hand toward my arm, forcing her to jab it in, then forced her thumb down on the plunger. She screamed, not knowing if she had just killed me. No matter how much she fought, Drew held her still.

  “Roger was laughing the entire time. He went into this speech about how I thought I was above the rules. When whatever was in the syringe started kicking in, I started getting hard. I covered myself with my hands, but Roger pulled out a knife and held it to my throat, saying he would slice me wide open if I didn’t remove my hands. I dropped them and stood with a tent in my pants as everyone stared. I was so humiliated.”