Shadow: Cerberus MC Book 3

by Marie James

  I’m saddened by the outcome, but I know in my heart I wouldn’t have denied him even knowing how it would end. I shouldn’t have expected anything different from him. He was less vocal than he’d been in the past, but the night ended just like all the others. He fucks; then he leaves. Same old Shadow. I don’t even know why I’d hoped that since we have Griffin together that things would be different.

  He’s texted a couple of times since he left. Nothing in the first week or so, but then I got one from him asking how Griffin was doing. I responded, short and to the point. Since then he’s texted daily but only asks about the baby, all business and nothing personal. It’s clear he doesn’t want to talk about what happened before he left. Honestly, I don’t want to either. Being rejected again isn’t something I can handle. It’s been two weeks, and I can still feel the sting of him just getting up and leaving the room, and then the next day he left on a job without so much as a goodbye.

  I need to move on. I need to accept that there’s nothing between us other than co-parenting Griffin. He’s an honorable man. Griffin is lucky to have him as a father, even if that means we aren’t together as a couple. I need to let go of the idea that we can be one big family.

  After an hour of trying, I was finally able to get Griffin down for his morning nap. My stomach grumbling is the only reason I thought it was a good idea to leave my room.

  I make my way down the back hallway and into the kitchen to grab something to eat. Hindsight is always 20/20, and I knew when I walked in, and Gypsy and Snapper were in a heated discussion, I should’ve turned around and left.

  “Speak of the devil,” Snapper sneers from one of the tables on the far side of the room.

  I do my best to ignore her as I set to making a quick sandwich. I have no intentions of staying in here with them. The atmosphere in the room is heavy and filled with hate. I’ve never really interacted with any of the girls here other than Bri, Em, and Khloe, but for some reason these two hate me.

  They haven’t said as much. They usually keep their distance from me like I do with them, but today feels different. I can already tell that today is when everything they’ve been feeling comes to a head. My pride keeps me in the kitchen. I’m not some little girl that can be run off by bullies. I won’t cower away and run from them. I know I won’t be here much longer, but Kincaid has also ensured me that as long as I’m here, this is my home.

  I have my back to them, spreading Miracle Whip on my bread when I feel them surround me, one on either side. I feel caged, and that’s one thing that will make my blood boil.

  “Can I help you?” I ask Snapper, who’s standing on my left. I barely look over at her. All the while, I’m trying to calm my emotions that for some reason are urging me to stab her in the throat with my butter knife just to get her away from me.

  “Yeah actually you can,” she says a little too close to my face for comfort. I can smell alcohol on her breath, which is outrageous considering it’s only eleven in the morning. They party pretty hard, so there’s no telling if it’s residual from last night or if she’s already started drinking today.

  “You can pack your shit, take your damn baby, and get the fuck out of the clubhouse,” Snapper says with enough rage in her voice to make me take a step away from the counter.

  I’m not a violent person. Most would call me non-confrontational, but for some reason I still have the knife in my hand gripped and ready to hurt her with it.

  I look over at Gypsy, who is beginning to grow more and more uncomfortable by the second. I can tell by the look on her face that she’s probably been bullied in some fashion to even be standing here with Snapper.

  “What have I ever done to you?” I can tell I’m getting emotional. I’m not scared but rather so pissed my eyes are starting to water. Unfortunately, I’m one of those people who cry when they get angry. Some people read it the wrong way and take it as a weakness, and I hate looking weak in front of Snapper.

  She laughs maniacally, throwing her head back as if I’d told some dark, twisted joke.

  “What have you done to me? You show up, with a fucking kid no less, and all of a sudden there’s another man in the clubhouse who doesn’t want to keep the status quo. Things were perfect before all you bitches showed up and started taking our men.”

  I stand there stunned for many reasons. The first being that she actually used ‘status quo’ correctly in a sentence, but also the fact that she’s not only pissed at me, but she's mad at Khloe and Em as well. Thirdly, she’s under some impression that Shadow and I are together in some form or fashion, which couldn’t be further from the truth.

  “Girls are leaving because of it. If you just disappeared, then we’d get Shadow back.”

  I cringe at the idea that Shadow messed around with these girls. The thought of living under the same roof as women he’d slept with makes my stomach turn. I could’ve lived several lifetimes without being privileged to that information. I don’t know why I never considered it before now. I see both of these women wrapped around every other club member that’s here.

  “No one’s left,” I argue. At least none have left that I’m aware of since I got here.

  “Darby’s gone,” Gypsy says, speaking for the first time.

  I shake my head. I know Darby left, but I’m almost certain that has nothing to do with me, Em, or Khloe. I had assumed she left because something went down with either Snatch or Itchy.

  “Some of the guys are just as pissed,” she continues. “They don’t want all the perma-pussy to run any more of us off. We all liked the way it was before you bitches showed up.”

  “Please, tell me Snapper,” says a deep voice from the doorway. I sigh in relief glancing over to see Kincaid standing on the other side of the kitchen. “Please tell me which one of my men have said that Misty,” he says nodding his head at me, “Emmalyn or Khloe need to leave.”

  Snapper takes a step back from me, and the small action sends a wave of relief over my entire body. I step forward and place the knife on the counter, finally feeling safe enough with Kincaid here to not stab someone.

  I watch as she shakes her head and looks over at Gypsy, who holds her hands up like she’s not going to defend her after taking things so far.

  “You,” Kincaid says taking another step further into the room, never taking his eyes off of Snapper, “have been more trouble than you’re worth for quite some time. First, that bullshit with Kid; now I come in here and find you talking to Misty this way.” He shakes his head as if he can’t believe what he’s heard. “Implying that Em shouldn’t be here,” he says lowering his voice, his tone turning almost evil. “Implying that if they left, I, Kid, or Shadow would want to touch you again.” He shakes his head and laughs with no lightness in the sound. “You’re beginning to remind me of Bunny. Do you want to be like Bunny?”

  She shakes her head violently. “Kincaid, no. Please.”

  She makes it sound as if he’s threatened her life. Em told me about Bunny, and the shit she pulled. Kincaid exiled her from the clubhouse; clearly, it’s almost like a death sentence for these women, which I find extremely disgusting, but I feel the same way about being so flippant about sex and giving it up at the snap of a club member’s finger. To each their own I guess.

  “I’m tired of you whores,” he pauses looking over at Gypsy for the first time, including her in his classification. “Tired of you thinking you are running anything here. You’re here because I allow it. You’re here because a well-fucked man works harder than one who stays out late chasing pussy at the bar.”

  “We want to be here, Kincaid,” Snapper interrupts.

  He holds up his hand and her jaw snaps shut. I take another step back because I seriously don’t know which direction this is going to go. This isn’t the Kincaid I’ve seen in the months I’ve been living here. It’s apparent that his protectiveness over Emmalyn makes him different, because the Kincaid I’ve grown familiar with would never call anyone a whore; he’s too controlled for th
at in most situations.

  “Em, Misty, Khloe,” he says straightening up to his full height, “and Griffin come first in this house. Every one of the brothers feel the same way. They are precious to each and every one of us. You two,” he says pointing between Snapper and Gypsy, “are one hundred percent expendable; replaceable. If I so much as hear one more disgruntled word from any of the club girls, one questionable look in any of their direction, you’re gone. My guys can go down to Jake’s and catch pussy.” He leans in closer to get his point across. “If you don’t like the way I run things, you can pack your shit and get the fuck out of my house.” He looks between them again. “Do you understand me?”

  Snapper nods her head so fast she looks like a bobblehead doll.

  I watch a tear roll down Gypsy’s cheek, and I feel sorry for her for a split second. “Kincaid, I didn’t…”

  His hand snaps up again, and she closes her mouth quickly and nods her head in agreement to his words.

  I feel a warm hand on my shoulder. Looking over I see Em standing beside me with a small smile on her face.

  Snapper and Gypsy scurry out of the kitchen, and I hear Gypsy tell the red-headed spawn of Satan to go fuck herself. I can’t help but smile, but when I look over at Kincaid and see that he is still seething, I frown.

  “I didn’t mean to cause any problems,” I say quietly.

  Kincaid leans against the counter and rolls his head on his shoulders, attempting to relieve the stress from the altercation.

  “You’re not the one causing problems, Misty. That was a long time coming.” He gives me a quick smile. I appreciate the effort when he’s clearly pissed off and wound up tight.

  “Well, thank you for defending me.”

  “Shadow would’ve done the same thing for Em.” He squeezes my shoulder gently before walking over to Em and kissing her on the cheek. “I need you,” I hear him whisper in her ear.

  “I know,” she whispers back to him.

  I blush and go back to making my sandwich if only to keep my hands busy. Lord knows I’m still too upset to eat right now.

  “I’ll be there in a minute,” she says softly. “Get naked.”

  He chuckles, and I hear what I presume is a slap on her ass before his heavy boots carry him out of the kitchen.

  She sighs loudly and leans against the counter.

  “Why would he say something like that?” I ask absently.

  “He’s not going to let those women talk trash about us, Misty.”

  I shake my head. “That’s not what I’m talking about. Why would he imply that Shadow and I have anything like you and he have? That couldn’t be further from the truth.” I slap sliced turkey on my bread and begin putting the food back into the fridge.

  Em remains silent until I turn back around to her. She has a disappointed look on her face.

  “What?” I ask grabbing a paper towel to wipe my hands on.

  “Shadow would defend your honor just like Diego did. He’s just as honorable,” she says.

  I huff a small laugh. He’s an honorable man, except where I’m concerned. Him fucking me and then walking out without so much as a thank you isn’t what I’d consider honorable.

  “Anyways,” Em says pulling me out of my own head. “Dominic is coming home in a few weeks. I want to have a little party for him. I was hoping you’d help me get the things together for it.”

  “Of course,” I agree quickly.

  “Perfect,” she says turning to the door. “We’ll sit down later and discuss the details.”

  I grab my plate and head back to my room, unwilling to chance another run in with Snapper and Gypsy. A party sounds like just the thing to take the edge off.

  Chapter 24

  “You, little man are supposed to be asleep,” I tell Griffin, nuzzling his nose with my own.

  He looks up at me and smiles as if he knows he’s running the show. I’m sitting on my bed with Griffin sprawled out on his back. He’s an incredibly happy baby, kicking his legs and waving his arms around with not a care in the world.

  I’ve been back from Guatemala for a few weeks, and Misty has been more standoffish than usual. I need to apologize, but at the same time, I feel like that ship has sailed. It’s not that we don’t talk because we do, but it’s only about Griffin and his needs. She’s never brought up the night I used her so, I’ve ignored the subject as well.

  “Let’s try out this tummy time stuff that momma has been so adamant about.” I scoop him up in my arms, noting how much he’s grown in the months since he was born and climb off the bed.

  I settle with him on the floor and turn him over face down. Although now on his stomach, he continues to kick his legs and flail his arms about wildly. I can’t help but laugh. It’s clear he thinks he’s going somewhere with all of his actions.

  “He’s so freaking cute,” I hear from my open doorway.

  I look up and see Bri walking into my room. She plops down on the floor in front of Griffin and holds her hands out to him like he’s just suddenly going to learn to crawl and make his way over to her. He squeals excitedly.

  “He looks just like you did at this age. Well, except for the dark hair,” she says.

  “You were four,” I say incredulously.

  She smiles up at me. “I have a really good memory.”

  “You can barely remember shoes half the time, Bri.” I laugh at her insistence that she has memories from such a young age.

  “That happens as a result of old age.”

  “Don’t give me that old age shit. If you’re old, then that means I’m right behind you.”

  It’s her turn to laugh now.

  “Did you ever imagine this?” she asks indicating Griffin.

  I look around the room, taking in the crib and toys spread all over the place, the Diaper Genie in the corner near the changing table.

  “Not in a million years,” I answer honestly. “I wouldn’t change it for the world, though.”

  I made my peace with how I felt when he and Misty first showed up, and I’d wished he wasn’t mine. I forced myself to stop feeling guilty for that aspect and made a vow that Griffin would never feel unwanted. He’d know every single day how much I loved him, how much I needed him in my life.

  “Where’s Misty?” she asks.

  I cock an eyebrow at her. She knows that Misty’s at work, but I also know her. I know she’s using that question as a segue into a deeper conversation she knows I don’t want to have.

  “Work,” I answer flatly.

  “When are you two going to stop dancing around each other?” She keeps her head down playing with the baby, and I’m grateful for the reprieve from the scrutiny of her eyes.

  “Let me worry about Misty,” I say.

  “What are you doing?” She raises her gaze to mine and stares into my eyes as if she can see my answer without me speaking.

  “I’m providing,” I say pointing at my son.

  “That’s not what I mean, and you know it. What are you going to do about Misty?”

  I scrub a frustrated hand down my face. “There’s nothing to do.”

  “That’s so far from the truth, and you know it,” she says with slight anger in her voice.

  “You’re as bad as mom,” I say quietly. My door is open, and the last thing I need is my damn business floating out in the hallway for just anyone to hear.

  I’ve spoken with my mother several times since Misty arrived. I’ve sent her more pictures and videos of the baby than I can count. My dad’s down with just having back surgery, or I know they’d be here already. She’s also been making noise about moving here from Tennessee. I love my parents, but the last thing I need is my meddling mother in the same town permanently.

  “Mom’s a very smart woman,” Bri says looking back down at Griffin. She knows she’s not going to get anything out of me until I want to talk about it, and I don’t see that happening anytime soon, if ever.

  My mom has asked the same questions relentlessly. She can’t
understand why if both Misty and I are here, why we aren’t together. She’s gone so far as to ask about wedding plans and what the engagement ring looks like. I shut that shit down real fast. She’s disappointed, but she’s brought it on herself. My situation with Misty is nothing like hers and dad’s.

  “She’s got her head in the clouds,” I say.

  “She wants to see you happy.”

  “I am happy,” I say a little too quickly for it to be the truth.

  “Right,” she says standing from the floor. “Tell me more about Dominic.” I watch as she lies down on my bed on her stomach, knees bent with her feet in the air. It screams ‘girl time chat,’ and that is not going to fucking happen.

  “Stay away from Dom,” I warn her.

  Dom has finally discharged from the Marines. He did his twenty, and now he’s home permanently. I know there’s a party planned for him soon, and I can’t wait to catch up with him. We’ve been through a lot of shit together, but he’s been through even more. He’s the only one of us who made a career in the military. Kincaid was still a kid when he joined, and I know Kincaid followed in his footsteps because he has some sort of hero worship for the man. Honestly, most of us do here. He’s a force to be reckoned with.

  “Is he a bad guy?” my sister says, never able to just heed a warning and leave shit alone.

  “No, fuck,” I say growing even more frustrated. I look down at the baby who’s oblivious to my foul mouth but feel the shame nonetheless. “He’s one of the best men I know. He doesn’t do the relationship thing, Bri. You’ll only end up getting hurt.”

  She crinkles her nose up. “I’m not looking for love. Hell, I can’t get rid of the damn asshole in my condo back home.”

  She gets back up off the bed and walks to the door. “Plus, you don’t need to worry about my heart; you need to worry about hers,” she says pointing to the wall I share with Misty.

  ***