Breathe Into Me

by Michelle Betham

  “So, we just came here for sex, right?” she murmured, resting her hand against his chest as she looked up into his eyes.

  Lukas’s face broke into a wide grin and Quinn felt her heart almost leap into her throat. “You really think we just came here for sex?”

  Her mouth twisted up into a half smile, her fingers playing with the collar of his biker jacket. “You mentioned making out. So I know we just came here for sex.”

  “Well, little-miss-thinks-she-knows-everything, you’re wrong.”

  “I’m wrong.”

  “You’re wrong.”

  “OK, so, we’re not having sex, then?”

  “I didn’t say that. I’m saying, we didn’t come here just for sex. But we are gonna have sex.”

  “That’s a relief. I’d hate to think I’ve dodged a meeting with Harry for nothing.”

  Lukas raised an eyebrow and threw her a mock-offended look. “Spending time with me not enough, huh? You only married me for my body?”

  “Oh, you better believe it, handsome.”

  “Such a shallow bitch.”

  She smiled, resting her mouth against his. “Yeah, but you made me this way.”

  He kissed her long and slow, every inch of her weakening with every movement of his mouth against hers. Her need for him was sometimes overwhelming; her love for him so deep it was frightening because she couldn’t shut it down, couldn’t lessen the strength of her feelings. He was her beautiful escape, and every day she silently thanked the guardian angel who’d brought Lukas Drake into her life.

  “I’d do anything for you, Quinn.” His mouth was still touching hers, and she needed him that close. She needed him to breathe for her because when he wasn’t there, when he wasn’t with her, everything stopped. The world continued to turn, of course it did, but she was on auto-pilot. She went to work, she played her part – she was the hot new Hollywood bad girl that everyone wanted her to be, and she was glad of that, glad that she had an image she could hide behind. She was someone else now, and she needed that. She needed to be someone else. Because there were parts of herself that Quinn still didn’t like. Parts of herself she still couldn’t deal with. So Lukas – he was her escape.

  Closing her eyes she clung on to him as they sank down onto the sand, Lukas pushing her gently back, and Quinn stretched out, biting her lip as he loosened her jeans, pulling them slowly down over her legs, repeating the process with her panties. The cool night air hitting her skin sent a shiver coursing through her – or was it the touch of his fingers stroking her inner thighs? Parting her legs? It didn’t matter. Either way she felt free. She felt alive.

  “And you’d do anything for me, right?” he whispered, lowering himself down over her.

  She looked up at him, reaching out to touch his face, running her fingers over his slightly open mouth, her eyes locking with his. “You know I would.”

  The kiss he gave her was soft and slow, almost as if he was easing her into something bigger to come. But she took it, pulling her legs up around him, aching to feel him back inside her.

  “You ready for some adventure, Quinn?”

  She frowned slightly as he sat up, pulling her up, too, so she straddled him, his back against the bike. “What kind of adventure?”

  “Take off your jacket, come on. And raise your arms.”

  “Lukas?” But she did as she was told, letting him finish the job of stripping her naked.

  “Would you fuck another woman?”

  Her frown deepened, but the look in his eyes told her he was serious. “Another woman?” She had a vague idea where this was going, and it didn’t faze her. When she was with him nothing fazed her. She felt – wanted; she needed different things when they were together. She loved their crazy, sometimes messed up world. So, no. Nothing fazed her.

  He reached out and ran his fingers over her breasts, down over her hips, finally resting on her thighs. “I want you to fuck another woman, Quinn. For me. I want to watch you, fuck another woman.”

  Quinn breathed in deep. She’d do anything for him, and she’d meant that. When she’d said it, she’d meant it. “Are you going to fuck her, too?” Because that’s what bothered her. She’d do anything he wanted, but she didn’t know if she could cope with that.

  Lukas shook his head, his thumbs stroking her inner thighs in slow, circular motions. “No. I don’t want to touch anyone else.”

  “But you don’t mind them touching me?”

  He smiled, that wide and beautiful smile that killed her every time. “You have no idea how much that thought turns me on – someone else, touching you.”

  “And what if that someone else was a man?”

  He shook his head, his eyes suddenly becoming just a touch darker. “No men, Quinn. But another woman – that’s a whole different matter. I want to watch another woman kiss you, put her fingers inside you; I want to hear you scream out loud as she makes you come, because you’ll be screaming my name, I guarantee it. You’ll be screaming my name, and when she’s done with you I’ll take her place and I’ll make you come all over again. All over me. I’ll make you come. All over again.”

  Quinn felt her insides melt away, every ounce of strength seeping out of her, and he’d done that. He’d made her this way, and she loved the feeling. In front of the world Quinn Baxter was a strong, kick-ass Hollywood heroine for the new generation, but behind closed doors she belonged to Lukas Drake. She was weak, when she was with him, and she didn’t care. She couldn’t always be strong. She didn’t always want to be.

  “And who’s this other woman going to be?” She was almost breathless now as his fingers moved ever nearer to their goal. “Someone we know?”

  “Too dangerous.” He was touching her now, skirting the wetness between her legs, teasing her to the point of painful frustration. “I know somewhere discreet, somewhere that provides high-class escorts for people like us. Women that are up for anything. For something like this, we play it safe.”

  “And what if she wants to play with you, Mr. Movie Star?” Quinn breathed, biting down on her lip again as he slowly pushed his fingers inside her. “Because I don’t know a woman who doesn’t.”

  Lukas laughed, a low-down dirty laugh that caused a wave of delicious tingles to shoot right through her, coupled with the feel of his fingers gently thrusting in and out of her it almost brought her to an early climax. “She’ll do what we pay her to do. And I’m paying her to fuck you. Mr. Movie Star just gets to watch.”

  The thought of it was suddenly turning Quinn on, so much that that climax threatened to make an early appearance again, and she grabbed Lukas’s wrist, pulling his fingers out of her, their eyes locking. “I guess we’re playing a whole different game now then, huh?”

  He stared at her, right into her, and she shivered, her skin breaking out in a blanket of goose bumps. “Who’s playing?”

  His mouth was on hers before she’d had a chance to take a breath, the kiss hard and rough, deep and dirty. And he was pushing into her, just as hard and just as rough, and it was beautiful. Every thrust, every kiss, it was beautiful. And dangerous. Everything about this was dangerous…

  Nine

  “Jesus, Quinn…” Harry sighed as he leaned back against his silver Mercedes. “I told you, didn’t I? I told you this wasn’t gonna go away. All those old wounds… But that one – that’s been a ticking time-bomb waiting to go off, sweetheart.”

  “I know,” Quinn said quietly, crossing her arms against herself as she looked out over the parking lot at Grayson Studios. “Seeing him again, it’s brought it all back.”

  “Yeah.” Harry let out another sigh, pushing both hands through his hair. “It was never gonna do anything else. And that’s exactly what I was afraid of.”

  “I’ve got to tell him now.” She looked at him, her eyes locking with his. “I shouldn’t have kept it hidden from him in the first place. He had a right to know, I should’ve listened to you… Jesus, Harry, I really messed this up.”

  “Look, k
iddo, the state he was in at the time… there wasn’t much he could’ve done. He wouldn’t have been able to help, from what I was told he could barely get out of bed in the mornings. So, maybe it was for the best, y’know? Despite what I might’ve said, at the time.” Harry’s tone was softer now, there was a kinder edge to his voice. After all, he’d been there, when it had happened. He’d seen what it had done to her. “If you’d told him…”

  Her eyes had suddenly turned colder, a harshness to them Harry rarely saw in her, outside of her acting, anyway. It was a look she usually reserved for in front of the camera, so to see it now sent a shiver tearing through him. “It might have changed him. He might have decided that we had something worth fighting for. And I didn’t even give him that chance, did I?”

  “What he did to you, it almost killed you, Quinn.”

  “Yeah,” she said, finally breaking the stare, her eyes dipping down. “It did.”

  “Quinn… Look, you really don’t have to do this. You don’t. I can fix it, kiddo. I can make it all go away, I can do that. I can do it.” He took her hand, running his thumb lightly over her knuckles, tilting up her chin so she looked straight at him. “You and Aaron, you can get on with your lives, like you’ve been doing for the past ten years. All of this – it doesn’t have to be a part of it.”

  “But it is, Harry. Don’t you see? It always has been. And you said I should’ve told him, when he…”

  “I can make it go away.”

  “I never stopped running. I thought I had, I really thought I’d found peace, you know?”

  “Baby, you did. You found it. You found Aaron…”

  “He doesn’t deserve me. I’ve lied to him, too.”

  “Jesus, Quinn, enough with the self-pity already. Walk away, OK? Walk away, before this goes too far.”

  Her eyes met his again, her expression still cold. “It’s too late for that, Harry. It’s too late.”

  ***

  Aaron lit the last of the tea-lights and stood back to survey his work. The terrace was illuminated by the soft glow of hundreds of candles, all of them flickering away in the moonlight, the warm breeze not affecting them in the slightest.

  He’d had every intention of taking Quinn out to dinner, but it had been a long day, she’d been held up at the studios with last minute costume fittings and script meetings, not to mention the anticipated fallout from the press call, and given what had happened today – the announcement of her involvement in the movie – he figured that going out tonight wouldn’t be the best idea. They’d only be hounded by paparazzi and reporters and fans, everyone throwing questions at them wherever they went. Staying home was a much better option, tonight. He’d even cooked for her, which wasn’t unusual. Aaron found cooking to be therapeutic, at times. And right now, he needed calming, needed those millions of frantic thoughts going round and round inside his head to lay low for a while, until he was ready to deal with them.

  He turned around and smiled to himself as he saw Quinn walk through the living room, throwing her purse down onto the couch by the floor-to-ceiling window before she joined him out on the terrace.

  “Hey, baby.” He held out his arms and she stepped into them, letting him pull her against him. “Finally outta there, huh?”

  She looked up at him, kissing him quickly, running her hand over his chest. “It’s been a crazy, crazy day and I am shattered!”

  He smiled and kissed her again, letting his lips linger on hers for as long as he could.

  “You know, maybe we should think about moving to the Beverly Hills house during filming. It makes more sense, what with both of us working on the same movie, in L.A. We’d be closer to the studios, and the location shoots. Less traveling, more down time together.”

  He raised an eyebrow and smiled. “You think we’re gonna get a lot of down time?”

  She returned his smile, and for a second Aaron let himself believe that nothing was wrong. That all those questions he had needed no answers, but Aaron Rogers wasn’t one to bury his head in the sand and pretend. Even if his wife was. “Something to think about, huh?”

  “Yeah.” He kissed her back, a little longer this time, and she responded, keeping her mouth pressed against his for a few more beautiful seconds. “Something to think about.”

  She pulled back from him slightly and looked around the candlelit terrace. “You did this?”

  He threw her a wide smile. “All my own work, baby. And dinner, that’s all on me, too.”

  She stepped back into his arms and kissed him again, running her fingers through his short dark-blonde hair, and for another few, blissful seconds Aaron let himself believe everything was fine. She loved him, and they were fine. And maybe they had been, before all of this. But something had changed now. The day she’d made the decision to star in this movie, something had changed. She’d changed. “I’m going to go get out of these clothes.” One more kiss and she left his arms, sashaying back into the house, a big smile on her face as she briefly turned back around. “And there’d better be some of your famous fried chicken on the menu, because I am starving!”

  He laughed quietly as she disappeared up the winding spiral staircase that led to the first floor bedrooms. And then he waited, for a minute or two, before he walked back inside, going to the bottom of the staircase. He could hear the shower running, so that gave him some time.

  Looking over at the couch, at Quinn’s discarded purse, he felt a wave of guilt wash over him for what he was about to do, but it was brief. It was over and gone as quickly as it had arrived. In fact, as he walked over to the couch he felt nothing. As he rummaged around inside her purse he felt numb. He didn’t even know what he was looking for; it was as if he was on some kind of auto-pilot, just looking for something, anything that would give him some answers.

  “What’re you doing?”

  Aaron swung around, his heart pounding as he saw her standing there, her blonde hair now piled high on top of her head, her face devoid of make-up, her eyes steely cold. “Baby, I’m sorry… I was…”

  “If it’s my phone you’re looking for, it’s upstairs.” She walked over to the couch, moving her purse out of Aaron’s reach.

  “Quinn, I…”

  “What did you think you were going to find, Aaron?”

  She looked at him, her head cocked slightly to one side, her eyes still verging on expressionless.

  “I don’t know,” he sighed, raking a hand back and forth through his hair. “I just… What’s going on, Quinn? With you and Lukas. Because I… I’m driving myself crazy here, imagining all sorts of things…”

  “There’s nothing going on, Aaron.”

  She made to go, but he grabbed her wrist, swinging her back around to face him. “No, you’re not walking away, Quinn. You don’t get to do that. You don’t, OK?”

  She tried to wrench her wrist free but his grip was tight; he was determined not to let this situation get out of his control.

  “You don’t get to stand there and tell me this is just another movie, or that Lukas Drake is just another actor, you don’t get to do that.”

  “And if it’s true?”

  “Jesus, Quinn, it isn’t, though. Is it? Look me in the eyes and tell me he’s just another actor. Go on. Make me believe this is just another movie, because I don’t think you can do that.”

  She held his gaze, and he could see something there, something that told him he was right. Something that broke his heart into so many pieces it was a real, physical pain that cut right across his chest.

  “It’s… it’s complicated.”

  He sank down onto the couch and dropped his head into his hands. He wanted to know the truth, but he wasn’t sure he was ready for whatever it turned out to be. “Everything’s complicated, Quinn.”

  She sat down beside him, clasping her hands together, her expression impassive as she stared out ahead of her. “I don’t know what to say,” she whispered. “I mean… I don’t know how… how to explain…”

  “Some
kind of truth, Quinn, that’s all I’m asking for.”

  “OK.”

  Aaron stood up and walked out on to the terrace, his hands in his pockets as he looked out over the dark, deserted beach. “You and Lukas…” He turned back around to look at her, because he needed to see her face when he asked her this question. Only then would he be able to know for sure if what she was telling him was the truth. “Did you really have sex in that movie?”

  “Does it matter?”

  “Yes, it matters. It matters to me. You told me you didn’t, but I…”

  “We weren’t together then, Aaron. You and me, we didn’t even know each other. You were still in high school, for Christ’s sake! I was a nobody, a wannabe, someone who… who was…”

  “Who was willing to go that extra mile, huh? To do whatever it took?”

  She looked at him, her eyes boring right through him. Ten years he’d known this woman, and he’d loved her for every single one of them. Yet now, she felt like a stranger.

  “Maybe.”

  She bowed her head, her face hidden from view but Aaron kept his eyes on her, watching as her shoulders sagged, her hands clasping together tighter until her knuckles almost turned white. “Quinn?”

  She slowly looked up, and the coldness in her eyes, it had all but gone. All Aaron could see now was sadness, and that just picked at the broken pieces of his heart even more. “It was a long time ago, Aaron. And you… you saved me. When we met I was still… You loved me, and you saved me.”

  “Oh Jesus, Quinn…” He came back inside and crouched down in front of her, pulling her clasped hands apart, taking one of them in his. “I know he hurt you, baby. I know that what he did…”

  “It was more complicated than that, Aaron. Yeah, he hurt me, he put me through hell, but I could’ve walked away sooner. I chose to stay. I chose to put myself through more hurt and more pain and…”

  Aaron hung his head, his hand still gripping hers. And then he looked up, and her eyes were down, and all he wanted to do was take her away from this crap. He wanted them to be alone, just the two of them. He didn’t want to do this movie, he didn’t want her to be a part of it; he didn’t want her anywhere near Lukas Drake. “Baby? Look at me, Quinn. Come on.” She slowly raised her gaze and when her eyes met his he felt his heart break that little bit more. And he’d never been so scared. “Talk to me, Quinn. Please. Talk to me, tell me what the hell went on.”