Breathe Into Me

by Michelle Betham

  So the cab ride to his house near the beach was achingly frustrating, pretending they were nothing but friends, co-stars, sharing the journey home. But the second they were through his front door he kicked it shut, slammed her back against it, and kissed the fucking life out of her. And it was like he’d just ignited a long-snuffed-out spark within her. She felt alive again, she felt wanted. She felt strong and beautiful and the fact it was wrong, Jesus, that just made it all the more exciting.

  She pulled off his T-shirt with the eager excitement of a kid on Christmas morning, laying her hands against his naked chest, splaying her fingers out over his warm skin, his muscles hard and taut and her thighs ached to take him where he’d pretended to go on-screen, but this was for real now. And she wanted him so bad she was almost burning up.

  His hands slid up under her dress, grasping her thighs, and she helped him yank down her panties, put up no fight as he swung her around, pushing her legs apart with his knee, and she closed her eyes and cried out loud as he pushed inside her, that cry slowly fading to a low and quiet moan. What he was doing – what he was giving her, it was like a calming drug; a beautiful, warm injection and she’d never felt so at peace. His hands covered hers up against the wall, their fingers intertwining, his breath burning the back of her neck as he thrust into her, and she’d never felt more certain that something so wrong could be so good for her.

  She pushed back against him, and he took hold of her hips and kept her there, thrusting as deep inside of her as he could go, and she couldn’t stop another cry escaping as he hit that spot, that beautiful place within her that set off those fireworks and caused her whole body to react. She was coming, wave after wave of pure, achingly painful pleasure. She was coming, and as she shuddered in his arms she felt him come, too, his cries ringing out around the hallway, because they hadn’t managed to get any further inside, his body stilling within hers for a few glorious seconds. And then he pulled her up and she leaned back against him, arching her back as his hands pushed further up under her dress until they covered her breasts, and just the touch of his fingers against her skin caused another wave to hit. She didn’t want it to end, didn’t want him to leave her body. And she knew – they both knew, she wasn’t going home tonight. She wasn’t going anywhere…

  Lukas watched Aaron hold her, watched Aaron kiss her, and he felt a pain like no other as Quinn looked up into her husband’s eyes. They were in love, that was blindingly obvious. To everyone. But Lukas had seen something in her, when she’d cried and held him and talked about their son. He’d seen something. She wasn’t over him. He wasn’t over her. They had a connection, something no one could take from them. A secret connection that not even her husband knew about. And that was important. Finding out about his son, no matter how hard that had been, how devastating it was, it gave Lukas new hope. Because he really had seen something in her eyes; something that could bring her back to him, he truly believed that.

  He glanced back over at Quinn. She was still in her husband’s arms, and something as simple as the way Aaron’s hand rested lightly on the small of her back, it was painful to watch. The way Aaron looked at her, he worshipped her. And she loved him back twice as much, Lukas could see that. And he should let her be happy. He should leave her alone, but he couldn’t. He was only half a person without her, he knew that now. Too late, he knew that, too, but he didn’t care if he was being selfish. You got one life. He’d fucked his up once, he wasn’t doing that again. He wasn’t messing up a second time.

  He continued to watch as Quinn laid her hands against Aaron’s chest and smiled up at him, tilting her head back slightly as he kissed her, and Lukas felt a sharp pain stab his heart. All those years of marriage and they were still acting like newlyweds, and the memory of him and Quinn feeling that self same way tore through him. Because it hadn’t lasted anywhere near as long as this. He’d seen to that. He’d killed it dead within a couple of years, and the regret swamped him so fast he had to turn away and breathe in deep. That bond she had with Aaron Rogers, it was going to be a tough one to penetrate. But he had to try. He was fighting for what he wanted now. He was fighting. And may the best man win…

  She closed her eyes as his hand snaked up her thigh, his mouth resting lightly at the base of her throat, his breath warm on her skin and she gasped quietly as his fingers found that ache she needed to ease. But even though the ache was real, the way he was about to deal with it was just pretend, because this was work. This was nothing more than a scene they were shooting, but he was still touching her, and the hardest thing right now was trying not to show how she really felt about this man, despite the fact rumors about their relationship were already spreading faster than wildfire.

  Aaron Rogers and Quinn Baxter had been sleeping together for almost two months now. And their affair, it wasn’t supposed to have become public knowledge. God knows they’d tried their hardest to keep it all a secret, but the rumors, they were out there now. So, Quinn figured they must have slipped up at some point and not been quite as discreet as they should have been, or maybe they’d just gotten less clever about trying to hide their true feelings on-set. Even Harry had started asking questions about their friendship, pushing Quinn constantly on how close she and Aaron had really become. And he’d warned her, of course he had. He’d warned her about the publicity and the pressure, but she needed it; the distraction. She’d never be free of Lukas Drake; she’d never let herself be free of Lukas Drake, she couldn’t cut that chord. But being with Aaron meant she thought about him less and less. And that was enough for her. Just some respite, some moments of peace, free from the guilt and the memories and the what could’ve been if Lukas had been a stronger man.

  She buried her fingers in Aaron’s hair as his lips pressed against her skin, and she tried to force back a smile because he was whispering things in her ear that weren’t in the script, so when the director yelled ‘cut!’ she was almost relieved.

  “Later,” Aaron murmured, throwing her a smile and letting his hand linger on her thigh a little longer than was necessary before he slowly pulled away from her. Later she’d have her legs wrapped around him, for real. Later he’d be fucking her, for real. Later, she’d be throwing herself deeper into another messed up situation to take her mind off all the crap she couldn’t forget.

  “What the hell was that?”

  She looked up as Harry approached her. “You know, most agents don’t baby-sit their clients.”

  “Most agents don’t have clients like you, sweetheart.”

  “I’m not taking that as a compliment.”

  “It wasn’t meant to be one.”

  She wrapped the robe she’d been handed around herself, covering her almost naked body, and walked off to the side of the set, glancing over at Aaron and Rita. They were deep in conversation, but she could tell from their body language that something wasn’t right.

  “Does that surprise you?” Harry jerked his head in the direction of Aaron and his fiancée.

  “Don’t start, Harry.”

  “You seriously think no one’s guessed you and him are sleeping together? Here’s the news, kiddo – everyone knows. It’s not that much of a secret anymore, Quinn.”

  She leaned back against a nearby table, throwing another quick glance in Aaron’s direction. Rita seemed calmer now, he must have said something to pacify her. And Quinn wasn’t even sure how that made her feel, she just knew that the thought of them together – it made her feel sick. With envy? Yeah. She wanted to be where Rita was. She wanted that more than anything, because Aaron went home with Rita. She was the one who got to sleep in his arms, touch him without question. She got to kiss him goodnight and wake up next to him in the morning. She was the one they were hurting.

  “I think I’m falling in love with him, Harry.”

  “You’re vulnerable right now, Quinn. Emotionally drained and vulnerable.”

  She turned her head to look at him. “Yeah. Thanks for that. But I’m actually fine. And I’m not s
ome lovesick kid with a teenage crush, I know what I’m feeling. OK?” She once more turned her attention to Aaron. “And he’s good for me.”

  “He isn’t yours to take. Remember what Lukas did to you? That’s exactly what you’re doing to Rita.”

  “I know. I know that, Harry, but he’s…” She dropped her gaze and closed her eyes and she knew, whatever Harry wanted her to do; whatever he thought was best, he was probably right. But she was going to ignore it all.

  Quinn Baxter was falling for Aaron Rogers.

  And thanks to Lukas Drake, that’s exactly what she needed to happen.

  “I’ve got to go, baby,” she whispered, reluctantly stepping out of Aaron’s arms. “They’re ready for me now.”

  “You still want me to stay?”

  She nodded, taking a step back toward him and kissing him slowly, letting the taste of him linger on her lips before Lukas erased all that. “If you still want to.”

  “I’m not needed anywhere else right now.”

  She smiled, gently stroking his cheek with her fingertips before she stepped away and backed off toward where Lukas was waiting.

  “You know what’s needed here?” Lukas asked her, and she turned to face him. At forty-two years old he was still the same incredibly handsome man he’d been back when she’d first met him. Age, and all the shit he’d put himself through, none of that had damaged his looks in any way, in fact, he was almost hotter than he had been back then. Age suited him. Age had brought him a whole new fan base of women young and old. Lukas Drake was dangerous on so many levels, and she knew that better than anyone. That’s why she should never have agreed to this. That’s exactly why she’d agreed to this.

  “Yes. I know what’s needed.”

  “And you’re OK, with everything?”

  “Not really. But this is a job, Lukas. That’s all. We’re playing pretend, and once this is done I go back to my beautiful home with my wonderful husband and I forget this.”

  She wasn’t even sure where all that had come from. And she certainly hadn’t meant to sound quite so cold, given what Lukas had been told only a couple of hours ago. She didn’t want this, with him, but she didn’t want to hurt him, either. She didn’t want to hurt anyone.

  “We ready then?”

  Lukas kept his gaze on her for a couple more beats before he nodded, shouted a few instructions over to his assistant director, and the cameras started rolling once more. And if there was one thing Quinn was good at it was turning on the ‘pretend’ switch. She could make that move from reality to acting in a heartbeat, and this afternoon was no exception. This afternoon she had to act like she’d never acted before.

  The lines were easy. Their exchange was sassy and heavily flirtatious but she was managing to keep just on the edge of detachment without compromising her character. But when his hand touched her cheek and his eyes met hers, the intensity she felt wasn’t all for the cameras. She knew that. Lukas knew that. And when she closed her eyes and felt his mouth touch hers, it was all she could do not to cry. The emotions she was fighting back were all-consuming. As he kissed her she felt her chest tighten and her heart start to race. As he kissed her she felt her skin break out in goose bumps. As he kissed her she felt tired and confused and all she wanted to do was go home, with Aaron, and forget this was happening. But if there was one thing Quinn Baxter was it was professional. Even when it felt as though her whole world was falling down around her…

  “So, do I look OK?” She spun around and smiled at Harry.

  “You look amazing, kiddo.”

  She turned back to look in the mirror, smoothing down her long, elegant, strapless ivory sheath dress. Teamed with incredibly high, strappy, barely-there sandals and a few flowers woven into her long blonde hair, Quinn was ready for her ridiculously public wedding. And it wasn’t like she’d purposely invited all kinds of press and paparazzi to her and Aaron’s Beverly Hills home for their big day, she hadn’t. It was just that, at her request, they hadn’t exactly put a stop to any reporting of it. If the paparazzi wanted to catch a photo opportunity from wherever they happened to be camped out, they were welcome to. They still had security vetting all the invited guests, of course they did. The level of organization this wedding had taken was huge. They just hadn’t put a stop to the helicopters circling above, looking for that all-important first photograph of her and Aaron together, married, in fact, she could hear them now, even from inside. It was crazy, this almost circus-like atmosphere her wedding to Aaron Rogers had created. But it was what she needed. She needed to have this big, over-the-top day to make sure that Lukas got the message; to make sure she herself knew what was happening here. She was saying goodbye, to something she couldn’t have anymore, and welcoming in her new life, with a new man; a new future.

  “We can still get rid of them, Quinn. If you’re finding it too intrusive.”

  “Hmm? Sorry, did you say something?”

  “The helicopters. We can get rid of them. You only have to say the word.”

  She shook her head and took one last look in the mirror. “No. Leave them.”

  “Quinn?”

  She turned around to face Harry, cocking her head slightly as she looked at him. “Yeah?”

  “All of this – it’s for Lukas’s benefit, isn’t it?”

  “Maybe.”

  “Quinn…”

  “When I fell in love with Aaron, I fell hard, and you know that, Harry. Now I need Lukas to know that, too. I need him to see that.”

  “Are you not trying to convince yourself as much as you are him?”

  “Aaron he’s… he’s changed my life. He’s made my world bearable again, and I love him. So much.”

  Harry smiled and walked over to her, gently touching her cheek with the back of his hand. “Yeah. I know you do. And although you two didn’t exactly get it together in the most conventional of ways… Oh, who am I kidding? You never do anything the conventional way, but – yeah. He’s good for you, Quinn.”

  “I told you that two years ago, remember? When you were nagging me for embarking on an affair you didn’t agree with.”

  “And I didn’t. He should have been brave enough to end things with Rita before jumping between your pretty legs but, hey, it all worked out in the end, huh?”

  She took hold of his hand and squeezed it gently. “Yeah. I guess it did.”

  “Let him look after you, Quinn. Please. After everything you went through with Lukas, please, just let Aaron look after you.”

  “I don’t need looking after.”

  “Everyone needs looking after sometimes, kiddo. Oh, and Quinn? About…”

  “He doesn’t need to know, Harry. And telling him, it’s like bringing a piece of Lukas into what we have, and I don’t want that. So, he doesn’t need to know. OK? I have the memories in my head, Noah will always be with me, and that’s all that matters. Aaron doesn’t need to know how much of a mess I was back then.”

  Harry looked right into her eyes, and Quinn knew he thought it was wrong, to keep secrets from the man she was about to marry. Big secrets. But this was the way she wanted it to be; the way she needed it to be, even if others thought it was the wrong way. She was about to start over, with an incredible man who loved her. And she loved him. Heartbreakingly handsome with a beautiful soul, Aaron Rogers was her life now. Her world. Her escape.

  “It’s something so big, Quinn. Something you really should tell him…”

  “I’m starting over, Harry, so, please. Just let me do that.”

  Harry sighed, because starting a marriage with secrets wasn’t good, and for Quinn to be hiding so much from Aaron – it could be disastrous. But it was what she wanted, even though he knew that the pain she felt at losing Noah, that was still locked away inside of her, two years on. It was never going to go away, and keeping it to herself like this… It was what she wanted. And Harry wasn’t going to fight her.

  “All right, but, you know how I feel about all of this. Aaron’s a good man so, don’t s
hut him out, Quinn. Don’t do that.

  “The last thing I want to do is hurt him, Harry. I just don’t want my past to affect our future, OK? I don’t want that to happen… Can I go make him my husband now?”

  Harry smiled and leaned in to lightly kiss her cheek as she linked her arm through his. He had to let her deal with things in her own way, even if he didn’t think it was the right way. “You ready for all that out there, huh?”

  She returned his smile, because she’d never been more ready for anything. Aaron Rogers was everything she needed. Lukas Drake wasn’t, not anymore.

  “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

  “Then let’s go get you guys married.”

  Aaron kept his eyes fixed on Quinn as Lukas pulled her into his arms; as he kissed her. And even though he knew there’d be one or two people here on-set whose eyes would be fixed on him as this was happening, he was determined not to let anyone see any reaction from him, despite the fact this wasn’t something he wanted to see, his wife kissing her ex. It was hard, it was tough, and he wished it wasn’t happening because it filled him with a fear he’d never thought he’d ever experience. He’d thought he and Quinn were solid. Safe. And yet now he felt as though their marriage was balancing on quicksand.

  The scene was in the can in just two takes, and the second it was done Quinn stepped back from Lukas, immediately turning away from him, and only then was Aaron sure his heart had started beating again. But this was very early days of a three month-plus shoot, and he hadn’t banked on it being this exhausting so soon, for all the wrong reasons.

  He dropped his gaze and crossed his arms over his chest as the sound of a busy movie set surrounded him. This was what he was used to, these places; the things that went on here. He’d met Quinn, on a movie set. Their entire relationship had grown, on a movie set. This is where they’d fallen in love, playing pretend, until reality had been too difficult to ignore. This is where she’d fucked Lukas Drake for the first time, for real – on a movie set.