If I Fall

by Lydia Michaels

  Tyson was a good man, a friend, and a great stepfather to his daughter, Mia. Sitting in on Kat’s marriage to another man had not been anticipated, but with the passing of time, he couldn’t regret the way things had turned out. As much as he loved Kat for the incredible mother she was to their daughter, he’d never been in love with her. He was glad to see she was finally getting the happy ending she deserved.

  Jade was another unanticipated part of his current life. She’d matured from a beautiful girl into a stunning woman, one that exuded confidence. He worked hard to maintain an appropriate level of friendship with Kat’s best friend, but lately, his control was slipping.

  The other night he had to literally drag himself away from the bar after she shamelessly invited him to her place for a nightcap. Truth was, he was dying to take her to bed. Jerking off to mental images of her sexy mouth, those playful glances she tormented him with on a daily basis… It was getting old and he was running thin on patience. Every soft tinkling of laughter from her lips sent blood rushing to his cock. If everything went according to plan, he’d wake up wrapped around her body tomorrow morning.

  It was only a matter of time until they found themselves in a tangled mess of naked limbs and sweaty sheets, and he’d hoped—now that Kat was officially married to Ty—that tonight would be the night. But looking at Jade now, with her skin paler than usual and a gleam of moisture coating her skin, it seemed his plans might be postponed.

  For months, he fought his desires out of respect for his family, Kat and Mia. It wasn’t that sleeping with Jade was a bad thing. On the contrary, the experience would probably be earth shattering. But his daughter adored Jade and he didn’t want to mislead his impressionable little girl.

  As a new father trying to make the right impression on an observant four-year-old, he avoided the complications of dating. When he needed to get laid, he looked for company in the next town.

  His situation with Mia was still new and delicate, their relationship just starting to become natural. He also didn’t want to jeopardize the comfortable rapport he shared with Kat and Tyson by sleeping with Kat’s best friend.

  He should leave well enough alone, but even now, as he held Jade’s delicate hand with her dainty white-tipped nails, he couldn’t seem to stop the ache from forming in his pants. He wanted her with an intensity he’d never wanted anyone.

  She was a temptress, from her sun-bleached hair to her generous curves all the way down to her sexy feet that carried more feminine grace than most women could muster in their entire lives. He longed to kiss every square inch of her body under a pile of sex-warmed blankets and fantasized about it daily.

  His dick throbbed in a constant state of arousal every time she was near. Even now, sensing she wasn’t feeling well, he shifted uncomfortably to hide the erection pressing up on his zipper.

  Yes, his control was definitely dwindling.

  Running his thumb over the soft flesh of her wrist, he accepted she was ill and that their moment would eventually come, but not tonight—no one was coming tonight.

  “You may kiss the bride.”

  Jade’s hand pulled from his as she applauded with the rest of the guest and awkwardly rose from the pew. Her typical agility seemed off. He eyed her as he clapped, wondering if maybe she and the other bridesmaids had a few drinks before the ceremony, but he didn’t smell alcohol on her breath.

  As the recessional started, Jeremy placed her hand in the crook of his elbow, escorting her from the chapel. Jade blinked thick, golden lashes at the bright August sky as they stepped into the thick heat. Voices faded, replaced with the hum of insects lulling over the grass.

  He didn’t give her a chance to fall in line with the wedding party. “Come with me.”

  “What?” She tugged back on his arm as he ushered her toward the doors. “We have to—”

  “Jade.” He leveled his tone with authority and gave her a stern look. The last thing Kat needed was Jade making a scene by falling over or getting sick.

  With a sigh, she let him lead her out of the church.

  Chapter Three

  Leading her to his Jeep, Jeremy opened the passenger door. “Sit.”

  Despite her shaky mood, she couldn’t help but smirk at his bossy tone. Somehow he made surliness the sexiest thing in the world.

  The heat from the leather seat burned through the material of her gown and a trail of dew trickled between her breasts. Trapped in the sweltering car, she lowered the window. He climbed behind the wheel and turned the key.

  “We’re leaving?” They couldn’t leave. Kat would skin her alive.

  “Are you drunk or sick?”

  “What?” Startled that he’d think she was drunk at two o’clock in the afternoon on her best friend’s wedding day, she scowled at him. “I’m fine.”

  And maybe she was fine now. For the first time in hours, she felt like she could breathe again. But oh, God, she’d made a complete scene during the ceremony.

  “You’re probably not the only one wondering if I’m drunk.” Moaning, she rubbed her hands over her face, wishing he wouldn’t look at her like that—like she was crazy. Pull yourself together!

  Jeremy gave her a reassuring pat on the knee and she instinctively jerked her leg away, her spine drawing tight as a bow. The car filled with uncomfortable silence as he frowned at her. Watching her closely, he said, “Maybe you caught a twenty-four-hour bug.”

  Thinking she’d rather be assumed sick than drunk at her best friend’s wedding, she grabbed the excuse. “I… I don’t feel well. Do you think Kat’s upset I ruined the reading?”

  “You didn’t ruin anything.”

  “Yeah, right,” she scoffed. “I saw everyone staring. I couldn’t even walk on my own. It took everything in me not to puke on the Rabbi.” The part about almost throwing up was true. “What kind of maid of honor am I?”

  “Reverend,” he corrected.

  “Whatever.” Tears prickled as she replayed the humiliating production. Do not cry in front of him.

  “So you got a little stage fright. So what? You don’t always have to be perfect, Jade.”

  A rude noise vibrated in the back of her throat. “I’m far from perfect. My life’s an absolute disaster.”

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  Groaning through a spike of nausea, she exhaled roughly. “I can’t.”

  “Jade, at this point I’d like to think that we’re friends. You know you can trust me. If something’s wrong and I can help, you know I will. You don’t have to be embarrassed in front of me. We all get sick and we all have stressful shit to deal with in our lives.”

  Lost in her thoughts, visions of the other morning tortured her tired mind. She could barely tolerate the weight of her own skin. “Can you turn on the air?”

  He adjusted the dials and Freon scented air chilled her damp flesh.

  “Why don’t we sit here until the guests clear out? I suppose you have to get pictures and stuff. I can wait with you and after that, if you’re still not feeling well, I can take you home. How’s that sound?”

  That sounded wonderful and at the same time impossible. “I have to go to the reception. Kat spent the past ten months planning for today and I need to be there. I can’t blow it off.”

  “You wouldn’t be blowing it off. If you’re sick, you’re sick.”

  Tears flooded her eyes. What if I am sick? Really sick?

  “Hey. Are you all right?” He twisted closer, eyes creased with concern. “Whatever it is, we’ll fix it. Do you want me to go get something? You look like you’re gonna throw up. Should I get Kat? Or a trashcan?”

  “No!” Kat couldn’t know. It was her wedding day and she deserved everything to be perfect. And she’d never forgive herself if she puked in front of Jeremy. “I’m fine.” She blotted her eyes and cheeks. “I just need to pull myself together and not think about it.”

  “It?”

  “Nothing. It’s nothing. I’m okay. Please… Let’s just wait until the
guests leave and then go back inside. I’ll be distracted once I’m busy doing maid of honor stuff and I’ll be better.”

  She smoothed the wrinkles from her gown and lowered the visor to fix her hair. Shit. She was a mess.

  Once all the guests were gone they returned to the chapel. Kat wore an expression of relieved concern. Determined not to spoil her friend’s day, Jade pasted on a convincing smile and tried to be her usual self. “Hey, Mrs. Adams.”

  Rather than smile at the new title, Kat frowned. “Are you okay?”

  She rolled her eyes and stuck with the lie. “Yeah. My stomach got really upset all of a sudden.”

  “Do you want me to see if someone can run to a drugstore for some medicine?”

  “No. I’m all right now. Probably just cramps or something.”

  Her gaze remained concerned. “Are you sure?”

  “Totally.” Jade waved away her concern. “Enough about that. How’s it feel to be married?”

  Kat glowed, her smile so genuine and beautiful. “It feels really good.”

  Despite the nightmare in her head, Jade’s heart couldn’t help but feel happily full for her friend. Kat deserved this day and a lifetime of joy with Ty. They were perfect for each other in every way.

  “You okay, Jade?” Tyson asked as he slid an arm over his wife’s shoulders.

  “Yeah. I think the meal I ordered last night was a little dodgy. Whatever was wrong, it passed.” There would be no more detracting from their special day. “Let’s get the pictures done so we can get to the fun part.”

  The remainder of the day dragged in intervals of picture taking, toasts, dancing, eating, and bride maintenance. Miraculously, Jade managed to keep her emotions in check throughout it all.

  As the florescent lighting replaced the romantic glow that had filled the reception hall, she collected the bride and groom’s personal keepsakes in a neat pile to make sure they had plenty of mementos from their wedding day. Jeremy emerged from a door marked STAFF ONLY and casually headed in her direction, his broad build capturing her full attention.

  He sure did make himself at home.

  But a man who carried that much confidence in his stride didn’t give people a chance to question his authority. He winked at her, sending a shiver of excitement up her spine as he continued toward Kat’s parents.

  Jade turned and stared as he brushed aside Mia’s toppled curls and pressed an affectionate kiss to his daughter’s cheek. His adoration for Mia was another check in the ‘why Jeremy is sexy’ column.

  “Can I get one of them?”

  Startled but the unfamiliar masculine voice, Jade turned. A man she didn’t recognize pointed to the bagged slices of cake she held in her arms. It took her a moment to recall he was the DJ, but she continued to stare at his outstretched hand, giving no verbal confirmation that she heard his request.

  His mouth crooked into a half-smirk. “I know a little thing like you isn’t hoarding all that cake for yourself. What do you say we share?” He reached forward and she jerked out of reach, stumbling back a step as the confections tumbling to the ground.

  She flinched again as Jeremy’s deep voice boomed behind her. “Can I help you?”

  “I just wanted to get a piece of cake.”

  Jeremy eyed him accusingly as he scooped up a bag and grasped her hand. She tensed and he immediately let go, placing his body in front of hers, but no longer touching her. He tossed the bag at the DJ who caught it against his chest. “You have your cake, now go.”

  The DJ rolled his eyes and stalked off.

  The concerned look was back in his eyes when he turned to face her. “You okay?”

  Taken aback by his intrusion, she ignored her response to the stranger, and focused on his territorial interception, trying to play down whatever just happened. “Really, Jeremy, he was only asking for cake.”

  He narrowed his eyes, which always seemed a bit more perceptive than most. “He may’ve asked for cake, but that’s not what he wanted.”

  His gaze held hers, suspending time as her desire manifested in every cell of her being. “And what did he want?”

  He smirked, the soft expression suddenly replaced by a mask of complete control. “Something I don’t think you were offering.”

  She sobered. Was this how she’d gotten into trouble? Was she a tease? Someone who sent out signals, making men think they were welcome to things she wasn’t willing to provide? She hadn’t been flirting. She hadn’t even looked at the DJ the entire evening!

  “Jade?” He was frowning again. “Why don’t I load the rest of this stuff in Ty’s car and then I’ll take you home?”

  She nodded, once again distracted by the dark shadows in her mind. As he walked away, her mind jerked to the present. Take me home? Oh, no. Was he finally offering what she’d dreamt of for the past year and…

  No, no, no, no no… She had to delay this. Somehow push him off without scaring him away completely.

  She was so totally infatuated with Jeremy, but even he couldn’t touch her at the moment. The thought of anyone’s hands on her made her want to curl up and die. She shivered, quietly slipping outside to get some air and calm her nerves. Soon enough, he appeared again and escorted her to his Jeep.

  The pale blue glow of the moon lit the interior of Jeremy’s Jeep as it fought for a place in the sky amongst the rolling clouds. Every now and then a silver flash of lightning flickered in the distance. Classic rock played quietly from the speakers on the dashboard and the air-conditioned breeze softly tickled across her skin.

  As they neared her apartment, his hand slid from the gearshift to her knee. This time he didn’t close his fingers over her knee, he simply brushed the material of her gown covering her leg with the back of his knuckle. But it was enough to make her stop breathing.

  What was that? Was he sending her a silent confirmation that he wanted to get laid? She subtly drew her body closer to the door and kept silent.

  Not since she was a young teen and first discovering boys, had she wanted someone as much as she’d wanted Jeremy over the last few months. But the gentle tug at her insides was overshadowed by shame—her body was no longer her own in some intangible sense.

  Although they’d known each other for years and spent a lot of time together since he returned from Iraq, never before had he brazenly showed such blatant physical interest. Always so polite and reserved, maintaining healthy boundaries, she’d longed for this moment, longed for proof that the chemistry was mutual.

  Her instincts told her they shared something beyond friendly sentiment, but one never knew with Jeremy—still waters ran deep and all that philosophical jazz. There were so many mixed signals, so many moments she’d hoped he’d ease a little closer or touch her in some slight way. So why couldn’t she just compartmentalize her trauma and use this for the incredible distraction it could be? She wanted to, but no matter how she tried to pretend today was normal and she was unbroken, she couldn’t.

  Her heart melted every time she caught a glimpse of him with Mia, so kindhearted, but serious, soft-spoken, yet stern. He smiled easily, but never needed to be the funny guy or the center of attention. Fiercely loyal to those he loved, he would do anything to protect his friends.

  He glanced at her, his hand still resting on the console between them, but now his fingers were open and his palm was up. “Why are you sitting all the way over there?”

  She casually moved her back to the center of the seat. “I just … moved when the car turned.”

  The corners of his mouth turned up and he lifted his hand in invitation. Her heart pounded hard against her ribs as she stared at it. Her fingers slowly lifted and rested in his, intertwining. Warm skin, slightly calloused at the pads of his fingers, cradled the weight of her smaller hand as he tightened his grip. It felt so good yet so terrifying.

  His thumb moved in a slow pattern over the back of her hand. The smooth, seductive weight of his touch offered a degree of peace, blurring her recent urge to withdraw. So many fan
tasies founded on a treasure of innocent embraces shifted into possibilities, making it all the more painful to accept she wasn’t prepared. Any other night she would have been ecstatic, but she wasn’t herself right now—maybe she’d never be herself again.

  As they turned onto her street, she pulled her hand away and clasped her bag on her lap. The horribly nostalgic scent of a stranger on her flesh filled her memory, so real she could swear she was breathing it in. Taking a deep breath, she rolled down the window, but her stomach lurched and she swallowed back a sob.

  Irrational fear quickened her breathing. Her home no longer called to her the way it once had. What had always been a sanctuary was now a scary place of untold nightmares that attacked her in her sleep.

  He put the car in park. “Can I walk you in?”

  Always an openly affectionate person, intimacy now seemed outside of her ability. Fragile, and battling so many unpredictable emotions, she feared turning him away might spoil the only chance she’d have with him, the chance to finally get the one thing she wanted. Jeremy.

  Maybe she was overreacting. Maybe he just wanted to see her home safe.

  Safe. That word no longer applied to her apartment. Everything was different now, cold and tainted. Shivering, she let out a long breath, exhausted from the mere exercise of thinking so hard, searching for explanations that wouldn’t come. Her head eased back on the seat as she shut her eyes.

  “Jade, I wish you’d tell me what’s bothering you. You haven’t been yourself all day.” The warmth of his hand returned to hers and she stifled the jolt of fear. “Why don’t I walk you up?”

  Her mind was a maze of questions and doubts, a frightening labyrinth she couldn’t escape. She hadn’t slept in thirty-six hours. Weary, her lips tightened as she fought to contain her turmoil. Despite her efforts, a tear slid past her lashes.

  “Hey.” The leather seat creaked as he shifted his body. “Why are you crying?”

  She couldn’t open her eyes and her lips were pressed too tight to form a response.