Tokyo Love

by Diana Jean

  Sometimes, however, they exhausted her.

  Throwing off her shoes, Yuriko stripped out of her jeans, not bothering to put something else on. Even with AC, it was just too hot in this city. She was going to make a big lunch and sit in front of the TV and watch some comedian talk show host do something stupid.

  She almost wasn’t surprised, a few hours later, to find Kathleen at her door. Kathleen had changed into some sweatpants and a tank top again. At least this time, Yuriko was a little more prepared for the sight of Kathleen in a tank top. She smiled, opening the door wider.

  Kathleen held up a six-pack of cheap beer. “Wanna split it?”

  She didn’t think she could resist, with her looking so relaxed and alluring. “If you don’t mind that I’m not wearing any pants.”

  Kathleen looked down then, noticing Yuriko was only wearing a t-shirt and underwear. Her cheeks went slightly pink and Yuriko suddenly wished she had put on a cuter pair. She tugged the hem of her shirt. She was a little disappointed when Kathleen’s eyes jerked up to hers, expression schooled. “Well, I guess I’m a casual too.”

  Yuriko didn’t think there was anything casual about the way Kathleen’s top clung to her. “How did your date with Ai go?”

  Kathleen gave her a withering look. “I think it’s encouraged her too much. Now she’s offering to run errands for me or inviting me to other places.”

  Yuriko took the beer, putting it on her table. She pulled a fresh pillow from the closet for Kathleen to sit on. “Sounds like you leveled up.”

  Kathleen took the pillow gratefully, sitting against the wall. “Ai is no dating sim.”

  “Really?”

  Kathleen shoved a beer toward Yuriko and then opened one herself. “Dating sims are simple. They don’t think and learn. They just wait around for you to power up your PC and say the right things to them. They don’t plot.”

  Yuriko grinned. “Ai is a charmer.”

  There was a moment of silence and Yuriko looked up from her beer to see Kathleen staring at her. She looked pensive. “Did that woman … um, Michiko … what did she say to you?” She flushed and played with her can top. “I mean, if it’s not too personal.”

  “Oh, don’t worry. It is entirely personal.” Yuriko waved a hand to Kathleen’s stunned expression. “Michiko is an ex of mine, from a few years ago.”

  Kathleen was very red now. “O-oh.”

  Yuriko’s fingers tightened around the can of beer, feeling her heart beat a little heavier. “Does that bother you?”

  “Of course not!” Kathleen said, a little too loud. She lowered her voice. “I just didn’t expect it. I mean, in America I guess it’s pretty common. But here, I just haven’t … seen it that often.”

  Yuriko let out a breath. “Queers are everywhere. Japan is just a little behind and refuses to accept that.” She took a sip of her beer.

  Kathleen shifted, looking a little uncomfortable. “So what did she say to you?”

  Yuriko couldn’t tell if she was uncomfortable talking about her ex or talking about how she preferred to date women. She was probably overthinking it.

  Yuriko looked at her beer, slowly turning the can. It was cheap, the kind of stuff that only tasted good when the summer days were too hot to handle. “She apologized. I mean, we sort of had a rough breakup and I think I’ve kind of always wanted to hear that from her. But I didn’t expect it, after so long.”

  “Why did you break up?”

  Yuriko looked up, a little surprised to find Kathleen looking so interested. “Well, to start off with, we were pretty young. Mashida just hired her and me when we first met. At the time it seemed pretty serious to me, but it was also my first relationship. I don’t think I was quite mature enough to handle it when her parents flat out refused to accept me.”

  “Oh … that sucks.”

  Yuriko snorted. “You bet it does. You see, in Japan, it’s pretty common that couples don’t introduce their partners to their parents until they are really serious. Like, they are definitely getting married serious. So when Michiko suggested that I’d meet her parents … well, it just was a real blow to know that they weren’t going to accept me.”

  “Do Japanese parents … usually accept that sort of thing?”

  “By ‘sort of thing’ I’m guessing you mean gays and lesbians? Not usually. But it’s gotten better over the years. Besides Michiko was really close to her parents. They adored her. I thought that maybe their adoration would spread to me. Maybe.” She laughed; it felt a little painful. More painful than it should. “I was pretty naïve.”

  Kathleen reached out, putting her hand over Yuriko’s wrist. The hand was cold from holding the beer, but Kathleen squeezed gently and it felt good. She let go and Yuriko forced herself not to reach out and take that hand for herself. It wouldn’t feel right, not in this moment when she was talking about Michiko and her mistake.

  “I was so ready, you know, to, like, take our relationship underground. Date anyway, no matter what her parents thought. But Michiko wasn’t— isn’t like that. She tried for a little bit, for my sake. Then her parents started trying to set her up with all these guys. I guess she felt an obligation to give them a chance. I always knew Michiko was interested in both men and women, but I guess I always thought that she would choose me.” Yuriko sighed. “She chose a young man named Kenji-san. Her parents loved him and I never thought she would too. But she broke up with me anyway. I was bitter for a long time, thinking she did it just to please her parents. Eventually, I heard from our mutual friends about them, how happy she was and how great he was. It took me a long time to realize that she broke up with me because she simply wasn't interested in me anymore.” She finished off her beer. “You know, years ago, I would have been happy to get an apology from her. I might have demanded it, if I had the guts. But now … now it just makes me tired.”

  She looked over to Kathleen, with her wide eyes and curly hair. She sat with her knees pulled up to her chest, arms crossed over her legs. She rested her head on one shoulder, looking at Yuriko with an expression like pity, but also understanding.

  She’d admitted that she moved to Japan after a breakup. That she had hoped the change would help. Yuriko hadn’t moved to a new country to escape Michiko. Instead, she had buried herself in her work, forgetting about dating or broken hearts. She wasn’t sure which method was more pathetic.

  “Did your parents ever know?” Kathleen asked.

  Yuriko shrugged. “I'm pretty sure my mom suspects, but we don't talk about it.” She rolled her eyes. “Most queer people don’t. It’s like we are pretending that nothing is different about us.”

  “It must be rough.”

  “What part?”

  Kathleen waved a hand. “I don't know, being gay in this country. I mean, I know it’s difficult most places. But Japan is so much more conservative than America.”

  Yuriko snorted. “It is and … well, it’s kind of complicated.”

  “How so?”

  “Do you know that it’s generally frowned upon for a guy and a girl to walk around holding hands?”

  “Really?”

  Yuriko smirked. “They'll get stared at. Or these hilarious glares from older people. Sometimes they’ll even do that childish thing where they put their hands up and obviously whisper about what a disgrace young people are.”

  Kathleen’s lips twitched. “That sounds ridiculous.”

  Yuriko nodded. “It’s the culture. It’s been trying to change, but change isn’t easy.” She paused. “So, on the flip side … it’s actually not really noticed if two girls hold hands. Girls can even hug each other in public. Even guys can get away with touching each other, like holding onto another dude’s waist while riding a bicycle. Or putting their arms around each other’s shoulders. Not even the most conservative Japanese person would care about that.”

  “Really?”

  She grimaced. “For the most frustrating reason possible. This society, on a whole, just doesn't believe queer peopl
e exist. That when two girls or two boys hold hands, it’s all just innocent friendship and nothing more.” She tilted her head back, staring up at the ceiling. “It can get ridiculous. Like, whenever Michiko and I went drinking with our coworkers, sometimes we got a bit drunk and loose. She could have grabbed my boob in front of everyone, and no one would have cared. They would think, ‘Oh, they are drunk and just having fun’ or something like that. I mean, some of our coworkers knew or just weren’t total idiots. But … ”

  “That does sound frustrating.”

  “But would it be better if people did get offended? As offended as they would if one of us was a guy? Would it be better if people whispered behind their hands every time I tried to hold a woman’s hand, whether or not I was romantically interested in her? Maybe it’s better that most people can’t conceptualize a Japanese lesbian. I can get away with so much.”

  Kathleen put down her can of beer; it sounded empty. “But it kind of loses meaning. I mean, I don't think anyone should be shamed for a little PDA like that, no matter their choice of partner. But I think I get, at least a little, that you want others to take you just as seriously.”

  Yuriko looked at her. Kathleen’s eyes were open and soft. There was hurt in them, and loneliness, but also warmth. Maybe she didn’t quite understand it all like Yuriko did, but something in her expression made Yuriko feel like that didn’t matter. Kathleen cared for her, at least in this small way. It warmed Yuriko more than the beer or the humidity could.

  “Thanks.”

  “Hmm, for what?”

  “For the cheap beer.”

  Kathleen gave a small smile. “The finest the convenience mart has to offer.”

  Yuriko reached for another. “I guess you got to leave all your baggage in America, right?”

  Kathleen snorted. “More like it just emails me now. I did have hopes that moving to another country would keep me out of the drama. You know, I haven’t even met the guy one of my friends is dating, yet I’ve gotten all the trash on him.” She wrinkled her nose. “Not including my brother who insists that I’m only making kinky sex toys for a living.”

  “It could be worse.”

  “Oh yeah?”

  “He could know that you currently own one.”

  Kathleen kicked her with her leg. “Shut up. Both you and Ai are incorrigible.”

  Yuriko couldn’t help but smirk. “Yeah, weird how that is.”

  Kathleen flushed, looking away. “Y-you know, I have an early morning meeting tomorrow. So I’ll just leave the beer here, and head off to bed myself.” She quickly stood, walking to the door.

  Yuriko stood and leaned against the wall, watching her struggle to put her shoes on. She almost wondered if she should say something. Not just thank her. But tell her … what? That she liked talking to Kathleen like this? That she hadn’t talked to anyone like this, not even Michiko?

  She sort of wanted Kathleen to stay, even if they only talked about stupid things. Even if they didn’t talk at all. She wanted her to stay, just so she could feel the warmth in her eyes a little bit longer.

  chapter ELEVEN

  “You need to step away from your inbox.”

  Kathleen was currently lying prone on her bed, tapping at her wrist, sending rapid-fire messages to Fukusawa. She didn’t respond to Ai with words, just grunts. She would rather go into work and just talk to everyone, but Tamura insisted that she do her work from home. Optimizing time with the PLC or some other bullshit.

  Ai stood in the doorway, obeying Kathleen’s rule of not actually entering her room when she was in bed, but kind of still annoying her. “You know, if you are too busy working with me, then you won’t have to be glued to your wrist now.”

  “Yeah, just another report tonight.”

  “You have to write it anyway.”

  Kathleen glared at her. “Maybe I’m hoping it won’t be so long.”

  Ai smiled, just a little too sweet. “Come on, let me take you out.”

  Kathleen turned back to her wrist, but Ai wasn’t so easily deterred.

  “I know you haven’t been anywhere fun in Tokyo.”

  “Thanks for eavesdropping on my conversation with my brother.”

  “No problem.”

  Kathleen turned to glare again, but Ai was giving her a cheeky smile. She had been pretty persistent for the last couple of days, trying to get Kathleen to take her out again. Kathleen wasn’t sure of the motivation. Did Ai see it as some way to help her with this trial? Did she think Kathleen needed to go out, especially since she’d practically been given a paid month vacation?

  Kathleen didn’t consider herself a total introvert, but she did like her days inside and just relaxing with her computer. Back in America, she had friends who could drag her out on weekends or after work. She had liked that. Coming to Japan put a serious halt to those types of activities.

  Perhaps Ai, in the recesses of her coding, was trying to remedy that.

  Kathleen sat up. “How would you know where to find any fun places in Tokyo?”

  Ai looked positively gleeful. “I do have a GPS installed.”

  • • •

  It was a bit strange, having a robot lead Kathleen through a city she had lived in for over three months. Ai was meticulously good at figuring out the complex train schedules that Kathleen never quite got the hang of. They would be sitting on a train and Ai would be calculating which stop to get off next and which train to take and even which car would be the most empty so Kathleen could get a seat.

  “Look at your wrist or something,” Kathleen said.

  Ai turned to her, eyes focusing again after making another transfer. “My wrist?”

  “Yeah, when you do it all in your head, it looks kind of freaky. At least pretend you are checking your phone for information.”

  Ai nodded thoughtfully. She looked at her wrist. She didn’t have a phone there, but it did look a little more natural. “We will be exiting this train in 1.46 minutes. Then we will transfer to the Yamanote Line in 3.45 minutes and—”

  Kathleen waved a hand. “Just lead me there. It already feels like I’m lost without you giving me two decimals.”

  Ai lowered her wrist. “You trust me?”

  “Sure, why not?”

  Ai smiled. “That’s just about the nicest thing you’ve said to me.”

  Kathleen rolled her eyes. “I built you.”

  Ai leaned closer. “It’s still sweet.”

  The train came to a halt and Kathleen found herself in the swell of a rather crowded station. It wasn’t rush hour, but Kathleen had never been here before. Even on her way to work she sometimes got lost. Ai reached out, taking her hand.

  “Come on, it’s the last transfer.”

  Kathleen let her lead, if only because Ai did have a much faster pace than her. Her hand was strong and warm. It didn’t feel like a machine applying a calculated amount of pressure. It sort of felt nice … and safe. Kathleen looked up, grateful that, for once, Ai wasn’t giving her some snarky grin. She just had her head tilted, trying to see over the crowd. She had tied her hair up into a high ponytail, which beat against her back. She had small, fine hairs at the base of her neck, curling as if from sweat.

  But Kathleen knew that Ai didn’t sweat and those detailed hairs had been artistically put there by some mechanic. Kathleen looked around to the other commuters, tourists, some school kids, and people just running errands. Kathleen probably looked like a tourist being led by a Japanese friend on a perfectly normal weekday afternoon. Ai accidentally bumped into someone, but they didn’t even turn, barely muttering an apology as they were swept away. No one could see that Ai wasn’t the same as them. That she was a piece of expensive hardware and a very complex computer chip, wrapped in unassuming clothes bought at some random department store.

  They arrived at Akihabara and Kathleen found herself in a place she had never expected to be.

  “You have never been to Akihabara? But you work at the company that is one of the world leaders of
computer simulations! This should be home to you! It’s the tech center of Tokyo!” Ai exclaimed.

  Kathleen looked around outside the crowded station. The buildings here were coated in moving holos, some of them for cartoons or TV shows, and some of them for food and drinks. Some of them leapt from building to building, causing the tourists to stop and take pictures.

  “I get all my tech needs from Mashida. This place is a circus.”

  Ai laughed, tugging Kathleen forward. They were still holding hands, but Kathleen couldn’t quite bring herself to let go. This place was full of foreigners. All of them meandered on the streets, stopping randomly and making loud comments. It was strange, after being afraid of the judgment of the Japanese for so many months, Kathleen found herself intimidated by the tourists instead. They seemed more unpredictable, and when their eyes met, they didn’t look away first.

  The holos were very distracting, especially from underneath. They fluttered like northern lights, the music and sounds booming around them. Kathleen was surprised to find an advertisement with a bunch of young girls, all dressed in bikinis and singing. Another building had a cartoon woman with her bouncing breasts barely contained by a few ribbons.

  “I always thought the Japanese were conservative.”

  “They are. But it doesn’t mean they don’t appreciate porn.”

  Kathleen whirled to look at Ai. “You better have not taken me to some red light district.”

  Ai laughed, pulling her into a brightly lit store. “Not yet! Come one, I think you’ll like this place.”

  It was an electronics store. The entrance was crowded with holos of employees, greeting and holding out pamphlets. One of them got too close to Kathleen, and she could feel her phone vibrate with incoming mail. She dropped Ai’s hand and looked at it curiously. The holo had sent an ad to her phone, offering a coupon. The holo, a woman with a modest haircut and tacky looking suit, smiled brightly and bowed.

  Kathleen looked to Ai. “Could they send this to you?”