Get What You Give

by Stephanie Perry Moore

  “So, are y’all dating or something?”

  “What, are you jealous now?” he said, wiping my brow.

  “I mean, I can’t pull you away from somebody else.”

  “It’s been only a couple months since we haven’t been together, and all I wanted to do was this,” he said as he placed his hands on both sides of my face, pulled my face to his, and allowed our lips to lock.

  I usually wasn’t a fan of the rain, but out there, with him, I let the water hit my face, and it relaxed me. Amidst all that water, it was like it had brought Covin and me back together by washing away all the strife. I had gotten a second chance, and I wasn’t gonna mess it up this time.

  “I wanna be with you,” I said to him as he stroked my face.

  “But we’re both soaked. I need to get back in here to this party. Afterward we can hook up.”

  I took his hands and put them around my waist and then took to kissing him. After a long encounter I said, “No, not later. Now. I want to be with you.”

  He patted his coat jacket, pulled out some keys, and smiled wider than the Grand Canyon. “Are you sure?” he said to me as he licked his lips at me.

  I was still pure, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little nervous. But being in his arms, a place I didn’t think I’d ever be again, was like heaven. Feeling the passion that extended from one part of my body to the other, I knew more than anything that I was ready—so much so that I was ready to give it up on the concrete ground.

  But when I went to unbutton his pants, he said, “You deserve way better than this. And, for real, we would be really sick in this nasty weather. Don’t you think you need to take your car home?”

  “I didn’t drive,” I said to him.

  “Well, you need to let someone know where you’re going.”

  “I’ll text my girls later.”

  He kissed me again, and we headed off in his car.

  Forty-five minutes later we were in a hotel suite in the center of downtown Little Rock. He had gotten us a room on the top floor of a hotel. Opening the doors to our lavish suite with the room card key, I was engulfed in a cloud of bliss. The room screamed of freshness, and the spacious bedding area released aromatherapy. Sheets and the comforter of every shade of white was piled high atop of the king-size bed. The view of the pretty city made me feel like a queen. I was so impressed.

  Before my sophomore year, merely being with a guy in a hotel room ready to give it up would have been out of my character. Never, ever had I done something so impulsive. Going out with Morgan before knowing him fully was stupid, but this felt safe, beautiful, and right. We hadn’t even done anything.

  As Covin called room service, I went over to the balcony and prayed. Lord, I want this night to be as special as You would allow it. Please be with me as I share my all.

  “What are you thinking?” he asked me as he kissed my neck.

  “I’m thinking I wanna give you every part of me. You’ve given me your heart. You’ve given me a second chance, and now it’s time I became the gracious one. As a kid I thought about the moment I’d lose my virginity. But never did I imagine being in a hotel suite, treated like a queen.”

  The doorbell rang, and he told me to go ahead and take a shower. When the hot water hit my body, I really got excited. But then when the doorknob turned, and he asked if he could join me, every part of me felt alive. I didn’t say yes, but because I didn’t say no, moments later every inch of Covin’s body was mine to view. And, boy, did I like what I saw! Why I’d ever thought Morgan was sexier was crazy, too.

  “You’re even more beautiful than I’d imagined,” he said as he checked me out.

  I wasn’t nervous at his gaze. My heart just started racing as his hand touched every part of me. He turned off the water, scooped me out of the tub, threw a robe around me, and led me to the bed. He eased himself on top of my body that desired him so and looked into my eyes that spoke of my love.

  “You don’t have to do this, you know.”

  I kissed him, and he kissed me back. The night was warm, passionate, sexy, steamy, inviting, exuberant, and ours. The slight discomfort was felt for seconds. And the second time around was even better than the first. I knew when he called my name I was in love. Again it was confirmed that this was right. This was wonderful. This had become a night I would never forget.

  Two days later, when I woke up back in my own bed, I still felt like I was in heaven. I replayed my magical weekend over and over; I regretted none of it. But I did wonder why Covin had dropped me off at six in the evening, said he’d call, and it was now eighteen hours later and there was no phone call.

  “Okay, so you wanna tell me where you’ve been all weekend?” Teddi said to me as she grilled me when she saw my eyes open. “You go to a party with us, leave all frustrated, have us tell the big sisters you’re gonna chair the contest after all, text me an hour later telling me you’re okay, and then you’re dead asleep when I come home, thinking I’m not gonna wake you?”

  I wanted to say, “Girl, you’re not my mom—I’m a grown woman now. I had an experience that was private and special, and I wanna keep it that way.” However, I knew she loved me and probably had been sick with worry.

  So to get her off my back, I smiled and said, “I was with Covin. We worked everything out. You said I was out cold last night—did he happen to call me?”

  Teddi looked up at the ceiling like she was trying to think back, but I knew he had called. He had to. I was so knocked out I probably didn’t hear the phone ring. Because sleep had been the last thing I had gotten while I was with him, Teddi had known I was too tired and didn’t want to wake me. That had to be it.

  I was too dumbfounded when she said, “No, Hailey. Nobody called.”

  I looked over at the phone that was on the nightstand between both of our twin beds and said, “Well, was it off the hook or something?”

  There had to be an explanation why I didn’t receive his call, I thought to myself. Then it dawned on me like a ray of sunshine sparks a new day, that he had used another method. I hit my hand to my forehead like I should have had a V8 and ran over to my cell phone. Surely, that was it. He’d called me, and it had been on vibrate or silent.

  After I disappointedly checked my voice mail and text messages to find out Covin hadn’t contacted me, Teddi put her two cents in the situation. “Why are you even stressing like you’re married to him or something? So what—he didn’t call. Why are you freaking out? He’s still got a reason to chase you, right?”

  “I’m not freaking out,” I said, clearly freaking out as I held an upset look on my face.

  It took me a while to look at Teddi. When we locked eyes, I might as well have told her I’d given away the milk for free. I hoped I wasn’t a fool.

  Indirectly telling me to move on and not stress it, Teddi said, “Come on. Some of us are heading to the library to study. Get dressed.”

  I wanted to tell her to go on without me so I could call Covin and see if he was okay, but I could sense I was being a little paranoid. Maybe he was just as tired as I was.

  So I went on to study and had a great time with my line sisters as we planned more for the upcoming contest, and they filled me in on all the dirt in the chapter. It seemed Connie and Sam had had another incident and gone at each other. As they talked about it, I really tuned them out as I looked at my phone, wanting it to ring badly.

  The next few days came and went. And in terms of communication with Covin, it was more of the same—no phone call. Finally, I reached out to him. And when I dialed him the first time, I got his voice mail. I was addicted because on the hour, for seven hours, I kept trying him. I couldn’t figure out why the brother wasn’t calling me back.

  Cassidy came over to our place later that night so Teddi and I could fill her in on the particulars surrounding the contest. “You seem pretty occupied,” she said as she apparently tried to get my attention several times and I was out of it.

  “Been like that for
the last couple days,” Teddi added. “She must have her head too far up Covin’s—”

  “Okay, okay!” I said as Cassidy laughed. “This isn’t a joke.”

  “Sorry, girl. Just trying to liven you up,” Teddi said.

  “What’s up? Talk to me,” Cassidy said.

  I said, “There’s nothing to talk about.”

  “Obviously, there’s something to talk about. You’re visibly shaken. Come on, let’s step out into the hall and walk off some of this.”

  I guess it was bothering me more than I knew because when we stepped outside I just blurted, “I don’t understand! I gave him everything, and he hasn’t called!”

  “Having sex with a guy is a big step. It’s not something that should be taken lightly. The whole school knows what happened to me last year.”

  “The AIDS scare?” I said.

  “Yeah,” she said. “I wish I could take back the night I spent with that jerk, but I can’t. And what you described to me seems like it was a great time. Did you guys use ...”

  “Yeah, we were straight with that. I’m not saying we used the word love, but I didn’t think he was trying to hit it and quit it, you know?”

  “Well, don’t pressure it. Don’t run him away. You left him a few messages, so give him time to respond. If it’s right and it’s what you feel it is, it’ll be.”

  14

  GARGANTUAN

  It had been five days since I’d heard from Covin. I was walking on campus from my last class, passing by the SGA office. I was stopped in my tracks when I saw his car parked outside, but I kept replaying in my head what Cassidy had said. “Don’t pressure it. Give him time to respond.” But it had been five days! I thought we had something special, and he at least owed me an explanation as to why I’d been dissed.

  Instead of going about my business, I walked inside. There was a purse on the desk where the SGA secretary, Barbie, was supposed to sit, but she was nowhere in sight. Then I thought back to a few months ago when she was really into helping Covin set up. Sure enough, I saw from way down the hall that Barbie was gazing in his eyes, eating up every word he put out. Whether he was for it or not, she wanted him. As I approached the SGA office doors, I heard voices.

  “You are doing the best job ever,” Barbie said as her playfulness brought out a laugh in Covin.

  I didn’t want to make the old door creak, but I had to open it. He had to see me. I had to know what was really going on. To me, they were getting just a little too chummy. Was she the reason he hadn’t given me a call? As soon as I touched the knob, they looked my way.

  “Can’t you knock?” Barbie said, very aggravated.

  “Hey, lady,” Covin said as he walked over to the door, completely ignoring the fact that she was irritated that I was there.

  “Hey,” I said halfheartedly.

  I wanted him to understand that he had a lot of explaining to do, but I didn’t want her to know we had problems. He opened the door all the way and gestured for me to come inside. Barbie looked so salty, irritated, almost upset that I had interrupted their time again. But, whatever—like I cared.

  “Can you excuse us?” I said to her when she would not leave.

  She looked at Covin.

  “Yeah. I need to talk to my girl,” he said as he leaned over and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

  As soon as she left the room, I closed the door behind her. It actually sounded like I slammed it. Disappointed and shocked at my attitude, Covin looked at me like What’s up with all that?

  “You know what, let’s just cut to the chase. Obviously, you’re busy. You and your secretary working in here late after hours while everyone else is gone. Did you not get my messages? Did you not get my calls? Why didn’t you call me back?”

  “Okay, hold up. Hailey, I got your calls. I was gonna get back to you, but can’t you see I’m, like, in the middle of stuff here?” he pitifully tried to explain.

  “No, I just see the two of you shooting the breeze. Where’s the work?”

  “Well, we’re catching up because I’ve been with my dad in session at the state capitol. I got to shadow him some.”

  “It would’ve been great if you told me where you were gonna be these past few days.”

  “I’ve been thinking about you,” he said as he reached out to touch my face.

  Stepping away from his hand, I said, “I sure can tell that.”

  “Come on, Hailey. Don’t make a big deal out of it.”

  At that moment, I had to hold back the tears. He had told me not to make a big deal of it. Was he crazy? Was he tripping? I mean, seriously, I had given him my body, my mind, my soul. Now, after he’d gotten it, it was like he’d thrown me away. I felt like trash or something. He couldn’t even return my calls letting me know where he’d been. It was like he’d moved on to the next big thing. Screw whatever I thought.

  “I can see you’re upset, and that’s not my intent. I’m sorry I hurt your feelings, but I gotta admit all the calls and you coming in here without calling is a little much. It’s a little too overwhelming. I don’t wanna lose my strong Hailey, the one who couldn’t serve with me as my director of community relations because her plate runneth over. You know what I’m saying?”

  I’m glad a tear didn’t fall. I didn’t wanna give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry. He was saying he liked me when I wasn’t all over him. The problem was I couldn’t get the fact that he’d been all over me out of my mind. Could I go back to the Hailey that gave him distance?

  “Take care of whatever you gotta take care of,” I said as I left.

  We had a big issue between us. Covin called for me, but I kept past a nosy Barbie and kept walking. I didn’t know how it could be fixed or if it could be fixed at all.

  “So, what do I owe to this surprise?” my uncle, President Webb, said to me as I made my way over to his office after seeing Covin.

  I tried to be tough and say, “I just wanted to see you.”

  But I couldn’t hold back the tears. I turned away, hoping he wouldn’t see me. He came to me and said, “Okay, something’s wrong. I’m excited you came to see your uncle. We may not have spent as much time together as we did your freshman year, but I know when something’s wrong with my girl. Let me take you to dinner so we can talk.”

  I nodded, knowing he was just the medicine I needed. I remembered how close we were last year. We had formed a tight bond when I was little. I could always talk to him, especially since my dad was in the Navy and wasn’t there a lot. My uncle would come and get me and make me feel like I was the most special girl on Earth. I guess, for a second, now that I was all grown up, I needed him to make me feel like that again, particularly since Covin had made me feel like something cheap.

  My uncle asked so many questions on the way to the restaurant. When I didn’t answer them, he just started talking about himself. “So, my divorce is final now.”

  “There are so many marriages ending in divorce, I wonder why people even bother,” I finally opened up and said. “Your wife was such a jerk, only caring about herself.”

  “Wait, now. I have to take some of the responsibility for our downfall. More people need to quit looking on the other side of things and instead look in the mirror. When I got married to your aunt, I wined and dined her. She was my world. Then I got this job, my dream job, and a part of me forgot the fact that I had to take care of my dream woman. I didn’t balance them well. And while I can’t say she was completely without fault either, I can say, had I been on my job and done a better balancing act, I wouldn’t be alone,” he confessed, being more transparent than clear tape on a present.

  I caught a lump in my throat. Feeling for my uncle was hard enough. He was now hurting that his marriage was over. He’d always been so strong for me; seeing him down wasn’t easy. To make me feel even worse, he pulled into the same place I was held up in a couple months back when the gangs were trying to kill each other and when the tornado blew through.

  “Look, it’s a grand re
opening. This is great, right? Our state is getting back on its feet. What once was a club is now a restaurant. The paper said the owner made the change to reach for a more professional clientele.”

  “This is good to see them open. I’m all for economic development. It’s just ...”

  “Oh, my gosh, Hailey. You were here during the shootout. We can go to another place,” he said, shaking his head. I could tell he felt bad he didn’t remember.

  “No, it’s cool,” I said, realizing that I had to learn to face difficult situations. “I want to go in and see if the manager’s here. It is huge to see that it’s open again.”

  As soon as we went in, we were greeted by the manager. He remembered me instantly and offered to comp my meal. Trying to support, my uncle wouldn’t hear of it.

  “Your niece is a brave young lady. The life of my bartender was spared because she risked her life to make sure we helped him. The guy was not only my employee but my friend as well. For your caring and help, I am forever grateful. She’s got a big heart. You have to let me give you my best table and an appetizer and dessert,” the manager pleaded.

  “If you must,” my uncle said. “We’re just happy to see your business up and running again.”

  Soon after the manager left our table, a waiter followed to take our drink order. I asked for water with lemon, and my uncle asked for sweet tea. The minute I thought the questioning was over, my adamant uncle pulled a fast one.

  “So what’s up?” he said with a look that said I’m not going to leave this alone.

  “I guess I just don’t understand men. And I do wanna spare you the details,” I said, realizing I did need to keep some of this private.

  “Well, the same stuff your dad and I have been preaching for years about men is still true. And I hope you’re not out there giving it up to them.”

  “Unc!”

  “Don’t uncle me. Men still like the chase, and they respect the ones that make them work for it.”

  I just turned away, and when I looked up there was someone coming over to us with two large shakes. “We didn’t order those,” I said.