Josephine Marlin and The Alternatives

by Karen Eastland

  ‘How do you know that?’ asked Kaz, in a tone that gave me the willies.

  ‘Well,’ I said, shaking the willies off, ‘Daddy’s on the board of a hospital, and I’ve had the full tour with a cute orderly called Jason.’

  ‘Oh God!’ Kaz groaned and glanced in Ann’s direction with a look of, ‘Don’t you dare’ on her face.

  ‘What?’ I asked.

  ‘Don’t, alright?’ she said looking back at me. ‘Just don’t.’

  I could hear Ann laughing a little when I realised what she was on about.

  ‘Don’t what?’ I asked. ‘Don’t tell you how wonderful Jason is, how his jeans fit him like they should fit a man, how gorgeous…’

  ‘Stop!’ yelled Kaz. ‘Just stop. I’m so sick of hearing about the wonderful Jason, and the orderly way he goes about things. Just stop it, Jo, we’ve all had enough.’

  ‘I haven’t,’ laughed Ann, who sent a huge smile my way.

  She knew I only went on about Jason because it annoyed the hell out of Kaz. I’d only met him a couple of times.

  ‘So, the hospital. Okay!’ said Kaz. ‘I’m good for anything, just get me outta here.’

  ‘What if Pony doesn’t want to go to the hospital?’ asked Ann. ‘What if it’s daytime? Can ghouls survive sunlight?’

  ‘They’re excellent questions,’ I said. ‘Are they like vampires? Will Pony burn up if we take her outside? I don’t know.’

  ‘Maybe it’s night,’ Ann responded, ‘and Pony’ll be OK?’

  ‘Gods,’ Kaz groaned. ‘You’re a pair of idiots. Did neither of you read the books we were given in Mythology 101? What about the documentaries we were asked to watch?’

  ‘Did you Ann?’ I asked. ‘Because I saw nothing in my study schedule that said anything about ghouls.’

  ‘No,’ said Ann. ‘I was more interested in the…’

  ‘Stop!’ Kaz screeched. ‘Let me help you. Anything to move this along. Ghouls can walk in the sunlight, and moonlight and the vampires were banished to Tas… ma… nia… I’ll shut up now.’

  ‘How do you know… Any of that?’ I asked.

  ‘I read books,’ Kaz said. ‘Woo hoo, the hospitals a great idea. Now can we please get Pony back in here so I can get off this floor and out of these chains?’

  ‘Alright,’ I said. ‘But one last thing. We’re not going to the cops with this are we!’

  ‘I won’t,’ said Ann. ‘I just want to go home, and what are the cops going to do with a ghoul?’

  ‘Me neither,’ said Kaz.

  ‘Alright, but let me do the talking. Ready?’

  ‘Ready to get out of here, that’s for sure,’ Kaz said, running her hands down along the front of her velvet jacket, squeezing it until all the Horse juices gushed from the bottom seam.

  I looked away before I threw up.

  ‘Pony,’ I called between retches. ‘I think we have an answer for you.’

  Before I knew what was happening, the door flew open, and Pony’s nose was pressed tight into mine. I asked her to move back, because her smell had become so bad I didn’t want to vomit on my shoes.

  ‘Alright, this is what we’ve come up with. We thought about the mortuary and the graveyards, but I’m guessing there are more ghouls out there, and working your way through a graveyard would be like grey power day at the supermarket. Right?’

  Silence. Tough crowd.

  ‘So,’ I continued, ‘the best idea, my idea actually, we take you to the hospital. The flesh is fresh, the limbs are clean, and if it doesn’t cure you, we’ll be able to visit anytime we want. So what do you think Pony? Want to go to the hossy?’

  Pony reared back, hissed at me, then shut the door while switching the light off.

  We were in darkness again. I could hear Pony’s breathing and see her giveaway glow, so I knew she hadn’t left the room, but I wasn’t sure why she’d reacted as she did. After a few moments of going over what had been said and done, I realised she must’ve thought I’d said, Horsey.

  ‘No Pony,’ I said in a calm voice. ‘Hossy, not Horsey, hossy, as in Hos-pit-al.’

  I listened as her breathing calmed. Then she turned the light back on. Ann and Kaz had pulled tight into the wall again, while I continued in the same tone to keep her calm.

  ‘Okay Jo,’ she eventually said, then moved to sit on my lap. ‘Lub fwend, take fwend to horsey.’

  ‘Yes, hos-pi-tal. I won’t say hossy again,’ I said, ‘but you need to unchain us so that we can get you there.’

  ‘Okay,’ Pony said, but she only unlocked the chain from the wall. We were still chained to each other as we made our way out of the basement.

  ‘There’d be no way,’ I thought to myself, as we reached the base of the stairwell, ‘hung like a horse or not, I’d ever come here with a guy I’d just met at a club. What the hell was Pony thinking?’

  ‘I would not let you,’ reassured Brain.

  ‘Thanks! Let’s never do anything like that.’

  We were almost at the door leading to the outside. I was about to taste freedom. Fresh air was entering my lungs and, for the first time in hours, I allowed my nostrils to flare to take in that clean air goodness.

  That’s when Pony stopped, turned, and dragged us back along the floor behind her. She pulled us down the stairs like an oversized charm bracelet caught on the sleeve of an old wee soaked jumper. Before we even knew what was happening, we were back in the old mortuary basement. Pony had pulled the door shut, and switched the light off behind us; then I heard three small explosions just outside the room.

  ‘What the… what the hell was that?’ I asked quietly through my shock, but no-one heard me over Pony.

  ‘Horsey doe pop. Pony no wan’ doe pop,’ she repeatedly whispered.

  Now, I’m known for my empathic abilities and thought something might have disturbed her. Her abnormally large yellow eyes probably meant something was freaking her out. The girls and I were going to have to calm Pony down. It was the only way we’d be able to find out what was wrong… and why we were back in the slice ‘n’ dice.

  ‘Ann, Kaz, give me your hands. We need to put Pony in the zone.’

  ‘Alright, but where are you?’ asked Ann.

  ‘Here,’ I said and walked to both of them and took their hands in mine, then guided them back to Pony.

  We joined hands and walked around her, putting Pony in the safe zone where everything is calm, and nothing bad can get you. We usually do this for each other before a night out.

  As she began to calm, her breathing went from, ‘Oh my god who threw that into the wind turbine,’ to an angry little orangutan who was having her afternoon nap, after tearing apart and eating the local chimpanzee.

  ‘Shush,’ I said. ‘Pony, you need to be quiet. No don’t hold your breath… hang on.’

  ‘Do ghouls need air to breathe, Kaz?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Don’t hold your breath Pony; you need it. Nope, you’re still holding it; you’re turning blue.’

  I noticed her glow begin to return to her new normal green colour. Then we heard footsteps on the wood floor in the upstairs of the funeral home. Pony began to hyperventilate, so Ann and Kaz climbed six-foot-five inches to put their hands over her mouth to try to keep her quiet.

  ‘What are we going to do now?’ Ann whispered.

  ‘I’m going up there,’ I said.

  I looked up at Pony; she was still hyperventilating and terrified of whoever was walking around upstairs.

  ‘You need to unchain us so that we can help you,’ I whispered.

  With Kaz’s hand wrapped around her mouth, Pony could only nod. She slipped her hand into a pocket on her skirt and pulled the key’s out. They jangled for a second, and we all froze while looking at the thin light beneath the door for movement. After a couple of minutes, we heard footsteps upstairs again. I carefully took the keys from her hand.

  ‘Which one?’

  With four keys resting on the palm of my opened hand, she pointed to a large ol
d rounded key with an ornate pattern etched in its shoulder section. Rather than risk alerting whoever was upstairs by jangling the keys again, I asked Ann to separate it from the others. I quickly found out that I really was the only one who could see through Pony’s glow.

  ‘Ann?’ I whispered, ‘hold out your hand. I’m going to lay the keys across your palm; then I’ll get it off, okay?’

  ‘Okay.’

  The keys jangled together a little while moving them to Ann. Pausing midway between my hand and hers, we waited, listening for the footsteps upstairs, while hoping the shadows along the base of the door remained unbroken. Eventually, I heard the footsteps above us and lay the keys flat in Ann’s hand. Anyone would’ve thought we were performing brain surgery, considering the skill required in getting that key.

  All the while Kaz had her hand around Pony’s mouth, humming softly in her ear. We hadn’t even started on the chain.

  Once I’d separated the key from the others, I carefully put the rest into my jeans pocket, then looked at the metal chain around our ankles. Kneeling down, I held on to the hem of Pony’s skirt, so I didn’t fall over.

  Feeling along the chain for the padlock, I knew it’d be big considering the key. I found it caught around Kaz’s waist. Removing it was difficult because I had to catch the chain as it was released. Following the chain to see how Pony had wrapped it around us, I found she’d intricately woven it from our waists to our feet.

  Unlocking the chain was the easy bit. Pony had some pretty impressive knots tied around our ankles. I needed to get them undone, without the chains hitting the floor.

  ‘Ann?’

  ‘Yeah?’

  ‘Squat down where you are, hold the edge of Pony’s skirt, so you don’t fall over. I’m going to pass the chain to you as I undo it.’

  Once Ann was stable, I fed the chain into her cupped hands, slow and careful. I unwrapped the chain from our feet, but when it came to Kaz’s pumps, we had to stand and gently pull at the chain until I quietly coiled it into Ann’s hand.

  ‘I’m going to guide you to the gurney, Ann, so you can lay the chain on it without making a noise.’ I whispered. ‘Hold your hands still.’

  ‘Okay,’ Ann whispered.

  A soft jingle rose up from the chain. I stopped walking and looked at the ceiling. After a few moments, I walked Ann to the gurney and guided her hands to the thickest section of foam. I could still hear someone walking around upstairs, and knew Pony was barely holding it together, I could tell by her pulsating green glow and bulging yellow eyes.

  ‘Just lower the chain,’ I said as calm as I could.

  ‘There,’ I said taking Ann’s hand in mine, and away from the chain. I could feel her shaking as I walked her back to Pony.

  ‘Ann, Kaz, you stay here with Pony. Keep her safe and quiet,’ I whispered, sounding braver and more in command than I was. The muscles in my stomach were tightening, and I felt like I was going to be sick.

  They mumbled something which did nothing to improve my nerves. In one last act of bravado, before I left, I decided to double down.

  ‘Alright,’ I whispered, ‘it’s time for us to get our bitch on! No-one messes with our friend and gets away with it. Right?’

  ‘Right,’ was the less than enthused, whispered response.

  It wasn’t a stirring speech, but at least we were working together for a common cause.

  At least that’s what I thought.

  Eradicate This

  After making sure Pony was calm, I moved to the door. I wasn’t ready to face whoever, or whatever was up those stairs, but we all wanted to get out of the basement. So someone, me, had to go up to find out what had Pony so scared. Reaching up, I took the old brass doorknob in my right hand and looked back at the girls.

  Sure, it was dark, but Pony’s glow had lit up the room. Kaz and Ann were keeping her calm to lower the noise of a rattle coming from Pony’s breathing.

  I turned the knob slowly, dreading the click it was going to make as the latch released. As it turned, I could feel the pressure building. Before continuing to the latch release point, I stopped, listened to the sound of footsteps upstairs, then continued. After a few moments of holding the doorknob mid-turn, and my breath, my hand had started to cramp. I heard the footsteps moving towards the back of the funeral home as I felt the latch click seconds before it made a noise.

  I waited in the dark before pulling the door towards me, and then it creaked as I pulled it to me.

  ‘God damn it!’ I thought as I waited to hear if the footsteps above had moved to the stairs.

  I peeked out from the darkness to the base of the stairwell. Looking back at the girls before leaving the room, I stepped through the door and heard a loud crunch underfoot. I had one hand on the door, one foot outside of it, and for a moment I was sure I saw a shadow moving in the dim light coming down the stairwell. To make things worse, the latch of the door clicked at the same time.

  I waited until the shadow disappeared and only the low light remained. Then took my chance. I looked down to see what I was treading on, it looked, and felt like glass as a slither stabbed into my big right toe. I so wanted to cry but didn’t. I slid the balls of my shoes along the tattered carpet to try to limit the noise I was making.

  I realised quickly I wasn’t any good at stealth.

  Standing alone in the dim light at the base of the stairs, I felt very exposed. While waiting to calm my nerves, I looked up to see an elevator door to my right. It was old, slightly dented, and covered in graffiti, but before I could continue my thoughts, Brain butt in.

  ’There is no way that is going to work Josephine.’

  I heard footsteps close to the top of the stairwell. I pressed back against the wall and waited for them to pass.

  The stairs were steep, concrete, and covered in the same tattered carpet I was standing on. It was wide enough for almost two people, and I’d just prepared myself for the climb when a shadow moved across the stream of light again. I moved back into the shadows, leant up against the wall and held my breath. I stood there terrified, sure I was about to be discovered, but the shadow disappeared.

  I slowly tip-toed to the top of the stairs. No mean feat in high heels I can tell you.

  That’s when I heard footsteps disappearing off to the left. After a few deep breaths, I prepared for my dash to the front door.

  ‘It’s only eight steps, and you’re outside,’ I told myself, to ease the churning in my stomach. I wasn’t sure who Pony was frightened of, but she was already dead, and still afraid.

  It took me more time to gather enough courage for the dash than I’d expected. Moving into position, I’d just taken hold of the banisters on either side of the stairs, when someone began to whistle close to where I was suspended.

  ‘I’m sure this is a big building. How the hell are they getting back so fast?’ I thought.

  My heart was pounding in my ears, as I let go of the right bannister and swung around to push back up against the wall, with a groan escaping my lips, as the banister hit the centre of my spine. Biting my lower lip, I looked at the top of the stairs in terror. I thought I’d been caught, so hid in the dark waiting for the whistle to fade. I prepared to move and was certain of my escape when, the whistler and, their footsteps neared the stairwell again.

  ‘God damn it!’ I almost called out. ‘I hadn’t even moved out of the darkness that time!’

  I was getting annoyed.

  Pushing back up against the wall, wary of the banister, I’d just taken two steps down, when I caught sight of a short, podgy well-armed man. I was lucky he hadn’t seen me. If he’d passed the stairwell from the other direction, I’d have been caught.

  He was about five feet tall, with short greying hair, and had a pretty impressive scar down the left side of his face. He was wearing khaki army pants, a long sleeve green flannelette shirt, and one of those camouflage fishing hats. Not for one second did I believe he had hooks and lures sticking out from the eyelets just above the brim
.

  He also had a type of compound bow, but nothing like I’d ever seen. It looked like it was armed with a large round arrowhead. I’d seen compound bows before, and this man’s bow was all wrong. I couldn’t think what the hell the arrow was made of, but it looked suspiciously like a rounded off, flattened out spatula.

  I could see why Pony was scared.

  ‘He must be the man who killed Horse,’ I thought, ‘Now he’s back for Pony. No wonder she’s afraid.’

  Watching as he passed the stairs, I heard him walking around behind me somewhere. He was the only thing standing between the front door and myself, but damn he’s quick.

  I took hold of the banisters again, walked one step up, lifted a foot to hover just above the top step, and wedged my other foot against the ridge of a lower one. I leaned backwards, and waited for the moment I could propel myself forward.

  Hovering for a few seconds, biding my time, I heard his whistle fade as he entered a room somewhere behind me. If it weren’t for two half walls attached to the large brick elevator shaft on my right, I would’ve been seen.

  ‘It is now or never,’ said Brain, and I flung out from the stairwell, like a rock from a slingshot, and made it.

  I was so quiet; I surprised myself. It’s not easy being quiet in heels.

  As I stood on the cement stoop, I revelled in the sunlight and fresh air. Behind me I could hear the tuneless whistle grow louder. Turning, I saw how dark and eerie the inside of the funeral home was. Back when it was a flourishing industry, it would have been quite bright, but most of the windows had been boarded over, and only a single beam of light shone down through a hole in the roof.

  I didn’t know how long I’d been in the basement, but I’d become slightly disoriented by the bright sunlight as it hit my eyes. I had a black spot in the centre of my vision when I looked back into the funeral home. It took a few moments for my eyes to adjust.

  The main room was wide enough for a truck to drive through. The place had been stripped, so at some point, there may have been a false wall, but now the stairs just seemed to disappear in the centre of the room, between the half walls, into a dark hole in the floor. The old cage around the lift added to the eeriness of the entire scene, and made it feel even more like a b-grade horror.