Letting Go (Vista Falls #3)

by Cheryl Douglas

“Well yeah, he had a room where he hung out with his friends. But—”

  “Is it irrational to hate someone I’ve never met?”

  Gabby knew where this was going and that she should stop it, but she couldn’t. Not when he was looking at her as though he intended to kiss her again. “Um, I don’t know. Maybe. Probably.”

  He backed her against the door, his palm resting against the glass above her head. “Because I do hate him. He may have been the nicest guy in the world, but I still hate him. I hate that he got to share a bed with you every night.” His head dipped as his lips grazed her temple. “I hate that you loved him. I especially hate that he got you pregnant, and I know that makes me the lowest form of life.”

  She held her breath as his lips descended on hers. There was a rawness to his kiss, a thinly veiled fury that let her know the kiss was his way of taking her back and making her forget the man whose ring she’d worn for years.

  When they finally broke apart, her hand resting on his hard chest, she whispered, “You had your chance with me. If you’d taken it, I never would have looked twice at him.”

  “And I hate that even more.” He kissed her again, roughly, pressing his body into hers until she moaned and let the towel fall to the floor. “I hate that my stupidity was the reason you ended up with him.”

  Colt was a walking contradiction. One minute he was telling her he couldn’t give her a lifelong commitment, and in the next breath, he was implying he never wanted her to be with anyone else. It was flattering and frustrating at the same time.

  “You’ve probably had dozens of women since me,” she said, knowing she likely could have doubled or tripled that number. “None ever made you want more than just casual sex?”

  He sank his perfect teeth into his lower lip as his eyes fell to her cleavage. “Only one woman made me want more than sex, and I’m lookin’ at her.”

  Every time he opened his mouth, he made her want him more, and she knew that spelled trouble for her. Big trouble. “I should get out of this wet swimsuit.”

  “You’re right. You should.” His hand grazed her hip as he toyed with the string holding her bottoms together.

  “Don’t you dare,” she warned, half wishing he would.

  “I wouldn’t do that.”

  “Yes, you would.”

  He chuckled. “You’re right, I would. But only if you wanted me to. So… do you want me to?”

  Chapter Four

  Colt knew he was crossing the line even suggesting she get naked, but that kiss had him thinking about all the naughty things he’d been dying to do with her. After that night at the inn last year, she’d left him wanting more. And it had been building every day since.

  “I can’t, Colt.”

  He shook his head slowly, pretending to understand as he stepped back. “Okay.”

  “It’s not that I don’t want to.”

  “I get it.” He was asking the impossible of her—to let him love her with no guarantee it would ever be more than that. “I’m not worth the risk. Fair enough.”

  Her eyes flashed with anger as she stepped forward, fisting her hand in his T-shirt. “I’d risk just about anything for a chance with you. A real chance. But that’s not what you’re offering me. You’re offering sex, and I’m sorry, as amazing as that is, it’s not enough.”

  It’s not enough. You’re not enough. He’d been getting that message loud and clear his whole life, so hearing her say it made something snap inside him.

  “Got it.” He clenched his jaw, crossing the foyer to the main bathroom wedged between two guest bedrooms. “You’re welcome to take that shower, warm up a bit. You’ll find anything you might need under the sink. There’s a clean towel on the back of the door. I’ll lay some sweats out on this bed for you.” He was struggling to keep his voice level, to appear unaffected by her rejection though it was eating him up.

  “So that’s it?” she asked, bending to pick up her discarded towel. “I take a shower, then you take me home?”

  “No, I’ll make us a pot of coffee, something to eat while you’re in the bathroom.”

  “That’s not what I mean, and you know it!” She padded across the hardwood floor, glaring up at him when they were toe-to-toe. “Last night you made it sound like you were willing to fight for another chance with me, to prove to me that you’d change. Today you make it sound like you’re already tired of fighting. So that’s it, huh? That’s all I’m worth to you?”

  “I can’t change who I am any more than you can.”

  “That’s a cop-out, and you know it!” Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes blazing. “People can and do change. Your biggest problem is that you’re allowing your rage to eat you up inside. You think it makes you incapable of being a good husband or father—”

  “It does!” He had a hair-trigger temper and would never forgive himself if he went off on Gabby or their children. “That’s the one thing I inherited from the old man. You don’t believe me? Ask Wes how many times I’ve torn things up at work or laid into someone because—”

  “Because you’re human. We’ve all lost our temper.”

  “Yeah, but most people don’t put their fist through a sheet of drywall or punch a steel door when they do.”

  She winced at the picture he painted, lowering her eyes and voice when she said, “If what you say is true, how come I never saw that side of you when we dated in high school?”

  “Because I had football back then. It was the one safe place where I could take out all my aggressions. Besides, you can’t tell me you don’t remember the fights I used to get into or how many times you had to step between me and some dirtbag who hit on you.”

  “Well yeah, but—”

  “It hasn’t gotten better, Gabrielle. If anything, I’ve gotten worse. So as much as I want to be with you, I can’t promise you a future. That wouldn’t be fair to you.”

  “You want to know what’s unfair?” she asked, tears filling her eyes. “That you came back here at all. That you made me want you again. That’s not fair.”

  Colt closed his eyes as Gabby slammed the bathroom door in his face. He pressed his palm to the wood, wondering if there was anything he could say or do to make her hurt go away. She was right. He hadn’t been fair coming back here, expecting to give her all he was capable of when he knew that wouldn’t be enough.

  He cursed when his cell phone rang. He would have let it go straight to voicemail, but when he saw Wes’s name flash across the screen, he was worried something was wrong. “Hey, what the hell? You’re supposed to be on your way to Curaçao by now.”

  “Slight delay. Some minor issue with the plane,” Wes explained. “Before I left, I wanted to talk to you about that Coex order. We need to make sure it’s—”

  “I’ve got everything under control! I don’t need you to hold my goddamn hand! Just go on your honeymoon!”

  “Hey, hey, what the hell? Why are you biting my head off?”

  Colt sighed as he made his way to one of the two leather sofas in the great room. He stared out at the lake, something that had once given him so much pleasure. It had become the place he hated most because it forced him to be alone with his thoughts.

  “I’m sorry. It’s not you. It’s…” Me. It’s always me. “It’s just that I’ve got Gabby here, and we kind of got into it again.”

  “What happened?”

  “We’re not doing this now, man. You’re going on your honeymoon. You’re going to enjoy your beautiful new wife and forget me and my problems for a while.”

  “You’ve been trying to shut me out for the last year, ever since you moved back to Houston.” When Colt sighed, Wes asked, “You didn’t think I noticed? Sure, we talked every day—about business. But every time I asked how you were, you cut me off, changed the subject, found some reason to get off the phone.”

  He’d been doing Wes a favor. His best friend was finally getting the life he deserved with his son and the woman he loved. Colt didn’t want to bring him down. “You shoul
d be thanking me for that, not complaining.”

  “You’ve been there for me through everything, Colt. Losing Sage the first time, the adoption, my dad dying−all of it. So when are you going to let me be there for you?”

  Wes had been more of a brother to him than anyone, and that’s why he’d always tried to protect him by keeping him at a safe distance. “I’m not sure I belong here.” He leaned forward, dropping his head in his hand. “I’m not sure I belong anywhere.”

  “What? Where is this coming from? I thought you felt good about being back. You said Vista Falls was your home and you were ready to face your past so you could—”

  “You know me. Better than anyone. Would you trust me with your sister?”

  “What?”

  “You heard me. You’ve seen me blow up. Sometimes it’s provoked; other times it’s not. So answer the question. Would you trust me to be in a relationship with your kid sister?”

  Wes’s silence spoke volumes.

  “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

  “That’s not a fair question,” Wes said. “Sure, you have a temper, but I know you’re a good guy. Are you the right guy for my sister? No, of course not. But I’ve always felt you were the right man for Gabby, and I do love her like a sister.”

  “What if I hurt her?” He’d never hurt her physically, but the emotional damage he could do would be as bad if not worse. He didn’t think he could ever forgive himself for losing it with her. “Or scare her? What if I blow up at her?”

  “That’s why you don’t want to be with her?” Wes asked, sounding confused. “Because you’re afraid you’ll lose your temper? Sure, you will. We all do. That’s part of being human.”

  “Yeah, but when you lose your temper, you slam a door. When I lose my temper, I put my fist through the door.” He’d broken so many bones during his tirades he’d lost count.

  “Have you told Gabby that’s the reason you don’t want to be with her?”

  Wes made it sound as if Colt had a choice. He didn’t. Being with Gabby wasn’t an option as long as he had these demons raging inside him. “I’m a loose cannon. We both know that. I can’t risk being around her when I explode.”

  “Why? You’re afraid to let her see you at your worst?”

  “It’s more than that, man.” He ran a shaky hand over his head. “I can’t fix this thing. You know I’ve tried.” He’d even gone to anger management classes− to no avail.

  “Then I don’t get it. What was all that talk about getting Gabby back the other night?”

  “I do want to be with her, but I can’t…” He thought of all the things he wanted with Gabby, all the things he’d never have because it was too risky. “You know, live with her or anything. Can you imagine me being with someone twenty-four-seven? I’d lose it for sure.”

  “I don’t know about that. We’ve spent a lot of time together over the years, and you haven’t bashed my skull in yet.”

  “Wes, this isn’t funny.”

  “I know, buddy. I know.” Wes sighed. “But I think you’re selling yourself short. Being in a relationship with Gabby could be exactly what you need.” He chuckled. “Maybe then the kinder, gentler Colt would come out. You wouldn’t have all this repressed rage ‘cause you’d finally have the one thing you’ve always wanted—Gabby.”

  Was it possible that was a big part of his anger was due to his inability to be with the only woman he’d ever loved? No. Wes was oversimplifying, trying to make him feel better.

  “Thanks for the talk, but you gotta go. Give your beautiful bride a kiss for me, and don’t worry about work. You know I’ll hold down the fort while you’re gone.”

  “Yeah, I know… do me a favor though?”

  “Sure, what’s that?”

  “Don’t close and lock the door on Gabby. You’ll be sorry if you do.”

  He glanced at the closed bathroom door and muttered, “I think it may be too late. The decision’s probably out of my hands by now.”

  ***

  “Thanks for bringing me home,” Gabby said, reaching for the door handle in Colt’s truck.

  Since the wedding party had taken a limo to the inn from Sage’s house, Gabby didn’t have her car, and Colt had offered to drive her home. Given the choice, she would have walked. But ten miles may have been pushing it in flip-flops.

  He turned to face her, looking miserable as he ran a lock of her hair through his fingers. “I’m sorry, Gab.”

  “Yeah, so you’ve said.” She didn’t want to hear his apologies. She couldn’t even stand to hear the sound of his voice anymore. It hurt too much.

  “If there was any way for us to work it out…”

  But of course he believed there wasn’t. It didn’t matter what she said or how convinced she was that they could make it work. He didn’t believe it was possible, and she refused to waste any more of her life fighting for a relationship. She’d done that with her husband and still walked away alone.

  Colt looked out his window when a familiar blue truck pulled up to the curb and parked in front of her house. “Who’s that?”

  “Dave.”

  “What the hell is he doing here?” Colt asked, glaring at the truck. “I thought you told him you were done with him?”

  “Actually, he told me he was done with me because he suspected I still had feelings for you. He probably came to talk to me, to make sure that I’m not making a mistake by giving my heart to you when it would be much safer with him.”

  When she picked up her purse to get out of the truck, he looked panicked and curled his hand around her wrist. “Wait! You’re not going back to him, are you?”

  He had a wild look in his eyes, and she feared that ugly temper he’d spoken of was about to surface. “Dave and I were friends before we started dating, and we’ll be friends after.” She pulled her hand back, forcing him to release her. “We live in a small town. Our paths are bound to cross. I’m sure he just wants to make sure things won’t be awkward when they do.”

  “He wants you back.” Colt curled his hand around the steering wheel, the hatred in his eyes obvious as he stared at the figure in the other truck. “Even if you’d slept with me last night, he still would have taken you back today. How desperate is he?”

  “I’m not going to listen to this.” She jumped out of the truck.

  Colt did the same, making her question his intentions. The last thing she needed was a scene in front of her neighbors.

  Reaching into the backseat for her suitcase, she said, “Please, just go home.”

  He met her around the rear of his truck, staring at Dave and obviously waiting for him to make a move. “I can’t. I can’t leave you alone here with him.”

  “Why not?” He wasn’t making any sense, and his irrationality was starting to worry her.

  “Because he’ll try to convince you he’s the right man for you.” Colt curled his hand around his tailgate. “And he’s not. We both know he’s not.”

  “The only thing I know for sure right now is that I’m tired and I want to go inside.”

  “Not with him, you’re not.” Colt stepped in front of her, blocking her path. “I’m staying until he leaves.”

  Obviously realizing he couldn’t sit in his truck any longer, Dave poked his head out. “Hey, Gabby. I was hoping we could talk. But if this isn’t a good time—”

  “It isn’t,” Colt said, glaring at Dave.

  “I can speak for myself,” Gabby said, curling her hand around the handle of her suitcase as she considered all the things she would have said to Colt if they weren’t standing in the middle of the street. “And it’s fine, Dave. Come on in.”

  She knew inviting Dave in was the only way she’d get rid of Colt, and she couldn’t handle listening to him any longer. He’d made it clear. They didn’t stand a chance, so that meant he didn’t get a vote on who she spent time with.

  “You need to go now,” she said to Colt as Dave lingered by his truck. “I have to talk to Dave. I’m not comfortable with
the way we left things last night, and I owe it to him to—”

  “You’re doing this to punish me, aren’t you?”

  “What?”

  He looked enraged, and Gabby questioned whether she’d downplayed the significance his temper could play in their relationship. Maybe he was right. Maybe he was too volatile for a real relationship.

  “You want me to leave here wondering what the hell you’re doing here with him.” He stepped in closer, his voice a harsh whisper. “You want me to make myself crazy imagining you sleeping with him.”

  “You’re—” Crazy. The word was on the tip of her tongue until she remembered everyone in town had always called his father crazy because of his irrational rage and public temper tantrums. “You’re out of line. You don’t know what goes on between Dave and me behind closed doors, and you don’t have the right to know.” She squared her shoulders, looking him in the eye. “You made it clear you can’t be with me. You don’t even want to try. So what, you want me to sacrifice the rest of my life wanting someone I can’t have? Sorry, not gonna happen.”

  He stepped back, looking agitated as he ran a shaky hand over his head then clasped both hands behind his neck. “Fine! You want him? Be my guest.”

  Gabby took a deep breath as she watched him get back into his truck, slam the door, and peel out of her driveway as though a raging inferno was licking at his tires.

  “I’m sorry about that,” Gabby said to Dave as he slowly approached.

  “Are you okay?” he asked, frowning as he watched Colt’s truck disappear.

  “I will be.” With a tight smile, she said, “Come on inside. I don’t know about you, but I could really use a drink.”

  Dave took her suitcase before following her up the steps to the wraparound front porch that had sold Gabby and her husband on the small bungalow five years ago.

  “Can I assume you’re back with him?” Dave asked quietly as she fit the key in the lock.

  “No, definitely not.” And after the temper he’d displayed today, she wasn’t even sure she would take him back given the chance. She stepped inside, holding the door open for Dave. “Colt has issues. We all do, I guess. But his are just more than most.”