Beauty from Ashes: A Christian Romance (BlackThorpe Security Book 5)

by Kimberly Rae Jordan

  “I’m not hogging anyone, Suz. I’m just talking with Hank, and Connor is getting a cup of coffee.”

  “Still,” Suz said as she crossed her arms, pushing up in such a way as to apparently accentuate her assets, “they don’t come to talk to me.”

  “Sweetheart, I think the reason they’re not talking to you tonight is that you’re drunk,” Janet said, a slight reproof in her tone. “No one wants you to misunderstand anything tonight, so they are kind of steering clear of you. As it is, you’ve already behaved poorly toward a couple of the married men. I can only hope that when you finally sleep this off, you’ll remember what happened here tonight. You know I don’t like alcohol, and your behavior tonight is one of the reasons why. You’re perfectly lovely without needing to get drunk.”

  Connor was relieved to know that the woman wasn’t always like that. He wasn’t sure that he’d want to return to a gathering like this if he would have to fight off her drunken advances every time. He would have done it if necessary, but he was kind of glad that Janet had taken on that role for him. With it being his first time meeting these people, he didn’t want to have to come across harshly.

  Obviously, there was a story there, and if he were on better terms with Adrianne, he might have asked her about it. He just hoped that when sober, the woman wouldn’t feel compelled to flirt with him because he already knew that she was not someone he would ever get involved with. And it had nothing to do with her story — whatever that might be — or the drinking. Apparently, it had everything to do with Adrianne.

  ~*~

  Adrianne finished the last of her coffee, watching as, once again, Hank and Connor engaged in conversation. She still wasn’t sure how she felt about the evening. Once the shock of finding Connor in her best friend’s house had worn off, Adrianne had realized that Connor had likely been reaching out to old friends. It made sense, especially if he was going to be staying in the Twin Cities. She hadn’t even thought about the fact that he might have known Jeff back in high school. Sure, they both played football, but Jeff had been a year older than Connor, so it hadn’t crossed her mind at all over the years.

  Though she couldn’t begrudge the man for making friends — or rekindling old friendships — Adrianne still struggled to accept that their social circles would end up so closely entwined. This night was supposed to have been her break. Her time away from the stress of having to face Connor every day. But that’s not what she had ended up with.

  She knew Janet had wanted to ask her all kinds of questions about where things stood with Connor, but the presence of the other women there had kept her from asking anything. It was just as well because she had to figure out how she was going to deal with the situation. She had no doubt that her friend would cut all ties with Connor if Adrianne asked her to. After all these years, their loyalties to each other ran deep.

  And she didn’t owe Connor Mackenzie anything. Hadn’t she already given up something major to him in letting him know that it would be okay if he stayed in the Twin Cities for Rebecca’s sake? How much more was she going to be forced to allow this man into her life? Her home. Her work. And now her social circle. The only place he hadn’t shown up yet was at church, and Adrianne figured that was just a matter of time.

  “You okay, sweetheart?”

  Adrianne glanced over to see Janet looking at her with concern. She wasn’t surprised her friend could read her so well. But before she had the chance to respond, a couple of the other women came over to join them, and Connor and Hank drifted back to where the men were standing near the desserts. Somehow, Suz was still on her feet and reasonably coherent though definitely not acting like she normally did.

  After watching Suz and Greg’s marriage crash and burn, Adrianne wondered if maybe it was better to just be alone. After all, she was clearly a lousy judge of character. As a teenager, she’d fallen for a guy who had used her for a grade and then viciously turned his back on her. Then, as an adult, she’d had a perfectly good man who she’d ended up friend-zoning. Though he’d also done the same with her, it was possible that if she’d been a little more open to dating longer, he might have been willing to as well.

  The memory of that day with Connor had cast a long, dark shadow over her life.

  Adrianne tried to pay attention to the conversation going on around her. Thankfully, it wasn’t long before one of the couples decided to call it a night and left. Though she was normally one of the last to leave, on this night, Adrianne decided to make an exception.

  “Can I help you clean up a little bit before I leave?” Adrianne asked as she began to gather up the paper plates and napkins that were scattered on the counter.

  Janet looked at her in surprise. “Are you leaving so soon?” At Adrianne’s nod, Janet frowned. “I thought we might have a bit more time to talk this evening.”

  Adrianne leaned over to dump the paper plates into the garbage. “Maybe we can get together sometime this week. Take the girls to McDonald’s or something one evening.”

  Janet’s expression relaxed a little as if realizing that Adrianne wasn’t avoiding talking with her, she just didn’t want to talk with her there. “That sounds good. And don’t worry about cleaning anything up. But if you’d leave the desserts, I’m sure that would be greatly appreciated. I’ll get the pans back to you.”

  “Sometimes I think you invite me more for my desserts than my company,” Adrianne said with a grin.

  Janet seemed to relax further at Adrianne’s teasing. “Well, there is a reason I always ask you to make desserts for these things. Nobody’s ever liked what I make as much as they like your stuff.”

  “Walk me to the door?” Adrianne asked as she looped her arm through Janet’s.

  As they left the kitchen, Adrianne glanced back over her shoulder to where Hank and Connor were standing. Both men had their gazes on her, but she focused on Hank as she gave a quick wave. Without waiting for his response, Adrianne dragged Janet along to the front door where she pulled her jacket from the closet and shrugged into it. After tugging on her boots, she reached to give her friend a hug.

  “Thanks so much for the nice evening,” Adrianne said as she stepped back out of the hug.

  Janet wrinkled her nose. “While my intention was for you to have a nice evening, I think it kinda didn’t end up being that way. I’ll expect to hear more about why when we meet up this week.”

  Adrianne nodded. “It still was lovely spending time with you and the rest of the ladies. I hope you don’t have too many more issues with Suz tonight.”

  “I don’t know what to do about her. I want to be there for her, but she’s making it really hard with all the drinking. I know she’s having a rough time, but I really don’t believe that the alcohol is helping any.”

  “I’m sure it’s her way of coping, but it doesn’t look like it’s the best thing for her. I can’t imagine what she’s feeling right now. I’ll definitely be praying for her.”

  Janet nodded. “Yeah, that whole situation has made me very grateful for Jeff. I know I found him early in my life, but I keep praying that you will be willing to wait for your Jeff too.”

  Adrianne gave her friend another hug. “Thank you. I am willing, and that’s something more I should talk to you about it as well. We definitely have to get together this week.”

  “I’ll talk to Jeff tonight about his schedule, and maybe we can arrange something at church tomorrow.”

  After agreeing to Janet’s plan, Adrianne stepped out of the house into the cold wintry night. She tugged her scarf a little tighter around her neck and plunged her hands into the pockets of her jacket as she walked in the direction of her car. If she’d been thinking ahead, she would’ve used the remote start so that the vehicle would’ve had the chance to warm up a bit. Instead, she climbed behind the wheel of a very cold interior of the car.

  She let the car warm up as she sat there for a bit, her shoulders lifted as her chin pressed down into her scarf. Her warm breath sent plumes of white into the
cold air. For a brief moment, she felt a pang of longing for the warmth of summer, but it passed. And by the time she got home, the inside of her car was cozy warm. She didn’t linger this time, though. After gathering up her purse, Adrianne made a dash for the house and the sanctuary of her room.

  As Adrianne got ready for church the next morning, she wondered briefly if Connor might be there with Rebecca. From what she remembered of things he’d said in high school, he hadn’t been interested in church at all. Would that have changed over the years?

  Adrianne still wasn’t sure how church fit in her own life. She tried to make sure to have devotions each day, but her involvement in the church was a bit more of a challenge. Though there had been times when her attendance had been sporadic, that hadn’t really been the case in the past year or so. It had helped that she and Alex had decided to switch churches from where their parents went to where Eric McKinley and a few others from work attended along with Jeff and Janet.

  Though they were both adults, Adrianne still felt most at ease in a new situation if Alex was nearby. Even the presence of Janet and Jeff in the church hadn’t made the transition as easy as knowing that she was there with Alex. Melanie had attended church with them for awhile but then had switched to Tyler’s church after their relationship had gotten more serious.

  She’d seen how deeply Janet and Jeff embraced their faith. Adrianne knew from things Janet said that she and Jeff spent time praying with each other and having devotions together. Though she’d never asked Melanie directly, Adrianne had heard her and Tyler talking about spiritual things at times also. It had taken her a while, but Adrianne was beginning to see that both couples connected not just on a physical and emotional level but also on a spiritual one.

  That was something she definitely wanted with her future husband, but when it came to church, she just didn’t seem to connect well. She enjoyed the services. The messages often gave her something to think about, and she loved the music, but she’d never bothered to get involved with the women’s ministry or any other weekday church activities. There was also a singles group that she’d never felt any draw to join. And she didn’t see that changing anytime soon.

  As Adrianne walked into the sanctuary a short time later, she glanced around for Alex and Rebecca and found them in the pew where she and Alex normally sat. It shouldn’t have surprised her that Connor was there with them, but it did. Though he’d attended church at Christmas, Adrianne hadn’t been sure if he’d continue to attend once the holidays were over.

  And now she had a decision to make. Would she join them in their pew the way she normally would have? Or did she sit somewhere else in order to not be next to Connor?

  With a sigh, Adrianne gripped her Bible more tightly as she made her way to the pew where Alex and the others sat. She gave them all a slight smile as she sat down, making sure to leave plenty of room between her and Connor. Thankfully, the service started not long after so she wasn’t forced to hold any type of conversation with him.

  Though Adrianne tried to focus on the songs they sang and the order of the service as it progressed, Connor’s presence at her side made it difficult. When he sang along with most of the songs and appeared to use a Bible app on his phone when the Scriptures were read, Adrianne realized that perhaps Connor was more familiar with church than she’d assumed.

  It wasn’t until the pastor stood behind the podium to speak that Adrianne was able to fully draw her attention away from Connor. Each week she would listen to the sermons, making note of the verses used, and then try to figure out how to apply them. Some weeks she was more successful than others. There were times when she just felt like the Pastor didn’t have a clue how difficult it was to apply what he was saying to her life.

  This day’s sermon was no different. It wasn’t actually a new topic—she was pretty sure she’d heard him preach on it before—but that didn’t mean that she was any closer to being able—or willing—to embrace it in her own life.

  Trust in God with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.

  Adrianne didn’t want to hear the verse again. She’d heard it many times before. Heard the sermons about it. Trusting God. What was that actually supposed to mean?

  It wasn’t really a newsflash for Adrianne that she had trouble trusting people. The only people she fully trusted at the moment were Melanie and Janet. Even though she had always trusted Alex for the most part, she couldn’t bring herself to tell him everything, and she found herself trusting him even less now that he was with Rebecca. If push ever came to shove, she knew that he would choose Rebecca over her.

  And of course, she apparently had huge issues with trusting a man with her heart. Though that was hardly surprising since the one time she’d tried to give her heart to a guy–someone she thought she could trust, someone who liked her—well, that had turned out to be her worst decision ever.

  She’d often wondered over the years how things might have been different if she’d never worked up the nerve to talk to Connor that day. If she’d listened to the voice that had told her that he’d never agree to go to the dance with her. That he was a friend and would never be anything more. That guys like him never went for girls like her. Instead, she’d ignored all of that and let her heart lead the way.

  That had been the last time she’d done that.

  That was probably the single biggest reason she was still alone. Maybe it was time to stop waiting for the romantic dream to come to life and to start focusing on a more realistic one.

  There was a heavy ache in her chest as they stood to sing the closing hymn. She could hear the deep timbre of Connor’s voice as he sang along with the congregation, and she wondered… Would they have had a chance at a relationship now if she’d never messed up their friendship in high school?

  10

  Connor felt uplifted in a way that he hadn’t been in a long time as he followed Alex and Rebecca out of the sanctuary and into the foyer of their church. The life he’d led over the past decade or so hadn’t lent itself to regular church attendance. And then it had just been easier to not try to find a church that he felt was the right one for him. Given his job situation, he wouldn’t have been able to tell people a whole lot about himself or why his attendance would be sporadic.

  But sitting in the service today, it had all come back to him. The hymns. The scripture verses. All of it had a familiarity to it that he had thought was long gone. His thoughts went back to the man who’d introduced him to all of it. Jesse Taylor. Or JT as everyone had called him. He’d met him during his first deployment. It had actually been the first for both of them. While Connor had the build of a football player, JT had looked more like a basketball player, but he gave them plenty of proof that he was no such thing when the guys tried to get him to play.

  It had not taken long for JT to set himself apart from the rest of the guys. He never swore. He never joked inappropriately. And he never drank alcohol. Connor thought he was a stuck-up religious snob at first, but then he found out that JT was the friendliest and most encouraging person he’d ever met. At some point, they’d become friends. It was kind of funny, looking back now, how much JT had reminded him of Jeff.

  Connor noticed that JT spent time each day reading his Bible. And occasionally, he’d watch church services on his laptop with his earphones on. He attended the Chapel on the base there, but never once did he try to convert Connor. It ended up being JT’s life more than anything that drew Connor’s attention. Even in the midst of the worst situations, JT seemed to be at peace. And Connor knew that if they were ever in a battle, he wanted JT to have his back. But more than that, he wanted to be the kind of person that JT was. He wanted to have the peace and joy that seemed to just flow effortlessly from the man.

  When he’d told JT he wanted to go with him to the Chapel for a Sunday service, you would’ve thought Connor had told the man he’d won the lottery. And after that day, he’d attend
ed every Sunday with JT, and there he met other men who were much like his friend and several more who were like him—searching for some peace and joy in the midst of life’s circumstances. The day he’d asked JT about what it meant to be a Christian was a turning point in his life. And it had occurred just before one of the hardest times in his deployment.

  Just two days after Connor had made the decision to give his life to God, a routine mission went terribly wrong. Over half the men that had gone out that day lost their lives. JT and three others were seriously wounded. Connor had managed to escape with relatively few injuries, and none of them had been life-threatening. JT had ended up losing a leg and a hand in the attack. He was airlifted to the military base in Germany then eventually sent home. Connor had lost track of him after that, but now he wondered if there was a way to find the man who had helped him find purpose and direction in his life.

  JT was the only person Connor had talked to about Adrianne and that whole situation. It was the one thing he’d struggled to accept God’s forgiveness for. JT had encouraged him to reach out to Adrianne, but fear had held him back. There were only two women in the world who could pull such emotions from him. Rebecca and Adrianne.

  Even now, he found himself putting Adrianne’s emotional needs above his and even above Rebecca’s. And it wasn’t just because he felt he owed her on some level. He really did want her to be happy.

  “Do you want to come out with us for dinner?” Rebecca asked as they stood in the foyer. “I promised Jordan a trip to the all-you-can-eat buffet.”

  Connor glanced over to where Alex stood talking to a man he didn’t recognize. “Sure. It’s either that or starve. I guess I need to start stocking my fridge so that I actually have some food to eat.”

  “Are you going to join us too, Adrianne?”

  Adrianne didn’t even hesitate before shaking her head, a friendly smile on her face as she looked at Rebecca. “Thank you for the invite, but I’ve already made other plans. I’ll see you guys later at home.”