Sunshine in the Delta: A Novel

by Erica M. Sandifer

  Chapter 26

  Before I knew, it was time for Reena to leave and go back to school, and we enjoyed our Sunday evening down in the delta, I tell ya. I wasn’t ready to go back out to the country, but I knew it was ’bout time. I was ready as the dickens to go see Mrs. Baker again. I didn’t think I was ready to see Henry again. Time was comin’ for his wedding, and boy was it comin’ soon. I got my thangs together and kissed Reena goodbye. Uncle Sammy volunteered me a ride back out to the country. About halfway down the Money Road, a deer ran out in front of the truck and scared the hell out of Uncle Sammy, but for some reason it ain’t scare me. I knew we was gon’ be fine. Sometimes I got this strange feeling that my family was bein’ watched by an angel, but no one knew ’bout these thangs but me and Big Mama. She ain’t know I knew, but I did.

  Uncle Sammy reached over to see if I was all right, and I told him I was. We made it to the house, and Uncle Sammy pulled up in the yard—and guess who I seen sittin’ on the porch, drunk as hell? My daddy. That drunk was all leaned over, so I ran up on the porch. I started to slap his blank, ’cause I knew he either done started somethin’ with Carrie, or was ’bout to. I walked right on past him, right in the house. All the lights was out. I messed around and tripped over somethin’ that was in the middle floor. Then I reached over to turn the lamp light on, and the whole lamp was rolled over on the floor. It ain’t take me long to figure out how it got there, and who knocked it over: Jabo.

  After I flipped the light on, I saw thangs was everywhere, all across the floor. There was no doubt Carrie and them chirrun was over to Big Mama’s, yet I walked on to the back room, but Carrie wasn’t back there neither. The bed was all messed up, with blood all over the sheets, like a hog just been butchered. I ain’t know who to go tell. I first thought to run to my daddy, but I couldn’t ’cause he was the one who done it, so I ran outside, and there was Carrie, come runnin’ across the yard like a madwoman. She was holdin’ a cast-iron skillet in her hand, and was headed straight for Jabo.

  “Mama, NO!” I started screamin’ at her.

  She ain’t hear a word I said, but kept on runnin’, so I ran and hopped down into Jabo’s lap. She stop runnin’ then.

  “Get yo’ ass back, Neeyla Jean. I’m gon’ kill that bastard!”

  “No, you ain’t!”

  I ain’t have to yell for her to hear that. She just stopped dead in her tracks. She had a white rag tied around her head, and it was covered in blood. It looked like he hit her over the head with the lamp I tripped over in the house. Carrie just stopped and looked at me, not sayin’ nothin’ more. She put the skillet down and walked across the grass, over to Big Mama’s house. I turned around and looked at my daddy, and wouldn’t you know it—he was asleep. He just didn’t know I saved his life—the life of a drunk. I left him out there, went on in the house and picked up the thangs off the floor, and went on to sleep.

  Chapter 27

  I was back at Mrs. Baker’s house, and it seemed like the longer I was workin’ there, the less she wanted me to do. Yeah, I had to clean up, but she wasn’t givin’ me orders like she done before. I guess she was takin’ it easy on me, and I was glad ’bout it. Henry was away at school, but all Mrs. Baker talked about was his wedding. I think she wanted Henry to get married more than he did. But the way he kept watchin’ me, you couldn’t tell that he was gettin’ married. I was over his whiteness, though. I have no problem with white folks; just the ones who don’t like blacks, is all. I knew Henry liked me, but I’m black. Besides, he never could.

  I helped Mrs. Baker plant some flowers around the side of the house. How I loved doin’ thangs like that with Mrs. Baker. I don’t recall my mama never plantin’ any flowers, let alone doin’ it with me. I told Mrs. Baker ’bout Roscoe. I surprised myself, ’cause Reena ain’t even know. I just couldn’t bring myself to tell her what happened, was too ashamed of it. Mrs. Baker wasn’t shocked. She said she made out with her husband when she was fourteen years old. I just stared at her hard, laughin’. Mrs. Baker been screwin’ all her life, and she seemed fine to me.

  I drove my daddy’s truck that day, and I was plannin’ on leavin’ early. I was expectin’ Roscoe to have been by the house by now, but I ain’t seen him. I was hopin that nothin’ bad had happened to him, or maybe he was just after what was between my legs all along. I left Mrs. Baker’s on a good note and drove my way back out to Money. All kinds of thoughts were goin’ through my head, but I was happy and nervous at the same time. Then I got scared. I was hopin’ Roscoe’s dark-skinned self hadn’t made no fool out of me. It’d been almost a month since I seen him last, and I was thinkin’ he forgot where I lived or somethin’.

  After I got back home and pulled up in the yard, there wasn’t nobody outside drunk or half dead, so I guess it was pretty safe. I went over to Big Mama’s first. I thought I smelled some food, or maybe I was just starvin’. I was so hungry I felt like I was gon’ die if I didn’t eat. I had just ate over to Mrs. Baker’s house, and I ain’t ever had a big appetite, so me bein’ hungry was strange. After I burst through the door, my li’l brother Davis Ray ran up, jumpin’ in my arms, actin’ like he ain’t seen me in years. I gave him a big hug and a kiss. I asked Luella where Big Mama was. She said she was in the back cleanin’ out a hog’s head so we could eat some dinner.

  I never liked to watch Big Mama clean no hog, or kill one. Why somebody wanna go and kill somethin’ that’s breathin’ and got feelings? Not me. Big Mama came back in the house with the hog’s head and she took it over to the sink. I walked up behind Big Mama, and I could see maggots all in the hog’s head.

  Before I knew it I said, “What the hell?”

  Big Mama just looked like she wanted to turn around and slap me, but she didn’t. She didn’t say nothin’, but kept rinsing the maggots out the hog’s head, and later put the head in the oven. Afterwards, we was all just sittin’ around, lookin’ without sayin’ nothin’. Big Mama pulled the hog’s head out the oven and cut it up, and we ate that hog’s head like there wasn’t gon’ be no tomorrow. Then, before I could get my last bite, I threw up all of a sudden all over the kitchen floor. Big Mama just looked at me from under her eyes.

  “You got a baby in you.”

  My mind fell on what she just said, so I told her I threw up ’cause that meat was rotted. I knew I wasn’t feeling the same, though—not myself at all. Even with what I was feeling, I told myself I didn’t have no baby inside of me. When it was a woman’s time of the month, all the old women called it “tomato cycle.” I found myself just sittin’ there, starin’ out the window, when all of a sudden a car pulled up. It was that same shiny car that picked me and Reena up that night that seemed so long ago.

  I jumped up to my feet and ran to the door like a madwoman. I stopped at the door, but stayed myself to wait for him to knock. I didn’t want him thinkin’ I was somehow sittin’ around waitin’ on him, so I made him knock on the door three times before I opened it. When I opened the door, he was standin’ there starin’ back at me with them pretty eyes and skin as black as my daddy’s.

  “Well, if it ain’t Miss Neeyla Marie Jean,” he said.

  I just looked at him and wanted to smile, but couldn’t.

  “And where the daylights have you been?” I said.

  He bucked his eyes at me, then smiled.

  “I been down in Miami.”

  I wanted to ask him what for, but I hate bein’ in other folk’s business. He grabbed me by my hand and pulled me to the car. I was so happy to see him, I jumped in the car without takin’ time to tell nobody I was ’bout to leave. He kept his hands to himself the whole ride, not sayin’ a word, just lookin’ over at me from time to time, smilin’ with his big, white teeth.

  We got to a place I ain’t ever been before, somewhere out in the country on the other side of Greenwood. We had to walk down to it. There was water and sand and rocks. Never seen nothin’ like it. I was wonderin’ how he knew where the place was, and was probably bringin’ girls down there al
l the time. But I wasn’t gon’ ask. Well, I didn’t care.

  We soon got lost in each other’s eyes. We was talkin’ and carryin’ on, and before I knew it, the sun was goin’ down. He reached over and kissed me. I wanted to tell him to stop, but I couldn’t. Well, the next thing you know, he was takin’ his pants down and my back was in the sand. He climbed over on top of me, but it didn’t hurt as bad this time. It still hurt, but I’m guessin’ he took away all my virginity the last time.

  Suddenly he was goin’ up and down real fast on me, and breathin’ all hard in my ear. He made a funny noise, and then all of a sudden stopped. He got up and told me he loved me, but I didn’t say it back. Guess I was still in shock, and was wonderin’ if he really loved me, and I didn’t say it back ’cause I knew I really didn’t mean it. Deep inside I was in love with Henry Baker. I got up and put my panties back on.

  “You gon’ take me home?” I asked him.

  He just smiled at me and grabbed my hand. We got back in the car. The radio was playin’. Millie Small was on, singing “My boy lollipop, you make my heart go giddyup.” It was one of my favorite songs, and I used to sing it all the time. Funny it came on. I just looked over at Roscoe and smiled. Before I knew it, I was back on Money Road. He pulled up in the yard and kissed me bye. He didn’t say when he was comin’ back, but I was hopin’ it was gon’ be real soon.

  Chapter 28

  I ran in the house, and as soon as I got in the door Carrie slapped me across my face so hard I saw stars. I grabbed Carrie, and told her if she ever hit me again I was gon’ kill her ass in her sleep. I was ’bout tired of her antics, always leavin’ me with them damn chaps, like she got the right to be slappin’ me around. No, ma’am. When I told her, it looked like she got scared as hell.

  She just looked at me and said, “If you get stuffed up, you gon’ see at it.”

  If I got stuffed up, she was damn right I was gon’ see at it. I ain’t need her or nobody. I had somebody who loved me, so I couldn’t even be mad at Carrie for long. James Roscoe was on my mind, and Henry Baker, too. I wondered if Mrs. Baker would let me come stay with her if I asked. I was sure she wouldn’t mind havin’ me around, but then again I didn’t know. I was sure them white folks she been around wouldn’t want no nigger to be livin’ with her.

  My brothers and sisters was already in the bed, so I went back there and laid down with ’em. I felt tired all over for some reason, and woke up the next morning not feeling like myself at all, even more sick to my stomach. I was guessin’ I was still sick from the rotted hog’s head Big Mama cooked. I made myself get up so I could go on over to Mrs. Baker’s. I hopped in my daddy’s truck and made my way on over there. Before I made it, though, I found myself pullin’ over and throwin’ up in one of them cornfields, where no one could see me.

  When I finally got to Mrs. Baker’s house, she was in her room crocheting a baby blanket, and I wondered who was ’bout to have a baby. I know I never heard her sayin’ Henry was gon’ be havin’ no baby any time soon, and all her friends were old as hell. But again, I didn’t like gettin’ in folks’ business, so I didn’t ask who she was makin’ the blanket for. I asked her if she needed anything, but she didn’t even stop to look up at me. Her glasses was down on the tip of her nose, and she asked me to go look in the cabinet to find some nice glasses so we could have some lemonade. All the time, I wanted to ask Mrs. Baker could I come stay with her, but I was too ashamed to ask, so I kept goin’ over how I was gon’ ask her out loud.

  I took the lemonade back to her bedroom and sat on the end of the bed. She looked at me over her glasses.

  “This here is a nice quilt, don’t you agree, Neeyla Jean?”

  I smiled at Mrs. Baker and said, “Yes, I do. Looks right fine.”

  She went on, tellin’ me ’bout how she wanted a grandchild, and for it to be a girl since she never had a girl.

  “I had a dream that you were pregnant with a baby girl,” she said to me.

  I just stopped and looked at Mrs. Baker like she lost her mind. There was no way, so I changed the subject real fast. I started talkin’ ’bout the wedding, and how Henry and his new wife was gon’ have a bunch of li’l grandbaby girls for her. She was just smilin’.

  “Maybe you can save that blanket for your first granddaughter.”

  She looked at me and said, “ I reckon so, Miss Neeyla Jean.”

  A few hours had passed, and she didn’t ask me to do nothing around the house. I figured Mrs. Baker got to be real lonely, talkin’ to a nigger girl for hours like that. I don’t know. Seemed like we was best friends. I trusted Mrs. Baker, and she trusted me. I wanted to tell her I had made out with Roscoe again, but I didn’t. Some thangs you just gotta keep to yourself. Somehow, out the blue, I asked Mrs. Baker if I could spend the night with her.

  She looked at me, smiled, and said, “You can stay whenever you want to.”

  I had no idea she was gon’ tell me that, so I just smiled. She told me I could sleep up in the guest room next to Henry’s room. I was real excited ’cause that room had a balcony I could stand out on and watch cars down on Grand Boulevard. A sleepover with Mrs. Baker. How ’bout that. I couldn’t care less ’bout callin’ home to let ’em know I wasn’t comin’. Besides, I needed to get the hell away—without bein’ with Reena’s ass.

  Chapter 29

  The sun woke me up early, and I got up and walked downstairs. Mrs. Baker was already up, but she wasn’t movin’ around. She was still in her bed, propped up against some pillows watchin’ them Westerns she liked so much. I sneaked in the kitchen to cook her some breakfast, and I knew she was just gon’ love it. By the time I made it in the kitchen, I was feeling as faint and dizzy as a merry-go-round. I reached to get the eggs from out the icebox and then reached in the pantry—and that’s the last thing I remember.

  The next thing I knew, I woke up in the hospital. My head had a knot on it, with me lookin’ around all confused. All the time, Mrs. Baker was sittin’ right next to me, holdin’ my hand.

  “What happened?” I asked her.

  She was breathin’ hard.

  “You fell and bumped your head. I think you passed out.”

  How on earth did I pass out? I ain’t never passed out nowhere before. The doctor came in the room. He was a skinny-lookin’, old white man, but he looked like he was smart as a whip. He had to be, if he was a doctor. He was holdin’ a folder with my name on it.

  “Well, Miss Sandifer, you got a lump on your head, so you need to keep ice on it until the swelling goes down. And during your pregnancy, take it easy.”

  “My what?”

  “Your pregnancy. You’re seven weeks pregnant. Congratulations.”

  I just burst into a fit of cryin’, like I was a li’l baby. Big Mama had been right all along, and I really a baby in me. Roscoe had really done it, and that would be all Carrie would wanna hear. Mrs. Baker looked like she was happy as a Southern belle, though, makin’ it seem like it was her own grandbaby. Well, I guess it kinda was, since she was like the only kinda mama I had, it seemed like. The doctor walked out, and she stood up and gave me a great big ole hug. She wiped my face and told me I was gon’ be just fine. She told me she must’ve been makin’ that quilt for my baby all the time, since she had dreamed it. I just wondered how she knew.

  I couldn’t wait to see Roscoe so I could tell him we was ’bout to have a baby. I can’t say I was happy ’bout it, but it wasn’t like I ain’t know how to raise a baby. Hell, I’d been raisin’ babies my whole life, and now I was fifteen and stuffed up. I wondered if Mrs. Baker was gon’ let me and the baby move in. I’m sure Henry wasn’t gon’ let that happen, with his arrogant self. But there was no more room for nobody else at home. What in the hell was I thinkin’? How was I gon’ afford to have a baby? I refused to torture my mind, so I waited and waited on James Roscoe so I could tell him.

  Another two months passed by, and I still hadn’t seen hide nor hair of Roscoe’s black ass. I was gettin’ madder and madder every time
I thought about him. By this time I was startin’ to show, and I couldn’t no longer hide it, since my stomach was well stickin’ out. It was startin’ to get hot again, and Big Mama was wonderin’ why I always had on so many clothes. We was in the kitchen one day over at her house, and she was just starin’ at me. I kept tryna turn away, but she had me figured out.

  “Yo’ ass is stuffed up, ain’t ya, Neeyla Jean?”

  I looked at Big Mama like she was crazy and said, “Now you know ain’t nobody stuffed up. No, ma’am.”

  Big Mama laughed like she knew I was lyin’. I knew I was lyin’, and I was doin’ it hard.

  I was glad to go over to Mrs. Baker’s; she liked to play with my stomach and talk to the baby. When I got to be ’bout four months, I thought I felt a kick when Mrs. Baker was rubbin’ my stomach. I was wonderin’ what was inside of there, whether it was a boy or a girl. She kept sayin’ it was a girl. I believed it was a girl, too.

  I was still down to Money, actin’ like I wasn’t pregnant at all. Carrie was all curious, and one day she came from the field, hollerin’ and cussing.

  “Marie! Now you done got stuffed up! I knew you was gon’ do it!”

  I ain’t say a word, but just went on cleanin’ like I didn’t hear what she was sayin’. I ain’t give a damn ’bout what she was sayin’ anyway, ’cause how in the hell she gon’ tell me not to have no baby when she got a house full of ’em.

  “I ain’t stuffed up.”

  She bucked her eyes at me like she was gon’ hit me, but she knew better.

  “Big Mama told me, sure did,” she said.

  I just walked right on past her to the front porch. The sun was shinin’ real bright, and for the time it was shinin’, it seemed like it was shinin’ on me. Mrs. Baker told me everything that happened, happened for a reason. It was a reason why this baby was in my stomach, kicking on the inside of me, so Carrie wasn’t gon’ make me feel sad about it.