Breathe Into Me

by Michelle Betham

  Harry just rolled his eyes and let her go. It was pointless trying to do anything else.

  Quinn stuck her hands in her pockets as she walked toward one of the catering trucks, her head down, a million thoughts running through it, as had been the case ever since she’d landed this role. Things were moving so fast she felt constantly dizzy, but she liked the feeling. Being carried away on this wave of nervous excitement and new experiences, it was like she’d suddenly been kicked into a world she didn’t really belong in, even though it was the same world she’d always dreamed of living in; being a part of. And now those dreams really were becoming a reality, and this world, it was one that might actually accept her, as long as she worked hard, and proved she deserved to be here.

  “You never struck me as that much of a thinker.”

  Quinn’s head shot up, and there he was, right in front of her – her leading man. Lukas Drake. Twenty-two years old, handsome as hell and twice as cool, Quinn had taken to him immediately. They’d only met a few weeks ago, during the first script read-through, but they’d hit it off from the get-go, started hanging out together off-set, enjoying being young and sharing the same exciting experience. He reminded her of herself, in some ways – like he was looking for something, too. A way out. An escape. Lukas Drake was a bit of an enigma, and she liked that about him. The studio had taken a massive risk with this movie – it had an eye-watering budget, but its success ultimately rested on the shoulders of two young, virtually unknown – in her case, anyway – actors. She and Lukas were that massive risk, but one this studio had been willing to undertake, because it thrived on finding new talent. Something different. Something people maybe hadn’t seen coming. And Quinn had a feeling Lukas Drake fitted that bill perfectly.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” she asked as her eyes locked on his.

  He smiled, and she tried to ignore the strange sensation she suddenly felt in the pit of her stomach. “You ready to shoot this scene this afternoon?”

  “You didn’t answer my question.”

  “You didn’t answer mine.”

  His eyes refused to leave hers, but she wasn’t intimidated. In fact, she was starting to enjoy the exchange. She and Lukas were like brother and sister. They sparked off each other. They could relate to one another, because they both had the same dream. And they were both being given the chance to live it. The fact they were doing it together, well, that just made it all the more fun.

  “I’m ready.”

  He smiled again, and once more Quinn tried to ignore that strange sensation kicking up inside of her. “Good.”

  “I’m just going to grab something to eat before we…”

  “And you’re OK, about getting naked with me?”

  “I’m absolutely fine with it.”

  His eyes slowly looked her up and down, and she couldn’t stop a tiny shiver coursing right through her as he did that, even though it felt strange; his behavior felt strange. The way he was talking to her, it felt different. All of a sudden he didn’t feel like that big brother figure anymore. “You’re not even a little bit nervous?”

  “Are you?”

  His eyes once more locked with hers, and she felt that shiver run through her again. “I’m more than ready.”

  Quinn frowned, cocking her head slightly, but before she could say anything else he quickly grabbed hold of her hand and pulled her around a corner, pushing her back against the nearest trailer before she’d even had a chance to register what was happening. And the element of surprise that had caused meant she couldn’t get any words out until she’d caught her breath, which she knew put her on the back-foot slightly. “What the hell are you doing?”

  He leaned in toward her, placing a hand up by her head. “This,” he whispered, moving closer still. “I’m doing this.”

  The second his lips touched hers Quinn knew she had no choice but to respond. It was the craziest feeling, and one she’d never be able to explain. It felt like he’d just drugged her with something dangerous, something intoxicating; something addictive. And the slap across his face, that happened before she’d had a chance to realize what she was doing, like her hand was working on auto-pilot and she had no control over its actions. But maybe it was the right thing to do. She couldn’t risk people thinking she was weak, that she was someone who was just going to fall at the feet of the first drop-dead-gorgeous guy who showed her some attention. And anyway, who said Lukas was interested in her in that way? She had no idea why he was doing this, no idea what this even was. But she wasn’t going to let him think she was easy.

  He raised his hand to his cheek, a slow smile spreading across his face. “That’s the reaction I was aiming for.”

  Quinn frowned again. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

  “And I like that you’ve got a crazy, dirty mouth.”

  She laughed, she couldn’t help it. She had no idea what the hell was going on, but she somehow found the whole scenario too surreal to be intimidating.

  He leaned into her again, and she let him. He didn’t scare her, or make her feel uncomfortable. And she was still trying to work out why she’d slapped him because, in reality, she’d enjoyed that kiss.

  “We’re playing lovers, Quinn. Remember?”

  They were. That was true. But they’d yet to shoot any scenes that involved them being close. Being intimate. Until this afternoon.

  “And in a little while we have to go in there and I have to pretend to fuck you, like I’m letting out every pent-up, repressed emotion I’ve ever had; like every ounce of sexual frustration is spilling out of me, into you. And I want that to look real. I want it to look convincing. I want it to look so real that everyone in that movie theatre, everyone watching us up there on that screen, I want them to feel every crazy, sick emotion we have to convey, and I want that to look real.”

  Quinn swallowed hard, her gaze searching his face, finally settling on his piercing blue eyes as they stared back into hers. What was happening here? She still wasn’t scared, but she was a little confused now. This wasn’t the Lukas she thought she knew.

  “We’re going to fuck, Quinn. OK? Me and you – we’re going to fuck, for real.”

  “Lukas…” His mouth crashed back down onto hers, and she found her arms wrapping themselves around him, her body pressed up against his, every inch of them touching, so close she could feel his heart beating.

  “We’re going to fuck, for real. Right there, in front of those cameras.”

  Quinn shook her head as he pulled back just a touch, her confusion growing as she wondered why she wasn’t finding this unsettling. Why wasn’t this bothering her? “I don’t understand…”

  He reached out to gently push a stray strand of hair away from her face. “You want this, don’t you? This dream. This huge, crazy, fucked up Hollywood dream. You want this.”

  She nodded, unable to break the stare.

  “Then we do this. We go out there and we do this scene, we take this risk, because if we do this, if we put that question in peoples’ minds…”

  “Question?”

  “Did they, or didn’t they? Was that really happening, or were they just pretending? And it has to look real, Quinn. For them to question that, it has to look real…”

  “Looking real and being real are two completely different things, Lukas.”

  He cupped her cheek in the palm of his hand and leaned in to kiss her slightly open mouth, his teeth gently nipping her lip as he pulled away. “OK… then it has to be real.”

  And that’s when Quinn knew – she knew, there and then, that she’d been right. The second she’d seen Lukas Drake walk on to the patio of the Polo Lounge that day of her meeting with Harry, the day of her screen test for this very role; she’d known this man was her future. She’d known…

  Four

  Aaron walked into the living room and threw his jacket down over the armchair by the door. The drive home along the Pacific Coast Highway had been a bitch tonight, and he was tired, which
meant that the premiere he and Quinn were supposed to be attending in Hollywood in just a few hours’ time wasn’t high on his list of things he could be bothered to do. He just wanted to stay in and concentrate on going over his lines in preparation for his final day of filming tomorrow. And spend some time with his wife, away from the glare of the public eye. But as this premiere was for a movie Quinn was starring in, he wasn’t sure there was much chance of a night in happening.

  As he walked further into the room Quinn looked up from the script she’d been engrossed in. “You’re home early.”

  “Is that a problem?”

  She frowned slightly. “Is there a reason why you’re being so defensive?” She stood up, leaving the script on the coffee table, and walked over to the bar, pouring herself a shot of whiskey.

  “I’m sorry,” Aaron sighed, raking a hand through his hair, his eyes following Quinn’s movements. “It’s just been one of those days.” He headed over to the mink-colored corner couch that took up most of the far end of their living room. It was positioned perfectly to make the most of the view, and Aaron would often just sit there, staring out at the ocean. It calmed him. It helped clear his head.

  “Want one of these?” Quinn asked, holding up the whiskey bottle.

  Aaron nodded, throwing her an almost apologetic smile. She was so incredibly beautiful, his wife. So fucking beautiful. And right now he just wanted to take her to bed and fuck all the stress and the questions that had suddenly sprung up from out of nowhere – he wanted to fuck them all away, not spend the night doing all that movie star crap. He really wasn’t in the mood for that tonight.

  Quinn returned his smile before turning back around to fix his drink.

  “Do we have to go to this premiere tonight?” Aaron picked up the script Quinn had left lying on the table and looked at it. It was his script. The script for the movie he was due to start shooting very soon. The movie Lukas Drake would now be directing. The movie Lukas Drake would now be co-starring in, alongside himself.

  “I’m contracted to promote this movie, Aaron. And part of that promo includes going to this premiere tonight, so, yes. I have to go.” Quinn kept her back to him as she finished pouring the drinks. “And anyway, it’s been a while since we’ve been out together. It might be fun.”

  Aaron looked up, holding the script aloft, his eyes meeting hers as she turned around. “Any reason why you’re looking at this?”

  Quinn walked over to the couch and handed him his drink. “We often read each others’ scripts.”

  “Yeah, I know we do, it’s just…” He dropped his gaze and ran a hand along the back of his neck. Why did he feel so fucking nervous? Like something was about to happen that he didn’t want, and didn’t welcome.

  Quinn took a sip of her drink, her gaze also dropping briefly, but in a second her eyes were back locked with her husband’s. “I’m her replacement, Aaron. Eva Greenwood’s. I’m the new female lead. The studio are making an official announcement tomorrow…”

  “You’re gonna be in this movie? My movie?” He was stating the obvious there, he wasn’t deaf, he’d heard what she’d said. He just couldn’t believe it. “And you never said a fucking thing to me?”

  “I didn’t want to say anything to anybody until I knew for sure.”

  He threw the script back down on the table and stood up, pacing the floor, and Quinn felt her stomach contract with wave after wave of nerves. Maybe Harry was right. Maybe she should’ve talked to Aaron first, but he would’ve tried to talk her out of it, she knew that. And she’d have let him, she’d have listened to him. And she couldn’t allow that to happen.

  “And I know. About Lukas. About his involvement with the movie. I know.”

  “Jesus, Quinn…” Aaron sighed heavily, dragging a hand back through his hair. “Do you have any idea of the fucking media shit-storm this is gonna kick up? The fact I’m working with him is bad enough, but you…” He stopped talking and narrowed his eyes slightly as he looked at her. “When did you make the decision, Quinn? To take that role? Before or after you heard Lukas Drake would be involved?”

  “Does it matter?”

  “Yes, it fucking matters. To me, it matters.”

  Quinn had never really talked in any great detail about Lukas in all the years she and Aaron had been together. And that was understandable, considering what he’d put her through, although Aaron had heard enough to know that some of the things he’d done, they’d almost destroyed her. Which was why he was struggling to get his head around her suddenly wanting to be this close to a man she’d spent so long distancing herself from. It didn’t feel right. It made him nervous.

  “Before, or after, Quinn?”

  “The studio, they approached me about taking the role a couple of days ago. But I made my decision today.”

  “Christ…”

  “I want to work with you, Aaron. I want to be able to get up in the morning and go to work with you, for us to spend some time together…”

  “With your ex-husband hanging around? Working alongside us? Yeah, I can see how you’d want that.”

  Quinn sat down on the arm of the couch and clutched her glass tightly as she tried to batter down the uneasy feeling welling up in the pit of her stomach. “I’ve been through all of this, with Harry...”

  “And he’s happy about it, is he?”

  “Quite the opposite.”

  “Well, there’s something we have in common.”

  She stood up and walked over to him, cupping his cheek, guiding his face down until their mouths touched. “I love you, Aaron. You know that, don’t you?”

  He ran his fingers lightly over her forearm, his touch making her skin break out in goose bumps. “Yeah. I know. But, baby, come on… You haven’t seen this guy in over a decade, you haven’t even talked about him all that much, acknowledged that he was ever a major part of your life, and I get that, I do. I totally get that. I don’t get this. And – Jesus, the media, the paparazzi, the press… they are gonna go to town on this. And you want that, huh? You really want that?”

  Because he didn’t. He really fucking didn’t.

  “We can deal with this, Aaron. We can. And to be able to work with you again – I want that so bad, you have no idea.”

  “You want to work with him, too? You only ever worked together that one time, you and him, remember? That first movie you guys did, your first ever movie. And all the controversy that surrounded that…” He threw his head back and sighed again. “The publicity for this movie is gonna make the shit that surrounded that one look like kindergarten time.”

  What had Quinn expected, exactly? That Aaron would just shrug and be completely fine with this? She’d just signed on to make a movie that would see her starring alongside her husband and her ex. Three of Hollywood’s most high-profile stars, all there on-screen together, all sharing the kind of past history this town thrived on. A movie which called for her to be romantically involved with both her leading men. What the hell had she been thinking…?

  “Quinn?”

  Aaron’s voice pulled her back from her thoughts; her doubts. And she looked at him, right up into his eyes. “If you want me to walk away from this, Aaron, I will.”

  “No,” he sighed, reaching out and pulling her against him. “No, I don’t want you to walk away from this... Baby, I have wanted to work with you again for so long, it’s just… Are you really ready for the media storm this could kick up?”

  Her fingers splayed out across the back of his neck and she leaned in to kiss him gently. Slowly. And every movement of his mouth against hers pushed Lukas Drake further and further to the back of her mind, because she loved Aaron. They’d had to fight to be together, and that fight had been worth every second of the pain and controversy it had caused, but she also knew it was why he was so worried about the impending media attention. All of their lives were about to be thrown into the spotlight again, after years of nothing but stories about hers and Aaron’s happy, settled life. They had one of the m
ost stable marriages in Hollywood. They were one of the movie world’s most popular couples because, even after ten years together, they were still insanely in love. Was all of that about to be turned upside down, all because she needed to face a past she hadn’t yet let go of? But she did need to face it. She knew that now. She needed to face him. Lukas Drake.

  Aaron let go of her and stepped back, picking up his drink and downing it in one. “Look, baby, I’m not really in a sociable mood, so… I’m sorry, Quinn, I know I should be with you tonight, but…”

  “It’s OK, Aaron. It’s fine. You stay home, if that’s what you want.”

  “You don’t mind?”

  “Harry’ll be with me. It’ll be fine, I mean, these things are never really meant to be fun, are they?” His eyes locked with hers, and she felt a surge of love so real and so strong engulf her. She wasn’t sure she really deserved this man. And she knew how lucky she was to have him.

  “It might be the last chance you get for an attention-free night out, huh?” He threw her a small smile, and she returned it as she moved closer to him, leaning in to kiss his slightly open mouth, pressing her hand against his chest.

  “I love you so much, Aaron Rogers.”

  “I love you, too, Quinn. Jesus, baby, I love you, too.”

  Quinn felt that knot of nerves in her stomach pull tighter, and a wave of guilt washed over her so fast it took her breath away. What she was doing here, it was madness. But at the same time she knew she had to do it. And doing it this way, in the full glare of the Hollywood spotlight, it was safer. So much safer than playing this game in private. “I’d better go get ready. The car’ll be here in an hour or so and I still don’t know what I’m wearing. I’ve got a handful of dresses I’ve been sent to choose from, so, I need to make a decision.” She kissed him again, cupping his cheek, sighing quietly as his arm circled her waist, pulling her against him.

  “Stay home with me, Quinn. Please. Stay home with me. Like we used to do. Just you, me, and whatever crap we can find to watch on TV.”