Breathe Into Me

by Michelle Betham

  He opened his eyes and watched as Aaron lowered her down, zipped himself back up and pulled her panties out of his shirt pocket, both of them laughing as she wriggled back into them. Lukas ached to take them back off; to lie her down, or back her up against a wall, he didn’t care, he just wanted to strip her naked, pull those panties down with his teeth and feel himself inside her again. It had been way too fucking long.

  He wanted to love her the way he should have loved her all those years ago.

  He wanted to show her the man he could’ve been – should’ve been.

  The man he was now.

  Lukas Drake and Quinn Baxter.

  Together.

  Again…

  ***

  Harry threw Quinn a look as she headed over to him. “What’s the matter with you?” she asked, frowning slightly.

  “Where?”

  Her frown deepened. “Are we playing some kind of game here, Harry?”

  “Where did you do it?”

  “Where did I do what?”

  “You might want to check your make-up, kiddo.”

  She pulled a mirror from her purse and hurriedly tidied up her lipstick. “Sorry. Should’ve visited the rest room before I came back out here.”

  “You weren’t in the rest room?”

  She looked at him, sliding the mirror back into her purse and grabbing a drink from the bar. It didn’t matter what it was, she just needed a kick of something strong and alcoholic. “What?”

  Harry sighed. He guessed it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world if some amateur photo – because the paparazzi hadn’t been given access inside the club – of her and her husband stealing a furtive fuck at her own party hit the press and social media. Under the current circumstances it might even be a good thing. The closer she and Aaron appeared to be in public – well, maybe that would kill off some of those rumors that were circulating about Quinn and Lukas. Those totally unfounded and untrue rumors that the media seemed to be making up as they went along, sailing dangerously close to slander in some cases. This whole shoot was turning out to be a fucking nightmare in Harry’s eyes, but as long as Quinn was happy. With Aaron.

  “Anyone see you?”

  Quinn shrugged, and Harry couldn’t help but smile.

  “How old are you?”

  She looked at him, and grinned. “Old enough to know better, and too old to care.”

  “You having a good time?”

  “I’m having a great time.”

  Harry laughed, and he felt the tiniest part of himself start to relax. Quinn wasn’t that infatuated young girl anymore. She was all grown up; a stronger woman, thanks to Lukas. The crap he’d put her through meant she’d had to be strong, and Aaron, he really had been good for her. He was everything she needed, and they were happy. She loved him. Harry was worrying over nothing. But then, it wasn’t Quinn he was necessarily worried about. It was Lukas. That man had manipulated her in the past. Did he really have the power to do it again? “Quinn?”

  She cocked her head slightly as she smiled at him. “Yeah?”

  No. No, he wasn’t going there again, he wasn’t even going to bring it up anymore. He was just going to sit back and watch and if he needed to intervene, he would. He’d be there in a fucking heartbeat. But right now, she was good. She was fine. There’d been a slight wobble after she’d told Lukas about Noah, but he’d always known that was going to happen. He’d expected it, been prepared for it, because it was always going to happen. But now? It didn’t look like Lukas was getting to her. But he’d still be watching.

  “Nothing, I just… You have a good time tonight, OK?”

  “You’re leaving?”

  “I’m not as young as I used to be, sweetheart.”

  “You’re fifteen years older than me, it hardly makes you pensioner material.”

  He leaned in to kiss her on the cheek, giving her hand a quick squeeze. “It’s been a long day. And I’d quite like to spend some time with my own husband, catching up on all those box sets I’ve been meaning to dip into.”

  “Are you OK?”

  “Quinn, I’m fine. Like I said, I’m just tired.” He gave her another quick kiss and hugged her, squeezing her tight. “Happy Birthday, beautiful.”

  “I love you, Harry.”

  “Yeah. Right back at you, Ms. Movie Star.” He winked and threw her a smile, and he allowed himself to relax that little bit more. “You try and get yourself at least some sleep, y’hear? You still gotta work tomorrow.”

  Quinn watched him walk away, stopping to talk to a few people first before he finally made his way out of the club. And as soon as he disappeared from her view she finished her drink and walked over to the balcony that overlooked the dance floor below, leaning forward to watch what was going on down there. Aaron was talking to Jodi and her girlfriend, and Quinn smiled as they appeared to give him some kind of style advice, running their fingers through his dark-blonde hair, and as she watched him throw back his head and laugh she felt her stomach contract and her heart beat that little bit faster. She loved him so much, and the thought of losing him…

  “Are you ever going to tell him?”

  She didn’t turn around, even though she knew he was right behind her. She could feel his breath on her neck, but she didn’t want to turn around.

  “Hmm? You ever going to tell your husband, about our son?”

  “I’m not using Noah like some kind of bargaining tool, Lukas. And I’d appreciate it if you didn’t, either.”

  There was a moment’s silence, but he was still close beside her, she could feel him, almost touching her.

  “But you know how lies can hurt, Quinn.”

  She finally swung around to face him, his startling blue eyes and handsome face failing to unsteady her in any way. Yeah. She really was stronger now. She just had to keep this barrier up and prove to herself that she could live without this man. She could do it. Because, for ten years, that’s exactly what she’d needed to do – prove, to herself, that she could live without Lukas Drake. Now she had that chance. She could do this, she could finish this movie, and she could move on. Finally.

  “A lot of things can hurt, Lukas.”

  Her eyes locked on his for a couple of beats before she pushed past him and walked away. She needed some air, and a member of staff at the club had shown her a door down a private corridor that led out into a small, walled yard that Quinn hoped was as secluded as she’d been assured it was, because she really did need just a few minutes to catch her breath. Alone.

  “Baby, I’m sorry.”

  She kept her eyes closed and stayed where she was, her back against the cold brick wall. “You shouldn’t have followed me.”

  “There are a lot of things I shouldn’t have done, Quinn.”

  She shook her head, but she kept her eyes closed, almost as if that would make him go away. But he wasn’t going anywhere, she knew that. And it was her own fault that this box had been opened. She should have just let Aaron get on with making this movie, she shouldn’t have gotten involved. Harry was right. If she’d done that, if she’d just let Aaron do this, if she’d said no, she could have avoided having anything to do with it; with him. She could’ve done that, it would’ve been easy. She could have gotten Harry to find her some work far away from Los Angeles for the duration of the shoot, she knew that. But she hadn’t done that. Why? Because, subconsciously, this was what she’d wanted? Him? Here? Had she really wanted to open up all those old wounds? Even if she hadn’t been working on this movie, would she still have allowed herself to get this close to Lukas again? Would she? Yes. She would. Because, from the second she’d found out Lukas was involved, she’d known this was going to happen. And she could have stopped it, but she hadn’t. She hadn’t stopped anything. And that’s what scared her. And excited her. That’s what made it all the more terrifying.

  “I shouldn’t have let you go.”

  She opened her eyes and stared at him, willing herself to stay strong, because it wasn’
t a permanent thing; strength. Not when he was around, and Aaron wasn’t. “You didn’t let me go, Lukas. You threw me away.”

  “I made a mistake.”

  “Just the one, huh?”

  He reached out and gently touched her cheek with his fingertips but she swiped his hand away, her eyes never leaving his. “You don’t get to touch me anywhere outside of a movie set. You got that?”

  “All that history, Quinn…”

  “You really aren’t being fair.”

  “Life isn’t fair, darlin’.”

  “You think I don’t know that?”

  “We had a child together…”

  “I told you not to bring Noah into this, Lukas. Don’t do that. Don’t… You never even met him…”

  “And whose fault was that?”

  His voice had a harsher tone to it now, but all that did was make the anger inside of Quinn grow ten-fold. He had no right to do this. None. Not tonight, not ever.

  “Whose fault was that, Quinn?”

  “I can’t believe you’re doing this… you selfish, selfish bastard…”

  She moved away from the wall, away from him, but as she pushed past him he grabbed her arm and swung her around, and the look on his face was enough to shatter her heart and deal a metaphorical punch to the stomach so hard it physically hurt.

  “I hate myself, Quinn. Every day I wake up and I hate myself, for what I did to you. Every fucking day…”

  “You want sympathy now?”

  “I want you to understand how much this kills me. Watching you, with him…”

  “Who? My husband? The man who gave me everything you couldn’t because you were too coked up, too preoccupied with some random Vegas waitress to even know I was there? Aaron saved me, Lukas. He saved me, from you.”

  “He was nothing but a substitute, Quinn, and you know that.”

  “How dare you,” she hissed, shaking her arm free of his grip but he was quick, too quick for her to see it coming, and he grabbed hold of her again, pulling her closer, his mouth almost touching hers, so close she could feel him breathing into her. “You have no right, Lukas. No fucking right…”

  “Remember how much we loved each other, Quinn?” he whispered, and she was aware of his hand on the small of her back but she did nothing to remove it. Why was that? Why wasn’t she doing something to stop this?

  “I never forgot, Lukas.”

  He dropped his gaze for a beat or two, but then his head was back up and his eyes were burning into hers and she felt powerless. And ashamed that she’d allowed herself to feel that way, and she was doing everything she could to claw this back, to push him away, but it was like he was emitting some kind of shield, some powerful force that was stopping her from going anywhere, Jesus! Is this what it was coming to? She was actually living the script from their movie? And that in itself was like a sweeping blanket of reality, washing over her in one swift and brutal rush.

  “I’m not doing this, OK?” She reached behind and took his hand, pulling it away from her back. “I’m going inside and I’m going to find my husband and you’re going to leave me the hell alone, have you got that?”

  He shook his head and she felt a wave of anger and panic and – yeah. Panic. Because she really wasn’t handling this the way she’d wanted to. The way she’d thought she’d be able to.

  “I need you to go, Lukas. Please.”

  Her voice was quieter now, almost pleading with him to let her go, to leave her alone. To stop this game before people got hurt.

  “I can’t do that, Quinn.”

  “Please, Lukas. This really isn’t fair.”

  His hand was on her back again, and he was so close she could feel his breath merging with hers, she was swallowing him down; accepting him. And she was scared.

  “Please…”

  “I need you, Quinn. I’ve always needed you, always loved you, and I’m sorry for all that pain and hurt I caused you, but you have to believe me, I’m not that man anymore. I haven’t been him for a long time…”

  “Don’t do this, Lukas…”

  “I love you, baby.”

  “Please, Lukas…”

  “I love you…”

  And the second his lips touched hers she knew she was in trouble.

  The second he’d breathed those words into her she knew everything was changing.

  The second her fingers tangled in his hair and her body pressed against his she knew that wall around her was already crumbling.

  And she needed saving. All over again…

  Fifteen

  There were times when Aaron felt as though he was waking up every morning to a brand new fight. A whole new challenge. And there were times when it was exhausting and brutal and yet, there wasn’t a thing he could do to change any of it. Because he wasn’t sure how much of it was real and how much of it he was imagining; making up inside his head because he was insecure and scared and… Yeah. He was fucking scared. Of losing her, to a man who had no right to second chances, not where Quinn was concerned.

  “You OK?”

  Aaron looked up as Harry sat down next to him on the steps of his trailer. “I’m fine.”

  “I’ll ask you that question again, only, this time you might want to sound a touch more convincing.”

  Aaron laughed quietly and dropped his gaze, focusing on his hands clasped between his knees. “I feel like I’m losing her, Harry.”

  “It’s in your head, Aaron. She isn’t going anywhere.”

  “How can you be sure, huh?” He raised his gaze to meet Harry’s. “They seem so much more relaxed with each other, since the party. Quinn she – I dunno. She doesn’t seem to mind him being around now, whereas before…”

  “Before, she was wary, Aaron. Before, she had no idea how this was going to affect her, but I think she’s stronger than you might be giving her credit for here. She’s just doing whatever needs to be done to get through this.”

  Aaron sighed and raked a hand through his hair. “It’s hard, y’know? Because I know what they used to be to each other, Jesus, everyone knows.”

  “And everyone knows what he did to her. And how you picked her up and put her back together, that was you, Aaron. That was you. She was broken, and you fixed her.”

  Aaron looked into Harry’s eyes. “What was it that finally broke her, Harry? I mean, what did he really do to her, because, you say everybody knows, but, I can’t help feeling that she’s still hiding something. From me.”

  “Like what?”

  “I dunno. I just feel like… like she’s keeping something back, keeping it hidden; something, maybe, I should know.”

  “Are you two OK?”

  “We’re fine. We’re good, y’know? It’s just that…”

  “You sleeping together?”

  Aaron frowned. “What’s that got to do with anything?”

  “Are you still having sex?”

  “Jesus, Harry, what kind of question’s that?”

  “Are you still having sex?”

  “Of course we are.”

  “Then you’re OK, aren’t you?”

  “What the hell was that all about?”

  “Do you think she’s sleeping with Lukas?”

  “I didn’t say that…”

  “Is there any part of you, Aaron, that thinks, even for the briefest of seconds, that your wife is sleeping with Lukas Drake?”

  Aaron stared at Harry. “No, I… Yes… Jesus, I don’t fucking know.” He broke his gaze and raked both hands back through his hair. “I shouldn’t have let this happen, Harry. You shouldn’t have let this happen…”

  Harry raised an eyebrow. “Have you ever tried stopping her from doing something once she’s got her mind set on it? Besides, the studio bypassed me and went straight to her publicist. I had no idea she’d been contacted about this movie until she told me. And by that time it was too late.”

  Aaron’s eyes narrowed. “Why was she so keen, huh? To do this movie? And don’t say it’s because she’d be working wi
th me, that’s bullshit. We’ve worked together a few times now and… What isn’t she telling me, Harry?”

  Harry sighed heavily as he stared out ahead of him. “Talk to her, Aaron.”

  “Harry?”

  Harry threw Aaron one last look before he pulled himself to his feet. “Just – just talk to her.”

  “Shit!” Aaron muttered under his breath as Harry walked away. What kind of fucking answer was that? He was more agitated than ever now.

  He checked his watch and headed back into his trailer, retrieving the small bottle of whiskey he kept hidden at the back of a drawer, taking a long swig from it. Did it make him feel any better? Not really. Had it taken the edge off slightly? A bit. So, that should be making him feel better, right?

  He checked his watch again. Quinn had been on-set for a few hours now, while he’d been preparing for a couple of scenes they were shooting later in the day, and tomorrow they were on location in Burbank and Santa Monica. They barely had time to eat and sleep right now let alone have long conversations about shit that was worrying them, but Aaron couldn’t go on like this. Yeah, they were good. Yeah, they were having sex, they were having great sex, but he still felt as though something wasn’t right. And he knew that what he’d hoped wouldn’t happen was already underway – Lukas Drake was slowly working his way back into Quinn’s life. And Aaron couldn’t allow that. He couldn’t. He wasn’t fucking going to…

  ***

  Quinn leaned over the table and watched the scene she’d just shot with Lukas play back on the monitor. There was no denying the chemistry was there, on-screen. And she knew that was only going to help fuel the rumors that were still finding their way onto social media and gossip columns around the world. Every day they woke up to a new one, some random, completely unfounded story – even after her, Aaron and Lukas had appeared on TV to talk about it all; even after their joint interview for the movie magazine. And rising above everything, it was getting harder. It was getting tougher to deal with.

  “Looks good, huh?”

  Quinn continued to stare at the screen, watching as their characters engaged in a conversation that saw her verbally attack him, their argument loaded with sexual chemistry, the tension palpable. And Quinn knew that scene was only going to look stronger, feel even more tense once it had gone through post-production and edits. Lukas would make it look as tough and as sexy as he could, that’s what he wanted from her – tough and sexy. “Yeah,” she said quietly, finally pulling away from the table. “It looks good.”