by Helen Lacey
He was burning to ask if she felt the same. But oddly, there seemed to be so much white noise around them, he wasn’t sure he’d hear her response. It was as though a brass band was suddenly playing in his head, drowning out everything but the thunderous beat of his heart behind his ribs. And he realized she looked out of sorts. Uncomfortable. As though his admission was the last thing she wanted to hear.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
She nodded fractionally. “Sure.”
“If you want to talk about it, we can.”
She shook her head just as a woman—tall, blond and elegantly beautiful—approached their table. Ash introduced her as Kayla O’Sullivan and Cole remembered that this was the friend who was married to the owner of the hotel and who was expecting her first child. They made small talk for a few minutes, about the hotel and the weather, and he congratulated her on the impending birth. When she left he noticed that Ash was watching him and not her friend.
“What?”
“You’re very charming.”
He smiled and drank some wine. “I thought you were immune.”
“Turns out, I’m not,” she admitted. “And I’m not sure if that’s bad luck, or good fortune.”
“Shall we simply roll the dice and see where it takes us?”
She shook her head. “I can’t be that cavalier. The kids...”
“Are more resilient than you think,” he said quietly. “And Jaye and Maisy in particular. Look at what they’ve both been through in their short lives.”
“Exactly,” she said. “And I’m not going to make my son’s life even more complicated by starting something that has no chance of working out.”
“We’ve already started this,” he reminded her. “We became friends. And then we kissed. And then we made love. And it was...incredible.”
“It was,” she agreed. “But it can’t happen again. You came here to work on your relationship with Maisy and I’m not going to be the reason that gets derailed.”
Cole understood her concerns. He had them, too. But he believed she was being overcautious. Kids got through things. Kids learned to accept new situations. And Cole didn’t believe Jaye would have a problem with him dating his mom. Or more than that. As for Maisy, she was older and would be able to handle him being in a relationship. Cole was about to respond when their meals arrived. They ate in silence and once they had finished, Ash declined dessert or coffee.
“I’d like to go home now,” she said and pushed her half-full glass of wine aside.
Cole checked his watch and saw that it was barely eight fifteen. “A little early, don’t you think? We’re on a date, remember? And I promised I’d take you dancing.”
“I don’t want to dance.” She sighed heavily. “Please take me home.”
Cole registered her unhappiness and nodded. “Okay, if that’s what you want.”
“It is.”
Five minutes later the check was paid and they were back out by the curb. He opened the passenger door of the car and she got in wordlessly. The drive back to the ranch was done in heavy, uncomfortable silence. Cole walked her to her door, climbing the steps behind her. The sensor light flicked on and she reached for the knob.
“Ash, can we—”
“Thank you for dinner,” she said, cutting him off. “Good night.”
Cole expelled a heavy breath. “This conversation will still be here in the morning.”
She shrugged lightly. “This conversation needs to be over. It’s Wednesday—you’re leaving on Saturday. That’s three more days, Cole. What can we do in that time? Fall into bed again? Pretend that the end isn’t inevitable? I know what people leaving feels like,” she said, her voice filled with emotion. “And I don’t want that again. I don’t want to feel that with you. Because honestly, I don’t think I’d survive it.”
She headed inside and closed the door. Cole remained on the porch for a few minutes, tempted to knock on the door and talk to her some more. But he didn’t. He walked back to the cabin, found that Maisy had already turned in for the night and was grateful he didn’t have to answer any questions from his daughter about where he’d been. He’d told her he was going out with Ash and she’d merely shrugged and said “whatever” in that bored way of hers.
Cole took a shower, dropped into bed and stared at the ceiling for a few hours.
Thinking. Dwelling. Realizing that he’d just made a giant-sized horse’s ass of himself.
He’d admitted his feelings for Ash and she’d closed up like a clam. It was too much, too soon, and something he’d never normally do. He’d been dating Valerie for nine months before he’d said the words to her, and they had been on the brink of moving in together. It wasn’t a two-week acquaintance, a few kisses and one amazing afternoon in bed.
He had seriously screwed up.
And miscalculated the depth of their relationship.
It was past seven when he got up the following morning, and after having breakfast with Maisy she headed off to the main house for her lessons with Nancy and the other kids. Cole spent the rest of the morning cleaning up and then made a few telephone calls. He would be back at work the following week, back to all that was familiar. He had a race team to manage and had meetings scheduled in San Francisco and Dallas a couple of weeks out to discuss sponsorship for the next two seasons. A few days’ home and he’d be back into the familiar rhythm of his life. Maisy would be back at school, he’d visit his parents every Sunday and maybe start dating someone new. Someone who at least lived in Phoenix. That was the future that seemed inevitable. And in some way, the idea left him feeling bereft and unhappy.
It was four o’clock that afternoon when he saw Ash again. He was in the barn, tinkering with an old tractor that hadn’t worked for years, and she strode toward him, hands on hips, green eyes blazing. She looked as mad as hellfire.
“Where are the kids?” she demanded.
“Up at the house playing a video game under Ted’s supervision,” he replied.
She nodded slowly. “Good. And my mother?”
“At a charity meeting in town, something to do with the museum. She said she’d be back before dinner.” His mouth twisted. “Something on your mind?”
She glared at him. “You had no right to say that to me last night,” she said and stood a few feet from him, chest heaving.
“Say what?” Cole asked as he wiped his hands on an old towel. “That I was in love with you?” He shrugged lightly and rested his behind on the workbench. “It’s the truth.”
“Maybe. But now it’s all I can think about,” she admitted with a kind of anguish that made him ache inside. “And I can’t have my head filled with this kind of thing. I have too many responsibilities. My family, this place, my job—I can’t switch all that off and race into the sunset with you, Cole, no matter how much I might be tempted.”
She looked so gorgeous in her uniform that he had to pull on all of his self-control to remain where he was and not stride across the barn and haul her into his arms. “Have you been stewing on this all day?”
“Of course I have,” she said hotly. “Haven’t you?”
He lifted one shoulder and was about to respond when she spoke again.
“And it ruined my day. Did I tell you that I got offered a promotion the other day?” she shot back irritably. “There’s a sergeant position coming up and I’m in line for the job.”
“Congratulations.”
Her gaze narrowed. “Don’t you see? It’s just one more thing that makes this impossible.” She gestured to the two of them.
Cole stared at her. She was being stubborn. Hard-headed. Impossible. And he wanted to kiss her so much that his entire body tingled. But he had to make her see that sometimes caution wasn’t the sensible option...that sometimes the prize was worth the risk.
“Ash, I’ve learned to believe that anything is possible. If I didn’t challenge that ideal I probably wouldn’t be on my feet right now.”
* * *
Ash’s skin burned. The sound of his voice was like a narcotic, feeding her addiction for him with every word. But she had to show good sense. She had to keep her wits and forget that he’d said he was in love with her.
But it was difficult.
Especially when he looked so good, so familiar and so damned sexy.
“Ash,” he beckoned softly. “Come here.”
She remained where she was, her feet feeling as though they were encased in cement. Walking toward him would be a mistake. Being close to him in any way whatsoever would only weaken her resolve and commitment to end things before they really got started.
“I can’t,” she whispered.
“Sure you can,” he said softly and held out his hand.
And then she moved. Without resistance, despite some faraway voice telling her that it was crazy to go near him and risk her heart. But the pull that was uniquely his wrapped her up like a cocoon and seconds later she was in front of him, taking his hand. His fingers were warm as they enclosed around hers and Ash swayed toward him almost involuntarily.
“I wish...” Her words trailed and she took a breath. “I promised myself I wouldn’t do this.”
He tugged on her hand and she was quickly pressed against him. “I know. But we can’t avoid the inevitable.”
“We can. I can. I need to stop wanting you,” she said, aching inside, because being so close to him was like heaven and hell at the same time. “The kids...the fact you’re leaving in a few days...it’s too hard...”
“Ash.” He said her name so softly it was like a caress. “Some things are simply meant to be.”
And then he kissed her. Softly. Deeply. Intimately. Each slant of his mouth against hers a seductive caress. Ash’s hands moved to his chest and then curled around his shoulders, bringing them closer together. In the days since they’d last kissed she’d been dying inside, needing him like she needed air in her lungs, wanting him like she’d never wanted anyone before. And knowing it was mutual, knowing that Cole was as hungry for her as she was for him, only amplified every ounce of longing that thrummed through her body and heart.
“I should have known!”
A young, pain-filled voice ripped them apart immediately. Maisy. Ash stepped back guiltily. The girl looked furious. And rightly so. She longed to say something, but knew Cole had to handle the situation. She looked at him, saw his intense expression and remained silent.
“Maisy, honey, let me explain what—”
“I’ve got eyes,” his daughter said, cutting him off and breathing hard, her mouth pressed into a tight line. “And if you two have been screwing around I hope you remembered to use a rubber, Cole,” she said crudely. “Because I bet the last thing you want is another visit from social services saying you’ve got another unwanted kid!”
Then she fled. Out of the barn and back to the cabin. Ash heard the cabin door slam and then turned toward Cole. “I’m so sorry. This shouldn’t have happened. I knew it would end like this.”
He let out a long and weary breath. “It’s not your fault. I’ll go and talk to her in a little while, and maybe give her some time to calm down.”
“Maybe you should forget the space. She needs you, probably right now more than ever before. Being alone is the last thing she needs at this point.”
He half shrugged. “I don’t know what the hell to do,” he said raggedly and then looked sheepish when he realized how much rage there was in his words. “Sorry... I’ll talk to you later.”
He walked from the barn and once he was twenty feet ahead she headed for the house. The kids were in the living room with Uncle Ted and she waved at them from the doorway, then made her way upstairs to shower and change before she started dinner. Half an hour later she was back downstairs and flouring chicken pieces for a casserole. Once dinner was in the pot she made peppermint tea and sat at the table, deep in thought.
“Are you okay, Mom?”
She looked up and spotted Jaye in the doorway. “Just fine, sweetie.”
“You look sad,” he said and ambled into the room. “Are you sad because Cole and Maisy are leaving soon?” He shrugged his bony shoulders. “’Cuz I know I am.”
Ash knew the conversation was inevitable. Jaye adored Cole and would miss him terribly. She offered a gentle smile. “We’ve talked about this before. You know that sometimes people come here just for a short time, because they need a certain kind of help. And Cole and Maisy—”
“It’s different with them,” Jaye said quietly. “Cole likes us. He likes Uncle Ted and Grandma and he likes me. And I know he likes you. A lot.”
“I like him, too,” she admitted and saw a gleam in her son’s eyes. “But that doesn’t change the reason they came here. And we must respect that and not make things more difficult by telling them we don’t want them to leave, okay?”
His lips pressed together. “Even if it makes us sad?”
“Even then,” she said, her throat suddenly burning with emotion.
“Maisy’s lucky. I wish...” Jaye’s voice trailed off and she watched him swallow hard. “I wish I had a dad like Cole.”
Ash’s pain was instantly amplified. She wanted to hold her son close and tell him that everything would return to normal soon. She wanted to tell him that they would be fine, as they had always been. But she couldn’t. It would taste like a lie. Because she wasn’t sure that anything would feel right ever again once Cole and Maisy left the ranch. “I tell you what, why don’t you go up to their cabin and ask if they want to have dinner with us tonight, around six thirty. And if it’s okay with Cole, you can spend some time with them before dinner.”
Jaye’s expression perked up. “Thanks, Mom.”
He left and Ash busied herself with baking a pie for the next half hour. She was just whipping cream for topping when Cole emerged through the back door, tapping on the doorjamb before he entered.
“Hi,” she said and placed the bowl on the countertop. “Everything okay?”
He shrugged wearily. “I thought I’d try and talk to my daughter now, is she in the living room?”
Ash stilled. “Isn’t she in the cabin?”
Cole shook his head. “No. She wouldn’t talk to me after...you know, what happened in the barn. I was in the shower when I heard the cabin door slam, I assumed she was here.”
“She’s not here.” Ash came around the counter. “Where’s Jaye? I sent him up to the cabin about half an hour ago, to invite you and Maisy for dinner.”
Cole stepped closer. “Ash, the cabin is empty.” He shook his head. “I haven’t seen Jaye since earlier this afternoon.”
Uneasiness crept up her spine. “Maybe they’re in the barn. Or out by the stables.”
But they weren’t in the barn or stables. Or in the living room with Uncle Ted and Micah and Tahlia. And after a quick scour of the rest of the house, she followed Cole back to the cabin and they headed straight for Maisy’s room, and quickly realized that her bag was missing.
“Don’t panic,” she advised him when they were back on the small porch, even though her heart was racing at a galloping speed. “I’m sure there is a logical explanation.”
“Ash?”
She waved an arm in an arc. “She’s probably gone off in a huff and Jaye has followed and—”
“Ash?” he said again, firmer this time.
“What?”
He moved closer. “The truck’s gone.”
Ash gasped and moved to look out the window. Sure enough, the undriven, untried truck that Cole had given to her days earlier was no longer in its spot beside the barn.
“Oh, God,” she said and clutched at her throat. “You
don’t think...”
He nodded slowly. “I think we both know Maisy took the truck.”
Her heart rammed behind her ribs. “Jaye...”
“And I think we both know that Jaye is probably with her.”
Ash’s insides turned to Jell-O as fear coursed through her blood. Because she knew he was right. There was no truck and no Maisy or Jaye. It was logical to assume the worst.
“I need to call the station and get a bulletin out ASAP.”
But it was too little, too late. Because twenty minutes later she received a call from Hank Culhane saying that her son and Maisy had been involved in a single-vehicle accident on the outskirts of town and were on their way to the Cedar River Community Hospital, injured, but alive.
Cole drove her into town and the trip was done in an agonizing silence. She couldn’t talk. Couldn’t think. Couldn’t do anything but wonder about the fate of her child. They reached the hospital in record time and Ash was thankful to see her friend Lucy attending in the ER. Even though Lucy was pregnant with her first child, she still worked part-time at the hospital. Much to Ash’s relief. If her son was hurt she wanted her trusted friend attending to his injuries.
“He’s okay,” Lucy assured her, clearly taking in her pallor and the fear in Ash’s eyes. “They’re both okay. Jaye has a fractured arm, which will need to be set and put in a cast,” she said and Ash’s legs almost gave way. “And your daughter has a few cuts and bruises,” Lucy said once Ash introduced him. “Actually, they were both very lucky. Hank said they skidded down an embankment and took out a fence.”
“Can I see my son?” Ash tried to gain control of her breathing. Knowing Jaye was safe helped, but she’d been so frightened...
