Shadow: Cerberus MC Book 3

by Marie James

  I tug off my boots and t-shirt and climb in the bed, sandwiching Griffin between us. The shifting of the bed has Misty jerking her eyes open and reaching out for Griffin. She must have thought he was going to tumble off. Her warm, soft hand finds my chest instead. I feel her fingers curl against my skin momentarily before she pulls her hand away. I miss her touch immediately.

  She kisses our son’s head and then looks up into my eyes.

  She’s frightened, terrified even. I can see her brain working, tell what she’s thinking without even saying a word.

  “You need to stop,” I whisper.

  She shakes her head and a tear rolls down her cheek. “I can’t.”

  “Get it out of your head, Darlin’. You’re not going anywhere.”

  I know exactly how she feels. I’d be lying if the idea didn’t cross my mind as well. I thought of all sorts of scenarios while I was in the garage just a bit ago.

  “You can come with us,” she says as if she’s already made up her mind.

  “No one is leaving. I talked with my attorney. We’ll get it all sorted out.” I reach out and tuck a stray strand of her dark hair behind her ear. “Angie did say that the court you’ve been summoned to is only a preliminary hearing. She advised against bringing Griffin to Denver.”

  She closes her eyes as if my words pain her.

  “I don’t want to be away from him.”

  I cup her jaw with my hand, grateful she leans into it rather than pulling away from me. “We’ll be gone one night, Misty. He can stay with Em or Khloe. We trust both of them.”

  She nods her head and looks back down at Griffin. Watching her watch him makes me realize I’m no longer mad at her. She’s been through so much recently. I just want to fix it all, if anything just to see a genuine smile on her face again.

  “I don’t want to go to work tonight,” she says absently rubbing Griffin’s head.

  I smile across at her. I want to tell her that she doesn’t have to worry about anything for the rest of her life. I want to tell her I’ll take care of her, make sure every single one of her needs and desires will be met, but I don’t know how she’ll receive that. I don’t want her to think I’m only offering because of the court papers. I sure as hell don’t want to admit that I was snooping through her things and listening in on her private conversations through the damn baby monitor.

  I pull out my phone and shoot off a quick text. I get one in return almost immediately.

  “Jake says enjoy your days off,” I tell her pocketing my phone once again.

  “Just like that?” she asks skeptically.

  I nod and smile at her.

  “Griff has a checkup tomorrow. You want to drive us?”

  “I’d love to,” I say softly.

  She smiles faintly as her eyes begin to grow heavy again. I watch her rest for quite some time, taking Griffin to his crib once he tires out and goes back to sleep. Unable to resist her in my bed and unwilling to leave her there alone, I shuck off my jeans and crawl back in the bed, only this time I slide against her back and wrap my arms around her. Even with everything that’s going on around us, I haven’t felt this content in a very long time.

  Chapter 31

  “He’s going to cry,” Shadow says despondently.

  “I gave him Tylenol and put the numbing cream on his legs before leaving the clubhouse,” I reassure him. “He may cry for a minute, but he’s a champ with these things.

  I look at the walls of the small examination room. They’re covered in all the characters from the old school Winnie the Pooh. Last time we were in the Finding Nemo room. I can’t decide which one I like better, but I’m grateful the rooms are so welcoming here.

  “It’s kinda girly in here,” Shadow says taking in the room.

  I playfully slap his chest. “It’s not girly. Pooh is a classic.”

  He huffs his disagreement. “He sure does look adorable in that little gown.”

  I couldn’t agree more. I keep my hand on Griffin’s back so he doesn’t tumble off the examination table. He’s sitting up on his own now and doing his best to crawl around these days. Okay, so it’s more of a wiggle and shuffle, but he’ll get there soon enough. Shadow, being the ever thoughtful father that he is, has already baby-proofed all of the areas Griffin frequents, including Emmalyn and Khloe’s rooms.

  A gentle knock on the door cuts through the silence. A second later Dr. Cates walks in, joining us in the room.

  “How’s our little guy,” she asks walking to the sink to wash her hands.

  “Perfect,” Shadow answers.

  She smiles at him, letting her eyes linger a second longer than professionalism requires. She takes in his boots, jeans, and the leather cut he only takes off to go to bed, and she clearly likes what’s in front of her. I roll my eyes when her tongue sneaks out to wet her lips.

  I can’t really be mad; not only is he not mine, but he’s gorgeous. I’m sure he gets lustful looks like he’s getting now all the time, but doing that while we’re in her office for a checkup with our son is going a little too far. If we were in a bar, I could possibly understand it then, but it’s insanely inappropriate right now. I make a quick mental note to look for another pediatrician, either that or never take Shadow with me to another appointment.

  “Dr. Susan Cates,” she says extending her hand to his.

  “Morrison Griggs,” he says shaking her hand and quickly releasing it.

  “I usually only see Misty and Griffin. It’s nice when the husband joins us.” I see her eyes dart to his ring-less finger.

  The sparkle in her eyes increases when she notices he’s not wearing a ring. I wait for her flirting to stop and for him to deny being my husband, but he never corrects her.

  “I think both parents at doctor’s appointments is important,” he says nodding toward Griffin on the small examination table.

  She turns and looks over at Griffin as if she’s only just remembered what she’s in here for.

  I look back over at him, trying to gauge his reaction to the pretty doctor’s attention. He winks at me quickly and looks back to his son.

  The exam is quick once Dr. Cates realizes Shadow is not receptive to her flirtatious looks. Four shots and one cranky baby later we make our way to the front. Shadow refuses to let me pay for the visit, and Griffin and I wait patiently as he settles the bill.

  “Back home?” I ask as Shadow walks over to us.

  He shakes his head. “Let’s take him somewhere to distract him from the half a million shots he just got.”

  He places his warm hand on my back and guides me out of the doctor’s office. Opening the door for me, he then takes Griffin from my arms and buckles him into his infant seat.

  “Zoo?” he asks as he settles in behind the wheel of the SUV.

  “I think it’s a little too hot for him in the sun, especially after just having shots that may give him a slight fever.” I look over at him in time to see him frown at my words.

  He shifts his hips up and pulls his phone from his pocket. I sit in silence for a few minutes while he types things into his phone. Looking out the window, I wonder why he’s being so cordial to me. He has to be livid about the pending court hearing, but he hasn’t mentioned it once since I woke up.

  Last night was perfect. I’d woken up several times feeling his body heat wrapped around me. Granted, I still woke up alone, but knowing he held me all night soothed my soul.

  “Perfect,” he says pocketing the phone and putting the SUV in gear.

  Twenty minutes later we pull up outside of the Children’s Museum. We climb out, and Shadow works on getting Griffin out of his car seat while I pull the soft front carrier from the diaper bag. Once I have it strapped on, Shadow places Griffin facing out so he can see and enjoy whatever exhibits the museum may have.

  “He’s enthralled,” Shadow says whispering in my ear as we walk through the museum. A cold shiver runs down my spine at the feeling of his warm breath on my skin. I pride myself on not releasing
the low moan I can feel bubbling up in the back of my throat.

  Griffin doesn’t know which way to look. We’re in a visual and auditory exhibit. Griffin is trying to keep up with the nature sounds and the lights bouncing off the walls. He’s squealing, kicking his legs, and waving his arms at the show.

  “You picked the perfect place, Daddy,” I commend Shadow.

  His grin is contagious. “Science and technology were my favorite subjects as a little boy. I was hoping he’d like it as much as I did.”

  After walking around for a little over an hour, Griffin becomes fussy, and I know immediately it’s time for him to eat.

  “I need to feed him,” I say as we near some benches in a small break area.

  Shadow darts his head around. “Here?” he asks.

  I nod. “Here’s as good a place as any,” I say digging around in his diaper bag.

  He narrows his eyes as a father with two small boys walks past. “There are men everywhere in here,” he all but snarls. “Let’s go to the truck. I don’t want anyone catching a peek at your nipple.”

  Now I understand his apprehension with Griffin eating.

  “I have perfected the art of nursing without flashing my breast, Shadow.” I pull out a bottle filled with water and a small formula dispenser. “But you don’t need to worry; I’m using this.” I hold up the two containers.

  He sighs in relief.

  Yes, I’m able to nurse in public without anyone really knowing, but for some reason, it still unnerves me, so I choose not to.

  I prepare the bottle, lean back a little against the wall, and hand it over to Griffin. He takes it enthusiastically from my hands and doesn’t waste a second turning it up to his mouth.

  “Do you want a pop or something?” He asks angling his head toward a row of vending machines.

  I shake my head no and smile over at him. Pop, as in a soda.

  “What?” he asks as a grin spreads across his own face.

  “Nothing,” I say. He continues to look at me. “Pop?” I ask. “You’re so country.”

  He winks at me. “You like it,” he says with a grin.

  More like love it, just like I love you.

  I shake my head to keep the dreams and fantasies of a happily ever after with him away. I try to harden my heart against him damn near every day, but he has a way of getting to me with the simplest things.

  After Griffin finishes his bottle, I put it away and stand. Shadow does the same. I anticipate him leading us on to the next exhibit, but instead, he stands in front of us and wraps his arms around my waist. I can’t read what his eyes are trying to tell me, but I can’t look away either.

  Griffin begins to wiggle between us, not happy that his view has been blocked by the expansive chest of his father. Shadow chuckles and leans down to kiss him on the head. Just when I think he’s going to step away, he takes another half-step closer. Leaning in, he kisses me on the corner of my mouth. I know he was aiming for my lips, but I turn my head a split second too late for his lips to land on my cheek instead.

  He cups my jaw and gazes into my eyes once again. I don’t know how to handle the emotions that are swarming through my body right now. This man is ruining me. His hot and cold moods are making me bipolar, and I hate that he has such power over my thoughts and reactions to him.

  I feel his thumb sweep down the side of my face. I lean into his touch without even realizing it.

  “You ready to go,” he asks softly, releasing my face and taking a step back.

  I nod, unable to speak around the lump that has formed in my throat. I turn toward the exit as his hand finds the extremely sensitive spot on my lower back.

  Today, spending time with Griffin and Shadow together has been one of the best days that I can remember ever having. Seeing the way Shadow looks after his son, not showing an ounce of frustration or regret is soothing. The way he’s been looking at me today is a whole other story. I can’t fathom what has changed in him; maybe it’s the thought that this could easily all go away after the court hearing.

  My heart clenches when I consider what may happen in Denver. I feel like in just a matter of weeks my whole world is going to implode, taking Griffin and Shadow with it.

  Chapter 32

  Dinner at a local restaurant consisted of Griffin making a mess of his applesauce and Misty lost in her own thoughts, unwilling to tell me where her head was at. Her mood changed suddenly at the Children’s Museum and stayed that way through our meal. After the doctor’s visit she was all smiles and happiness, but there at the end she turned aloof and quiet.

  The drive back to the clubhouse is also spent in deafening silence. She seems reflective as she watches the trees and houses roll by. I want to reach out to her, beg her to tell me what’s wrong so I can fix it, but I don’t. I want to be able to give her my undivided attention, but I can’t do that and get us safely home. I contemplate pulling over on the side of the road and insisting she tell me what’s wrong, but that’s not safe either.

  Pulling up to the clubhouse, I put the SUV in park and unbuckle Griffin from his car seat. He fell asleep within minutes of us pulling out of the museum parking lot. I hold him against my chest and wait for Misty to make her way around the front of the car.

  We quietly make our way inside. I pretend the reticence is so we don’t wake the baby up, but I know that’s not the case. Once in Misty’s room, I gently lay Griffin down in his crib. I pull a light blanket over his legs and trace my finger down his cheek. I’m amazed every day that Misty and I made such an incredible human being.

  I turn to see Misty gathering up her clothes for bed.

  “I’m going to grab a shower and go to bed,” she says, gently dismissing me.

  I nod at her when all I really want to do is take her in my arms and hold her against me. I want to promise her the world and work every damn day of the rest of my life making those promises come to fruition. She doesn’t seem to be in the mood for such declarations right now.

  Maintaining my restraint, I walk to her, kiss her on her forehead, and leave her to her thoughts and shower.

  I yearn for some form of amber, burning liquid to calm my nerves, but I walk into my room empty handed. After my realization, all too recently, that I always turn to alcohol when I’m overrun with emotions, I’ve decided to leave the shit alone, if only for a while to prove to myself I’m not an alcoholic.

  I kick off my boots, strip down, and hit the shower. Toweling off, I hate the way Griffin’s empty crib looks in here. I hate how my bed looks, covers rumpled from earlier, empty as well.

  Climbing out of that bed this morning while Misty still lay curled up on it was torture. Taking care of my erection in the shower while she was sleeping between my sheets was the ultimate in control. I swore to myself I was going to woo her. I was going to crawl inside of her heart and bury myself so deep she wouldn’t ever be able to walk away from me. I didn’t think sinking into her while she was softly snoring this morning was the best way to begin that mission.

  Naked, I crawl into the bed, turning my head to breathe in the scent of her body she left behind. I grip her pillow and hold it to my nose. I need this. Every day I need to be wrapped in her scent. I need to be wrapped in her while I’m wrapped around her.

  I groan in frustration and throw the offending pillow across the bed. Lying flat on my back, I stare up at the ceiling as if it’s got all the answers to my problems. It doesn’t.

  I climb out of bed and shove my legs into a pair of flannel pants. I stand with my forehead against the door and think of horrible things; my wrecked bike in the garage, my grandmother’s funeral, and the way I see Bri lusting after Dominic. I think of anything and everything I can to make my hard-on dissipate. Showing up in her room with a huge tent in my pants probably won’t win her over.

  Once my flag stops waving, I step out into the hall and knock gently on Misty’s door. When she doesn’t answer, I take the liberty of letting myself in. I see her small form snuggled deep into the cov
ers. I glance over at Griffin, who is also consumed by his exhaustion from the day.

  I tell myself I’m just going to slide in behind her and wrap my arms around her. My body is demanding her touch, the soft silkiness of her skin. I look up to the ceiling. Once again I beg for control when I pull the covers back, and my eyes land on Misty in only a tank top and a tiny pair of lace underwear.

  As softly as I can, I lie down behind her, wrapping my arm around her stomach. She shifts slightly and places her hand over mine. I breathe deep and shift my hips firmly against her ass. The erection I fought so hard to rid myself of before coming over here is back with a vengeance, springing solid when I lifted the blankets.

  My head is directly behind hers, and I inhale a stronger version of the scent she left behind on my pillows. Nothing compares to breathing in the delicate fragrance straight from the source. Without hesitation, I lean in closer and kiss her shoulder. A soft peck was my only intention, but the softness of her warm skin against my lips would never be enough.

  My tongue reaches out and traces the curve of her shoulder. I feel a slight tremble flow through her body, so I suck the skin at the base of her ear gently.

  She releases my hand and turns in my grasp, inching back and breaking her body’s contact with mine.

  “I can’t do this,” she says as a tear flows from the corner of her eye and across the bridge of her nose. “Every time you come in here and fuck me, you leave. It kills me more each and every time. My heart can’t handle it.”

  Well, if that isn’t a fucked up way for her to tell me that she loves me and that I’m a piece of shit.

  I reach up and wipe away the tears that continue to fall.

  “That’s not what this is.” She gives me an incredulous look. “Not anymore.”

  I hold on to the back of her neck and scoot closer to her, going to her rather than forcing her against me. I kiss her with small, closed-mouth pecks at first. Her breathing changes, but she doesn’t give in immediately, keeping her mouth closed.