Chemistry: An Everyday Heroes World Novel (The Everyday Heroes World)

by J. P. Nicholas

  Chloe

  Every single muscle I have clenches. Did he just say what I think he said? Love? He loves me?

  My heart starts palpitating in my chest. I suck in a deep breath, but I still feel like I can’t breathe. I need air. I need air. I need air. The thought keeps ringing through my mind. My chest burns, my eyes sting—I’m a fucking mess.

  How did I get to this point? To the point where a man claims he’s in love with me again? Well, this time…I refuse to fall for it. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice—fuck, I can’t remember the rest of it because I’m still freaking out!

  Abruptly, I get up from the table and speed walk into the backyard. I know they’re all probably talking about me in there now. Just like I know I don’t have long before Lucas follows me out here. Fuck! How did this become my life?

  I suck in a deep breath, exhale, then repeat. The burning in my chest is starting to subside, but I still don’t feel any better. Things were going great up until now. Why did Lucas have to go and ruin everything by falling in love with me? Love was never supposed to factor in this equation. It was sex and companionship that I wanted.

  I never counted on Kyle looking up to him or mentioning his name thirty-six times during dinner—yes, I counted! Each time Kyle mentions Lucas when he’s not around terrifies me. He’s become far too attached to the guy. But I can’t blame him because I’ve become far too attached to the guy too.

  This thing between us has gone on far too long. I have to end it. No, I need to end it! For the sake of my family. It’s the only way.

  I swore when Mac left that I would never bring another man into Kyle’s life. How could I have been so reckless? So selfish? Now, he’s going to feel the exact pain I vowed to save him from his entire life.

  “Chloe, are you okay?” Lucas’s voice, the one that has soothed me countless times, only makes me cringe. Tears are streaking down my face now.

  I have to do this. I need to do this. As the mantra repeats in my head, I remind myself what’s at stake here: my son. This is for his own protection—for the protection of my fragile family.

  “Lucas, I don’t love you,” I choke out through the gravel in my throat, unsure if the words are even true.

  I can hear his heavy footsteps ruffling the grass beneath them. I can feel his presence behind me.

  “That’s okay. I don’t want to rush you. Take your time. But I also don’t want to hide my feelings for you anymore.” His words are sweet, but I still don’t want to hear them. I want to cover my ears, close my eyes, curl up into a ball on the grass, and just ignore him until he goes away—until all my problems leave with him.

  “No, you don’t get it. I will never love you,” I explain, but the wavering hitch in my voice betrays me.

  His hand lands on my shoulder, and he turns me around. “Then tell me that to my face.”

  I keep my gaze on the ground, unable to look him in the eye and crush him like I need to. Cuz that’s what I’m doing…crushing him.

  His palms cup my cheeks as he forces our gazes to lock.

  “Say it to my face,” he repeats. I can see the hurt swirling in his eyes. The uncertainty, the sorrow, the pity. Whether that’s pity for me or him, I don’t know.

  “I will never love you,” I lie, knowing damn well that I probably already do. That’s the only explanation for why I let everything get to this point now. But I shouldn’t have let it come to this. Hell, I never should’ve let him in at all. I should’ve just kept things professional…like I planned to do all along. I should’ve been stronger. Not let him crumple the walls I had placed over my heart for over a decade! I should never have let him kiss me. I never should’ve liked it. There are just too many things I let him do that I shouldn’t have. But there’s no going back now. There’s only moving forward. And going forward, Lucas Ashford will not be in my life anymore.

  “So, you didn’t love me when you fought to get my job back?”

  I shake my head.

  “Pure guilt,” I lie.

  “I don’t believe you,” he bites out. “I think you do love me, and that scares you. Reasonably so. But you don’t have to do this. We can work through it.”

  Thinking about how well Lucas fit into my family tonight only makes things worse. I’d rather put them through the heartache now than have to put them through it later. It’s inevitable. Lucas and I are not meant to last. No man is ever going to stay by my side and love me forever. It’s not in the cards I have been dealt. I’m better alone. The sooner I can convince Lucas of that, the sooner we can all move on with our lives.

  He stays back, his expression somber.

  “Chloe, please don’t do this,” he pleads, sounding defeated. He knows what I’m about to do. Just like he knows there is no convincing me otherwise. There’s no way around it. It was our fate from the start.

  “Lucas, if you truly love me…you will let me go,” I implore. The tears sting as they fall from my eyes.

  “Is that what you really want? To get rid of me forever?”

  I nod, but he doesn’t accept it.

  “For fuck’s sake, Chloe. Use your words!”

  I swallow down the lump in my throat, look him straight in the eye, and mutter the one word that I know is going to crush him. “Yes.”

  “What are you going to tell Kyle?” he asks through his own tears, sincerity in his voice. Knowing that he’s thinking about my son first right now only solidifies why this is the right choice I’m making. They’ve both become too engrossed in each other’s lives. And that’s something I can no longer conveniently ignore.

  “That’s no longer any concern of yours.”

  “Fine. If that’s how you want to play this. I’m going to go back inside, give Kyle the decent courtesy of a goodbye, walk through that front door, and never see you again. Is that what you want?” His sad expression has turned to anger. I can see the fury in his eyes.

  “Yes, Lucas. That’s what I want,” I lie.

  He reaches into his pocket and tosses something into the grass. I squint at it, noticing that it’s the key to his truck.

  “I’m not going to leave you two stranded. I’ll pick up my truck from the bakery tomorrow. You can have Layla or the new guy give the key back to me.”

  “How will you get home?” I ask, concerned.

  He throws my own words back at me. “That is no longer any concern of yours.”

  Then he turns around, giving me a great view of his back as he walks out of my life for good.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Chloe

  I’m not standing outside long before my mother comes out, making her opinion on my most recent life choice very clear.

  “Honey, I love you, but you’re a moron,” my mom chides, not sugar-coating how she feels about Lucas and my very recent breakup. “This is by far the stupidest decision I have ever watched you make. So, forgive me for not standing idly by as you implode the greatest thing to happen to you since Kyle was born.”

  I don’t say anything because what is there left to say? I said everything I needed to say to Lucas. And I did so, knowing that my mother wasn’t going to be happy about it. But this isn’t her choice to make. It’s mine. And I did what had to be done.

  “You look me in the eye, Young Lady, and explain to me why you just did what you did. Because it makes absolutely zero sense to the rest of us!” she scolds, her tone gradually rising an octave the longer she speaks.

  Hesitantly, I meet her gaze. Confusion and disappointment swirl in her deep blue irises as she flashes me that look that only mothers can give. The one that says, I know I can’t tell you what to do now, but I’m still your mother, so I’m going to anyway.

  “You two seemed so intertwined with each other all night. I was so proud that you found someone so perfect for you. Someone who not only fell in love with you but loves Kyle just as much. Do you know how hard that will be to find again?” Her voice cracks as she succumbs to the overwhelming wave of her emotions. Her face scrunch
es slightly as she gets choked up, and her eyes grow watery.

  “That’s exactly the problem, Mom! Kyle and I have become too attached to him. So, I had to end things now before they inevitably end later,” I snap back, balling my fists at my side.

  “That’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard. Not every relationship ends in heartache, Honey. I know you’ve had a hard life. I know your past; I was there for all of it.” She grabs ahold of both my shoulders and begins to shake me. “But that’s why I have to be here for you now. To slap you upside the head when you’re being a nincompoop and tell you that you are making the biggest mistake of your life by letting that man walk out the door.”

  I just want to run—to get as far away from here as humanly possible. I can’t take this anymore. The constant badgering. The disappointment in her tone. I don’t need to be scrutinized for doing what I feel is right for both my son and me.

  “I’ve made my decision, Mom. It’s over. Lucas and I are over. It’s for the best,” I breathe out heavily, not sure exactly which one of us I’m trying to convince here. Her or myself. “And there’s nothing you can say to change my mind.”

  “Chloe. Elise. Hayden. Don’t be so pigheaded. Blinded by your own stubbornness,” she implores, squeezing my shoulders as she stares me directly in the eyes. “Do you know how kindhearted the man you just evicted from your life without any good rhyme or reason is?”

  “Yes,” I reply.

  She shakes her head slowly. “I don’t think you do. Cuz if you did, you wouldn’t have let him go just because you got scared. I know I raised you to be stronger than that.”

  “Mom, I—”

  “I’m not finished,” she warns sternly, pressing her pointer finger into my chest just like she used to do when I was younger and in trouble. “That man walked through our sliding door, dried his eyes, and composed himself as he marched directly up to your son, my grandson. He knelt to his eye level, looked him directly in his little, hopeful eyes, and crushed his little spirit on your behalf. Lucas told him that you two broke up. So, knowing how inquisitive your son is, Lucas was ready to lie to his face for you when Kyle asked why. And you wanna know what he told him?”

  “What?” I inquire, holding my breath as the anticipation wrenches in the pit of my stomach.

  “Lucas told him that he couldn’t love you the way you needed him to—that you loved him more than he loved you. He lied for you. He took the blunt of Kyle’s rage and frustration. And when Kyle screamed, I hate you to his face, I watched the soul of a grown man crumble before my very eyes.” She pauses to wipe a stray tear from under her eye. “Now, I can’t think of any man who would even think about not making you out to be the bad guy to your son after you just dumped him. But that’s exactly what Lucas did. He did so, knowing that he didn’t deserve it. But he did it for you. And quite frankly, I am so beyond disappointed in you and your behavior.”

  The picture she painted in my head hurts. My body shudders at the thought of Kyle screaming in Lucas’s face. He didn’t deserve that; I did. He doesn’t deserve any of this. But what he does deserve is someone a whole lot better than me—that I’m sure of.

  “So, I want you to tell me again why you won’t hop in his truck that he so kindly left for you, drive to his house, and beg for him to forgive you.” The way she speaks her words makes them out to be more of a statement than a question, but I know she still expects an answer regardless of how she phrased it.

  I bow my head to the ground, staring at the grass beneath my feet. “I can’t do that.”

  “Why not?” she bites out, furiously flailing her hands in the air.

  I remain silent, not wanting to vocalize my thoughts aloud anymore. I just want this all to blow over—for everyone just to leave me alone and move on with their lives. But that’s not the Hayden way. So, the chances of that actually happening are slim to none.

  “Ugh! I can’t even look at you right now!” my mother screams out of frustration. “Jerry! Come talk some sense into your daughter!”

  I can hear my Dad’s voice boom from somewhere inside.

  “Oh, so when she pisses you off, she’s my daughter? Very convenient, Edith.”

  “Just go talk to her. Maybe you’ll have better luck knocking some sense into that skull of hers,” Mom explains, her voice trailing off into the distance.

  I don’t glance up, but I can feel my dad’s presence growing closer. He pecks a kiss to the crown of my head and wraps his arms around me. He squeezes me into one of his signature warm bear hugs—the exact kind that used to comfort me when I was a little girl who had a nightmare.

  “Dad, I—”

  “Shhh. It’s okay, Sweetheart.” His deep voice is as soothing to me at thirty-one as it was at three. I guess some things never change. And my father has always had the magic touch, but that could just be because I’m such a Daddy’s Girl. He leans in closer to whisper in my ear. “Between you and me, I never liked the guy.”

  This catches me completely by surprise. I jerk back, craning my neck to get a better view of my father’s face. “What? How could you say that? Lucas is thoughtful, charming, charismatic as hell, he loves with all his heart, he’s funny, and he’s always one-hundred percent honest.”

  A wicked grin stretches on my father’s face. “Why did you break up with him then?”

  “Oh, that was clever. I’ll give you that,” I admit before biting down on my bottom lip.

  He just shrugs nonchalantly, feigning his own innocence.

  “Sweetie, in all honesty, I like the guy. I can’t fault him. And I sure as hell appreciate the way he left his car here so that he didn’t leave you and Kyle stranded. Sure, your mother or I could’ve given you a ride home. But he didn’t want to inconvenience us, so he inconvenienced himself and walked his way back into town. Lucas has earned my respect and then some.” He presses another kiss, but this one to my forehead. “I like how he treats you, how he looks at you and Kyle with such adoration in his eyes. He loves both of you, Sweetheart. And I’ve never seen you as happy as I did tonight. Well…until whatever happened at the end of the meal that caused you to freak out. Mind sharing with me what that was?”

  I shake my head. Unlike my mother, Dad doesn’t pry any further. He just simply raises his hands in the air, signaling his surrender. “If you wanna talk, you can find my ass in the recliner. But let me leave you with this. Every night since you were born, right before I would go to sleep, I would pray that you find someone exactly like the man you brought here tonight. Don’t let your fears get in the way of a damn good thing. Love you, baby girl.”

  “I love you too,” I whisper past the lump in my throat. Dad always did have a way of passively killing me with kindness from the inside—a technique that he’s only perfected as I’ve gotten older.

  As he steps to the side, I find my younger brothers standing behind him, waiting their turn.

  I drag a hand through my hair and sigh. “You guys too?”

  Matthew smiles briefly before his expression turns serious. “You need to forget Mac.”

  “I am completely over him; you know that. He’s just an asshole from my past who has no impact on my life anymore,” I emphasize, surprised that we are even discussing him at all.

  “You’re over him, sure. But have you forgiven him? Cuz until you do, you will never be able to move on.”

  His words take me back. Have I forgiven him? Will that even change anything? Is that why there’s still this constant fear that any man I fall in love with is going to leave me when I least expect it?

  I search deep within myself and realize that Matthew’s right. I have never forgiven him. I don’t know if that’s necessarily holding me back, but it’s a great place to start.

  Chase reaches out his hand; in it is a piece of paper.

  “Don’t be mad,” he prefaces, but then continues. “But a couple of years ago, we hired a PI to track him down. The original plan was just to go there and beat his ass. But wise old man Dylan pointed out that w
e’re popular faces on a popular TV show, and the network wouldn’t take kindly to the headlines of The Twin Dynamos from HGTV get Arrested for Aggravated Assault. But we still held onto this. You will find both his physical and email address, should you need to get in touch with him.”

  Outstretching my arms, I pull both of them in for a hug.

  “Thank you,” I reply with sincerity. “I appreciate you both wanting to commit a felony for me.”

  They look at each other and then look back at me.

  “Anytime,” they say in unison.

  As much as I hate to admit it, they’re all right—my mom, dad, and my pesky little brothers. They all have my best interests at heart, and they each—in their own way—made me realize that I’m so not done with Lucas Ashford. I just hope he’s not finished with me yet—that I can fix things before it’s too late.

  I see now that I made a grave mistake that I need to correct. I glance at the piece of paper in my hand. But before I can, there’s something I must take care of first.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Lucas

  I’m broken—shattered far greater than I’ve ever been before. It turns out I was wrong about Chloe from the start. In the end, she was just like the rest of my exes. She used me to get what she wanted, but she dumped me without looking back when I tried to ask for something of more substance. She used me just like the rest of them. And I will never be able to recover from that—to recover from her.

  I knew she had commitment issues from the start. I mean, I couldn’t blame her after that dickhead boyfriend of hers left her the way he did. But I never could’ve imagined that she would freak out that exponentially—to blow up our entire relationship just because I fell in love with her. The audacity of me! How dare I fall in love with a magnificent woman? To make things epically worse, I still love her. I think I always will. And that’s the perfect cherry on top of my fucked-up sundae.