Un-fur-tunate Murders

by Harper Lin

  “But what do they all mean? What were they trying to get? Money?” I looked to my aunt.

  “That’s all I can think of. Maybe Archie Jones was a wealthier man than we all knew.”

  “So who owns his land now that he’s dead? He wasn’t married.”

  “I don’t know.” My aunt gave me a sideways glance. “Maybe we should take a drive out there and see. Maybe one of us would like to buy a farm.”

  “Aunt Astrid, the last time we pretended to be interested in buying property, it was the Prestwick house, and that didn’t turn out all that well, did it?”

  My heart twinged at the thought of that house. It was where Blake Samberg realized I was just too weird for him.

  “Point taken.” She put her hand in mine. She knew that experience had left the deepest wound on me, and it hadn’t completely healed yet. She smoothed my ponytail and then scooted her chair out. “Then let’s just go snooping and see what we see.”

  Lunatic Farmers

  Getting to the late Archie Jones’s farmhouse was an adventure in itself. There were half a dozen gravel roads that snuck through cornfields and patches of forest running along the back side of Wonder Falls proper. Driving down these roads made me feel as though we were sneaking up on the place. The good part was no one saw us. The bad part was no one saw us.

  “I have no idea where I’m at.” I stared out the windshield, positive I had seen that exact same row of corn ten minutes ago.

  “Don’t worry. I can see where we are.” My aunt certainly saw different landmarks and scenery than I did. From the look on her face, I could tell she wasn’t all that keen on the neighborhood. “But when I say it’s time to go, no questions.”

  I let out a deep breath and hit the gas. The grumble of the gravel underneath my car was loud and made the same sound in my ears as when I ate my favorite cereal, Cap’n Crunch.

  Finally, a tiny house of red brick and white stucco appeared off a long gravel driveway up a hill. Wild and unruly bushes and shrubs flanked the house on all sides. The trees also hung dangerously low to the roof, which had broken twigs collecting on it. A few sprouts were peeking from the gutters, which obviously hadn’t been cleaned for a while.

  “What the heck?” I stopped the car and looked at the sad state of the house. “It looks like no one has lived here for at least a year.”

  When the engine cut off, I opened the door and listened. Birds. An airplane overhead. Sounds. I got out and looked at my aunt, who stared at the house intently.

  She took her steps as she always did, slowly and with careful deliberation. Some people might think she was handicapped or in some kind of pain and that was what made her move so slowly. The truth was that she had to maneuver between several dimensions at once.

  “This is a mess,” she said. “This whole place is just a mess.” She pointed to the roof and the ground, but I knew she was seeing more than me.

  “I’m going to look inside.” I walked up to the windows, which were all free of curtains or blinds of any kind. Inside, the entire place was empty. There wasn’t a single piece of furniture or picture on the wall, and as I looked in the kitchen window around the side of the house, I saw that there wasn’t even a bar of soap left behind. Usually, there was something to indicate someone had been there recently. But not here.

  “It is empty. Like a Dunkin Donuts box in a kindergarten classroom.” I pointed to the window. “And it looks like it’s been empty for longer than three days. Do you think Archie moved out and then killed himself?”

  “Hey!” came a very angry voice from behind us. We spun around to see a man in dirty brown pants and a gray-and-blue flannel shirt come stomping toward us. “What are you doing up here?”

  “I’m sorry.” My aunt spoke up, squinting at the man while waving a friendly hello. “My name is Astrid Greenstone, and this is my niece, Cath. We were friends of the late Archie…”

  “I don’t care who you are,” he growled. “This here is private property.”

  “We were friends of Archie Jones and wondering….” My explanation was cut short as a huge black pickup with massive black wheels skidded to a halt behind my car. It looked as if it had made it through a landmine and made my beater look like a Hot Wheels version next to a Tonka Truck. The driver hopped out of the car, leaving the engine rumbling, and stomped up to stand next to the guy yelling at us.

  “Did you know Archie?” I asked innocently, looking between the two men.

  “I’m going to tell you this one thing, girlie-girl. You get back in your car, and you two get off my property.” He pulled his shirt aside to reveal the biggest hunting knife I had ever seen in my life. I swallowed hard, took my aunt by her hand, and quickly led her to my car. We climbed in, and before I even shut my door, the engine was running and the car was in drive.

  With the gravel driveway being wide enough for my little car, I turned around and carefully drove off the property, respectful not to kick up the gravel at the men standing there. I had to go into the grass a little to avoid hitting the truck, not that any damage would have been noticed among the dirt and dents already there.

  “What in the world was that about?” I gasped as we pulled back onto the gravel road that got us there. Before I could relax, I looked in the rearview mirror to see the giant truck quickly following behind us. “Looks like we’re getting an escort.”

  “This is bad.” My aunt grasped the door handle with one hand and braced her other hand on the dashboard. “Can you go any faster?”

  “I could probably get up to eighty miles an hour, but I think I’d lose control and dump us over into the ditch if I tried.”

  The truck revved its engine and lurched dangerously close to my rear bumper. He honked his horn, an obnoxiously loud barking sound that reverberated in my chest. I could see him laughing inside the cab and bouncing in his seat as if this were the most fun.

  Part of me wanted to slam on the brakes and let him plow into my car. I’d see how long that smile stayed on his face. But with Aunt Astrid sitting next to me, it was impossible. Plus the fact that that truck, with its steel grille and giant tires, would probably plow right over me, crushing my only mode of transportation, with me inside. If the guy was willing to threaten a woman with a weapon, he would have no problem with a hit and run.

  “What is wrong with this guy?” I whined. “How far does he plan on chasing us?”

  As if he heard what I said, the guy slammed on the monster truck’s brakes, and it quickly became smaller and smaller in the rearview mirror. I felt my shoulders relax, then my breathing came out in deep gasps, and my hands loosened on the steering wheel. Stretching them, I heard them crack as I flexed my poor fingers.

  “Aunt Astrid?”

  “Yes, dear?” My aunt’s tone was almost funny.

  “What did you see while we were there?” I waited as my aunt looked into her hands for a moment. Her jaw moved as if she was about to say something but then thought maybe not, but reconsidered again. I looked at the road, which had finally become asphalt, and relaxed even more at the sight of another car passing us in the opposite direction.

  “Aunt Astrid?” I patted her leg. “Are you all right?”

  “This is worse than I thought.” She chuckled nervously. “I wasn’t prepared for what I saw. Nor was I prepared for those two gentlemen back there.”

  “Who could have seen that coming?” I almost laughed. “Lunatic hillbillies are only in movies. Honestly, I don’t even know if you’d call them hillbillies. Lunatic farmers? Overseers? What were they doing at Archie’s place? They said it was private property. Do you think Archie was related to those guys? Maybe they were the ones who emptied out his house.”

  “That house was empty for a lot longer than three days.” My aunt kneaded her hands. “What was I thinking suggesting we come up here?”

  “Aunt Astrid, it’s okay. No harm. No foul.” I tried to soothe her, but something else was the matter, and she wasn’t ready to tell me what it was. “Do you want t
o go back to the café? Maybe you need Bea.”

  “No.” She spat the word quickly. “Cath, please take me home.”

  I nodded and didn’t push. But I don’t need to explain that this had me not just worried about my aunt but also angry that two men put her in such a state. If she wasn’t ready to talk to Bea, I was.

  Speak of the Devil

  “Jake is going to stop by in a little while.” Bea tossed a chickpea-and-spinach salad with tiny chopped tomatoes, shavings of aged Parmesan cheese, and rye croutons. It was a hit with the café patrons. Even I thought it was a nice bowl to try.

  But I could tell by her voice she was angry.

  “What for?” I asked.

  “To tell us if those men who chased you had any prior convictions or records. If they are violent people, if criminal behavior is in their past, you can bet we won’t be going back up that way without our own protection.”

  I looked at my aunt, who looked much better than she had yesterday after our ordeal with the mad farmers. But even though the color was back in her cheeks and her eyes twinkled like usual, she wasn’t saying much. She still hadn’t told Bea or me what she had seen at the house. I guessed she was just waiting for the right moment. Maybe she was even waiting for some kind of sign or a tip from one of her alternate dimensions.

  “Speak of the devil.” Aunt Astrid pointed to the door. Setting off the tinkling wind-chime bells at the door were Jake and his partner, Blake. I wasn’t expecting both of them and had hoped Jake would come alone. Thankfully, a familiar fuzziness rubbed up against my leg. I looked down to see Treacle had slunk in through the back door by the kitchen and come to see me.

  “What brings you around?” I extended my arms to him, and he jumped up into them.

  “It’s quiet in town. Nothing much is going on.” He bumped his head affectionately on my chin then squirmed out of my arms and onto the table I was standing next to. I let him go but was thankful he stayed close enough for me to divert my eyes from Blake if necessary.

  Of course, Blake showed up in his no-nonsense suit and shined shoes, looking all dapper and handsome. Wasn’t it just like him to do something so mean.

  “Hey, Bea.” Jake leaned over the counter, giving his wife an affectionate kiss before greeting the rest of us. “Greenstones.” He smiled broadly.

  “Hello, Jake. Detective Samberg, you’re looking well.” Aunt Astrid folded her arms over her chest.

  “Thank you, Astrid. You, too.” He looked over at me, but suddenly, Treacle had become the object of my undivided interest. I didn’t dare look at him for fear I might just burst into tears right there.

  “So.” Bea saved the day by piping up immediately. “Did you find out anything?”

  “Those fellows you described are Otto and Leland Clare. They are a couple of odd birds. Father and son. But we’ve got no files on them. By all accounts, they are just territorial.” Jake looked at Aunt Astrid and me with his eyebrows raised. “Probably just didn’t like people on his property.”

  “We weren’t on his property.” Aunt Astrid spoke firmly. “We went to see Archie Jones’s place. He owned those couple of acres, didn’t he?”

  “He did for a short while.” Blake spoke while withdrawing his annoying little notebook out of his inside jacket pocket. “But the Clares bought it after Archie died.”

  “Sounds like they were studying the obituaries, waiting for that to happen,” I blurted out, looking at Bea and Jake. “Isn’t that a little weird?”

  “Weird, maybe. But not against the law,” Blake stated in that annoying know-it-all tone he used with me.

  The words why don’t you shut up surfaced in my mouth. They tasted like sweet strawberries, so help me they did. But I didn’t say them. Instead, I looked at Aunt Astrid, who looked at me knowingly. I was not sure if it was because we encountered something different at that property than what Jake and Blake were reporting to us or because she knew I wanted to tell Blake where the door was.

  As she was about to speak, the door opened up, and everything in the Brew-Ha-Ha changed.

  “Hello, ladies!” came the deep and soothing voice of Tom Warner. He was in his uniform, looking handsome and confident. My cheeks went up in flames, and I couldn’t stop my lips from smiling.

  “Officer Warner.” Bea also smiled and waved. “Where have you been hiding?”

  “Believe me,” he cooed, knowing he was such a hit with all the Greenstone women, “I’d have been around a lot more if Cath would let me.” He looked at me with those incredible eyes and winked. I shook my head.

  “What are you talking about?” I said. “You can come by any time you like. It’s a free country.”

  He came sauntering up to me, making quite a spectacle, and struck a typical policeman pose, with his hands resting on his utility belt and his weight on his right foot.

  “You were right, Aunt Astrid.” He looked to her. “I guess all I had to do was ask.”

  I glared at my aunt, who giggled, doing nothing but encouraging Tom to be even bolder.

  The truth was, I really liked Tom. We had met at the Muskox Serenity Spa and Retreat Center when there was a mysterious murder and astral spiders. He was making a scene today just to be funny, but he had a quiet confidence about him. Most importantly, he was very open minded.

  Of course, I didn’t tell him everything about my background, the paranormal experiences that one if not all of us Greenstones have on a daily basis, or the truly scary things that have happened to us, to me. But he wasn’t afraid of the things I’d shared with him so far. My family liked him. That was important, too.

  “Quit flirting with my aunt.” I folded my arms over my chest. Without hesitating, Tom came up and began to pet Treacle on the head. Both toms seemed to have developed a mutual affection for each other, but I couldn’t say when that happened.

  “You, too, Treacle?” I shook my head at the feline, who purred loudly.

  “He’s a good one, Cath. I can’t help myself.” The purring was so loud it vibrated the table.

  “What brings you to this part of town?” I rocked back and forth on my heels.

  “I was hoping you might be free tonight. We could take in a movie and get something to eat.” He had no shame. The guy was not afraid to say what he wanted in front of everyone. I wasn’t used to this kind of brazen behavior, but I did like how it left no room for interpretation.

  “Yeah. That sounds nice.” I let out my breath. “Hey, question for you. Have you ever had any dealings with a couple of guys... What are their names again?” I looked at Jake, but Blake answered.

  “Otto and Leland Clare,” Blake muttered. “But as we said, we have no…”

  “The Clares? Good grief. What have they done now?”

  I looked at Tom, wide eyed.

  “You’ve heard of these guys?” I put my hand on Tom’s strong bicep and felt him flex underneath his shirt. What a ham. How I enjoyed him.

  “Not as much as we used to.” Tom turned to face everyone in the café. “You boys probably don’t have much on them. I think only about three acres of their one hundred and forty acres fall on Wonder Falls proper. We’ve got a file on them over three inches thick.”

  Jake’s eyes widened. Blake put away his notebook and looked intently at Tom.

  “What have they done?” Bea put her hand to her throat.

  “Well, I couldn’t say exactly without looking in the file. But I know for the years I’ve been on the force we’ve been out to their farm many times because one of their neighbors has called us out there. The calls are for one of two things. Either the elder Otto Clare is trespassing on the neighboring farms, or they’ve been starving their livestock.”

  “What?” I gasped.

  Tom nodded, his eyebrows coming together.

  “It’s terrible,” he said. Looking around the café, he lowered his voice so as not to disturb the patrons that were busy eating, drinking, and texting. He took me by the hand and pulled me along with him closer to my aunt. “We’ve
removed horses, dogs, cats—all of them in various stages of starvation—on at least three occasions. They try and chew their way out of the barn he locks them in. The dogs and cats are in cages in the house. Most of them have to be put down once a rescue team arrives.”

  “Why does he do this?” I asked, looking at Treacle. I couldn’t imagine something like that happening to my cat. What kind of person does that?

  “He has no answer when he’s hauled into court.” I could see Tom’s jaw working as if he was trying to keep his emotions in check. “He just pays the fine and sits in the jailhouse for thirty days, maybe sixty days.”

  “My gosh.” Aunt Astrid looked angry, too. “Is he doing that now?”

  “I couldn’t say.” Tom shrugged. “We haven’t had any calls to the farm. But the greedy guy has also bought up the property around him. It’s not like anyone can just go and take a drive or a walk up there. The farm is right smack in the middle of a couple dozen acres. I wouldn’t want to be caught snooping around on the Clare farm without a small army.”

  I looked at my aunt. We both realized we may have really just escaped a much more serious situation than we thought.

  “That is really horrible.” Bea rubbed her stomach. Jake, seeing her distress, instinctively reached for her hand. They looked at each other with an understanding that I’d like to think most married people developed over their years together. It was a strength that spread to the rest of us and even gave me hope that there were men out there who could accept the challenge of being married to a witch. My eyes flicked over to Blake, who was staring at Tom then at me. I let my eyes linger for a split second and then turned to Tom.

  “What happens when you get a call to go out there? Do you go by yourself or…”

  Tom started to laugh.

  “I might be brave, but I’m not that brave. Like I said. I wouldn’t go out there without a small army. There are usually two units that will go there, and they’ve got shotguns in addition to their pistols.”