Josephine Marlin and The Alternatives

by Karen Eastland

  That was the point in the story when I knew things might be getting a bit out of hand. I needed to know what’d happened afterwards, before running in to save… well… probably a big hairy truckie from the sound of Kaz’s retelling of events. I never once thought she’d embellished after what’d happened at the park.

  ‘Deb and I tried to settle her down, but she wasn’t interested,’ Kaz continued. ‘Deb asked if we could get our food to go when Beth said, “You can pay for ya meals and piss off. We don’t need troublemakers the likes of youse in here”. That’s when she leaned across the counter and said to Deb, “Get her out of here. I won’t be able to calm the mob if she keeps it up”. Then for those in the eatery, she said, “Go on, get off that stool an get outta here before I tell ya ma about what you’ve been up to”.’

  Kaz looked back towards the front of the eatery, and I could see the fear in her eyes. Pony had started to produce a mix between a snarl and a snort, like an angry dog that’d been sniffing pepper. If I didn’t know Kaz, I’d have thought she was worried.

  ‘If that wasn’t enough to tweak Ann’s plastic fork,’ Kaz said, ‘she picked up her spoon too…’

  ‘Ah,’ I thought. ‘Plastic and a spoon.’

  ‘Beth started to laugh with the truckers and said, “Bloody fool heiresses thinking they own the joint”. All of a sudden it’s like Ann’s possessed by Bob, only not.’ Kaz stopped and looked to the front of the eatery again. ‘She’s… yeah nah, I was right the first time, she’s scary Jo.’

  ‘Mm Bob…’ murmured Pony as she rubbed her stomach.

  We both chose to ignore the graphic imagery associated with Pony’s comment.

  ‘She’d started on about ghouls again when I left,’ Kaz continued, ‘and how she’s protected by a ghoul and her “best ghoul friend would eat any one of them if she asked her too”. Now they’ve called the cops because they think we’re drunk and need to sleep it off.’

  I didn’t want to walk into the middle of whatever the hell Ann had done now, but I knew no-one else was going to.

  ‘If the cops pick us up… well, we have blood, guts, and other bodily fluids all over us,’ Kaz said with her voice rising to more of a high-pitched squeal. ‘I don’t know how we could explain any of it. Then there’s Pony… how do we explain Pony?’

  ‘Okay. Calm down. I agree it’s bad, really bad,’ I said, looking down at the stains all over my clothes, not to mention Bob under my fingernails.

  ‘You stay here,’ I said to Kaz with a sigh. I stood up and kicked my spirals in the sand. ‘Watch the bike and get it ready for a fast getaway.’

  I turned around and looked at Pony.

  ‘You come with me. We’ll check it out and see what needs to be done to get Ann out of there, and us away from here before the cops arrive.’

  The sun had started to set as we began our run along the side of the eatery. I scraped my arm more than once on the same rocks sticking out of the wall that Kaz had hit on her dash down to us. I didn’t nearly run into the gas bottles though. After the third rock scrape, I found myself cursing the 1970s fad of fresh from the quarry rock buildings.

  ‘Painting them white doesn’t smooth off the edges,’ I thought. ‘Cowboy Jacks Country Diner it isn’t, but it sure could be. It was only missing the hitching posts and trough to feed the horses.’

  I ran my hand down along my arm as I ran to check for blood, but the rocks hadn’t left a scratch.

  There was a large gas bottle trolley parked next to an oil rack on the outer edge of the garage. It seemed like a good place to get a look at the front of the diner without being seen. Anyone seeing us in this light, would just presume Pony and I were a couple of rocks edging the large glass windows in the front wall of the eatery. Glowing green rocks for some, but you get the drift. Looking around the corner into the window to see what was happening, I tried to figure out a rescue plan.

  ‘Oh God,’ I thought as my stomach knotted up. ‘Ann’s started a brawl.’

  Pony, being slightly taller than me, put her head on mine and rested her chin on my hair. We were looking around the corner, when cold slime began to dribble down over my ears and along my neck.

  ‘That’d better be good for my complexion,’ I whispered, pulling back to look at her. ‘Just saying!’

  I caught sight of Kaz. She was watching from the rear of the diner. Ann was making a hell of a noise, so no-one heard when I yelled to her.

  ‘Make sure the bike’s ready for a fast getaway. It’s worse than we thought.’

  Kaz sent me a thumbs up, and I saw her adjusting the trailer as I looked back to the front.

  ‘At least the dimming light would make it harder to identify us,’ I said, thinking about the best way to get Ann and Deb out before the cops arrived.

  ‘You wait here Pony. I’m going to get the twins. When I say Pony put ya tail up, you show yourself. Get your glow on and give them all a bigger than face slimy smile. Okay?’

  ‘Pony food?’

  ‘No, not food, you’ll get all you can eat at the hospital,’ I said suddenly feeling very uneasy with everything going on, and knew things could go bad in so many ways, so very quickly. ‘Just come around the corner when I call and give them your big glowing smile. Then run back to the bike because some of them won’t see your glow, if any, and I don’t want them trying to hurt you. So get Kaz to cover you on the trailer because we’re going to need to get away fast.’

  ‘While they’re all running around screaming, I’ll get Ann and Deb, and we’ll run back to you and Kaz. Okay?’ I said, looking into Pony’s bright yellow eyes. I wasn’t sure how much higher brain function she had going on behind them, I just hoped it was enough for her to remember my directions.

  It’d had taken so long to reassure myself Pony understood, that the sun had begun to go down. Looking towards the back of the eatery, it appeared to be darker than it was. I was about to put my plan into action when the lights suddenly came on. I shit myself and pulled Pony back behind the gas bottle display. Then took some deep calming breaths to try to ease the knots in my stomach.

  I didn’t know what I was walking into, how far Ann had gone with her ghoul tales, or if she’d forked someone with her bits of plastic yet.

  ‘You ready?’ I asked.

  ‘Pony no doe pop?’

  ‘No, Pony won’t go pop. Ann’s in trouble, and only you and I can save her.’

  ‘Okay,’ she said with a big lipped, wider than real grin.

  ‘And ourselves,’ I said much quieter.

  Looking for the best vantage point, I saw the obligatory service station ice machine parked closer to the edge of the front wall.

  ‘You wait behind that,’ I said pointing to the ice machine, while taking a quick look to make sure no-one could see us. Then led Pony to it, and reminded her not to show herself until I called. ‘All I want you to do is let them see you. Then run to Kaz. I’ll save Ann and Deb.’

  ‘Okay.’

  We’d made it to the ice machine just in time because the brawl had spilled out to the pavement. Truckers, loners and the odd biker were just trying to leave, but Ann wouldn’t let them. Then I saw Deb standing behind her. Damn if I wasn’t happy to see she’d brought Ann’s bag with her.

  Ann’s bag is a home away from home. You just close your eyes, think about what you’re looking for, put your hand in and pull it out.

  ‘Deb would have a mobile,’ I happily thought. Looking skywards, I mouthed, ‘Thank you.’

  She was trying to calm Ann down. I caught her eye, waved, then slipped between the gas bottle trolley and the motor oils display. Walking straight into the group, I pushed my way through the crowd until I was standing in the middle of the ruckus.

  Daddy always says, “Show no fear, Josephine, if you show an ounce of fear, they’ll eat you up”. I wondered how he’d take it knowing Pony would literally eat them up?

  I showed no fear and walked straight to Ann. I was still feeling pissed about the Bob thing, so I didn’t need much
encouragement to take her on. Grabbing her plastic fork with one hand, and the spoon with the other, we locked eyes. I drew her into a death stare. Everyone fell silent. It was like a mind meld, but not. A battle of wills? Most certainly.

  We’d been standing eye to eye for a few minutes before Ann blinked. I took the opportunity by quickly taking hold of her fork and spoon, and snapping them in front of her. She looked at me as if she’d been in a trance, and I thought she was going to cry again.

  ‘Pony put ya tail up,’ I called out and looked to the right.

  All eyes were drawn in the same direction as mine. At the end of the eatery, between the ice machine and the gas bottles, stood Pony. A ghoulishly green glow emanated from her. Her legs were hidden behind a gas bottle, and appeared to be floating in the air. I looked around and saw everyone but Ann was frozen in terror. I was wondering how many could see her glow when people started to speak.

  ‘What the Fuck is that?’ someone asked.

  ‘Ghost!’ screamed another.

  ‘That ain’t no ghost,’ yelled someone else.

  ‘That’s a ghoul man.’

  ‘Ghost. It’s glowin.’’

  ‘Nah mate, that’s a ghoul,’ someone cool and calm said. I knew that feeling.

  ‘She was tellin’ tha truth,’ screamed a big hairy guy. Obviously Ann’s nemesis from the stools.

  Several people were muttering in agreement. I heard trucks and motorbikes start-up and take off, but there were still plenty of stunned onlookers.

  While they were all looking at Pony, I took Ann by the arm and gave her a shake to snap her out of it. It worked, but Deb had become caught up with the “What the hell is that” crowd too. Ann and I took hold of Deb under each arm and carried her towards Pony, who’d forgotten the run back to Kaz part of the plan. As we reached her, I took her by the hand and pulled her along with us. She had a wicked look in her eyes, and I knew why she’d forgotten. There were a few tasty morsels she had her big yellow eyes on.

  ‘Get on the bike everyone,’ I called as we rounded the back of the eatery. ‘Ann, you get under the tarp with Pony.’

  I could see the blue and white lights of the cop cars coming up the hill. The ominous sound of their sirens preceded them. Apparently, Kaz had also forgotten the plan, because when we reached the bike, she was laying on the trailer. It looked like she was stretching out her long frizzy hair and pulling the strands through her teeth.

  ‘What the hell are you doing?’ I asked breathless and ready to ride.

  ‘What do you mean?’ she asked. ‘I thought you said to wait here until you got back with Ann.’

  A range of things played out in my mind as I watched Kaz lazily get up from the trailer and pull the tarp back.

  ‘You what?’ I asked, as I pulled the bike further into darkness, then hurried around it to make sure the trailer was ready for Pony.

  ‘But I said… and you were supposed to…’ Pausing for a minute to take a deep breath, I calmly said, ‘get on the back seat, Kaz.’

  ‘Ann,’ I demanded, feeling a bit more panic rise in my chest. ‘You need to lie down with Pony.’

  ‘But…’ Ann was about to argue when the sounds of the sirens stopped out the front of the diner.

  Everything had lit up, apart from the small section at the back, hidden in darkness by its A-Frame corrugated roofing, where I’d stopped the bike. I heard the cops get out of their cars and they were asking questions. Then I saw flashlight beams lighting around the edge of the eatery where Pony had stood.

  ‘Get on the handlebars Deb! And will you please get on the fucking back seat,’ I hissed at Kaz.

  I could hear the sound of footsteps crunching the white gravel lining the ground along the side of the eatery. They were coming our way. It could’ve been cops. It could’ve been amateur paranormal hunters with video phones trying to get a ghoul on camera. I didn’t know who it was, but wasn’t hanging around to find out.

  We’d just cleared a box hedge that acted as the diners rear fence, when I caught sight of a flash of light behind us in the side mirrors.

  ‘Hurry up,’ whispered Kaz with some urgency. ‘That lights about to hit us… Here it comes…’

  ‘Quiet everyone,’ I whispered in a growl, and I struggled to ride the bike across the white stones of the car park to the dark road ahead of us.

  I heard cops talking, and saw at least three cop cars blocking the street out the front.

  ‘Faster Josephine,’ Kaz almost squealed. ‘They’re about to see us.’

  I’d never heard Kaz use my full name before. It sounded strange.

  ‘Today she’s used it twice. What’s that all about Brain?’

  ‘I am not sure, but you had better keep your mind on what you are doing Josephine.’

  I’d tried to keep the bike in the dark as much as I could, but for a few seconds, we were going to be visible to anyone looking down the road. I took us over a large lip in the concrete that was supposed to be a tapered verge. It shook the entire bike, and Kaz must’ve bitten her tongue, because that’s when she’d stopped talking.

  ‘Keep going,’ whispered Deb, who was looking back at the lights coming our way.

  I saw the flashlights sneaking up on us in the side mirrors. My heart was pounding, and I found myself nervously trying to pick Bob out from under my fingernails. We’d just moved into the light from the cop cars headlights shining down from the diner.

  I let out a sigh of relief as we safely made it back into the dark before being seen. I could hear deep shrill voices, and they were all talking at once. The rear of the bike had cleared the verge just as the flashlights lit up the car park.

  ‘I’m guessing they’d be there a while listening to some strange stories,’ I thought, reaching the top of what looked like a dark steep hill.

  Pulling the bike over behind a large roadside tree about six houses down from the eatery, I could hear my heart pounding in my ears. I wasn’t ready to tackle the hill just yet. I just needed some time to stop shaking. It was dark where we were, but I could see what was happening back at the eatery. Two cop cars pulled away and drove back towards town. One car remained, and it sounded as if everyone had moved inside. We waited in the silence, in the dark, until the lights around the outside of the diner went out.

  ‘Deb?

  ‘Yeah?’

  ‘Give me your mobile. Who can we call to come pick us up?’ I asked.

  ‘It’s almost a funny thing about my mobile,’ Deb said. ‘I say almost, because one day I may laugh about it. Ann snatched it from me at the diner when I tried to call Chaz to come pick us up. She put it on the counter and smashed it saying, no Chaz, no Chaz, no Chaz. She must’ve been working out during her lunch breaks or something, because she didn’t just crack the screen, she obliterated the entire phone. She even shattered the SIM. I’m just glad I’d saved all my stuff to the cloud.’

  ‘See…’ said Brain.

  ‘I don’t even know how to respond to that Deb,’ I said with a grimace, looking back at the sky. ‘I lost my mobile in Melbourne. Guess we’re biking it all the way.’

  ‘Make sure Ann and Pony are all right Kaz,’ I whispered over my shoulder.

  ‘Yeah, they’re okay,’ she said quietly.

  ‘It’s going to take the cops some time to get all those statements,’ I thought while taking time safe in the darkness to calm down. After a few deeper calming breaths, I felt I’d stopped shaking enough and readied myself to ride again.

  ‘They’d probably think it was due to someone putting something in the coffee,’ I whispered, ‘resulting in a mass drug-induced fantasy. That’s what I feel like has happened to me… only without the coffee part.’

  Certain everyone was in their seats, I kicked off and took the bike back out to the road. I allowed it to coast down a small incline until we reached a flat area some way from the diner. I felt comfortable and in control enough to pull over again. I wanted to know what the hell was wrong with Ann.

  ‘What the hell
Ann?’ I asked, but there was only silence. ‘She’s still there isn’t she Kaz?’

  ‘Yeah she’s still there, she looks a bit odd though.’

  ‘How does she look odd? Is she breathing?’

  ‘Gods,’ Kaz groaned. ‘Give me a minute.’

  I felt the bike pull as she got off. Then it pulled again when she climbed back on.

  ‘Yeah, she’s still breathing,’ Kaz said. ‘Looks like she’s in a bit of a trance at the moment. It’s probably just shock. Can we go now?’

  ‘What do you think Deb?’ I asked. ‘Do you want to check on her?’

  ‘She’ll be right,’ said Deb, who wasn’t interested in getting off the handlebars to check on her twin, she also hadn’t asked about Pony yet. ‘Kaz said she’s breathing. Let’s just go and give her a bit of time to work things out.’

  ‘You and Ann getting along all right?’ I asked.

  ‘Well, you know… apart from the mobile thing, yeah, we’re getting along fine,’ said Deb with a laugh. ‘Everything’s good, she just needs some time is all.’

  ‘If you say so.’

  I lifted my shoes off the ground, or for some it’d be I let the handbrake off, and we began a steady cruise down the next hill. Certain, well almost confident, the cops wouldn’t bother going on a manhunt to look for a ghostly ghoul, I allowed myself to relax a little, although my shoes were highly stressed.

  Vila’s Garden of Men

  As we neared the bottom of the hill, no-one had spoken since I’d asked if Deb wanted to check on Ann. Finally, with the noise of the wind easing from the speed we’d built up, Deb spoke.

  ‘Was that Pony back at the diner?’ she called from the handlebars.

  ‘Yep,’ I said. ‘That was Pony back at the diner.’

  ‘Why’s she green and glowing?’

  ‘I knew it,’ I called over my shoulder to Kaz and Ann. ‘You bitches have played me. I knew you could see Pony’s glow.’

  ‘I still don’t see it,’ said Kaz.

  ‘Me neither,’ called Ann from beneath the tarp.