Pretend It's Love

by Stefanie London

  “I met your ex, Paul.” She looked up and nodded slowly. “I was chatting with her, but I had no idea who she was. Then Gracie introduced me as your girlfriend and she filled me in afterward. I never realized the guy she cheated with was your cousin.”

  He watched her face, waiting for the pity. Waiting for any sign that she thought him pathetic for being duped by Sadie and his cousin.

  “You can understand why I wasn’t keen to share those details,” he said drily, interlacing his fingers behind his head.

  She nodded. “I do understand but…”

  “But?” he asked, his defenses rising like great shadows around him.

  He fought the urge to push up from his chair and stalk out of the house. Storming off was his usual way of dealing with problems. Lord knew how many times he’d walked away from his brother or his parents in such a manner. If he was being honest with himself, he’d done it a number of times to Sadie as well.

  Libby deserved more than that. He’d dragged her into his problems by keeping information from her. She shouldn’t have to deal with his temper as well.

  “It would have been better if I’d known. I was taken by surprise.” She was working up to something—her leg bounced and she fiddled with the hem of her dress, picking at some invisible flaw.

  He nodded, gritting his teeth. “I didn’t want to put you in that position.”

  “I know.” She sucked in a breath, her chest rising and falling. She continued to pick at her dress.

  “What’s wrong, Libby? Did she say something to you?”

  “It wasn’t what she said.” Libby looked up, her brows creased as she chewed on her lip.

  “I don’t understand.”

  “I said something, Paul. Something bad.” The anguish on her face was killing him.

  “Spit it out. I can’t help if you don’t tell me what’s going on.” The hypocrisy of his statement wasn’t lost on him, but right now all he wanted was to wipe the tension from her face.

  “I overheard Sadie talking with someone, I didn’t catch her name. Some things were said, things that weren’t true and I just…reacted.”

  The muscles in his neck bunched, his hands curled into fists. He knew exactly who Libby was talking about—Miss Goody-Two-Shoes Gina who always looked down her nose at him. She and Sadie stuck to each other like Tweedledum and Tweedledee. Gina thought her brother was God’s gift and that no one else in the family deserved what he did.

  They took, took, took without regard to anyone else.

  “What did they say?” He ground the question out through clenched teeth.

  “It doesn’t matter…all you need to know is that I wanted to stick up for you.”

  “What did they say?” Humiliation coursed through him, curling in his gut like a poisonous snake.

  Libby ran a hand through her hair. “I don’t want to repeat it.”

  He sat still as a statue, shutting down his emotions. Packing them all into a tight ball and pushing them deep down as he’d done day after day since Sadie left. He knew eventually the pain would stop, but every so often something happened to split him apart, and it would all come tumbling out if he wasn’t careful.

  He looked at the scar on his right hand, the one he’d gotten when he put his fist through a wall after bumping into Sadie and his cousin right before they got married.

  “Tell me, Libby.” He drew a slow breath. “I need to know.”

  “You’re just going to torture yourself with it.” She shook her head. “I told them that you’re perfect just the way you are. That we’re happy together and I don’t want to change a single thing about you.”

  He felt a “but” coming on.

  “But,” she said, steadying her breathing. “Something else kind of slipped out.”

  “What?”

  “I told them…” She grimaced.

  “God, Libby, you’re killing me. Spit it out.”

  “I told them we were thinking about getting married.”

  The words seemed to suck the life out of the room, turning it into a vacuum. His head pounded, the ramifications of her words flying at him thick and fast like a swarm of wasps.

  He shook his head. “Say that again?”

  Her face begged him not to make her repeat the admission, but he held his tongue until she sighed, defeated. “I told them we were thinking about getting married.”

  He gaped at her. “What on earth possessed you to do that?”

  “I couldn’t listen to them say these things that were untrue and…” She swallowed. “Unkind. You deserve better than that, and I got so angry that I confronted them. It slipped out.”

  “How does the invention of a marriage proposal simply slip out?”

  For someone who claimed to have no interest in long-term relationships it didn’t exactly seem like a go-to defensive move. Unless of course his wretched cousin and cheating ex were saying he wasn’t marriage material. It wasn’t exactly a stretch.

  His hands curled around the arms of the sofa, fingertips rubbing against the beginnings of a split in the worn leather.

  “I don’t know,” she said, her eyes wide and blank.

  He leaned forward, bracing his forearms on his knees. The old Paul would have suspected Libby of using this situation to manipulate an outcome, force him down a specific path. But he knew her. Really knew her.

  She wasn’t that kind of girl, and she’d said she believed in him. Maybe she was just trying to protect him?

  Libby hung her head. “I’m mortified.”

  He wanted to say something to comfort her, assure her that it would be okay, but the combative emotions swirling within him prevented any words from coming out. He wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt, but the lie had posed a whole new set of complications. Especially if word got back to his parents that the dreaded M word had been uttered.

  The clock on his wall ticked loudly, counting the stretch of silent shock.

  Much to his confusion, he wasn’t totally repelled by the idea that people thought he and Libby would be married. Since she’d said those damning words he’d been waiting for the dread to come…but it hadn’t. Confusion, yes. Remorse for digging himself into a giant hole, probably. But dread? No.

  Her fists clenched and unclenched in her lap. “I’m so sorry, Paul. I really don’t know what came over me.”

  At this point he was more annoyed with his own lack of reaction than he was with her. This was exactly the kind of thing that should make him want to run for the hills but instead he sat there, wishing he could ease her pain. Feeling bad for her that she’d been put in a situation where she needed to use such a preposterous lie to defend him.

  It was official. Paul Chapman was broken.

  What happened to drawing a line in the sand?

  “Say something,” she said, her hazel eyes burning into him. Her tongue darted out to moisten her lips as she hovered at the edge of the sofa, her dress spread out like frosting on a cupcake.

  “You were defending my honor,” he said, a laugh bubbling up from nowhere. Broken and crazy, what a combination.

  She looked at him like he’d sprouted antennae and had started talking an alien language. “It’s not funny.”

  “No, it’s ridiculous.”

  He should be mad. Looking at all the facts, she’d made his life a whole lot harder. How were they going to explain the engagement away without making either one of them look bad?

  But the idea of Libby getting so worked up trying to defend him that she’d blurted out this completely insane lie…well, it warmed something inside him. Some cold part that had been frozen and packed away long ago.

  “We’ll make it work.” He stood and held out a hand to Libby to help her up from her chair. “We don’t have much choice now.”

  “You’re not mad?” She grabbed his hand and followed him into the kitchen.

  He shrugged. “Being mad is not going to fix the situation.”

  Not only was he not mad, but the gesture touched him in
some strange, illogical way. That little nugget of information, however, would follow him to the grave.

  “I’m not that person who does insane things on a whim.”

  “You dropped out of med school to start your own business despite having no support from your family. That sounds pretty insane to me.” He turned on his coffee machine and grabbed two cups from the cupboard.

  “Insane, maybe. On a whim…no. I’d been plotting a way to get out of med school since the first day of the course.” A ghost of a smile crossed her face.

  “So you favor planned insanity over the spontaneous kind?” he quipped. “Let me make sure I understand what happened. You told Sadie and Gina we’re getting married, right? Was anyone else there?”

  “Your mother.” She looked down at her lap.

  Paul cringed. “Okay, so it’s safe to assume the whole family knows.”

  “I made her promise not to tell anyone.”

  The sincerity radiating from her face was touching. But she clearly knew nothing about the way the Chapman family operated.

  “That promise is about as solid as cotton candy.” He held a cup under the spout on the coffee machine, and the scent of freshly ground beans filled the air. “I guarantee you, by now everyone believes we’re getting married.”

  “I told them we were thinking about it.” She accepted a cup from him and blew on the steam.

  “How did my mother react?”

  She grimaced, pressing a palm to her forehead. “Like I’d announced that unicorns had been sent to make all her problems go away.”

  He gave her a pointed look.

  “Okay fine, so they think we’re getting married. What do we do?” She sipped her cup, a line forming between her brows. “We’re supposed to break up after the wedding. Won’t it be worse if we’re supposedly engaged?”

  Paul swallowed against the distaste in his mouth. He knew their time was coming to an end, but he couldn’t seem to think about it without his body repelling the idea.

  Of all the things you should be worried about with this situation…it’s not that.

  “It will, but that’s what we have to work with now.” He finished making his coffee and carried it to the kitchen bench.

  She nodded, her fingertip tracing the rim of her cup. Silence settled over them; there wasn’t much more to say on the issue of their sudden “engagement.” Libby had done the right thing by coming to him straightaway instead of letting him find out by the inevitable phone call that would come in the morning.

  “Anyway, I’ve got bigger things to focus on,” he said.

  “Like what?” Libby’s face was a mask of relief at the change of topic.

  “I’ve been working on the business plan. You’re right, I do need to take it seriously…even if I think all the detail is stupid.”

  She grinned. “I’m glad you came to that conclusion all by yourself.”

  “I’m sick of not going for things that I want.” He nodded, as if convincing himself. “I want this, I know it’s a good idea, and it will bring in more money for First. I’m the best person to do it since I’m way more charming than Des and Noah.”

  Feelings warred within him: pride, fear, hope, and excitement. All battling for control. He had to channel them into something before he blurted out that he had feelings for her. That their “relationship” had changed him already…for the better.

  “You’re smarter than you give yourself credit for,” she said, her face sincere for a moment before she realized what she’d said. “But you’re not smarter than me.”

  “Maybe not when it comes to business.” He took the cup from her hands and set it down on the bench. “But I’m smarter when it comes to other things.”

  “Like what?” she whispered.

  “Sex.”

  “That’s all you want me for, isn’t it?” She laughed as if the statement was a joke, but he caught the uncertain flicker in her eyes.

  He never wanted her to feel like that. Sure, he couldn’t give her anything more…but it wasn’t all she was worth. Not by a long shot.

  He brushed her hair over one bare shoulder, trailing his fingers along her skin. His blood buzzed at the sharp intake of her breath, sending all the pressure rushing south. Goosebumps rippled across her skin where his fingers had been, like proof of his touch.

  “You inspire me, Libby,” he said, sliding his hand up her neck to cup the back of her head.

  “I do?” She tilted her face up to his, her hazel eyes bright and wide.

  “You’re so ambitious and driven.” He pressed his lips to her jaw. “You don’t take any shit, but you’ve got a good heart.”

  “I think that’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said about me.” She laughed, narrowing her eyes at him in mock scrutiny. “You’re trying to get me into bed again, aren’t you?”

  “We don’t have to make it to the bed.” He hoisted her up and carried her to the dining table.

  “You know that girl Cassie came here for you.” The words slipped out as he set her down.

  “What?” He shook his head.

  “She moved to Australia for you.”

  Paul raked a hand through his hair and rubbed the nape of his neck. “No, she didn’t. She’s been sick of London for a while, and I said she should come here because the weather is nice.”

  “How long after you said that did she move?”

  “I don’t know.” He shrugged. “A month.”

  “Had you ever said it before?”

  “Well…” He frowned, his eyes dropping to the ground as he tried to recall. “No.”

  “So she came here as soon as you said she should.”

  “You’re making something out of nothing. We didn’t have a relationship or anything, we were just backpacking and barhopping. It wasn’t serious.”

  “I think she wanted it to be.”

  “How do you know that?”

  Cassie had known from the start that he was on the rebound from Sadie when they’d met. He’d taken the money he’d saved up for her ring and spent it on three months of travel and denial. Cassie was a temporary thing, a way to drown his sorrows, and he’d been nothing but honest about that.

  “I saw the way she looked at you, Paul. She came here for you, and you’re absolutely clueless.” Libby swung her legs back and forth. “Did you promise her the world?”

  “To get her into bed? No, she knew exactly what she was getting into.” How could Libby think he’d lie just to sleep with someone? “It’s not my fault if she wants more.”

  “Well, whether or not you were up-front with her, she has feelings for you.” Libby swallowed and shrugged, her face neutral. “Maybe you should go and talk to her after we ‘break up’.”

  “I’m not interested in Cassie…not like that. Not anymore. She’s just a friend.” He paused for a moment, watching the way her eyes flicked over his face as if she was looking for something. “You’re jealous.”

  “I am not!” She went to jump down from the table but he pinned her there with a hand on either side of her thighs.

  “You’re totally jealous.” He laughed and Libby’s face flamed as red as her hair.

  “You’re not God’s gift to women, you know,” she grumbled. “But honestly, your ego is fascinating. I’ve never seen anything so big before.”

  “You know, that’s not the first time someone has said that to me.” He grinned and she swatted at him, narrowly missing his cheek.

  “I stuck up for you, and this is the thanks I get?”

  “Yep.” His hands ran along her thighs, pushing up the fabric of her dress. “You wouldn’t like it if I made it easy for you.”

  “Bullshit. I would very much enjoy life if you made it easier for me.”

  “You have many great skills, Tiger. But lying isn’t one of them.”

  She locked her hands down over his, preventing him from going higher. “Many great skills, you say. Care to elaborate?”

  “You’ve got a talented mouth.”

 
; She rolled her eyes.

  “You know, since you speak so eloquently,” he said. “And beautiful hands.”

  “Don’t feed me all that crap you’ve used on other girls.” She brushed his hands away. “I’m different, and I won’t fall for it.”

  Didn’t he know it? Libby was so far from his realm of experience that he may as well be starting from scratch. But that’s what she did to him. She’d broken down all his long-held beliefs—that he was happy taking the easy road through life, that he didn’t want to be with anyone for more than a night—and systematically made him question the existence he’d created for himself.

  “I know you’re different.” He shoved his hands into his pockets. “That’s why you’re still here.”

  She bit down on her lip and looked away. “You better not get attached to me.”

  “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

  “I’m not going to change my mind on the relationship thing,” she said, but her voice wavered ever so slightly. “I’m not interested in being tied to someone until we both hate each other. It’s better to enjoy the good bits while they last and move on before it hurts too much. That’s why I pointed out the thing about Cassie…you know, so you can talk to her after we break up.”

  “Right.” He nodded, unsure what to do with the barrier she was desperately trying to put between them.

  At one point he’d have been thrilled for a woman to keep things casual, but being with Libby had started to change him. He wanted more out of life than to cruise through without being committed to anyone or anything. He deserved more…she’d made him see that.

  He didn’t have to be the man his family thought he was. He would change, not to prove they were wrong but to prove he’d been wrong.

  “I like you a lot, Paul.” She touched his face, the gentle pressure of her fingertips zinging through him like bolts of electricity. “But I can’t feel anything more than that. I won’t let myself.”

  “You don’t need to reassure me.” He brought his hands back to her legs and parted them so he could stand closer to her.

  The pressure of her thighs against his hips sent delicious heat through him. He ached for her, body and soul. But he’d only allow himself to fulfill one of those needs. He wouldn’t ever tell her how he felt knowing she would walk away.