Dirty Ugly Toy

by K. Webster

  Dubois hauls ass the whole way back to the house while I grit my teeth to dust. I’m exhausted as hell having flown through the night and not catching any sleep. All I want is Jess in my arms—to assure her I’m going to sort this shit out. That I’ll never leave her again because I’m selling that goddamned hotel and Trevor is no longer a threat. I just need to dispatch this other asshole and then she and I can live in peace. No more bullshit.

  The sun is starting to rise when we pull in the driveway. Dubois opens the garage door but as we start to pull in, something catches my eye on the door leading into the house.

  “Stop!”

  I scramble out of the car to find a rabbit mutilated almost beyond recognition on the doorstep. In its blood, written on my door I find the words:

  I’M HUNTING WABBIT.

  When Dubois curses from behind me, I leap into action. I charge in through the garage to make sure she’s unharmed. When I make it into the entryway and deactivate the alarm, my heart leaps into my throat at the silence in the house.

  “Jessica! Christine!” I shout.

  Silence.

  Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

  Please, God. Don’t let my family be gone. I can’t survive this again.

  “In here, son.”

  I nearly collapse in relief but instead charge into the living room. Jessica is curled up against my dad sleeping. Her cheeks are swollen from crying and she clutches her purse in her sleep. She’s wearing tennis shoes, her black yoga pants, and a grey hoodie. I want to scoop her into my arms and carry her to my bedroom—to snatch up my comfy blanket and hold her over the warm vent. I want to pause everything and live in the moment with her.

  “Is she okay?” My voice is hoarse.

  He frowns and rubs sleep from his eyes. “Define okay. Son, you have a lot of explaining to do.”

  My heart palpitates. What does he know? I’m still mentally freaking the fuck out when she stirs awake and then sits up. Fear flashes in her eyes at seeing me.

  Fucking fear.

  Of all the times I’ve whipped her ass, humiliated her, threatened her, she’s afraid of me now? When all I want to do is grab her up and spend my entire life worshipping her. What the fuck happened while I was gone?

  “I know about the book.”

  My skin becomes ice as her chilling words cut their way through me. Of course she fucking knows now. The curious woman already figured out the code to my bedroom. My safe has the same goddamned code!

  “Baby, let me explain—”

  “No!” she hisses. “You’re a murderer, Braxton! I will not be another page in your book. Consider this my final fucking goodbye. Good riddance you monster. You’re no better than my husband.”

  Her words slice through me and the blackness of my soul pours out. Husband. Monster. Goodbye. Dad is trying to calm her and Dubois is murmuring to me but the roar of fury deafens me. I can’t hold onto her any longer. It’s time I do what’s best for her and not what I want.

  “Tie her up. Her stay is over.” My words are cold and empty. The room silences as the finality saturates each and every one of their heads.

  Dubois is the first to snap into action. He grabs hold of her and manhandles her screaming self into the garage. Once he’s managed to get her out of the room, my eyes land on the angry ones of my dad.

  “Braxton Kennedy, I don’t know what the hell is going on but we are going to fix this. Talk to me, son. Do not do whatever it is you’re about to do. Jessica loves you and you love her. What you’re about to do is final and it’s a mistake.”

  I wave a hand at him. “Dad, we’ll talk when I get back. Tell Cartier I want him to take Christine back home. Keep them safe.”

  Turn off your heart, Brax.

  Let your head call the shots, Brax.

  I harden my heart and make the decision to do what’s necessary.

  Tears should roll down her bright red cheeks and her garbled pleas should become more frantic with each passing mile.

  But not with her. Bunny is different. Always has been, always will be.

  Dubois trussed her up tight at the estate just like all the others—her wrists fastened behind her back with a zip tie, a matching one around her ankles above her tennis shoes, and a scarf strung through her open mouth to the point of nearly gagging her.

  Yet, instead of begging and crying, she’s glaring at me. The fear that she exposed briefly to me is gone and hate fills her expression. Somehow the hate she conjures up isn’t all for me. It’s for every wrong thing that’s ever happened to her in her life—the loss of Grace, the prostitution and addiction to drugs, the abuse she endured at the hotel from that fucker, and everything I’ve done to her—both perceived and real.

  They all try to escape the inevitable in the end. And so should she.

  Every single fucking time it’s the same.

  Please don’t get rid of me, sir.

  But Jess—Bunny isn’t like them. Her eyes glitter with promise and fierce determination. If she had a weapon, there’d be no doubt in my mind she’d attempt to use it on me. The thought fucking guts me. It wasn’t supposed to be this way.

  I drag my eyes away from the woman I love and turn my anxious attention to the Washington state tree line along the interstate. We’re almost there—to the place where each toy meets their end. Where I dust my hands and start anew. Yet this time, I want to scream in frustration. I want to figure out another way—to make her see the goodness inside of me instead. But I know this is the only way.

  “Another ten minutes, sir,” Dubois assures me from the driver’s seat.

  I meet his eyes in the mirror and nod before turning back to the window. When we slow and then turn onto a gravel road that leads into the dark, thick woods, she begins growling through the scarf.

  No fear.

  Hate. Hate. Hate.

  Jesus, it wasn’t supposed to go down this way!

  “You were fun for a little while,” I lie through gritted teeth. She was fun for every second of every day I had with her. More than fun, she completed broken parts of me. “But now it’s time to say goodbye.”

  This toy shit is over. I’m retiring in more ways than one. Selling the hotel and taking care of Dad are my new priorities. Plus, there’ll never be another woman like her. It’s my punishment to exist without the sun. If I can’t keep her safe and mine, then this is the only way.

  Dubois climbs out of the car and I hear him exchange words in Russian with Matvei. Jessica, as if she understands the language, widens her eyes in surprise. Does she question her fate which she was so certain of only seconds before?

  “Time to say goodbye, Bunny.”

  I want to taste her, just like the others. But Bunny is different. If I put my mouth on her pouty lips, I’ll become so goddamned addicted again, I won’t be able to go through with what needs to be done. My chest aches in protest.

  She doesn’t flinch when I reach over and tug the scarf free. I expect her to beg and plead for her life like they all do. To grant her an extension on her shitty life. Unfortunately for her, I’m not in control anymore.

  “And to think, I believed you truly loved me.” Her voice wobbles but not from fear; from betrayal. It cuts me deep.

  I take a deep breath and try not to look at her. In the past, I’d be craving to fuck my toy one last time before I said goodbye. Not with her. With Jessica Fucking Kennedy, I crave to haul her to me. Promise her the world. Kiss her until forever. Make love to the woman who owns my heart.

  “Bunny, I don’t love you. I never have.”

  Her lip curls up in disgust and she shakes her head.“I hope I haunt your fucking dreams, Brax. Every single night. I want you to think about what you lost.”

  I lean forward and inhale her but don’t kiss her. “There will be no doubt, Jessica. I’ll think of you every second of every day for the rest of my shitty existence.”

  Gently, I tug a strand from her messy, dark bun and twirl the hair in my fingertips. She relaxes at the gesture and I crave for
the pause button. I want to stretch out a few seconds into eternity.

  “Ready, sir?”

  I swallow down my emotion and turn toward Dubois. “Yes. Bring me the scissors.”

  She lifts her chin and waits. All the other toys scream and cry, assuming I’d hurt them with the gleaming, metal scissors. A sad sob catches in her throat as I clip the only piece of her I get to keep.

  She loves me.

  But that doesn’t matter because her time is up.

  There will never be another toy.

  I’ve lost the desire to restore.

  Nothing will ever be pristine and shiny in my eyes, not after Jessica.

  “Any last words, Bunny?”

  A single tear rolls down her cheek and she shakes her head. The hate has long since drained from her eyes and her gaze becomes magnetic. With each ticking second, I’m drawn closer to her. She doesn’t have to utter any words because I can feel them. Every single one.

  Love. Confusion. Distrust. Betrayal. Sadness. Loss.

  I’ll fucking miss her.

  My life will never be the same.

  “Goodbye.”

  She makes no sound when Dubois gently ushers her out of the car with him. Matvei takes her away from my presence. Together, they do what I don’t like doing. They do the hard part. My part is always easy.

  Not this time though.

  While they take care of her, I die. One choked breath at a time, I die. With each beat of my broken heart, I die.

  Dubois returns to the car. He puts it in drive and we head back home. I drop my gaze to the lock of hair between my fingers and scowl. Twenty toys. Twenty locks of hair. Twenty times I’d indulged in my greatest fantasies.

  I just never expected when I started with Jessica that she’d take my heart with her in exchange for this insignificant piece of hair.

  Goodbye, my love.

  “We’re here, miss,” Janet, the flight attendant, says softly as she stacks some glasses from the kitchenette area.

  I’m groggy from the long journey and I blink my swollen eyes open. I may not have cried in his presence, but I sobbed the entire flight here on the plane. He wasn’t going to kill me. Somehow, deep down in my heart, I knew all along. The proof suggested otherwise, but I knew.

  “Where are we?”

  She smiles. “A driver will take you to the hotel you stayed at in London—the one where Mr. Kennedy first took you. It’s one of his hotels and a landing place for his girls. You’re to take as much time as you need to gather your bearings. In the morning, the money should be wired into your account.”

  I stand and stretch. “I don’t have an account. I don’t even have any identification.”

  She chuckles as if I’m adorable. “Oh, sweetheart, your official papers are waiting in your room. Mr. Kennedy doesn’t do anything small. He forgets nothing. You’re set, my dear.”

  I’m in a daze as I clutch my purse the whole way to the hotel. Slipping my hand inside, I stroke the gift I’d bought for Brax. Just having his birthday gift in my hands helps me cope. I miss him so fucking much and I don’t understand why he sent me away.

  It’s what you wanted.

  I swallow that bitter pill of understanding and try to be hopeful about the situation. Brax was a good man. His reasons for pushing me away a little earlier than our contract confounds me but it works for my plan. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think he knew about Jimmy and his threats. But how could he have figured it out? His motives will forever be a mystery.

  The car stops in front of the fancy hotel and I rub my belly. My little baby is probably nothing more than a blip on a radar, but this baby is my blip. I’ll protect my little blip until I’m old and on my deathbed.

  “Bunny?”

  The door opens and a pretty Asian woman greets me. I blink in shock, recognizing her from the scrapbook. “Swan?”

  She smiles broadly at me. “Oh, honey, come here.”

  I scramble out of the car and walk into her embrace. Tears are streaming down my face but they’re silent. She finally pulls away and inspects me. The woman is runway gorgeous and here I am looking like a ragamuffin.

  “No wonder you were his favorite. I mean, look at you. You’re stunning, girlfriend. Come on, let’s get you settled in.”

  Dumfounded, I follow her inside. Several other women I recognize from the scrapbook wave at me. What fucking sort of alternate reality have I stepped into?

  “Why are they all here?” I question as we enter the elevator.

  “Dubois emailed us. Whenever we get a newbie, we like to greet them and make them feel welcome. You’re my first newbie to greet. Dubois also tells me you’re the last. It’s the least we can do for Mr. Kennedy. I owe him everything. I wouldn’t have found my fiancé, Gorgi, if it weren’t for Mr. Kennedy coming into my life.”

  I swallow and try not to cry. She guides me to the room I stayed at once before with Brax. With a swipe of a key, she lets us in and escorts me over to the table.

  “It’s all there. Everything you’ll need.”

  I pick up a thick yellow envelope. Inside is a checkbook, a passport, and several other documents. “A whole family of fucking Kennedys,” I mutter, my words filled with hurt.

  She laughs. “Oh, don’t be silly. My name is Li Hung. You’re the only toy he’s ever named a Kennedy. That’s why you’re the favorite.”

  I watch as she shows me a suitcase that’s been filled with new clothes, an email from Cartier instructed her on the correct sizes to buy.

  “Like I said,” she reminds me. “You may stay here until it all sinks in, or you could leave tomorrow. It’s your choice. You’ll never be cold or hungry again. He sees to it that we’re always taken care of.”

  She’s just walking toward the door when I stop her. “Did you love him?”

  Her smile is sweet. Nostalgic even. “Of course, Jessica. We all did. But he never loved us back. It takes getting out in the real world to finally understand that. In time, you’ll understand it too.”

  At her exit, I drop to my knees and howl in pain.

  He does love me.

  And I’ll never understand it otherwise.

  “This is the address of Scarlett Dempsey?” I question.

  The cabbie nods and holds out his hand. “Did you expect Buckingham Palace?”

  Shaking my head, I toss him a wad of cash that I’d taken from Brax and climb out. The home is rundown and old on the outside. Weeds are growing in the cracks of the sidewalk. I can’t believe this is Scarlett’s home. When we roomed together when I first moved to London, she’d been neat and organized. Our flat was immaculate. I suck in a brave breath of air and climb the steps. With a quick rap on the door, I wait.

  I didn’t want to come seek revenge or accuse her of anything. I simply wanted to make sure she was okay. Footsteps tap toward me from the other side of the door and then it’s suddenly opened.

  For what seems like an eternity, I stare at my friend. Dark circles ring her eyes. Wrinkles mar the corners of her lips from years of frowning. She reeks of smoke.

  “Jessica?” Tears well in her eyes and she assumes a defensive position as if I might attack her.

  “Scarlett. How have you been?”

  Something breaks inside of her and she bursts into tears. “You have to believe me, Jess. I looked for you. Everywhere! Whatever drug they gave us confused me. The police searched and searched but eventually gave up on me. I went to that club every night for years hoping you’d show back up. You never did! I thought he killed you!”

  Her body wracks with shudders and I rush over to her. Enveloping her in a hug, I assure her everything is okay.

  “Scar, it’s okay. I’m okay. Don’t worry about it. Everything worked out in the end.”

  She sniffles and pulls away. “Your boyfriend came to see me. I’ve never been so scared in my life.”

  I raise an eyebrow at her.

  “I just knew he was going to make that black guy kill me. But once I explained the story, h
e wrote me a check, Jess. A hundred thousand quid. He also gave me the address to his hotel, said I had a job if I needed one. He was like some dark angel there to save me.”

  My lips spread into a grin. Knowing that Brax came with the intention to avenge me warms me. Turns out, he ended up having to protect her too. All those women. He helped them all—like he couldn’t help his mother. My heart breaks.

  “Brax is a good guy,” I admit.

  Then, she regards me seriously. “Before they left town, he came back. He told me I’d never have to worry about Corgy again. I was shocked but happy. Then, a few days later, I found this . . .” She runs off down the hallway and returns with a newspaper.

  Man Slain Over Drug Deal Gone Bad

  The headline is an assumption but the truth is as plain as day. Corgy had been beat to death with a tire iron. Just like Trevor had almost been beat to death by two fists. Brax, my avenging angel, had been there too on my behalf. The fact that he killed one man and almost another should alarm me. Instead, I’m grinning like a fool.

  “So what are you going to do?” I ask her.

  We spend the next hour catching up as she tells me all about the gift shop idea she told the ladies at his hotel about. Brax gave the okay via email and she was selling her house to move to the hotel to run it. For the first time in forever, a weight is lifted and I allow hope inside.

  Brax ran me off. To protect me. It’s all he’s ever done for me. Despite his hate-filled words, I know better. I’ll find a way to expose Jimmy so he’ll no longer be a threat. And when the dust settles, I’ll come back to him and together we’ll raise this baby.

  I didn’t stay at the hotel long because I knew I had to move. Jimmy is smart and I wasn’t going to take my chances on him finding me. With my new identification, I traveled back to the United States. My goal had been to layover in New York and then travel to Texas. Big state with lots of places to hide. I’d just exited the plane and was heading for my connecting flight when something in a gift shop along the way caught my eye.

  I slip into the shop and purchase my first gift for my baby. A pair of I Love New York socks. My heart pounds in happiness. I shove the bag into my purse along with Brax’s birthday gift. One of these days, I’ll give him that gift. I know it in my heart.