Barking Up the Wrong Tree

by Jenn McKinlay

  Gah! She hated feeling even a smidgeon of that awful emotion. She shook it off. Obviously, she needed to get back to Brooklyn, where life was normal and she was in control. The first step was to get rid of Ike. Then she needed to find a new job in the city. She had a résumé, a good one. Surely, it wouldn’t be that difficult. Feeling better after her little mental pep talk, Carly approached the Driscolls with a big smile.

  “You can take him out,” she said. “His wings haven’t been clipped though, so he can fly. For that reason, you’ll want to be very careful not to have any doors or windows open when you grant him a little freedom.”

  “Of course,” Mrs. Driscoll said.

  Carly opened the cage. Ike gave her side eye, which she was beginning to believe was his way of telling her he wasn’t happy with her. Then he shoved his beak in his armpit, another sign that he wasn’t really on board with whatever she had planned.

  “Come on, Ike, come out and meet the nice family,” she said. She used her softest, most cajoling voice.

  “No, no, no, no,” he said.

  “Ike, come on, don’t be fresh,” she said.

  Carly put her hand right in front of his feet. He didn’t budge. She held it there, trying to be patient while she felt the eyes of all of the Driscolls upon her as they studied how to handle the bird. She wanted to admit to them that she had no freaking clue how to manage Ike, but she didn’t think that would give them much confidence in her or Ike and they might change their minds.

  Instead, she gave them her most winning smile and turned back to Ike. She gave a little whistle that made him pop his head out from under his wing.

  “Come on, buddy,” she said. “Come meet the nice people.”

  Ike lifted up one foot as if he was about to step on her hand, but then he didn’t. Instead he clawed at the air and started to sing. Carly couldn’t place the song. She frowned.

  It was James who identified it by singing it with Ike, as he walked toward them. “Everybody was kung fu fighting, those kicks were fast as lightning.”

  “Oh, wow, he sings, too,” Lexi squealed.

  The girl’s hair was long and messy and her eyes behind her big round glasses with the light blue frames looked huge. Her wool coat hung on her skinny frame and she was pale and bookish looking. Carly figured she would make an excellent companion for Ike.

  He must have thought so, too, because he finished whistling and climbed onto Carly’s hand, letting her take him from his cage. He glanced around the shop and moved up Carly’s arm so he was closer to Lexi and away from the boy named Chance.

  “Let’s see him fly,” the boy said. “Come on, throw him and see if he can cross the room.”

  Carly glanced at the boy. He was an inch taller than his sister and had the same washed-out, pasty features, but where Lexi had kindness twinkling in her eyes, Chance had a look that Carly thought was mean. He had thin lips that parted over a mouthful of braces in a perpetual sneer. The way his gaze darted around the shop, Carly got the feeling that he was looking for trouble and she suspected that if he couldn’t find it, he would make it.

  “He’s more of a climber than a flyer,” Carly said.

  “Climber?” Chance scoffed. “That’s lame.”

  “That’s enough, Chance,” Mr. Driscoll said. He was a portly middle-aged man with a thinning head of gray hair and glasses that kept slipping down his nose. “The bird is for Lexi, to replace her guinea pig who ran away.”

  “Ran away?” Carly asked. She didn’t think guinea pigs were known for bolting for freedom.

  “Chance took him outside to let him eat some clover,” Lexi said. Her voice was little and sad. “But he ran off when Chance tried to bring him back inside.”

  Carly stared at Lexi. She was pretty sure her gaze was boring holes into the little girl’s head, but she didn’t care. She had never seen a guinea pig run but was pretty sure they couldn’t outrun a young boy. She wanted to know if Lexi really believed that was what happened. Lexi blinked and looked away. That was all Carly needed to know.

  She went to put Ike back in his cage. There was no way she was letting him go to a family where questionable things happened to their pets.

  “Come on, bird, fly!” Chance stepped up behind her and yelled at Ike. “Fly!”

  He clapped his hands and jostled Carly’s arm, trying to dislodge Ike.

  “Hey, stop that!” James stepped forward, looking at the kid’s parents like he expected them to take action. Hot Wheels began to growl.

  “Fly, bird, fly!” Chance shouted.

  Carly tried to move away from him, but he grabbed her arm and dug his bony little fingers into her muscles.

  “Ouch!” she yelped. “Let go.”

  “Chance!” his father said. “Behave yourself.”

  Hot Wheels barked at the boy and then started to charge forward but his wheels got caught on a chair leg.

  “Fly, bird, fly!” Chance yelled again.

  “Stop it, you’re frightening him!” Lexi cried.

  “Chance Driscoll, you listen to your father,” his mother said.

  Carly wanted to run from the lot of them. She glanced at James and he looked as shell-shocked and ill-prepared for this turn of events as she felt.

  “Fly, bird, fly!” Chance yelled again. He went to smack Carly’s arm, but James got to him first and grabbed him by the back of his collar and hoisted him up onto his toes.

  It was too late. Ike had had enough. He arched back and gave an awkward leap into the air followed by a shaky flap of his wings. He careened sideways, almost smashing into the wall before righting himself at the last second to cross the shop and land on a built-in shelf above the cash register.

  “Yeek!” Jillian shrieked in surprise.

  “Sorry!” Carly cried out. “There’s a situation here.”

  “Butthead!” Ike squawked from his safe place.

  Chapter 16

  Silence descended upon the little shop. The ticking of the decorative clock and Ike muttering profanity under his breath were the only sounds to penetrate the hush of awkward that engulfed them all.

  “I . . . I’m . . .” Carly tried to apologize. She did. But the fact was Ike was right. The kid was a butthead and she wouldn’t let Ike go home with this family even if they were the only people who ever came to take a look at him. She’d rather set him free herself than let this mean little monster do it. There was no way she could fake an apology for what she believed was Ike’s own instinct to save himself.

  “Obviously, Chance is a little overexcited about getting a new pet. Kids, you know,” Mrs. Driscoll said. She fished in her purse for her checkbook. “How much were you asking for the bird?”

  “I . . .” Carly stammered. She stared at the family in front of her. How could the woman seriously make an offer for Ike after what just happened?

  She glanced up at the shelf where Ike was hopping from one foot to the other, looking like he was striking martial arts poses.

  “It seems there’s been a mistake. Ike doesn’t appear to like children. I’m sorry but I don’t think it would be the best fit for you or the parrot,” James said. He let go of the boy with a firm pat on the shoulder. The boy gave him a sour look but James didn’t flinch.

  Lexi, however, looked crestfallen. Carly felt bad for her, she really did, but it was time she faced the reality that having a pet around her brother did not bode well for the pet and there was no way Carly could be a part of that.

  “Miss DeCusati?” Mrs. Driscoll looked at her as if to check that she was okay with James speaking on her behalf.

  Not only was she okay with it, Carly was relieved because she hadn’t known what to say to these people. Well, she knew what she wanted to say but it would have made Ike’s insult seem tame in comparison.

  “What he said,” Carly said. “No sale.”

  “But . . .” Mr
s. Driscoll started to protest.

  As if he’d had enough of the discussion and wanted to weigh in on it himself, Ike took off from his perch and flew back toward Carly and his cage. En route, as he soared over Chance, he let loose with a stream of raspberry-loaded poop, plopping it right onto the boy’s head and leaving a spectacular trail of it on the floor, chairs, and tabletops.

  “Eeeewww,” Chance shrieked. “He . . . he . . . did that on purpose! Stupid bird!”

  Chance launched himself at Ike, who took off again, circling the shop, looking for a safe place to land. Hot Wheels, determined to help his buddy, grabbed the boy’s pant leg in his teeth and growled.

  “Ah!” Chance cried. “Dog attack!”

  “Hot Wheels, drop!” James commanded. The dog released the pant leg with a soft woof and James moved between him and the boy and reached down to rub Hot Wheels’s ears.

  “You need to go,” Carly said. Her voice was shrill. Her heart was pounding in her chest from all of the chaos. She began to shoo the family with her hands toward the door.

  “No, no, no!” Lexi began to wail. “This is your fault!” she screeched at her brother. “All your fault!”

  “Shut up,” Chance said. “It is not.”

  “It is, too,” she cried. Her face was blotchy and tears were streaming down her cheeks. “You killed Ollie. He was my best friend and now she won’t give me the bird because you’ve ruined it. You ruin everything!”

  She threw herself down on the floor, right into the poop, and sobbed. Her brother, Chance, took one look at her and sneered. His lip curled up and he drew back his foot as if to kick her in the ribs.

  James moved swiftly in between the two kids while the parents continued to protest.

  “We’ll pay you double what you’re asking,” Mrs. Driscoll said.

  “We promise he’ll be well cared for,” Mr. Driscoll said.

  Carly felt as if she was losing her mind. These people had to be kidding. She wouldn’t let them have a Chia Pet, never mind anything that lived and breathed.

  “Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Ike cried with a mighty flap of his wings. “Get out! Get out! Get out!”

  The Driscolls all went completely still. Lexi pushed herself up off of the floor.

  “Did he just . . . ?” Mrs. Driscoll turned to Carly with a wide-eyed gaze.

  Carly nodded. “Yes, yes, he did.”

  “You were trying to sell us a bird that curses?” Mrs. Driscoll drew herself up. Her mouth was puckered into a tight little knot of righteous disapproval.

  “He is highly verbal,” Carly said.

  “These are impressionable young children,” Mrs. Driscoll chastised her. She grabbed her children to her bosom as if to protect them from Ike’s bad words.

  “Yeah, I can see that,” Carly said. Her sarcasm was completely lost on the outraged mama.

  Carly cast Chance a dubious look and he stuck his tongue out at her as he wiped the bird poop from his head with the sleeve of his coat. Gross!

  “We are leaving now,” Mrs. Driscoll announced as if it hadn’t been suggested that they leave just a few moments before. “I am very disappointed in you, Miss DeCusati.”

  “I can live with that,” Carly said.

  James held the door open for them and they all marched out. Lexi was the last to leave, looking at Ike mournfully as she went.

  As soon as the door shut, Ike flew down from his perch and landed on Hot Wheels’s harness like he belonged there. Hot Wheels gave his buddy a soft woof and Carly felt her insides melt just a little bit more.

  “Aw, look,” Jillian cried. “They have a bromance going, how cute is that?”

  “Ridiculously,” Carly agreed. “I’m sorry Ike got loose.”

  “It’s all right. He did what he had to do,” Jillian said. She paused and studied Ike from where he was looking up at them. “Didn’t you, pretty boy?”

  “Okay. Time for supper. Pretty boy,” Ike squawked.

  “Oh, no, now he’s talking to himself,” Jillian said. “I think the rotten boy child freaked him out.”

  “Maybe it’s some sort of self-soothing thing he’s doing,” James suggested.

  “Can you blame him? That family was a horror,” Carly said. “Still, he did manage to poop on the awful boy.”

  “If it was on purpose, he has fantastic aim,” James said. “Except for the places in the shop that he nailed.”

  Both Carly and Jillian gave him withering looks.

  “I’ll help clean it,” he said.

  “Good.” Jillian disappeared into the back room and came back with a tub of antiseptic wipes that she handed to James. To his credit, he said nothing but went right to work cleaning up the mess.

  Carly knelt down and held out her hand to Ike. “It’s okay, buddy. Everything is going to be all right.”

  Ike paced back and forth as if unsure. Carly felt terrible because she knew that he was still nervous and she felt like it was her fault. She never should have let that kid get near him but who’d have thought a little boy would be so mean?

  She lowered her voice and kept it soft. She kept speaking to him in her gentlest voice, trying to coax Ike from his spot on Hot Wheels’s back.

  After several almosts, he finally stepped onto her outstretched hand. Carly scratched Hot Wheels’s head before she stood and pulled Ike in close to her chest. Ike nestled his head right into her cleavage and let loose a shuddering sigh.

  James was cleaning the poop splatters off of a nearby display, and when she moved past him and caught his gaze, she noted his hazel eyes were definitely looking more blue than gray. He looked from Ike, whose head was still nestled against her chest, to her and he grinned.

  “Lucky bird,” he said.

  The mischief in his gaze was contagious and Carly couldn’t help but return his smile. They stood staring at each other until Jillian cleared her throat.

  “Bird droppings are difficult to clean when they harden,” she said. “Just sayin’. I’m taking Hot Wheels out back to chill with Saul. You okay with that?”

  “Sure,” James said. “He likes other dogs.”

  Carly turned and walked Ike back to his cage. When he climbed onto his perch, he glanced at her over his shoulder and gave her a wolf whistle. Carly laughed because she knew that meant he was going to be fine.

  James had climbed up onto a chair and was wiping off some Ike residue that had splattered the wall. Carly loved that he had pitched in to help without being asked; someone had raised this boy right.

  He had shrugged off his heavy jacket and was in just his boots, jeans, and a snug-fitting thermal. He had the perfect shape for a man. Broad shoulders, powerful arms, lean waist, and a seriously cute behind. Carly didn’t consider this ogling since she was eye level with the very feature she was pondering. As if sensing her gaze upon him, James glanced down at her.

  “Hey,” he said. “Is Ike all right?”

  “He seems to be,” she said. “Thanks for your help but you don’t have to do that. I can clean it up.”

  “It’s fine,” he said. The wicked twinkle came back into his eyes as his gaze roamed all over her just as his hands had a few nights before. “I like the view from up here.”

  Again, Carly felt her face heat up. She never blushed. Never. Why did this man affect her like this? She needed to get her equilibrium back. Now.

  “The view from down here is pretty swell, too,” she said. She tossed her hair and shifted her gaze to his rear, which was perfectly positioned for a grope.

  Now it was his turn to blush but he didn’t. Instead he hopped down from the chair so he was standing in front of her. Carly’s boots had solid heels, but they weren’t as high as her shoes had been on the night they met, and James was significantly taller than her. The top of her head reached the base of his throat and she had to crane her neck to meet his gaze.
r />   “Are you flirting with me?” he asked. His voice was a low rumble that resonated somewhere in Carly’s tailbone, making her entire body hum like a tuning fork.

  “You started it,” she said.

  “I thought you were set on doing the ‘friends’ thing, buddy,” he said.

  “I am,” she said. Then she shrugged. “It’s just kind of a new thing for me. I usually don’t see a man after I’ve slept with him, but I do enjoy flirting with my guy friends and it’s hard to shut off. You’re kind of a new category for me.”

  “I like that,” he said.

  He was too close. The familiar smell of his soap filled her senses and flipped a switch in her libido that made her want to lunge at him. Instead, she turned away. She had to get a handle on this thing between them before it spiraled out of control—again.

  She glanced out the window that overlooked the small fenced-in backyard and saw Hot Wheels cruising around the small grassy area with Saul. They looked to have become fast friends.

  “Hot Wheels really lives up to his name,” she said. She gestured to the window with her thumb and James glanced out and smiled.

  “Yeah, I nickname all of my clients,” he said. “I’ve discovered the name thing builds a rapport.”

  “What have you nicknamed Mac’s aunts?” she asked.

  “Spaghetti and Meatballs,” he said. “But, uh, not to their faces.”

  “Ha, my favorite food.” Carly hooted. She could just imagine Aunt Sarah and Aunt Charlotte reacting to that. “What do you call them to their faces?”

  “Sweet and Sassy,” he said.

  “You’re a smart cookie.”

  “I try.”

  “Will you change his name if he gets better?” she asked.

  “I don’t know. It fits while we rehab his leg,” he said. “I guess we’ll have to see how it goes. We’ve got nothing but time.”

  Carly tried not to acknowledge the aw that was swelling up inside of her. So the man cared for a dog, so what? So, it was adorable, that’s what.

  “That’s really nice of you,” she said.

  He shrugged. “I feel responsible for him.”