Bumper Book of Humphrey's Tiny Tales 1

by Betty G. Birney

  I was unsqueakably impressed!

  ‘You can help me with the next trick,’ she said.

  Miranda opened the box and took out a pack of cards.

  She separated the pack into two piles and told me, ‘This is called shuffling. It’s a way to mix up the cards so no one knows where any card is in the pack.’

  After she shuffled them together really fast using her thumbs, Miranda set the pack of cards in front of me and spread them out, face down.

  Humans have amazing thumbs!

  ‘Pick a card,’ she said. ‘Any card.’

  I moved forward a few steps and sniffed one of the cards.

  It didn’t have much of a smell, so I moved along.

  One of the cards smelled a little bit like berries.

  I don’t know why a card would smell like berries. Maybe someone was playing a card game and eating berries at the same time.

  I headed for the berry-smelling card and scratched at it.

  Miranda picked the card up and held up it up so I could see it, but she couldn’t.

  ‘This is the card you picked. Remember it,’ she said.

  The card had a six in one corner and a six in the opposite corner.

  There were six red hearts in the middle of the card.

  ‘Got it?’ Miranda asked.

  I squeaked.

  She put the six of hearts back with the other cards.

  ‘I’ll cut the pack in half,’ she said.

  I watched carefully as Miranda split the pack into two piles. Then she put it back together.

  I tried to figure out where my card went, but the backs of the cards all looked alike.

  Then Miranda spread the cards on the table face up.

  A few seconds later, she picked up a card and said, ‘Here’s your card.’

  It was my card – the six of hearts!

  How did she do that?

  ‘It’s not magic,’ she said. ‘There’s a secret to it.’

  I begged her to tell me the secret, but I guess all she heard was SQUEAK-SQUEAK-SQUEAK.

  Miranda reached into the box again and pulled out a paper cup.

  While she held the cup in one hand, she pulled a small wooden bead out of her box.

  ‘Now I’ll show you the vanishing bead trick,’ she said. ‘Watch closely.’

  ‘I will!’ I squeaked.

  Miranda dropped the bead into the cup.

  Then she picked up her magic wand and waved it over the cup.

  ‘Abracadabra – abracaday, make the bead go away,’ she said.

  She set the wand back on the table and turned the cup upside down.

  I was unsqueakably surprised when the bead didn’t tumble out!

  Where could it have gone?

  ‘There’s no bead in the cup,’ Miranda said.

  Then she reached into her pocket. ‘Because the bead is here.’

  She pulled the bead out of her pocket.

  She really was Magic-Miranda!

  ‘Wow!’ I squeaked. ‘How did you do that?’

  Miranda bowed.

  ‘There’s one important rule for magic,’ she said. ‘Don’t ever answer questions about a trick.’

  I was unsqueakably disappointed.

  ‘But since you’re going to be my assistant, I’ll tell you how I did it,’ Miranda told me.

  Oh, it was a clever trick!

  First, there were two matching beads. One of them was in her pocket all the time!

  Second, there was a hole in the bottom of the cup, which she had hidden from me.

  So when she turned the cup over, the bead dropped into her hand so it couldn’t fall out.

  It was a very tricky trick!

  Miranda showed me more tricks.

  She made a pencil stick to her hand without anything holding it on!

  Then she made a spoon bend and then brought it back to its normal shape.

  I couldn’t figure out how she did those things and she didn’t tell me.

  Late in the afternoon, Miranda’s mum came in to see how we were doing.

  ‘Miranda, I hope you haven’t worn Humphrey out,’ she said. ‘After all, this is his day off from school.’

  ‘He’s going to be my assistant,’ Miranda said.

  ‘That’s a good idea,’ her mum said. ‘But I hope you don’t make Humphrey disappear.’

  Miranda had a playful grin on her face. ‘No, but I’m going to make A.J. disappear!’

  ‘NO-NO-NO!’ I said.

  I was pretty sure that Miranda would get into a lot of trouble if she made A.J. disappear.

  What would his family think?

  Miranda set up her table and then sat behind it, facing her mum and my cage.

  In front of her was an upside-down glass and a piece of paper made into a tube.

  She picked it up to show us that it was completely open inside.

  Next, she held up a photo.

  ‘Here’s A.J.,’ she said. ‘This was from his birthday party.’

  Miranda put the photo on the table. ‘And now, I’m going to make him disappear.’

  She placed the paper tube over the glass so we couldn’t see the glass at all.

  Then she put the glass on top of the photo, so we couldn’t see it any more.

  ‘Presto-changeo,’ Miranda said as she slid the glass across the table.

  I still couldn’t see the photo because it was under the glass.

  Miranda took the paper tube off the glass. ‘No more A.J.’

  I could see the glass, but the photo of A.J. was gone!

  Miranda’s mum clapped her hands. ‘Wonderful! Now can you bring him back?’

  Miranda nodded. She put the paper around the glass and slid it across the table.

  ‘Hocus-pocus!’ Miranda lifted the glass and the photo was back!

  Miranda was REALLY-REALLY-REALLY magic!

  On Sunday, Miranda and I practised most of the day.

  She began to include me in the act.

  ‘My assistant, the Amazing Humphrini, will now select a card,’ she said when she did the card trick.

  Amazing Humphrini! That name made me feel like a real magician.

  ‘After you pick the card, I’ll ask someone from the audience to come forward and take it and memorise what it is,’ she explained.

  ‘Great!’ I squeaked.

  She did the vanishing bead act and just before she pulled the second bead out of her pocket, she looked at me and said, ‘Where do you think the bead has gone, Humphrini?’

  I squeaked and she said, ‘You’re right! It’s in my pocket.’

  It was HARD-HARD-HARD work, but I knew the class would love Magic-Miranda’s act.

  *

  Monday morning was unsqueakably exciting in Room 26.

  It was amazing to see all my friends in their costumes.

  A.J. wore his football kit and Seth wore a white jacket, like a doctor.

  Gail had dressed like Mrs Brisbane with a short grey wig.

  I couldn’t wait to see what Richie wore, because he’d had so much trouble deciding what he wanted to be when he grew up.

  To my surprise, he wasn’t dressed like a police officer, an Olympic runner or a chef.

  Instead, he wore a suit and tie!

  ‘What are you going to be when you grow up, Richie?’ Mrs Brisbane asked.

  ‘I’m going to be a banker and have piles and piles of money!’ he said.

  Just before the bell rang, I turned to my neighbour, Og. ‘If Miranda calls me Humphrini, it’s all right,’ I told him. ‘That’s my magician’s name.’

  ‘BOING-BOING!’ Og yelled as he hopped up and down.

  Mrs Brisbane began the reports right away.

  Stop-Giggling-Gail didn’t giggle once when she explained how teachers like Mrs Brisbane worked hard to make sure that their students learned things that would help them grow and be successful.

  A.J. explained how much practice and training went into becoming a top footballer.

  He also showed so
me remarkable moves, kicking the ball around the room.

  Speak-Up-Sayeh told us that when she grew up, she wanted to be a vet and take care of all kinds of animals, from horses to frogs and hamsters!

  As always, Sayeh spoke softly.

  ‘I would like to be a vet, because I love maths and science and I love animals,’ she said. ‘A vet makes sick animals better and does things to help healthy animals stay healthy.’

  ‘Go, Sayeh!’ My friends all laughed at my squeaking.

  Then she walked over to Og’s cage and told us the things she had learned about caring for frogs.

  ‘A frog that jumps a lot is a healthy frog,’ she said.

  Og jumped all around the land side of his tank. ‘BOING-BOING-BOING-BOING!’

  Everyone laughed and so did I.

  I was HAPPY-HAPPY-HAPPY that Og was healthy.

  The reports went on.

  I didn’t understand everything Richie said when he explained something called ‘interest’ on money, but I found his talk very ‘interesting’.

  Kirk told a lot of funny jokes when he talked about being a comedian.

  My favourite joke was when he said, ‘Did I tell you about the day my brother found carrots growing out of his ears?’

  He paused and then said, ‘Boy, was he surprised! He’d planted radishes!’

  When everyone stopped laughing, Kirk explained that the last part that makes you laugh is called the punch line.

  Seth wore a white coat, because he wanted to be a doctor for humans.

  He showed us how to take a pulse and talked about yucky things called germs.

  The morning flew by and it was soon time for lunch.

  Mrs Brisbane let Miranda prepare her magic act while everyone was out of the room.

  I watched as she carefully set up a table with the black cloth and put books around the edges.

  She made sure that the cards, the coin, the paper cup, the glass, the magic wand and all the things she needed were in the box.

  She carefully put one of the wooden beads in her pocket.

  Then she and Mrs Brisbane left to go to lunch.

  ‘Wait until you see her act,’ I told Og. ‘She really is Magic-Miranda!’

  Og seemed very excited as he splashed around in the water.

  And then I saw it: the wooden bead.

  It was on the floor, near the leg of the table.

  I couldn’t believe my eyes! It must have fallen out of Miranda’s pocket.

  She’d be unsqueakably upset when she reached for it and it was gone.

  I glanced at the clock. Eeek!

  The students would be coming back any minute.

  But if I hurried, I could get the bead back on to the table without getting caught outside my cage.

  I jiggled my lock-that-doesn’t-lock and raced across the table.

  ‘I’ve got something important to do,’ I squeaked to Og as I ran past his tank.

  I slid down the leg of the table and headed straight for the bead.

  ‘BOING-BOING!’ Og said.

  ‘I’m hurrying, Og,’ I told him.

  I knew I’d need both paws to get back up to my cage, so I tucked the bead in my cheek pouch, where I store food.

  It didn’t taste very good, I’m sorry to squeak.

  I scurried back to the table and grabbed the cord hanging down from the blinds.

  Using all my might, I began to swing on the cord, going HIGHER-HIGHER-HIGHER until I reached the table top.

  Then I let go of the cord and landed on the table, near Og’s tank.

  Just then the door to Room 26 opened and my friends rushed into the room.

  I dashed into my cage and pulled the door behind me.

  Luckily, no one saw me outside my cage.

  That was a good thing!

  But I still had the bead in my cheek pouch.

  That was a bad thing!

  Miranda had on her black jacket and top hat and began her act.

  ‘I am Magic-Miranda,’ she said.

  My mind was racing as Miranda pulled a coin out of Richie’s ear.

  ‘How’d you do that?’ he asked as my friends all laughed.

  But Miranda didn’t tell him.

  Then she did the trick where the pencil stuck to her hand.

  (I’ll tell you a secret. It didn’t really stick there. She was holding it with the other hand, but I didn’t notice it.)

  And the trick where she bent the spoon.

  (I’ll tell you a secret. She didn’t really bend it, but it looked as if she had.)

  Everyone clapped.

  Then she took me out of my cage and put me on the table.

  ‘Here is my assistant, the Amazing Humphrini,’ she said.

  Everyone clapped again. But all I could think about was the bead in my cheek pouch.

  Magic-Miranda began her card trick and when she spread the cards out and told me to pick one, I did.

  She asked Mrs Brisbane to look at the card and remember it.

  This time the card had pictures of three black diamonds in the middle.

  And that’s the same card Miranda pulled out after shuffling the cards again.

  Even Mrs Brisbane was impressed with that trick!

  I thought she’d do the vanishing bead trick next, but instead, she announced that she would make A.J. disappear.

  ‘I don’t believe it,’ he said.

  ‘You’ll see.’ Miranda took out the photo of A.J., which made everyone laugh.

  But my friends weren’t laughing when she put the photo under the glass and made it disappear.

  (At least it looked as if it disappeared.)

  Everyone gasped.

  And A.J. looked HAPPY-HAPPY-HAPPY to see that only his picture had disappeared.

  Miranda had saved the bead trick for last.

  I know Miranda thought everyone would be surprised when she pulled the bead out of her pocket.

  But I knew that Miranda would be the one surprised when the bead wasn’t there.

  She placed the bead in the cup and turned it upside down.

  When the bead didn’t fall out of the cup, everyone gasped.

  Miranda reached into her pocket.

  I saw the look of horror on her face when she realised the bead wasn’t there!

  I swallowed hard and then blew the bead out of my mouth.

  It rolled across the table and stopped right in the middle.

  At first, the room was silent.

  Then everyone began to cheer!

  My friends were clearly amazed.

  ‘How’d she do that?’ I heard Heidi ask Gail.

  Miranda took a bow and pointed to me.

  ‘Thank you, Amazing Humphrini,’ she said.

  When the class was quiet again, Mrs Brisbane told Miranda she was a wonderful magician.

  ‘But I don’t think it’s a good idea to put a bead in a hamster’s mouth,’ she said.

  She was right about that!

  ‘But I didn’t! I thought it was in my pocket,’ Miranda explained. ‘That was truly magic.’

  *

  At the end of the day, Miranda came over to my cage and thanked me.

  ‘I’ll never figure out how you got that bead,’ she said. ‘But you really are amazing, Humphrini!’

  A.J. rushed up to Miranda. ‘Those tricks were great,’ he said. ‘Could you teach them to me sometime?’

  ‘Sure,’ Miranda said. ‘As long as you don’t mind learning magic from a girl.’

  I was glad when A.J. smiled and said, ‘I guess I was wrong about girl magicians.’

  That night, when things were quiet in Room 26, I took out my little notebook and pencil and looked at my list.

  Then I added something new:

  ‘You know what, Og?’ I squeaked to my neighbour. ‘There are a lot of jobs a hamster like me could do.’

  ‘BOING-BOING-BOING!’ he agreed.

  ‘But I still think being a classroom pet is the very best job of all,’ I said.

  And I kne
w I was right.

  Golden-Miranda says that magicians never share their secrets, but she told me how she made A.J.’s photo disappear. It’s unsqueakably clever and you can do it, too! Turn the page to see how.

  A table covered with something white or black.

  A large piece of paper, any colour or pattern.

  A clear glass with a rim wide enough to cover whatever you want to disappear.

  Scissors.

  Glue.

  Paper the same colour as the table covering.

  Things you want to disappear.

  Cut the large piece of paper to make a tube that fits around the glass. It shouldn’t fit too tightly and it should be taller than the glass.

  Glue the edges to form the tube.

  To make the magic glass, put it upside down on the paper that’s the same colour as the table covering.

  Take the pencil and trace around the edges to make a circle the same size as the glass.

  Cut out the circle and glue it to the rim of the glass.

  Sit at the table.

  Put the glass upside down on the table. Tell your audience that this is a magic glass.

  Show your audience the tube. Hold it sideways so they can see inside. If possible, put your hand through it so the onlookers can see it’s hollow.

  Put the tube over the glass – you shouldn’t be able to see the glass at all.

  Put the object you want to disappear, such as a coin, on the table. Tell your audience, ‘This is a coin and I’m going to use the magic glass to make it disappear.’