Hate to Love You

by Tijan

  “Sabrina.” I nodded. “She knows Shay. She knew we knew each other.”

  “I just don’t get why you didn’t tell me.”

  I shook my head. “I have reasons.”

  Missy brushed some of her coarse black hair back, readjusting the hood on her coat. I had to think about how I would react if I found out she knew another football player, or maybe the other team captain. I wouldn’t have. No, that wasn’t true. I would’ve felt a little relief because if I saw her in the house, I could say hello or we could talk freely about things. I wouldn’t have felt hurt. Then again, I was only coming from my point of view.

  I tried to imagine from hers.

  She knew Holly and Holly’s cousin. Holly knew guys. She was the one in the group who had a different crush every week. I couldn’t remember hearing Missy talking about guys or anyone else. It was always Holly or the cousin.

  Those were the only two people I saw her with. Ever.

  She looked at me. I felt compelled to apologize, but I didn’t. I’d been hurt by her in the beginning, and I didn’t keep quiet to hurt her personally.

  “Oh, hey.” She tugged at her coat’s collar. “Some girl stopped by the room and asked about you.”

  “What? Who?”

  She shook her head. “I’ve never seen her in my life. I don’t know. She didn’t leave a name or number, or anything. I just thought I should mention it.”

  A girl? Someone she didn’t know, too. Maybe it’d been Aby or Becca looking for me before they knew to find me at Shay’s house?

  Maybe.

  “What’d she look like?”

  Another shrug from Missy. “Blonde hair. That’s all I remember.”

  Becca had blonde hair.

  Then I was distracted when Missy asked, “I suppose you’re going to some big parties tonight?”

  I shrugged. “I haven’t talked about it.” I caught sight of Sarah and Laura. They were heading out in a different group of people. “They are, but I don’t know what we’re doing.”

  “You and Shay . . .”

  “Yeah . . .” I trailed off, too. This was becoming awkward. I cleared my throat. “Thank you for being nice to my mom and helping with my stuff.”

  A smile cracked her rigid exterior. “Your mom is funny. She dressed up as a college student when she came to get your things. I think she missed a few decades. She had a Trapper Keeper with her.”

  I groaned. “Of course, she would.”

  I didn’t know what else to say after that. Missy must not have either because we both fell silent. She went back to kicking that rock around.

  “I guess I’ll see you next semester?”

  I nodded. “Looks like it.”

  “I’ll see you then.”

  She lifted a hand in a small wave, returning to her group, and it felt like a chapter closing. Kristina came over, rested an arm around my shoulders, and sighed. “How’d that go?”

  “Was I wrong in not telling her about Gage and Shay?”

  “No one should ever make you feel guilty for not opening up about yourself. You’ll want to open up to the right ones.”

  That was true. “Thank you. I needed to hear that.”

  “Come on.” She patted my arm. “Your man’s probably waiting by now.”

  I sagged closer to her. I liked hearing those words.

  My man.

  Shay parked on the street outside his house. Every light on the main floor was on, as well as the lights in the basement, a few more on the second floor, and one from the third floor.

  Shay grunted. “I do believe we’re having a party.” He looked at me. “What do you want to do?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “We can go somewhere else.”

  I frowned.

  Kristina and Casey asked about our evening plans, but I hadn’t known what we were doing. I knew now. Reaching over, I laced our fingers together, resting our hands on his leg. “I think I should call Kristina and Casey, and we should all go to the party.”

  Surprise flitted over his features. “You sure? We can just hang out in the room, if you want?”

  I shook my head. “No way. You were the MVP. That party is for you. I’m not going to be the girlfriend who pulls you away.”

  “You sure?” He was grinning.

  “Yes. I’ll be with my friends, and what are you smiling about?”

  “Nothing.” He leaned over, his lips finding mine for a quick second. “It’s just nice to hear you call yourself my girlfriend.”

  I knew what he meant, and I felt like I was glowing as we headed inside the house. We were hand in hand, but instead of going through the back door, I led Shay to the front. It was his moment. After that first step inside, I knew I was right. The place was filled with people. His teammates, girls, and other friends all cheered for Shay. He was grabbed up by the guys, being literally pulled away. He flashed an apologetic smile my way, but I waved it off.

  I was pulling my phone out when Linde appeared next to me. He handed me a cup. “Here.”

  “What is it?” But I took it, sniffing it. The alcohol was strong enough to kill a fly in the general proximity. “Holy shit, Linde. That’s strong.”

  He laughed. “Last party before we all head home tomorrow. I figured what the hell, right?” He draped his arm around my shoulders, nodding to where Shay had been taken. A group formed at the bar, and he was being challenged in a shot-drinking contest. “Thinking it’s going to be a rough morning for both of you tomorrow.”

  “Here.” I wasn’t listening. I gave him the cup back. “I need to text my friends.”

  Thirty minutes later, Kristina and Casey both walked in. Their eyes were huge. The music had gotten louder, and I had to shout into Kristina’s ear. “Thanks for coming!” I nodded in Casey’s direction. She was glancing around the room. The edges of her mouth turned white. I asked Kristina, “Is this going to be okay for her?”

  Kristina put her mouth next to my ear. “We talked about it before coming, but she’s okay. She isn’t going to drink, and she’ll stay with you or me the whole time, but she trusts these guys. That asshole wasn’t partying with other football players when it happened. He was at a fraternity.”

  “Okay.” I reached over to tap Casey on the arm. She moved closer, leaning forward to better hear me. I asked her anyway, “Are you okay being here?”

  She nodded, giving me two thumbs up. She yelled back, “I won’t drink, and I’ll leave if I get uncomfortable.”

  “Me, too!” Kristina joined in, then we heard a nearby shriek and someone launched themselves at us. Two skinny arms wrapped around us, followed by another pair of equally thin arms. Sarah and Laura bounced up and down, both beaming and both looking flushed in the faces. “You guys are here! We weren’t sure. We’re all partying together.”

  They were so excited, but the shared look between Kristina and Casey told me they weren’t. Both were cautious and wary.

  “Yeah.” Casey untangled their arms. “Should be fun.”

  “Shots, shots, shots!” Laura began clapping, turning, and looking around. Then, “Kreigerson! Get over here. Look who’s here!” She looped an elbow through Casey’s.

  A guy ventured over, holding a drink in each hand. His dark hair was slicked back, and he had a baby face with round cheeks, smooth complexion, and dark eyes to match his hair. He was good-looking, and I saw the lurking arrogance. He knew it, too. “Hey! Winchem! It’s been forever.” He handed her one of the drinks. “Fuck yeah.”

  She shook her head. “No, thank you.”

  “Ah. Come on.”

  “No. Really. No, thank you.”

  Sarah was the closest to me, and she’d stopped jumping up and down. The flushed coloring was fading, and she was no longer smiling. She leaned to me. “It was his party where it happened.” She shook her head. “What is Laura thinking?”

  But she didn’t wait for my response. She waded in and took the drink that he was offering Casey. Firmly situating herself between the two,
she held it up to his face. “Are you kidding me? You know what happened to her, and it was a drink you gave her.”

  “Hey—” His persuasive smile fell away, and he drew back to his fullest height. “If you’re saying I drugged her—”

  “No, but he gave you the cup and you gave it to her. It could’ve been Laura or me. It could’ve been any girl and you’re giving her another one?”

  “I said—” he started to bark back.

  She flung the liquid in his face.

  “HEY!” he roared, swiping the alcohol out of his eyes. “What the fuck, Sarah?”

  She crossed her arms over her chest and lowered her chin in place. She wasn’t moving. “Get out of here, Kreigerson. We’re done partying with you.”

  “I—” His hand was in the air. I didn’t know what he was going to do, but I was back there.

  It was dark out.

  Night.

  The library closed.

  I was on that sidewalk.

  “Hey!” a new voice rushed in, and there was movement. I was grabbed and pulled away, but I didn’t know what was going on. I was on that sidewalk again. Those two shadows were looming over me, growing larger and larger.

  They were raising the bat.

  I screamed and tried to cover my face.

  “Hey, hey, hey.”

  I was caught and held against a chest. I was frozen, the impending attack was coming, but I recognized Shay in the back of my mind. I was safe. I wasn’t. I was in his arms. No, I was going to get hit. I was going to fall to the ground, and I was shuddering.

  “It’s okay, Kenz. It’s okay.”

  My head was being cradled against a chest, a strong chest that I knew intimately. I looked up and saw Shay’s loving eyes. The flashback left, but I was drained. I sucked in some breath and pressed my forehead to him again. “I was back there.”

  “You’re safe. I’m here.” He twisted around and shouted, “Get him the fuck out of here! NOW!”

  “Hey, man. I didn’t know—”

  A growl cut him off, and I recognized Linde’s voice. “You know now, and it’s time you left.”

  “No.” I looked up, but Shay was holding me against the wall. His back was protecting me, shielding me, and I tried to step out of his arms.

  “No.” He tightened them. “What are you doing?”

  I shook free from his hold. “I’m fine.”

  I walked forward.

  Linde and another guy had Kreigerson’s arms twisted and behind him. They were beginning to walk him out when I hurried forward. “No.”

  Linde looked over, his eyebrows pulling together. “What are you doing, Clar—”

  I balled up my fist and swung.

  It wasn’t this insensitive asshole I was lashing out at. It was Carruthers. It was the other guy. It was Casey’s rapist. It was all of the assholes who thought they could attack a girl and get away with it, but this was really about me.

  My fist hit him across the face, and the pain blasted me. I didn’t think I could smile any wider.

  “What the fuck?” His head jerked to the side and then he looked back at me.

  I said to him, “You helped hurt her.”

  Casey stood right there, and her eyes filled with tears. She clasped her hands together and looked down to the floor.

  “You helped hurt me.”

  “What? No, I didn’t. I didn’t even—”

  “If you hurt one and don’t change from it, you’ll hurt another.” I flexed my hand out. I wasn’t making sense, but I didn’t care. He’d understand when he had a daughter one day. I turned my back on him, giving Linde the nod to kick him out.

  Then the pain started.

  I whimpered, “Ice bag, please. Or morphine. Whichever is closest.”

  Shay already had an ice bag in his hand. “Here. Let’s go upstairs.”

  I put the ice on my knuckles as I looked over my shoulder. Kristina, Casey, and both the other girls all had dazed looks on their faces.

  I said, “I’ll be back in a bit.”

  “Yeah.” Kristina blinked a few times. “Take your time.”

  We went through the kitchen, through the door, and up the stairs to Shay’s bedroom. It was half mine now. I had a nice pile of clothes in the corner and grabbed one of my T-shirts to wrap around the ice bag.

  I sank down on his bed and fell back, groaning softly. “Why did I do that?”

  Shay went to his closet and pulled his shirt off.

  My mouth watered at the sight. He was beautiful, and my eyes dipped down to that V. It dipped under his pants. And suddenly, I wasn’t feeling my hand pain at all. He crossed to sit next to me, the bed dipping under his weight. He lifted the ice bag to inspect my hand and grimaced. “How bad does it hurt?”

  “Less and less.” I was focused on his lips, licking my own.

  He looked up and laughed softly. “Oh, yeah?”

  “Yeah.” He smoothed some hair back from my forehead and I closed my eyes, savoring the small touch. I reached up, sliding my fingers through his own. “You know, you had a pretty great game today.”

  “You’re the one with the hurt hand.”

  “Which was my choice. I knew it’d hurt when I hit him.” A different thought came to me. “You think I could get in trouble for that?”

  “I highly doubt anyone would corroborate his side.” His gaze dropped to my lips and stayed. He murmured, huskily, “He can try to bring a case against a girl who was recently attacked on campus, especially with his participation in your friend’s rape.”

  That reassured me. I grinned. “Oh, yeah. I forgot about that.”

  He stood, ducking into the bathroom. I heard him rummaging through the cabinets and he came back. He handed me a pill before grabbing a water bottle from his desk. He opened it, handing that over, too. “That’s a painkiller. You should take it now or your hand is going to be killing you later.”

  I swallowed it and then handed him the bottle, which he set on the dresser for me.

  Instead of coming back to join me on the bed, he stood and looked at me. The hunger was full force in his eyes. It was growing the more he gazed at me. I felt an answering ache forming between my legs. Biting down on my lip, I said, “We seem to have a situation here.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Yeah.”

  His head cocked to the side, watching me, and that hunger was positively emanating from him, but he didn’t move to me. He stayed there, even crossing his arms over his chest. I let out a small groan. Good God, he looked good.

  I felt like I should point out, “You have an entire party going on down there, and they’re mainly here for you.”

  “But?”

  “But we’re up here, and I’m starting not to want to return to the party.”

  He moved closer. “How’s that hand of yours?”

  “Getting better.” I tipped my head back, gazing up at him as he loomed over me. I almost groaned. “Getting better and better.”