Hate to Love You

by Tijan

  because I could sense he’d affect me. Or maybe it really was because he reminded me of Parker.

  I tilted my head, considering him . . .

  Shay looked up from his menu. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing.” And that was the answer to my internal question. Nothing. I couldn’t find anything in him that was like Parker, except that he was the last guy I had between my legs. Maybe that counted? Maybe that was the reason for my dislike?

  As if sensing my thoughts, Shay ordered us both coffee and leaned back after the hostess left. His face grew guarded.

  “What’s going on with you? Already remembering that you hate me?”

  I shook my head, admitting the truth. “I don’t hate you.” Maybe I never did—well, I wasn’t going to go that far. There’d been genuine dislike. I couldn’t pull that out of my ass.

  He didn’t respond, and we stared at each other until the coffee came.

  I groaned, reaching to pour myself a cup once the girl left. “My body freaking loves you.”

  He rolled his eyes, rubbing a hand over his face. “We’re doing this again? I thought we established our rules.”

  We had sex. Nothing else.

  I put the carafe back onto the table. “You can’t sleep with anyone else.”

  “What?”

  He was mocking me and joking at the same time, and he reached for the coffee. He added, “I can’t put my dick in someone else? That’s barbaric.”

  I’d been reaching for the cream, but paused. “Are you joking? You better be joking.”

  “Of course, I’m joking.”

  My shoulders relaxed, and I finished putting cream and sugar into my coffee. Gage liked it the same way. He tended to joke he liked it black, and I had to put the “fruity” stuff in. That was what he called cream and sugar, but fuck him. If both of us had to endure a month of black coffee, only one of us would survive. Me. Because I’d drink the shit. He’d have given up and begged for his cream and sugar.

  “What are you laughing at?”

  I looked up. I’d been grinning, and I shook it off. “Thinking something stupid about my brother.”

  “Speaking of your brother.” Shay leaned forward, dropping his voice. “He and everyone else in the bar last night are going to talk about us. Right?”

  I’d fucked up last night. Big time. I broke all of my rules, and it’d been my bidding. Not Shay’s. Not my brother’s. No one else. I groaned, banging my forehead against the table gently. “I’m so screwed.”

  “No, you’re not.”

  “I’m not?” How could he say that? “Everyone saw.”

  “A few people saw. Those people will say something, but if you really want to commit to this where no one knows, it’s possible.”

  “How?” I shook my head. “You can’t tease me like that, not if it isn’t true.”

  “It is true. Look.” He leaned forward. “We do our own thing. No touching. No secret looks. We don’t talk about it. It’ll blow over in a few weeks, if that’s what you want.”

  I nodded. Hell yes. “It isn’t you or me. It’s my roommate. It’s my friends. It’s girls who get pissed because you like me and not them.”

  “I get it.” He frowned. “Kind of. Not really, but whatever you want.”

  I held up my finger. “And there are no strings, but if you do start sleeping with someone else, you tell me. I’d rather wait till that’s done, then have your dick double-dipping somewhere.”

  He’d been reaching for more coffee, but his hands settled on the table for a second. He watched me, and I asked, “What?”

  “You’re so crude sometimes.”

  I was. “Say it how I see it.”

  He shook his head, blinking a few times. “I don’t know if that’s refreshing or unnerving.”

  The food came, and I reached for one of my pieces of toast. “You tell me the next time you’re bent over my ass. I’m thinking, you’ll find me refreshing then.”

  He groaned, dropping the knife and fork he’d picked up. “Fucking hell, Clarke.”

  Clarke. I grinned. Last names again. I was already feeling more comfortable. I preened at him, waving my toast in the air. “You’ll be happy. Just think how jealous I’ll be when Becs is flashing her cleavage at you later today. Bet you don’t get that from other girls you used to sleep with.”

  He shook his head again. “You’re slightly mental.”

  I shrugged, taking a big bite out of my toast. I was just being me.

  I wasn’t sure about my game plan for the dorms.

  Shay dropped me off, and I decided the best course of action was no course. I hid. Or, to be more accurate, I avoided. Everyone.

  It was around eleven in the morning when I walked into my dorm room. Missy was gone, but I was Dick Crusher now. I had little doubt I could sit in there, get comfortable, and expect her not to know about my new nickname. I bolted. To be more exact, I showered, changed, grabbed every textbook I could think of for studying, packed my laptop, and headed for the library. My only stop was the coffee cart, and I’d been on the third floor, in the farthest study room in the corner, all day.

  Or I was, until Shay texted and I got a bunch of emails from everyone in our political science group. They were meeting in the large computer lab at six that evening. I had an hour to collect myself and get ready. Once I went down there, all eyes would be on me. The Dick Crusher video and maybe the rumors about Shay and me had already spread, it didn’t matter. Just being at the same table as Shay would get the rumor mill going.

  One hour.

  I did what every normal college student did—I went and ate ice cream (along with other substances, but ice cream was the main priority) and loaded up on caffeine. I purchased two energy drinks from the shop, and in case I didn’t want to pull out the energy drinks, I grabbed another large coffee.

  I was loaded and primed. I wasn’t sure what for, but I was ready. I could be a goddamn doomsday prepper.

  I purposely went to the computer lab late. Becca and Aby were divas. They were also going to be late, and I was right. I was late on purpose, and they were just sitting their things down when I shouldered past the glass doors.

  Shay was sitting with his back to me. Linde was next to him.

  This would be lovely.

  Aby and Becca took the two seats across from the guys. The only two empty seats were next to Becca or next to Shay. Talk about adding gasoline to a fire. I wasn’t even forced into a choice.

  I sat by Becca.

  Shay looked at me, humor damped down in those gorgeous eyes, and he lifted two fingers in the laziest greeting I’d seen in a long time. Linde narrowed his eyes, looking between the two of us, but just nodded. “What’s up? You got home okay last night?” His eyes skirted back to Shay.

  I unzipped my bag and dumped my political science textbook onto the table in front of me. “Sure did. Nice and rested, and no hangover today.”

  Becca groaned, pulling her books out of her backpack. “Aren’t you the most chipper person here?” She rolled her eyes. “Can this day suck any more than it does?” She shoved back her chair and left in a huff.

  Aby leaned over. “Her ex called last night. They got together, and he broke back up with her this morning.”

  Linde started laughing.

  Aby shook her head at him. “You wouldn’t laugh if you had to spend all day with her. My advice? Plop her down in front of a computer over there and tell her what to research. Keep her away from us, or she’s going to draw blood.”

  “You’re joking?”

  She said to Linde, “Nope. You’ll see for yourself in an hour.”

  And in an hour, we did. She bitched. She griped. She complained. She bitched again. There was ranting, raving, a full-blown vent session about someone I had no clue about, and she started to cycle back around to the bitching portion of the evening.

  “Okay.” Shay took one of the worksheets and slapped it in front of her. “Research all of this shit.” He pointed to the farth
est empty computer. “Over there.”

  “You’re just trying to get rid of me.” Her lips puckered out in a pout.

  Aby’s eyes widened, but she didn’t say anything. She slid down an inch in her seat, lifting her book so it completely covered her face.

  “Yes,” Shay clipped out. “Will it work?”

  She growled. It was soft, but it was an actual growl. She snatched up the paper. “Yes, but only because it’s you asking.” She softened her tone. A sweet and adoring smile was the cherry on top. “Because you’re so gorgeous, Shay.”

  She left for the computer, and I twisted around. “Oh, look at that.” Her hips had an extra sway to them. “Even her ass looks like a bitch.”

  She braked, rotating swiftly to glare at me.

  I glared back. “I’ll let you know if your ex calls again.”

  She sucked in her breath but went to the computer.

  When I sat straight again, everyone was watching me. “What?”

  Aby said, “That was mean, even for you.”

  I shrugged, ignoring Linde and Shay and flipping to a new page in my book. “Why do people assume I have no backbone or that I’m only nice? Seriously. People need to stop underestimating me. It’s annoying when my normal, real-human side comes out.”

  “Uh.” Aby frowned. “I don’t think we assume that. Any of that.”

  A group of books landed on the table in front of me with a thud. I jumped, cursing, and then Gage dropped to the seat. He had his bag in front of him, and he nodded to everyone at the table. “Hey-a!”

  He paused on Aby, pointing his phone at her. “Did we sleep together sometime?”

  I expected a no.

  I got a, “Freshman year, second semester. My boyfriend and I were on a break.”

  He snapped his fingers in triumph. “Ah-ha! I knew it.” He tapped the side of his head. “I forget faces all the time, but not yours and especially not anymore.” He checked her out, sliding his eyes up and down.

  I remarked, “They’re back together.”

  “Ah.” He nodded to Linde and to Shay, his eyes narrowing slightly at Shay before focusing back on me. He propped his elbows on the table, nudging my arm with one of them. “Hey, sis. I figured I can talk to you now that you went public last night. How’s your day? What are you up to?”

  Aby muttered under her breath, “Being a bitch.”

  Gage shrugged. “She does that.” He leaned down and dropped his voice, whispering so everyone could still hear, “You haven’t answered my texts or called me back. Are you mad at me?”

  “What for?”

  He straightened, his voice going back to normal. “For last night? I forgot you were at the bar.” He glanced to Shay. “Right?” When no one responded right away, Gage’s frown deepened. “Or was I really, really, really drunk last night? I could’ve sworn I had dinner with you.”

  Linde started laughing. Shay was grinning.

  Gage took their cue, his eyes widening. “It did happen then? I’m not losing my mind?”

  Aby cut in, “It’s too cute to lose. I didn’t see her, but I heard she was there.”

  I couldn’t. I looked at her. “My brother’s brain is too cute to lose? Have you seen a brain in real life? Or even a picture? That’s your pick-up line? You have a boyfriend.”

  “Man.” She edged her seat over an inch. “Maybe the bitch vibe stayed here.” She shot me a meaningful look.

  I rolled my eyes. I had more retorts to spew, but swallowed them. Every single one. I didn’t know why I was irritated with Aby or even Becca. They weren’t my favorite people in the world, but they weren’t my enemies.

  “Oh, no. This is total Kennedy. Don’t piss her off, because you’ll see a whole other level.”

  Aby snorted. “I think we all know. Matt Carruthers found that out for us.”

  I asked, “Who’s Matt Carruthers?”

  “The guy whose dick you crushed,” Gage told me.

  “Got it.” Asshole One was Matt Carruthers in real life. I hoped I’d never have to deal with him again. “Could I get arrested for that?”

  “You know what?” Shay grinned at me, a sharpness in his eyes. “You can look that up yourself in your textbook.” He pointed to my book. There was an extra tone in his voice, and I frowned long enough to figure out he was telling me to shut up.

  I nodded. The video would open up a whole conversation I probably wanted to avoid. Like why I was so mad, what I did afterward, and eventually round to the bar and what happened after the bar.

  I was happy to shut up.

  But first, I grabbed Gage’s arm and pulled him with me. I headed out of the lab, past a blonde girl standing in the doorway, past the front desk clerk, through the metal detectors, even past the coffee cart until we were outside. It was the best place for privacy. There were a few people there, so I kept walking until we hit a private alcove of trees.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “I’ve been calling you all day. Do you not check your phone?”

  “You called my cell or my room phone?” I asked as I was pulling my phone out of my pocket. I lit the screen up and saw a few missed calls, along with some text messages.

  “Both.”

  I waved my phone in the air before putting it back in my pocket. “I didn’t check it today.” Shay’s one text lit the screen up so I hadn’t needed to see all the rest. “I’m sorry if you were worried.”

  “I wasn’t worried about you getting home last night. I was worried how pissed you were at me today, and,” he lowered his voice, “I can’t help but be worried about whatever you have going on with Shay Coleman.”

  I narrowed my eyes. “Nothing’s going on with Shay.”

  “Right.”

  He didn’t believe me.

  “If there were, I wouldn’t be stupid about it.”

  He studied me before nodding. “I guess that’s all I can hope for as a big brother. You’re not mad at me for forgetting about you last night?”

  “I’m not mad at you for last night.”

  He released a deep breath he’d been holding. “Good.” His hand patted his chest. “I was worried about that. I even went around your dorm.”

  “Wait. What?”

  “Your dorm.”

  “I haven’t been there all day.”

  “Yeah, I know.” He held his hands up. “Don’t worry. I followed your rules. I went to see Casey, technically, and she went up and talked to your roommate. Your roommate has no clue.”

  He saw Casey.

  He probably saw Kristina and the others.

  My only semblance of normality was my roommate now. I was fucked.

  I groaned. “You can’t come around my dorm.”

  “Casey and her friends already know. She said she didn’t say anything to your roommate.”

  It didn’t matter. Everyone knew. I didn’t care about my roommate. Well, I did, but in the grand scheme of things, she was an ant. “Gage,” I moaned. “You’re making things so difficult for me.” That wasn’t totally true. I was doing plenty myself.

  “Me?” He pointed to the library. “What about you and whatever you have going on with the starting quarterback of the university’s football team? You want to stay low-key? Don’t sleep with a guy like that. Date down, Kenz. Don’t shoot for the top tier, because