Options?
Can’t go out with Bitch outside.
Knives are hidden. Don’t know where. He’s removed anything I could use against him. I glance at the fireplace tools. He even took the poker away.
I don’t think hitting him over the head with anything would do much…he’s so drunk it’d probably only wake him up.
I can’t make it to the kitchen and back for the keys without him hearing me, he has too many. It’s like a damn jingle bell.
I look down at my bare feet. I’m naked under the sweatshirt. I’m sore all over. I can hardly breathe fully. But my adrenaline is pumping. I feel my heartbeat going crazy.
I look again at Ben. He snores. I breathe in as deeply as I can and shake and stretch my arms and legs as best as I can without making a sound. I need to warm up.
It’s dark out, cloudy. Bitch is injured…Ben’s drunk…
If I can get a head start...I’ve been training. Running almost every day for months…
I barely hear the scraping of Bitch’s claws on the wood steps.
I slowly open the door and let her walk in.
Quickly. Quietly. Turn. And close the door behind me. And I freeze for one second. I’m outside!
RUN!
I run.
Chapter 23 HIM
Jake opens the door for me. He stayed out of the debate about my message. But the look on his face tells me everything. He’s glad. And he’s afraid for me.
Allowing the story to shift to me is a risk. The police, my investigators…they’ll keep searching, tracking down this car. And Killaney assured me that the hotline will still generate new leads. Even if the reporters make it sound like I’m the reason for Lucy’s disappearance. “People don’t care about the why…they’ll call in with any detail just to be a part of something bigger. A headline story.”
I hope he’s right.
Jake hands me a coffee. I’m off scotch. I need to be focused. I’ve been running every day again. Just later at night to avoid the press hanging around downstairs.
“How are you holding up?” We haven’t talked much, more through other people, around each other.
I still don’t want to talk to him. I only nod and walk towards my bedroom again. I close the door on Eve calling her local station contacts.
Chapter 23 HER
I run and don’t look back. I don’t feel the gravel, the dirt, the twigs. I make for the woods. I run.
I don’t feel the branches hitting my legs, my face. I don’t feel my ribs crying against the exertion. I run.
I hear the dog bark. I zigzag in the woods. Stopping to see the door open and Ben stagger out. I suck in big gulps of cold air.
Ben’s holding his head and yelling, “You better get your ass back here, bitch.” He’s still drunk, having a hard time standing. He and Bitch limp out the door and down the stairs.
Instinct. I wait.
RUN!
I wait. Bitch is more injured than I thought. She’s not listening to his command to chase me down. She’s staying by his side, sniffing.
Instinct. I run full speed towards the street, making a lot of noise when I get closer to it.
Instinct. I stop.
RUN!
I wait. I stay hidden, crouched in the dark. Ben and Bitch stumble after me. I can hear them, but hardly see their shapes against the weak light.
I quietly creep back in the direction I just ran. Towards the house. It’s my only shot.
I stop. Ben is still heading towards the street. He’s screaming and yelling. I don’t see him as much as hear him. But I don’t think Bitch is with him anymore. I don’t hear her bark. Or sniffing.
RUN!
I run. As fast as my feet can go. I run. I apply every bit of focus I’ve learned over the months of training.
I run. Arms pumping. Legs pumping. Feet barely touching the ground. Heel. Toe. Air. I run.
I think I can hear Bitch behind me. I don’t look. I don’t turn. I run.
I make it up the stairs without feeling her teeth. I make it through the door without feeling her teeth. I make it into the kitchen without feeling her teeth. I grab the keys off the counter without feeling her teeth.
And then I hear her low growl. The same one I heard that first night.
She’s tasted my blood. She won’t stop chewing.
Instinct.
I grab the iron skillet and turn in one swing.
Crack.
Right across her snarling fucking teeth. Bitch goes flying and I stumble back into a cabinet.
I recover, scrambling with my arms to propel myself around the corner. She’s still shaking her head, trying to get up. I still have the keys and I run. I think I saw blood and teeth on the floor as I jumped over them. I don’t stop. I run.
I’m out the door and down the stairs in one jump. Skidding across the gravel, bouncing back up.
Focus.
The car is parked where it was when he first brought me here.
I see him, a shadow figure against the lighter gravel, too near. And he sees me. He starts jogging towards me.
I grab the door. Locked. Fuck!
I fumble with the keys. Pressing every button. The trunk opens; the doors release.
I get in. Lock the doors.
Start.
Reverse. Fast. Gravel spinning under wheels.
I scream when I hit him. The impact slams me forward, head hitting the top of the steering wheel. The trunk slams closed.
I look, but don’t see him. Where is he?!
Go, Baby!
The car bounces and loses traction. The car jolts and settles. His body under the wheels?
Go!
I don’t stop. Careening out to the street, almost going into a ditch, before correcting and driving.
I keep looking in the mirror. I don’t know if I expect to see him chasing me.
I’m down the road and I’m still looking for him.
I start to shake.
No. I can’t. Not yet. I have to get away. I have to get safe.
I touch my left cheek. I press hard enough to cause tears. But it does the job. I can focus again.
Chapter 24 HIM
I only come back out when most everyone is gone. I’ve had enough of the zoo for today.
Mom immediately puts a plate of food in front of me. I give her a small smile. I’ve been eating more again. I know I need my strength. I’m focused again. I don’t taste anything. I don’t care what I eat. But I go through the motions.
I smile though, seeing what’s she made. Chicken parmigiana. Lucy’s been taking cooking classes. This is one of the things she actually makes better than Mom now. But I don’t say anything. I like the little reminder of Lucy.
I keep trying to picture her here for a little while each day. Most days I only get a minute or two that I can concentrate. Only a moment when I can almost hear her voice in the other room. I can almost see her sleeping in our bed.
I can picture her now leaning over me, the smell of her hair, the feel of her skin as she’d brush against me. I can hear the smile in her voice as she asks if I like it. I can almost reach out and kiss her neck.
Dad sits next to me, interrupting my thoughts of Lucy. “How are you holding up, Max?” I clench my jaw. Tired of this question. But I only nod, taking another bite of food.
“I had a talk with Jake today…”
He knows I don’t want to talk to my brother. Or hear about him. I clench my jaw again, putting my fork down. I don’t make eye contact.
“He asked me about your Mom. Not about how she’s doing through all this,” I look up. Something in his voice. He’s trying for tender. Not really his strength. “More about how she was when we first got married. When I adopted you boys.” I don’t say anything, so he continues. “I think he’s trying to make sense of what Lucy was going through. To think through if she might have, well, left on her own…”
We’ve been through this. The Florida couple reported that Lucy could’ve been hugging a man and
leaning into him, walking along the street like a nice couple in love. I don’t believe that.
I shake my head, but I don’t interrupt him. I wouldn’t dare to interrupt Dad. “Jake doesn’t remember much of those early years. He seems to have forgotten all about that tiny apartment you lived in…well, he was so young…”
His eyes travel around my place. “I know he thinks I was harsh on you…on all of you.” His voice takes on a little of the edge I’m used to. “He doesn’t remember how much discipline your Mom needed in the beginning. How wild she was, lost. I loved Alex the moment I saw her in that coffee shop. I saw her sweetness buried under her hard life. I saw what she could become. Having you boys in my life…well, that’s just been…more than I ever thought I’d get in this world.”
He’s never spoken to me like this. This warm. He’s been encouraging, supporting, giving before. But not warm. Not really. It makes me a little uncomfortable. I don’t know how to respond to him. So I only nod.
“No matter what happens…know that…know in your heart that you…you’ve been a good husband to Lucy.” I know what he’s not saying.
If we don’t find her. If she’s…if.
I only nod again. He gets up and quietly heads into the guest room.
I let out a long sigh though when I see Jake still standing on the terrace. It’s just us now.
I walk out to the terrace quietly. Jake turns, but doesn’t say anything. He’s got the picture that I don’t really want to talk to him.
But I know that Dad was telling me that he won’t let this go on much longer. I have to talk to him, get it over with.
Chapter 24 HER
I’ve been driving down the same road for a while. No lights, only a few houses. I don’t know where I am. No streets, no signs look familiar. Fields of scrubby woods so far and patches of open fields. Is this Indiana? Michigan? I look for anything that I might recognize.
I see what looks like a semi-truck’s lights on a road at a long distance to my left. A main road? This one will have to intersect it eventually, right?
I panic. Taking gulps of air to calm. I lower the window and get the stench of Ben out of my nose again.
Focus.
I only know a few things for sure.
I don’t have clothes or money.
I have a nearly full tank of gas. Thank God. And I’m not stopping until it’s out or I’m home.
This gives me a thought.
Ben said he’d been stalking me. Going to my home and waiting outside my building for me for months. I look around and could almost slap my head if it wasn’t still spinning. GPS. On the passenger side floor.
I pull over. I’m afraid of being spotted. Stopped. But I have to know where I am. How to get the hell out of here!
I plug it in and could scream waiting for the stupid screen to light up and go through its happy dancing logo before getting to a menu.
I look in the mirror again. I’m unrecognizable even to myself. My eyes are crazy. A small part of my brain says that I must be in shock, hysterical, looney, la la…
Finally! There it is. My address. Already typed in. Thanks, fucker!
Michiana. I’m close.
I breathe a little slower. Look around. No one in sight. I don’t know what time it is. His clock is broken. But I think it must be after midnight. Good. No one else on the road to see the crazy beaten up chic driving like a maniac.
I don’t know who Ben was or what he did. But I know small towns. I want out of here. I won’t be stopped by some friend of his. He said he had lots of friends.
I shake remembering how he said he would introduce me to them. Like we were a couple. Like I’d never be anything but his. He laughed, saying he wasn’t like Max. He liked to share his toys.
Well, screw you, Ben! I’ll run over any friend of yours I meet too! I won’t be stopped!
I put the car in drive and take off, fast. No stopping at lights or stop signs, only slowing down. The wheels a hum that fills my brain, makes the numbness a song. A crazy ass song.
Chapter 25 HIM
I keep my distance. I can hardly look at Jake. I can feel my blood boiling at just the thought of him being here, with her. Alone. Behind my back. I need to take a moment to get over these thoughts. I need to see past this, somehow. “Jake.” I don’t know where to begin.
He does. “I’m sorry, Max. I messed up. I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry for keeping anything from you. I…I only wanted to help.” He’s obviously been waiting to say all this, waiting to be alone with me. It’s an avalanche of apologies.
I know he’s sorry. I know he only thought he was helping. I’ve had enough time to think about this. But I still clench my fists and jaw at the reminder of Lucy keeping a secret from me. I let another deep sigh out.
“I know you did.” His look of relief is almost comical. But I’m not letting him off the hook. “But you interfered in my marriage, Jake. I can’t let that stand. I can’t…” I swallow. Anger peaking. Pain plummeting into my stomach. “I know you were trying to help Lucy. But you only confused her more. You added your own confusion over how we were raised…that wouldn’t have helped her to come to terms with me, with us.”
“I know…I know that now.”
“You may not like it, brother. But Lucy is mine. And I won’t allow you to interfere again.” I feel better talking about a time when Lucy is with me again. I can almost pretend that she’s in our bedroom, crying after a good beating for her secrets. This is one of the thoughts I’ve been able to hold onto the longest, a fantasy that I can imagine even with a room full of people.
Jake’s eyes spark at this, but his voice remains apologetic, “I won’t try again. I…” He shrugs. “I get it…I guess…I talked to Dad.” I nod. “But I already knew what he’d say. The same thing he’s always said…that it was all for our own good. He talked about loving Mom, us. About how I didn’t remember how…how bad she was to us, to herself before him. The same shit you’ve always said.” He shrugs again and takes a seat. I stay standing, putting my hands in my pockets, fists still. “But then I talked to Mom.”
I’m surprised. He’s always acted so protective of her. We both have. Not wanting to confront her about the past. I never thought he’d talk to her about his feelings over how Dad was with us, with her.
“She said all the same things. She cried.” He runs his hands through his waves, just like mine, “She said she knew that I struggled more than you with how Dad was. But she hoped that I’d figure it out for myself. That tough love is still love. That’s how she put it. The man would slap her right in front of us, and she loved him. He’d treat her like a child, sending her to their room…everything he did.” He looks accusingly at me. “But she loved him. She said she’s grateful that he came along. That she never knew what love and security was before him.”
I want to hit him for making Mom cry, for making her explain this to him. For questioning everything, me, Dad, himself. But I’m fascinated too. I’ve never had the courage to talk to her about it. About her abuse or why she stayed with Dad. I know they love each other. But there were times when I wondered...
“She admitted to all the abuse you told me about…I even remembered a little hearing her talk…” His voice cracks at this admission. He’s never really wanted to remember anything. “She apologized to me. Said that without Dad she doesn’t know what she would’ve done…to us, to herself. That she was suicidal back then. Depressed. On and off using drugs and men to forget about the two boys she had at home who needed her.” He looks at me with watery eyes. I didn’t know this. I vaguely remember a lot of “uncles” and “special friends” but nothing specific.
“That’s how she put it. She didn’t hold anything back…maybe she’s too raw over all this to hold anything back.” He takes a deep breath. “But she told me that I need to stop blaming Dad. That she chose to stay. She chose to live by his rules, his discipline. That she’s never regretted the life she has with him. And he’s never really hurt her…
not really. Just like he never really hurt us.” He stands up to be inches from me. “And I know that much is true…I’m a stronger person because of Dad. Because of the love I had from Mom. And I know you protected me when I was a kid, Max. I’ll do the same for you. Anything I can do to help, I will.”
He waits for me to respond, but I only look at him. I can’t bring myself to forgive him.
“I’m sorry, Max. I won’t interfere again. It’s your business. I know you wouldn’t ever really hurt Lucy. You love her. And she loves you.”
I have to swallow to stop the tears I feel burning behind my lids. I can’t say anything. I don’t want to lose it one way or another. I don’t trust that I’ll be able to stop myself from either beating the shit out of him or breaking down into a blubbering idiot. I can’t do either right now. I have to keep my shit together.
Jake finally gets that I won’t respond to him. He takes a step towards the door only adding, “Lucy never would’ve left you. I know that now.” I only nod.
I finally sit when he walks down the hall to the front door.
I can’t focus my thoughts for a moment. Too many conflicting emotions. Anger being top on the list. I imagine beating the crap out of Jake. My rage over his betrayal almost suffocates me. I can’t breathe for a moment. I have to stand, to pace.
I take my time fantasizing about having Lucy here now. What I would do to her for her betrayals. I smile at the image of her on her knees, begging me with tears. But the beating I gave her once would be nothing in comparison to this amount of rage. It wouldn’t just be once. I’d have her black and blue for weeks for what she’s done.
I stop pacing though. It’s no use to imagine. She’s not here. God help me, she may never be here again.
This thought is more than I can take. With one small shudder, every tear I’ve held back is shaken loose. I stand in the cold with my hands at my sides, open, my head back, the tears not stopping. I can’t control the emptiness I feel.
I’d give anything to be able to hold onto the rage. To not feel this helplessness. But it’s all I have. I’m lost without her.
True Control 4.1: A Dark Romance (True Series) Page 8
