Whole Lot Of Shiftin' Going On: Magic and Mayhem Universe (Baba Yaga Adventures)

by Donna McDonald

  The house chose that moment to shift on its foundation. Squealing, Carol fell back against Hildy who caught her in the blanket she wore. “Don’t look now, Great One, but the house is still falling in around us. Gravity’s a real bitch. Gaia told me so.”

  “Nonsense. This house is fine. It just needs some love. The granite counters must have shifted the weight.” Carol pushed her way free of Hildy’s smelly, but supportive embrace. “Now you head to your bath, and I’ll work on the other side of the house. It won’t fall in on you when I’m done. I promise.”

  Hildy sighed and nodded, for once not having the energy to debate Carol’s craziness. She was too depressed about the overall situation. The healer training had been one difficult challenge after another. After enduring all that, coming to this old house felt like a punishment.

  Why in Gaia’s name had she ever agreed to return?

  When Hildy finally emerged from her bath, Carol was long gone. She’d told the cats to tell Hildy that she’d return tomorrow. She’d dug a clean blanket from her bag and slipped it on.

  The bath had worked some real-world magic and restored her. She smelled of lavender and felt reborn. A cleansing dip in the icy cold lake near the cave in no way compared to the luxury of the giant soaking tub she’d discovered in the bathroom. It was new and modern and enormous. She’d stayed submerged in it for hours. She hadn’t washed her hair, but the rest of her was marvelously clean.

  Hildy figured she owed having the big tub to the cats, but who had fixed the plumbing? There had been new copper pipes peeking from a giant hole in the wall. Her familiars refused to tell her the name of her plumbing hero before they shuffled off to make sure no rodents or reptiles had crossed their boundary lines.

  Feeling more settled after getting clean, it equally delighted Hildy to find the kitchen smelled of fresh veggie pizza when she found it again. She also found a pitcher of herbal tea in the refrigerator and plenty of ice in the freezer. The cabinets held an assortment of fine china and the drawers held two full sets of silverware.

  Her exploration proved the room was fully stocked and all the appliances were top of the line. Carol’s fixing spell had been indeed powerful. She was flattered and grateful that the Ancients and Morgana thought she deserved such a beautiful space.

  Hildy opened three cans of tuna and set dinner out for the cats in pristine white bowls. They returned within minutes of smelling food, yowling in happiness over it. She sat at the huge table and devoured the whole pizza by herself.

  After she’d tidied up and restored the kitchen to shiny newness again, Hildy went looking for the other promised space. The small living room in the front of the house was stuffed with comfortable furniture. A large stone fireplace covered most of one wall. The sturdiness of the furniture along with a few gleaming armoires and shelving units seemed to balance the weight of the dilapidated house.

  Using the smallest amount of magic she could, Hildy conjured some ash logs in the fireplace and started a magical fire. She performed a simple house dedication ceremony and tossed some rosemary into the flames to consecrate the fireplace hearth for her future work.

  While her well-fed, purring familiars lounged on the plush couch, Hildy explored the other rooms, stopping at a single latched door that she guessed went down into the basement. Given the rundown condition of the house, Goddess only knew what was down there.

  Hildy pushed away the fear of the hidden area and the pre-destined feeling that hit hard and strong as she stood facing the entrance. “Tomorrow,” she promised, patting the closed door and putting a guard spell over it in case something wicked tried to escape the space while she slept.

  There were also stairs that led to a less scary second floor but she wasn’t risking those in the dark. Light switches were non-existent. Did the previous owner enjoy floundering in the dark?

  Tired and discouraged, Hildy padded down the hallway to the dingy, temporary bedroom the cats had made for her on the main level. All she had for light in the room was a white candle she’d brought with her.

  Still, as she removed her blanket and prepared for bed, Hildy vowed to make the best of things while she was here. Carol had kept her word and stopped the house from falling over, or at least, it no longer creaked when she walked across the floor.

  It was only when she was lying in bed unable to rest that Hildy finally admitted to herself how much she missed the safety and familiarity of Gaia’s cave. Apprehension about helping the shifters in Assley weighed heavily on her heart.

  Hildy didn’t fall asleep until somewhere near morning. And when she did finally sleep, she restlessly dreamed of the life she’d once planned on having in the goddess-forsaken town but now was never going to get to live.

  When she woke again, Hildy found herself staring into the face of a real nightmare. Her dazed eyes focused on the pig snout all but touching her cheek. Her scream of terror scared her as much as it did the creature that yelled and ran for its very life.

  3

  “Daddy!” the fleeing pig snout called loudly as its owner beat a hasty retreat. The other two snout owners laughed and went chasing after the first.

  She was barely back in Assley and chaos had descended already. Not wanting to face it, Hildy blinked and clutched the covers to her neck. She was naked under them. Her tattoos were still healing.

  And what the hell was going on? There were no such thing as pig shifters. She was sure of that. What was wrong with those children? She needed to do a thorough exam.

  Fat Bastard appeared in the bedroom doorway. “Sorry for the disturbance of yer beauty sleep, sweet potato. Dem piggy bear cubs got away from me and the boys.”

  “That was a bear cub? With a pig’s snout?” Hildy asked.

  “Youse got it, doll bottom. Dat’s only some of the scary stuff happenin’ round here. Me and the boys are glad weeze is completely cats if youse know what I mean.”

  Hildy nodded. “I’m starting to. Close the door. I need to get dressed.”

  “As youse wishes, but weeze sorely missed seeing yer outstanding knockers. Youse is like our personal Venus de Milo statue except youse still got your arms.”

  “Give it up, Fat Bastard. You’re not seeing me naked this morning. Get your sleazy cat butt out of here and go find those deformed kids. Make sure they’re okay. I think I scared them as bad as they scared me.”

  After Fat Bastard left, Hildy slipped her blanket she’d cut up over her head and went to find the bathroom. She was walking down the hallway when the floor started shifting under her feet. It was all she could do to stay upright.

  “Shit. The house is falling in again. Run guys. Get those children out of here.”

  Fat Bastard yowled in answer from the living room. “No worries, my babealicious witch. A studly bear and a very manly mountain lion are jacking the crap hole up to make it level. Yo Baba Yaga Her Scariness braced it with boards until the foundation could be all fixed up. I’m guessin’ she sent the shithole jackers if youse understand my greater meaning.”

  “In other words, Carol didn’t take the time to fix everything properly, the house is still falling down around us, and all we can do is pray it doesn’t collapse before we escape.”

  Fat Bastard nodded his kitty head. “Youse always was a smart cookie.”

  “And a gullible friend, especially where Carol is concerned,” Hildy stated as she braced herself with one hand on the wall as she walked.

  She peeked into the living room and saw three small children sitting quietly on her new couch. They studied their hands and whispered to each other. All three of them sported a definite pig snout. The town was smart to send babies to her first. They’d hit her weakness on the first try.

  The house kept moving around, but the shaking and groaning no longer held her attention. Hildy walked to the little ones and knelt to be eye level as she spoke. “Sorry I screamed and scared you. I’ve been living alone for a long time and I wasn’t expecting anyone to be in my bedroom.”

  “It’s
okay. Everyone thinks we’re ugly,” one told her sadly.

  Hildy huffed. “You’re not ugly. You’re just scary. That’s a whole different thing. Fat Bastard is ugly. What creature would want to walk around all furry and gigantic?” She pointed in her cat’s direction and they all three looked at Fat Bastard and giggled.

  “Hey now… I likes being furry, and I likes to eat. Mother Nature has had her way with me and she’s quite the bountiful female—plus she has wonderful knockers,” Fat Bastard said, rubbing his kitty stomach with one paw, as he winked at his witch.

  Hildy winked back at him and then turned to smile at the children. “So what’s going on with your scary pig noses? Did somebody do this to you?”

  She got three sad shrugs in answer.

  “We’re supposed to be bears like our daddy,” one complained.

  “But instead of turning into a bear we’re turning into pigs,” another added.

  Hildy tilted her head at the third one. “Do you have a curly pig tail hiding in your pants?”

  The third one giggled at her silly question and shook his head. “No. We all have little hairy bear butts,” he finally admitted with a chuckle.

  “Well, see then? You’re definitely not turning into a pig. Maybe you just came down with a bad case of swine flu and it’s affecting your face. Everyone gets sick now and again.”

  “What’s swine flu?” the first one demanded as he laughed.

  Hildy smiled. “It’s a human illness, but I’m starting to wonder if it’s been magically tampered with.” She rose to stand again. “Are you all hungry? I need breakfast.”

  “We had breakfast already. Daddy says we eat like pigs even if we’re bears.” The trio giggled in pig snorts over the confession.

  “What’s your daddy like?”

  “Grandma said he was a big old grumpy bear who didn’t like anything anymore. He’s fixing your house though. Do you have any honey? We love to eat honey.”

  Hildy chuckled at their honesty. “See? That proves you are definitely bears. How about some honey muffins? If I don’t have the ingredients to bake them, I can conjure some up because I’m a witch.”

  “We’ll be good if you let us watch you cook,” the most talkative one promised.

  “Sure,” Hildy said with a shrug as the house shifted under her feet. “Maybe there will be less shaking in the kitchen.”

  After locating what she needed, the muffins only took a few minutes to mix and bake. Good thing she made a double batch. The kids ate a whole batch of twelve by themselves. Soon they’d returned to the living room where Fat Bastard put on cartoons for them to watch.

  Hildy saw sleepy heads nod and soon they were snoring in a pile. If they were true bears, they might not wake up until tomorrow.

  “Is everyone in town turning into pigs?” she asked quietly.

  “Nope. Some are turnin’ into weirder things. Youse got yer rabbits with snake tails, deer with long necks like giraffes, and porcupines who sprout hair instead of quills. Some of the cray-cray changes with every shift.”

  “That’s very strange,” Hildy agreed.

  “Youse ain’t kidding about dat. No one’s doing much shifting right now. Unfortunately, the piggy bear cubs’ snouts are lookin’ to be permanent, poor little bastards.”

  Hildy patted Fat Bastard on the head. “Mind the little ones until their Daddy is done with my house. I’m going into town to visit with the other shifters.”

  “Don’t youse want to wait and see him? It’s been a long time. Weeze figured you two missed each other.”

  “See who?”

  Fat Bastard pointed to the cubs. “Their big bear of a daddy. Who else youse been dreaming about?”

  “I’ve not been dreaming about…” Hildy’s startled gaze swung in the direction of the little ones. Goddess, she should have known. Who else did she know in Assley with bear cub triplets? She was as dense as their father was sometimes. “So those are Chuck’s kids?”

  Fat Bastard shrugged a cat shoulder and scratched his balls. “I hear the jury’s still out on the fathering verdict, but the mama of bear clan agreed they’re part of the family. Dat’s all I knows.”

  “Those kids are pretty grown up for two-year-olds. They were babies when I left. How did they grow up so fast?”

  “Weeze don’t know much about dem bear growth cycles. Such learning was not required for the job as your familiar. Do weeze need to go back to school?”

  “No,” Hildy said, chuckling. “You three are doing just fine.”

  “Thanks, Ms. Shifter Whisperer. Weeze think you do a bang-up job too.”

  How had this happened? Chuck’s children were sleeping on her furniture and the bear who’d broken her heart was under her house.

  Hildy sighed at what she figured was another of Carol’s sneaky tricks and decided to leave right now was the best course of action for her. She’d stick to her plans to investigate and do what she came to do.

  The sooner she figured out the weird shifting issue—the sooner she could leave.

  Hildy smiled as she entered the diner. She waved at people she recognized. Several dropped their food when they saw her. Grinning over their reactions, she headed toward a gaped-mouthed Wanda and Dee-Dee who were staring at her from behind the counter.

  The silence that descended on the place was so total you could suddenly hear the double slushy machine grinding. Since when did Dee-Dee get a double slushy machine? Things sure had changed a lot in two years.

  “Nice blanket,” Wanda said, checking her out. “Is this your homeless person look?”

  “Oh my, Hildy. Is that really you?” Dee-Dee exclaimed.

  Hildy grinned and nodded. “Yes to both questions. Have I changed that much?”

  “More like you let yourself go,” Wanda said honestly.

  Hildy saw Dee-Dee elbow Wanda in the side. Their blunt exchange made her laugh. It also reminded her of why she’d once enjoyed being the healer for these people. She was going to miss them when she moved away.

  “I know I look a bit rough around the edges, but you’ll have trust that I’m wearing this blanket for a good reason. The Baba Yaga summoned me to help before my training was over. I never really got a chance to re-acclimate.”

  “The climate is not our problem,” Wanda hissed softly.

  Both women eased a bit closer. Dee-Dee fixed Hildy a glass of water with a lemon wedge and slid it along the counter to her.

  “It’s just awful,” Wanda confessed in a whisper.

  Hildy looked down. “Oh come on, it’s not that bad. This is a clean blanket. I cut up three so I wouldn’t have to wear the same one all the time.”

  “I wasn’t talking about your hippie look. I was talking about the weird shifting that’s happening,” Wanda said with an eye roll.

  “Oh,” Hildy said with a laugh. “That’s why I’m here. I’m supposed to try and figure out what’s going on.”

  “Good,” Dee-Dee whispered. She looked around and shook her head. “You need to talk to Chuck about it, Hildy. Those babies of his are the problem. He won’t listen to the rest of us, but I think they brought some bad juju to the town when they got dropped off.”

  Hildy sobered. She remembered the cubs scarfing down her honey muffins and then falling asleep with full bellies after. They might be part pig at the moment, but they weren’t evil. “I just saw them this morning. Outside of sporting pig snouts, they seemed like regular bear cubs to me.”

  Was she defending Chuck’s illegitimate brood? So long, neutrality. Hildy did a head smack, and then finger combed her messy hair.

  “Did you see Chuck this morning?” Wanda asked.

  “No,” Hildy said with a frown. “Why?”

  “Because nothing’s happened to him,” Dee-Dee said in a whisper, scanning the diner to see who was listening. “Chuck can shift without any problems. It’s like he’s immune to whatever is going on.”

  Hildy listened to the rest but her mind was spinning. None of their stories made any sense, bu
t one thing was clear. “Alright,” she said, giving in to her destiny. “I’ll talk to Chuck about this. Maybe he can help me figure out what’s happening.”

  4

  The knock on his door made his heart beat loudly in his chest. Chuck had been expecting her to visit, or rather he’d been hoping Hildy couldn’t stay away. After all this time, any reason that brought his witch mate back to his door was good enough for him.

  “Bed,” he ordered. “You three are starting school tomorrow.”

  “School?” they all parroted in surprise while looking at each other and trading shrugs. They looked back at their father.

  “The cat told me what you three did today. It’s time you put your mischief-making energy to better use.”

  “But we’re only two years old,” Harrison complained.

  “Two going on twelve,” Chuck replied with a father glare. “I saw you reading my chemistry book, Harrison. Now get to bed, you three. I’ll be there to tuck you in as soon as I take care of the person at the door.”

  “It’s the witch,” Garrison announced.

  “The honey muffin witch,” Farley said in awe. “Do you think she brought us some more muffins?”

  “Yum,” the three said together.

  Chuck grumbled under his breath, jealous of his children. Hildy used to make honey muffins for him. He growled at the cubs. “Go. Get ready for bed. Do what I told you.”

  Laughing over his growling, he watched the three scramble up the stairs. Chuck didn’t understand how they’d doubled in size since they’d grown their pig snouts. All he knew was their mischief had doubled in size as well. Maybe school would give them better things to do with that energy.

  Chuck headed to the door once the cubs were out of sight. He yanked it open and loosened the hinges with his effort. Damn it. Sometimes he forgot how strong he was. No wonder he was so good at his job. He always had to fix something he’d broken.