Bombers’ Moon

by Iris Gower

  I put my hand over his on the steering wheel and he smiled briefly but his jaw was tense. And then, for the first time, I realized that Herr Euler was putting himself in danger by trying to save me.

  ‘Father-in-law,’ I said softly, ‘go back to your post, you will be missed, your fellow officers will think you’ve deserted them.’

  ‘I will go back when you are safely over the border,’ he said, his tone brooking no more argument.

  ‘We came to a checkpoint and Herr Euler waved away the guards impatiently. ‘Let me through, I am on urgent business for the Beloved Leader,’ he commanded. At once the barrier was lifted, the men saluted him, and I knew my father-in-law was a very important man, highly respected, and he was risking everything for me. Shame rushed through me, I felt my face burn. I had been betraying this dear man and all he stood for to those he regarded as his enemy, the British.

  We drove for hours before we stopped for a rest. In the end I had to beg Herr Euler to let me out of the car; I needed badly to pee, one of the pitfalls of pregnancy I’d learned.

  He opened a flask and we drank hot, sweet coffee without the benefit of a cup, but it was the best drink of coffee I’d had in a long time. I was hungry but now my main bodily needs were satisfied I felt ready to go on. I slid into the car and leaned my head, for a moment, on my father-in-law’s shoulder.

  ‘Thank you Father,’ I said softly.

  Sixty-Four

  Hari sat in her bedroom, the only place in the full house she could be alone, and thought of yesterday’s events. Now she doubted the evidence of her own eyes, she thought she’d seen Michael but she couldn’t have seen Michael; he’d crashed his plane into a Welsh field—ploughed it into the rich earth; No pilot could survive such a crash and yet… and yet.

  She heard the siren cut into the night; she heard the scramble from downstairs as Jessie, Father and Georgie, who was home on leave, made for the shelter. Violet was out somewhere, she’d long ago found a little flat she shared with several of the girls from the munitions.

  ‘Come on Hari, get to the shelter, there’s a good girl. ‘Jessie’s voice rang up the stairs, anxious and with a touch of panic in it.

  ‘I’ll be there in a minute, I want to make some tea; you lot go on ahead of me, keep me a decent place to sit.’

  The door slammed and Hari wondered about the folk who kept the door open all day, leaving the house open to anyone; perhaps they felt that in a raid it was best in order to secure the property—as though the bombs would make a polite entry into the place through the door instead of plunging, screaming as though in agony through the walls and roof, blowing everything, including the door, to tiny pieces of meaningless rubble.

  Unhurried, she went downstairs and made a canteen of tea, spooning some glutinous tinned milk into a screw of greaseproof paper. Then she cut some bread and cheese and wrapped them carefully, putting them neatly into an old biscuit tin.

  She heard bombs crash around the house, the street outside, heard the voices of the Home Guard as the men, too old for war, rushed about bravely doing the work of putting out fires, saving those they could save and commiserating over those they couldn’t. She didn’t hurry, by now she knew that death was arbitrary, if your name was on the bomb or the bullet you would die wherever you were.

  At last, she stepped out into the street in the same manner as if she was slipping out to the shop for bread or potatoes. No use looking back, trying to preserve memories. In any case, foremost in her mind was the face of Michael, or the man she thought was Michael, marching, German-fashion down the street in Bridgend, on his way back to the Island Farm prison camp.

  ‘Thank God you’ve come at last.’ Jessie sat in the dimness of the shelter hugging her. ‘Duw, cariad, I thought the buggers had got you.’

  ‘Don’t worry about me, Jessie.’ She put down her bag. ‘Tea and bread in there if you get hungry.’ She hesitated.

  ‘Jessie, do you think Michael might have survived the crash?’

  Jessie’s jaw dropped. ‘What a question, girl, you saw the hole in the ground the same as I did. I loved my son dearly but in my head I’ve buried him so let the dreams go, girl, right?’

  ‘You’re right—’ there was a catch in Hari’s voice—‘of course you’re right, I’m being silly.’ She didn’t tell Jessie she thought she’d seen Michael in a line of prisoners, it would have only upset her and she was upset enough as it was.

  At last the all-clear sounded and Hari, arm in arm with Jessie, and Georgie limping behind, left the shelter.

  Everything was flaming; pieces of roof lay across the road burning fiercely, windows were smashed, glass was strewn across the road. An ARP worker lay moaning, clutching his torn stomach, trying desperately to put his innards back in place. One of his friends bent over him.

  ‘Can I help?’ Hari said. ‘I’m not a nurse but I know some first aid.’ The ARP man shook his head at her and then spoke to the dying man. ‘We’re getting you to hospital Tom, the ambulance is on its way, you’ll be all right, mate.’ There were tears in the man’s eyes as he looked down at his friend.

  Hari closed her eyes in pain and caught up with Jessie. She bit her lip trying not to cry.

  ‘Gonner, him,’ Jessie said flatly, ‘no creature can live, not with his guts hanging out of his belly.’

  Hari swallowed hard, wishing Jessie’s comment wasn’t so graphic. ‘When will this war ever end?’ To her own ears, Hari’s voice was like the bleat of a lamb.

  ‘Now girl—’ Jessie’s voice was hard—‘self-pity never did anyone any good. There’s a war on and that’s all there is to it. We endure it till it’s over, girl, and we try to smile into the bargain, right?’

  ‘Right,’ Hari said with renewed vigour—the last thing she wanted was to lower Jessie’s spirits. But a thought had entered her head: tomorrow she would take an hour off from work and have a look at the prison camp for herself, see if Michael really was there.

  Her spirits lightened, she would spend the night planning her approach to the building. Should it be covert, like a spy, or should she brazen it out and pretend to be an official of some kind?

  The next morning was bright, a sunny, early-September day. A little mist lay above the area but then it was always misty over the munitions factory as she’d observed many times before.

  Hari wore a jacket with a nipped-in waist and a peplum that rested on her curvaceous hips over a pencil skirt. She wore dark stockings and plain, heeled shoes and carried a clipboard. A brightly coloured chiffon scarf and a dash of precious lipstick completed her outfit.

  She walked boldly up to the sentry on duty; his eyes lit up. ‘Morning, miss,’ he said. ‘I can’t let you into the camp, you know, those German men are dangerous rascals.’

  ‘Bore dda.’ She said good morning back to him in Welsh and smiled at him, curling a red hair around her finger. ‘I’ve been sent from the Department of Prisoner’s Rights—’ she spoke in her most girly voice—‘I must just tick off some boxes, look at the men, see they are not being ill-treated and all that. It won’t take long. A good soldier like you will have everything in order I’m sure.’

  He looked doubtful. ‘The senior British officers are all in an important meeting in the town,’ he said. ‘I suppose I could call Sergeant Beynon to talk to you, miss.’

  ‘My name is Angharad, what’s yours, officer?’ He preened himself. He clearly wasn’t an officer but he enjoyed her apparent admiration.

  ‘I’m James, miss, I suppose I could show you round myself if you don’t take too long.’ He looked round him; there was no one in sight. ‘I really should make a check on your papers, though.’

  Hari had thought of that; she had typed up a letterhead with an impressive-looking seal made by candle wax and red cochineal and impressed it with a worn coin that would not stand too much inspection. But the soldier hardly glanced at it; he was watching as Hari hitched up her stocking.

  ‘Come on then, I suppose it’s all right. What harm can a little
dainty Welsh girl like you do?’

  The huts were laid out in serried ranks. The soldier glanced across at hut nine, which lay a little back from the barbed wire fencing. His brow furrowed for a moment.

  ‘Anything wrong?’ Hari looked up at him from under her eyelashes. James shook his head worriedly.

  ‘I don’t know, Miss Angharad, something is going on in there but do you think the big-headed officers will listen to me?’

  ‘Do you mean… an escape attempt?’

  ‘I’ve thought of that but there’s no way the Germans could get out—and where would they go? They got it cushy in here: good food, sitting around gassing to each other in that foreign tongue—yet something’s going on I know it is.’

  The first hut smelled of sweat. The prisoners lounged around a table idly chatting but they sat up as one when the saw Hari. Some were wearing old jumpers provided by the camp, some were in worn uniform. Hari stood there smiling and looked around her at the men. The whistles were deafening and then James shouted in a sergeant major’s voice.

  ‘Shut up you clowns. Treat a lady with respect if you please.’

  Eyes roved over her with blatant lust and Hari felt as though she was being undressed.

  ‘I have some questions,’ she said. ‘Do you all speak a little English?’

  ‘Not a word,’ one grinning prisoner said in German.

  ‘In that case some of your friends will explain I’m sure,’ Hari simpered, longing to put her fist into his face. She asked a few questions about food and about sanitary conditions and jotted down replies. Meanwhile, she listened to the conversations, understanding just enough of the language to make out what they were saying.

  In the corner of the hut were some young men. They were hardly bothering to look at her and she moved nearer. Her heart almost stopped beating as she heard the word ‘escape’. She didn’t look at the men but pretended to look at a painting on the wall. It was of a woman, a girlfriend, wife—or mother perhaps—and she suddenly felt sorry for the foreigners. But as soon as she got outside she would tell James what she’d heard, that his instincts were correct; there was an air about the camp, something in the attitude of the men. It was clear something dramatic was going to happen. She made a few more notes and then left, smiling at James as he led the way out of the camp. Of the man who looked like Michael there was no sign.

  Sixty-Five

  The journey seemed endless as Father-in-law’s car bumped over the rough ground. Clutching my stomach, as though I could absorb the shock and spare the baby, I think I must have dozed.

  ‘Halt!’ A harsh German voice shook me awake and I reluctantly opened my eyes to see a guard standing behind a barrier with a gun pointing at me.

  Herr Euler spoke in rapid German his tone cold, precise, commanding. The soldier at once lowered his gun and muttered an apology, holding his arm out in a ‘Heil Hitler’ so stiffly, I thought, absently, I could hang a line of washing on it.

  I had seen newspapers and propaganda films about Hitler and to me he just seemed to flap his hand in rather an effeminate way, but this ‘guardian of the gate’ was determined to impress.

  Herr Euler grunted and we drove on. ‘How far now?’ I asked mournfully. I needed to pee again and a bite of food in that order of urgency.

  ‘Have patience.’

  I crossed my legs and prayed, and closed my eyes against the blossoming dawn. At last, when the light was brightening and trees were jumping into focus and colour, and the grass was showing a bit of green instead of soft blue, my father-in-law stopped the car.

  ‘This is a church.’ My voice was accusing. ‘I’m not going into any nunnery.’

  He laughed and patted my belly. ‘In your condition I should think not. This is a monastery, my dear.’

  He pulled my arm and urged me from the car. ‘I suppose that’s marginally better than a place full of pious women,’ I grumbled.

  ‘The front of this monastery is in Germany, you see?’ He waited for a reply and I nodded none too patiently.

  ‘But…’ He grinned and suddenly I wanted Michael.

  ‘God, you’re like your son.’

  ‘Anyway, as I was saying—’ he looked pleased—‘the back door is in Belgium, do you realize what I’m telling you?’

  I beamed. ‘Father-in-law, you are a genius.’

  Inside the monastery it was not as gloomy as I expected; soft early light slanted through the arched windows giving a rosy tint to the hallowed halls and the stone floor.

  Quietly, a monk appeared as if from nowhere and greeted us warmly. Herr Euler rapidly explained that I needed to leave the country. The Father smiled and nodded to me. ‘I speak a little German,’ he said. ‘God and I will be making you comfortable while you stay with us.’

  ‘Stay?’ I looked at Father-in-law in dismay. He put his arm around my shoulder.

  ‘Arrangements have to be made,’ he said gently, ‘it will be a matter of one night, two at the most, we can not afford to have you here any longer. The Belgian resistance, they will come for you, don’t you worry your pretty head.’

  I knew then the enormity of what Father-in-law was doing for me. I turned into his chest and began to cry. ‘Go back now, please go back. I don’t want you to get in any trouble, Father-in-law.’

  ‘Give me a fine healthy grandson.’ He smiled sardonically. ‘At least he will be good Aryan stock as the Herr Hitler desires all people to be.’

  The monk showed me to my bed, in a small cell; it was spartan but it was quiet and cosy, and to my relief a lavatory was adjoining it. The bricks, warmed through the day by soft sunlight, were almost glowing. The cell was lit by a single candle and, in the distance, I could hear the chanting sing-song of monks at their worship.

  Inside me, the baby moved as if in response to the singing. I wrapped my arms around my growing stomach and hugged my child as best I could. And I prayed. Then, at last, I slept.

  The early morning chanting woke me. I washed in the cold water from the little tin bowl and dressed quickly. It was cold now, the sun was not yet showing its face and from the look of the sky it was only about four or five in the morning. Still night-time to my mind.

  I was brought a breakfast of bread with a slight scraping of margarine and a grizzled piece of bacon and in its glory, topping the bread, was a precious egg. I felt tears well in my eyes; the good men of the monastery had given their all to look after me.

  Herr Euler was ready to leave. He clicked his heels and bowed and then I hugged him and he laughed.

  ‘Don’t suffocate me child!’ He stepped away from me and made for the car. Soon he would be back in his heartland, his Germany, where with mixed feelings he would fight Herr Hitler’s war.

  I caught a glimpse of a shadowy figure among the trees outside the gates of the monastery. I saw the gleam of a rifle barrel. I shouted a warning as my father-in-law climbed into the car. A shot rang out and Herr Euler fell to the ground.

  I ran to him and knelt beside him and the good Father knelt beside me.

  ‘He has been shot by one of the resistance or maybe he was followed by his own soldiers, we will never know.’

  I cradled Father-in-law’s head in my arms, holding him to my more than ample bosom. His eyes were open but he was dead and I couldn’t even say goodbye. I looked at the monk for help.

  ‘Father-in-law gave his life for me, how can I ever bear the guilt?’

  ‘Dear little girl, be proud, Herr Euler saved you and his grandchild. Now come away into the safety he wanted for you and, remember, this good man gave his life for freedom and for the future of the human race.’

  Carefully, I took off my coat and padded it behind dear Herr Euler’s head. Then I closed his eyes. In repose, he was so like his son, and I touched my father-in-law’s still-warm hand to my rounded stomach.

  ‘I will tell your grandson about his father and his grandfather, I’ll teach him to be proud of his heritage, I promise you that. And then I left him to the monks and, dry-eyed with grief,
I went back into the monastery.

  Sixty-Six

  Hari tugged Violet’s arm. ‘You’re getting very friendly with Georgie Porgy.’ They were on their way home from work and Hari noticed that Violet had taken to putting cream on her face to prevent the yellow powder sinking into her skin. Just like Kate used to do. Hari felt a sudden pain squeeze her heart.

  Violet grimaced. ‘Don’t call him that, he’s a grown man now, not a little kid.’ Her tone was even but Hari could see Violet was rattled.

  ‘Sorry!’ she said, ‘it’s just that I’ve known George since he was a little boy. He used to bully Meryl unmercifully.’

  ‘Well, from what I hear of Meryl she could well look after herself.’ Violet’s good humour reasserted itself. ‘Sounds as if your sister could take on the whole German army and beat them to death.’

  Hari closed her eyes for a moment. ‘She might have to.’ Her voice was quiet.

  ‘It’s my turn to say sorry now, I didn’t mean it nastily,’ Violet said, ‘but don’t worry, your Meryl will be all right. Anyway, changing the subject, what were you doing up at the German camp?’

  Hari was startled. She wasn’t aware that she’d been seen near the camp. ‘I just went to look at the men—the Germans—to see if they were the monsters the papers make them out to be.’

  ‘And?’

  ‘And they were ordinary men, like ours, but foreign. I felt quite sorry for them really.’

  ‘And did you see that special one, the one who made your face turn pale when they all marched past us that day? Handsome bloke he was too, looked more Welsh than German.’

  ‘I don’t know what you mean,’ Hari said. ‘Yes, I looked, I’ve got blood in my veins and with no men of our own around of course I looked.’