by Caia Daniels
I’m so damned confused.
As my heart argues with my head, Alec makes his move. Leaning closer, he touches his lips to mine, softly. Slowly. Passionately and deliberately.
Pulling back, we open our eyes at the same time.
His say something much different than mine; Alec’s whisper ‘I love you’ while mine scream ‘What the fuck am I doing’?
“It’s not the same without you here.”
“What is happening?” I pull away, accidentally bumping back into Luc, waking him up. “What about Luc?”
“What about him?” Alec lifts my chin with his fingertips gently, forcing me to gaze into his eyes.
“What about me?” Luc tightens his grip around my waist and turns me so I’m lying on my back now.
Luc leans up onto his elbows and runs his fingertips across my jaw, then cups my cheeks. “I’ve waited more than two years for this.”
What the hell kind of universe am I living in?
Luc leans down, and he kisses me. A gentle, loving kiss. Not one between friends. He pulls back and sits up, still holding my cheeks.
“I’ve missed you so badly. I want you to come home.” He continues staring, his gaze mesmerizing me. “For good.”
He kisses me again, this time, exploring my lips delectably slow, then more passionately, lovingly.
And I let him.
Couldn’t stop him if I wanted to… which I don’t.
My heart picks up its pace. Butterflies flutter in my belly and goose bumps race across my sensitive skin.
Something clicks.
Something feels... different. Natural, even.
Luc pulls back, still hovering over me. Smiling.
Alec leans over beside Luc and sets his hands on my hips, his breaths breeze over my neck.
“Merlot LaRue.” Alec lightly runs a finger over my cheek, his gaze burning into my soul. “We want you to come home,” he whispers. “Both of us.”
“I don’t understand.” I press my lips closed and pull away, with nowhere to go, I sit up and lean back against the headboard, pulling the comforter up over my chest.
Alec and Luc sit up beside me. Staring hard, their gazes bore into me, overwhelming me to a point that I don’t quite know what to think. How to feel.
How could I do this to them? And me.
This could only end bloody for me. At least they have each other. If this turns bad, I’m the third wheel and all alone. No, this won’t work.
If it was just about sex, maybe occasionally that could be fun, but that’s not what this is to them.
At least I don’t think so.
It certainly isn’t just sex for me, which I now realize how complicated this could become.
“What are you asking, exactly?” I glance at Luc. “I don’t...”
“It’s not the same without you here, love.” Alec pushes my hair away from my cheeks. “And now that you and Jamie have called it quits, we can finally make things right between us.”
“What does that mean?”
“Move in.” Luc rests his palm on my cheek. “With us.”
“So—roommates?” I know that’s not what they mean, but this whole thing just feels weird all of a sudden. Are they serious? I run my fingers through my hair. “You want me to share a place with you?”
My heart pounds waiting for their answer.
“Well, yeah.” Luc smiles. “But more.”
“More?” I narrow my eyes, a flush heating my cheeks.
“We love you, Merlot. Always have. It’s not the same without you. And having you here, right now? It just feels right. Sleeping with you between us? It’s right. You belong here.”
I certainly understand what they mean. How this feels.
But how can I do this to them? Would I come between them?
“So, you want me to move in and we, what? Have sex on occasion?” The further into this conversation we go, the more confused I become. “I mean, you guys are gay.”
Luc and Alec laugh. And not just a little but full on belly laughs.
“We’re not gay, Mer. We’re bi. We still want a woman.” Alec rests his hand along my cheek. “We want you.”
“Do you know why I left in the first place?” I narrow my eyes, pulling away. “Because you two needed to find each other. Without me. I don’t think coming back here is good for any of us.”
“For us, or for you?” Luc asks.
For a quick moment, the idea thrusts through my mind. What this is, what they’re asking of me. If they mean it. But just as fast as it comes, it disappears.
I left for a reason. And after I left, they found their rhythm. And seeing them together, their relationship – their love. It’s stronger than ever. How could adding me back to the mix be any good for any of us?
No. Leaving was the right thing to do.
Then and now.
“Not for me. For you.”
Taking a bated breath, I crawl out past them and climb out of bed, then leave their bedroom and head to the bathroom where I left my clothes. After a quick clean up at the sink, I dress quickly, then go in search of my purse.
Considering what’s going through my heart and head at this moment, I need to leave quickly. Before I change my mind–before I start thinking ridiculous things like the guys are.
Moving back in with them would be a mistake. Last night was a mistake.
Alec and Luc come out dressed while I’m sitting on their couch, trying to set up an Uber.
“What’s your address?” I stop for a moment and glance up at them both. “I need to go home.”
Luc sits beside me and sets his hand on my knee.
“No, Luc. Please don’t. We…” I swallow. “I can’t do this.”
Alec crouches in front of me, taking my phone and setting it aside. He grabs my hands and holds them firmly. “Look at me, love.”
I blow out a resigned breath then peer into his pleading eyes.
“What’s going on?” Alec asks. “Talk to me. To us.”
I glance over to Luc, then back to Alec. “This is all just too much. This whole night was a mistake.”
“No, baby.” Alec runs his hand along my cheek. “We’re not a mistake.”
“I can’t come between you two again.”
“You won’t,” Luc says. “Can’t you see that?”
“No,” I say firmly. “I don’t.”
I pull free from Alec’s grip and stand. “What’s your address?”
Alec stands. “I’ll take care of it. Talk to Luc.” He picks up his phone and disappears out of the room, leaving me beside my best friend.
“What are you afraid of?” Luc grabs my hand and pulls me to sit back down beside him.
“I love you, Luc. I love both of you.” I take a breath then chance a glance at him. “I’ve loved you all my life. But I finally accepted that your heart belongs to Alec. I told myself I’d never interfere in that again. I can’t get between you two. Moving in here would be bad on so many levels. And not just for you, but for me, too.”
Luc reaches for my hand and holds it, sitting quietly for a moment, debating something.
“See, that’s the thing.” Luc reaches for my other hand. “My heart doesn’t just belong to Alec. It belongs to you, too. It always has.”
“I don’t even understand how that’s possible.
Luc shrugs. “It just is. Monogamy is a social construct. I mean, there are billions of people in the world, why is it impossible to think anyone can’t love more than one person?”
I glance over to him. “So this isn’t just about sex?”
Luc straightens his shoulders, and his eyes soften. “Of course not. In fact, this has a lot less to do with sex than you think. Don’t get me wrong, I mean, threesome sex is awesome, but no. That’s not what this is about.”
I blew out a breath, relaxing a little. This whole thing still confused the hell out of me. “I just don’t know. I need time to process all this. I need to go home.”
“Are you sure it�
��s safe?”
“Probably.” I shrug, rolling my eyes. “Other than being an asshole, Jamie’s mostly harmless. Just doesn’t take ‘go away’ very well.”
“I think you should consider filing a restraining order.”
“I seriously doubt that’ll do any good.”
“I don’t care,” he says. “We’re going to find out what it takes to file one. It’ll make me feel better. It’s that or you’re staying here until dipshit gets the message. Your choice.”
“Fine.” I scoff. “I’ll call around and ask.”
Alec walks in then. “Got you a cab, it’ll be here in a few minutes.” He steps up then crouches down in front of me. “I’m sorry if we were out of line. We miss you. And we want you to come home. Please. Just think about it.” He sets his hand on my cheek. “We want you to be happy.”
Nodding, I give a weak smile.
“Okay.” I pull away slowly and avoid Alec’s gaze–not out of sadness or fear, but self-preservation. If I don’t, I’ll never be able to leave. “I, uh—have auditions this week, and I need to stay focused. This is bad timing.”
I put on my coat and throw my bag over my shoulder, preparing to head out.
“Hey. If that douchebag comes anywhere near you, I better know about it.” Luc crosses his arms over his chest, eyes narrowing as he stands. “I’ll hunt his ass down.”
“Cab’s here,” Alec says. “Want one of us to see you home?”
“No, I’ll be fine. I just need some time.” I walk to the door and grab the doorknob. Stopping for a moment, I close my eyes and take a breath then turn around to face them. “I miss you, too. And—I do love you. Both of you.” I look between them. “I just… don’t know how this could work.”
Alec takes a step toward me, but Luc pulls him back.
“I know.” Luc nods. “You need time. I… we understand that. Take all the time you need. We love you too, baby. Call us when you get home.”
I nod, taking a breath as I open the door.
“Hey.” Luc takes a step forward but stops. “What are you doing Valentine’s Day?”
“Um.” I purse my lips.
“Save the date.”
I narrow my eyes, wondering what they have planned. Valentine’s Day was never a favorite of mine, not sure I really want to be a third wheel.
“I don’t know, I don’t—”
Alec raises an eyebrow and crosses his arms over his broad chest.
“Fuck.” I blink, grumbling beneath my breath. “Fine.”
“Promise?” Luc’s peering over to Alec who’s sporting a wicked ‘I have plans for you’ grin.
I exhale loudly. “Yeah, okay.”
What the hell are they thinking?
Hopefully whatever it is won’t hurt... much.
5
Merlot
The next few days fly by auditioning for musicals, commercials, pilots, and soap operas. Any place I could get work.
My agent hasn’t been very successful, and money was tightening by the day. Perhaps it’s time for a new agent. Or a new career.
The sun is beginning to set as I push through the glass doors of my three-story building.
It’s Friday, a little more than a week before Valentine’s Day and so far, no hints as to what Alec and Luc are up to.
Thankfully, there’s been no sign of Jamie, either.
Of course, he’d been blowing up my phone with voicemails and texts until he called from an unknown number, and I accidentally answered hoping it was a callback.
All it took was the threat of a restraining order, and the calls and texts stopped.
Thank the gods.
Normally, playing a high maintenance bitch isn’t my thing. After all, it was me who broke off the engagement but seriously, what did the man expect? He’d slept with our dancers on tour. More than one and more than once.
Alec and Luc had been right about Jamie all along, I really should’ve listened to them.
The guy really is a douchebag. Jamie doesn’t even try to deny it, just says ‘get over it’, which is all it took for me to rip off the gaudy trophy ring he bought and chuck it in his face.
My heels shuffle as I stop at the silver mailboxes lining the foyer of my building. I’d only had my mail forwarded a few weeks ago, so I’m really not expecting much.
I pop in the key and open up the small slot. Inside is a satiny red envelope tied with an ivory ribbon.
Pretty.
The return address reads Scandal in the Hamptons. Sounds vaguely familiar? Though I’ve only ever been to the Hamptons once, and it wasn’t scandalous whatsoever.
I push the envelope into my bag and drag myself up the stairs.
It’s been a really long day, and my feet are killing me in these heels which makes the scaling journey treacherous. While I play the part of an aspiring actress by day, I’m really more a jeans and T-shirt kind of girl.
My mom sure did miss the mark naming me after a classy wine. Especially since I’d take a cold beer and bar food over fine wine and dining any day.
Sure, I enjoy that stuff, but at the heart of it all, I’m a suburban girl who likes my free time wearing PJs, binging on Netflix or reading smutty romance novels.
Managing to drag my tired ass up the three flights of stairs to my apartment, I then spend another few minutes changing into PJs before crawling into my bed, pulling up the covers, and turning on the TV.
After twenty minutes of channel surfing, I can’t find anything I really want to watch.
Been home half an hour and already bored as hell.
Being alone is a huge change from being on the road with Broadway wannabees all up in my ass. I’d never lived completely alone before. After I moved out of Luc and Alec’s place, I had a couple roomies before I went on tour so this is, for all intents and purposes, my very first big-girl apartment.
If I’m being honest, I’m actually a little lonely.
Letting out a sigh, I curl up in my bed, which doesn’t compare to Luc and Alec’s, and stare at the ceiling fan spinning over my head when my phone chimes from the other room.
“Fuck.”
Must’ve left it in my purse, which I dropped on the kitchen counter and didn’t bother bringing in here with me.
My head is starting to hurt a little from the change in weather outside, so I shut off the TV and close my eyes, listening to the fan making tiny clinking noises as the chain pull string spins in tiny circles.
Another chime goes off from my phone.
Another.
And another.
Times six.
“What the hell.” I huff. Peeling myself up from the bed, I reluctantly drag myself to my feet and meander from my room to the kitchen and pull out the phone from my bag.
There are texts from Luc and Alec both:
Luc:Hey baby girl. What’s up?
Alec:Hello, love.
Luc:Yo. What up?
Luc: Waaazzzz Uuuuuuppp?
Luc:Hellloooooo????
Alec:Come see us. We miss you.
Letting out a giggle, I type out a text.
Merlot:I was trying to Netflix and chill. Thanks for the interruption.
Luc:With who???
Merlot:I’m kidding. Jesus. Relax. *eye roll*
Alec:Ha ha. Very funny. Not.
Merlot:Sorry—not sorry.
Luc:What’s up, beautiful?
Merlot:Just relaxing. You?
Luc: Missing our girl. Feel up for dinner tonight? Alec’s working, figured we’d go crash.
Alec:Yes, please. I gotta get back to work. COME.
Merlot:Meh, IDK. Been a long day.
Luc:C’mon, you gotta eat.
I blow out a breath, trying to decide if I feel like going back out tonight, but it’s only a little after five.
Luc:Our treat. I’ll even give you a foot rub under the table. ;-)
And that sealed the deal. A second later, my stomach growled. Okay, so I’m hungry. When did I eat last? Racking my brain, I realize
I haven’t. At all. Shit. Considering that, and Alec still hasn’t cooked for me since returning from Italy. Although I was ignoring them on purpose while I consider their proposal. Taking a break. This could definitely throw a monkey wrench in that plan.
Luc:C’mon, beautiful. Let me treat you to dinner.
“Fine.” Saying no to Luc isn’t in my wheelhouse.
Merlot:Okay. What kind of place does he work at again? I don’t have to dress up, do I?
Luc:Nah.
Merlot:Okay. Come get me in two hours, I need to soak this off first.
Luc:Yaaaassss!!! See you soon, gorgeous.
Though I’m not really feeling like going back out, I clearly need to eat, so whatever. My audible sigh echoes through the empty apartment as I pick up my bag and toss it on the couch when I walk past, then make my way to the bathroom.
I bite my lip while reaching for the faucet then turn on the water to run myself a bath. While the tub fills, I undress and pull my thick hair up into a messy bun, so I don’t have to fool with it later.
There were perks to being on tour – one being that someone was always there to take care of my hair. Something I’ve never been very good at, which is why having friends like Addison Pratt, who happens to be a stylist, comes in handy.
Finally, the tub is full so I step in and lie back, letting out an audible, comforting breath.
The heat feels amazing.
Relaxing while enveloped in loads of steamy bubbles is magnificent, although my tub doesn’t hold a candle to Luc and Alec’s. I could get used to that bathroom of theirs. And their apartment.
Setting aside my existential crises turns out easier than I expect once I open up my book app and read a couple chapters from my favorite romantic suspense author’s new book.
After a hot sex scene, I put down my phone and then close my eyes, allowing the bubbles to take me away from my reality for just a little while longer.
Not that I’m complaining. My reality isn’t bad by any means, just so damned complicated.
How can loving two men work? Maybe in the steamy romance books I love so much, but not in my world.
