Haffling (The Haffling series)

by Caleb James

  One of the hedgehogs pointed to a Motorola in a glass case. “That one… tell me the price. Tell me the things it does.”

  “Just so.” The merchant flipped through a chain of keys dangling from a leather sash. His fat fingers felt the tip of one, selected it, and opened the case. “It does many things. Let’s you listen in, and this….” He set the phone on top of what I first took to be a tree limb with the nubs of several broken branches. Apparently, those were rechargers. He pressed the phone on, and it blasted Radiohead’s “Creep.” He let it play, watching the hedgehogs, and shot a nervous glance in my direction. He glowered at me. “You are trouble. If you do not intend to purchase you should leave.”

  Despite my beginner’s luck with kick-the-elf, I had no interest in discovering the blind spot of big green… whatever the hell he was? “Fine.”

  I was about to head to the next booth, when one of the iPhones in his case caught my attention. I pulled out my cell. The GPS app opened up, and sure enough…. To be doubly certain, I pressed Mom’s number. The iPhone in the case rang.

  “That’s mine.”

  He glared at the ringing phone…. I could tell he was about to say one thing, and then reconsidered. “So it was, and now it is mine… it has a cost. Once paid, it could be yours again.”

  “Where is she? Where is my mother?” The instant the words shot from my mouth, all conversations stopped—dead silence. The merchant’s expression shifted from surly to panicked. He sunk back into the shadows of his booth. All the merry shoppers scurried away.

  All but one.… My breath caught as he approached. The beautiful blond boy, like something from a dream, but more likely a nail for my coffin. “Liam.”

  His full lips parted over sparkling teeth, the canines too sharp but otherwise perfect. His violet eyes were fringed with golden lashes, and he was dressed for a renaissance fair, but it looked good on him—a loose linen shirt over tight buckskin pants, his long hair tied back.

  “I just screwed up,” I commented. My gaze darted from him to the fairgoers who had pushed back to the periphery.

  Liam’s smile spread; he shook his head. “Perhaps. You asked questions. It comes at cost. I will give you the price for your answers… and the answers as well…. Dorothea.”

  My eyes blinked as the space between cell phone booth and its neighbor shimmered, and the half praying mantis, half human appeared. I stared at her face. If it weren’t for the fact that she was clearly not human, she could have been the sister—almost twin—of that horrible Clarice woman at the DSS meeting. She held a feathery notepad and peered over half-glasses at what was written on the page.

  “Two questions,” she said, her gaze on me, and then she scanned the onlookers.

  The fairgoers seemed frightened, some of the smaller creatures had run off, but curiosity—and probably bloodlust—held the remainder rapt.

  “Two questions,” Dorothea repeated. “Mockingbird, speak.”

  Her notepad flipped open. The top page flew out and twisted and folded into an origami bird. Out of its beak came my voice: “‘Where is she? Where is my mother?’”

  The crowd gasped.

  Liam shook his head and stood next to me. His face was inches from mine. “Don’t be scared. You’ll be okay.”

  I swallowed, imagining how easy it would be to lose myself in his eyes. I felt myself getting aroused… but different from how I felt around Jerod. Something about this boy was like a drug. I needed to clear my thoughts. “You’re beautiful.” The words spilled like a line from bad Internet porn. This didn’t seem the time to flirt… but. “Tell me the cost.”

  “May wants you to give her your name. In exchange, you can have both answers. Although they seem connected. It is a fair price. Just give her your name.”

  I strained to hear the conversations on the periphery. It’s what she’d wanted before, and from the frightened expressions and the overall wackiness of upside-down world, I wasn’t so sure the price was right. Clearly she knew my name, but there was something bigger involved in my giving it to her… like the weirdness with the flower.

  Liam’s gaze held mine. He whispered. “It is fair. And I would make no bother, beautiful Alex, if you gifted me with a flower.”

  For one of the few times in my life, I wished Nimby were here. I got the message that a flower was more than the sum of its petals. “You watched that,” I stated, catching myself at the last instant from making it a question.

  “Through the dark glass, I watched. Silly cow, to make such a fuss.” His tongue darted across his lower lip. His expression was almost shy. “You don’t know our ways… our customs. Know this, Alex Nevus, any time you offer, I will take your flower.” He held out his hand.

  Admittedly, what he’d just said sounded pervy. But the way he said it…. I reached for his extended hand. His fingers laced through mine and he lifted our joined hands, examining them in the light. “You must pay her price, Alex. May will not be stopped.”

  I kept my lips pressed together as my brain reformatted questions into statements. “Tell me the consequence for not paying.”

  Tears welled in his eyes, and like diamonds they sparkled and fell to the ground. “Blood.”

  I remembered the ease with which May had stabbed her blue-faced assistant and then ripped off a two-inch chunk of my scalp and threatened worse. He wasn’t kidding. I was in deep shit.

  Strange music wafted over us. It grew louder, a mix of ice-cream truck bells and a circus calliope. A woman sang. I caught snippets of lyrics, something about a bear being tortured.

  “It’s a fair price,” he said, still holding my hand. He pressed it to his lips.

  The feel of his flesh on my skin was electric. My knees buckled, and I stumbled into him. He caught me in a close embrace. Our faces inches apart, his eyes on mine. I let my fingers touch the silk of his hair… his cheek. Unlike the elf, Liam was solid and hard. There was an ache inside of me. Never had I wanted anything so much… the purple in his eyes, his pupils wide, the flicker of his tongue against his too-sharp teeth. My fingers in his hair, my palm against the strong pillar of his neck. I felt a hunger unlike anything I’d ever known.

  A woman’s long fingers clamped onto Liam’s shoulder. A musical voice laughed. “Not yet.”

  Liam pulled back, regret, and a flash of anger, in his eyes.

  I gasped at the loss of his touch. But the expression on his face… like a dog losing its bone. I thought of Jerod, and of Alice. I needed to pull it together. Find Mom, I thought, and haul her ass out of here.

  My pulse raced as I followed the hand on Liam to May. It was as though we were on a stage and the curtain was being pulled back to reveal the fairy queen and her entourage. But not exactly a curtain, as I stared at the shimmery edges of the hole in reality… or unreality. May was dressed for a safari, her hair in two tight braids coiled beneath a straw hat. She was in a camouflage hunter’s outfit covered with pockets. Behind her was the same hulking ogre with the dark water mirror. And next to him….

  “Mom!”

  “Hello, sweetheart.” She, like May and the handsome silver-haired man holding her around the waist, was dressed in camo.

  “And there we have it!” May’s face smiled into the water mirror. “Questions asked and questions answered. I believe this covers both.” She pointed toward Dorothea, who was still holding her notepad, the origami mockingbird perched on the edge. The insectile secretary tapped the bird’s head; its beak opened, and in my voice repeated, “‘Where is she? Where is my mother?’”

  May swung her arm like a game show hostess toward Mom. “There she is… and now… time to pay. Every question has its answer and its price, which must be paid. Give me your name, Alex Nevus, give me your name.”

  My legs wouldn’t move. I stared at Mom, her expression terrified. She was shaking her head “no.” And when I looked down… how the hell had I missed that? She wasn’t a little pregnant—her belly was huge. Yes, I’d thought she’d been putting on weight, but she’d d
one that before, and it usually meant she was taking her medication. Her partner’s arm gripped her around the waist. She shook her head. “Don’t.”

  “Give me your name, Alex Nevus,” May sung into the camera. “Two questions answered, got to pay the price.”

  I looked from Mom, to May, to Liam.… Why are his teeth so sharp? The creepy music played softly in the background. I still smelled donuts. Thoughts flooded my head. I pictured Mom’s paintings—many of them were portraits of creatures in this world. She wasn’t crazy here. She was hugely pregnant. She knew about this place. She’d been here before… I suspected quite a lot. And she was clear—don’t give May your name. I looked back at Liam… who wanted my flower… ick… yum. Oh crap!

  I opened my mouth. “No.”

  May’s head shot around. “Oh my!”

  Gasps from all sides. Then pandemonium. That one word, “no,” like the shot from a starter’s pistol. The fairgoers sprinted away. Their expressions panicked, as mothers grabbed their children and merchants fled their stalls.

  May raised her arms, her fingers stretching like a ballerina’s. She began to spin, and darkness fell.

  The world turned black, my feet still frozen. I braced for what was coming. Liam had said that to not pay would mean blood. I believed him. I also believed Mom didn’t want me to give May my name. I thought of Alice… and Jerod. And then the darkness lifted. We were still in the fairground. I was still alive, and I could move. Slowly, I turned, seeing Liam, May, pregnant Mom, and… a very dead, cell-phone selling ogre.

  May glanced at the merchant and then at me. She shrugged. “But you’ve killed before. I should have known… ah, well. Something else to like about you, and why this time, and only this time, I’ll leave your charming vessel intact.” She looked over the stalls that stretched as far as the eye could see. She turned to the camera. “Well, we’re here, we might as well.”

  A dainty sprite with a bright-pink face in a lime-green dress spoke up: “Your majesty, it’s a good concept.”

  “Fine,” May said, clearly not convinced. She waved her hand at the cameraman and turned toward me. “Considering all the trouble you’ve caused, I expect you to play.”

  I glanced at Mom. She rolled her eyes and nodded.

  “Fine.” I was relieved that I was still breathing and had all my appendages. One thing was certain: I would ask no more questions. At the first opportunity, I’d grab Mom and figure a way out.

  May spun to the camera, her smile assured, as a squadron of foot-high pixies hoisted and carted away the dead ogre. “Welcome,” she gushed, “to Tchotchke’s Challenge.” Her arms flew high. “The rules are simple, we give each player a roll of dimes and set them lose on the grounds of Flotsam Fair. They have just one hour to be savvy shoppers. Then we take their purchases to auction, and whoever gets the highest price gets to keep the cash.”

  “That’s Bargain Hunt,” I blurted.

  The bright pink pixie paled to the color of lemonade.

  The change in May was instantaneous. She was livid. As the pink pixie opened her mouth, a snake leapt from the ground and flew down her throat. The pixie’s eyes bulged as she clutched her neck. She couldn’t breathe. Her pink pallor shaded to blue as she writhed on the ground. Her legs kicked, her arms spasmed, and she died.

  “Nooooo!” May shrieked. “Tell me!” Her yellow eyes narrowed to slits. She glared at me. “Tell me Bargain Hunt.”

  What was wrong with me that I couldn’t keep my yap shut? Then again, one of the underlying principles of Wing Chung is stillness, watch your opponent, and wait for the moment they lose balance or their momentum is out of control. May’s fury was unpredictable and dangerous. This is her off-balance, I thought. Her violence was unlike anything I’d ever experienced, causing death at the flick of a finger. Tread carefully…. I felt Liam’s gaze. There was no mistaking his hunger. And then May, who was struggling to regain her hostessy composure.

  “Tell me Bargain Hunt.”

  I took a deep breath. Chill, Alex.… Donuts. Where were they? The smell, like a delicious fog, I had to shake off. Bargain Hunt. “It’s a game show,” I said. “It was on in England and then came to the US…. I don’t think the American version did so well. But it’s basically your Tchotchke thing. You’re just copying it.” The lines of her face shifted, her jaw twitched, and the corners of her mouth turned into a tight-lipped smile.

  She trembled. “Nooooo!” She turned on her entourage. “You are pathetic… at best.” She stared at a cluster of pastel-hued sprites. “In case I’ve not mentioned, this… imitation… of humans.… Unacceptable! I need the new, the now, the next. It’s what they crave. It’s the magic I need. You are all expendable.”

  As she ranted and had her “off with their heads” moment, I tried to focus. You’ve been here before, I reminded myself. And you got away… it was the bricks. You shut them out. She knows you can do that, and so she’s trying to confuse you. But you could shut all of this down. Grab Mom and run. I glanced to May’s right, where Mom, who was now in a gauzy floral dress, was leaning up against her gorgeous… whatever he was. Boyfriend? Husband? But what was he? Obviously the same race as Liam, close to human, just prettier and filled with something otherworldly and seductive.

  The expression on her face as she gazed up at him, it stopped me. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen her happy. Not forced happy, not the pretend smile she’d put on to get me—and everyone else—to leave her the hell alone. The two of them were beautiful together… the poster couple for “in love.” Something else struck me—she seemed normal—or as normal as any pregnant woman could be at the fairy flea market.

  Like it or not, this was real. Which put my notion of reality into a scary place. Going with that conclusion, other things followed. Like, if she ran back here once, she’d do it again. My other reality seemed horribly complicated. What if you’ve gotten things backward, Alex? Why not go back, grab Alice.… She’d love this place.

  “Count off by three!” May shrieked.

  The small throng—maybe thirty in all—of assorted creatures that comprised her retinue was terrorized. Their frightened voices squeaked off like choosing up teams in gym. I glanced toward Mom and her partner. They watched, concerned but detached.

  “Dorothea!” May shouted. “Pick a number from one to three.”

  The little creature looked adoringly up at May. “I pick two, your majesty.”

  “Number two,” May repeated, “come on down.”

  And every second creature dropped dead.

  May sighed. She turned and spotted me. “A lot of death follows in your wake, Alex…. I really like that about you.”

  No, I thought, as the sky darkened and crows descended on the fallen. This was not a place for Alice. I held my tongue. My thoughts raced as I selected phrases, trying to decide if they were questions or not.… Best to avoid words like “who,” “what,” “when,” “where,” “why,” and “how.” One sentence formed. I turned it around, forward and backward… it could do. “Your Majesty, tell me your desire.”

  “Smart boy.” Her camouflage gear and safari hat morphed into a silvery gown as she crossed the few yards that separated us. “Walk with me. I fear we started on the wrong foot, Alex Nevus.” She put a hand on her chest. “We must be friends. Friends help one another.” Her smile brightened. “Friends tell one another secrets, and I can tell that you’d like to know mine.”

  Up close, she was spectacular, her skin without wrinkle and smooth as porcelain. Her golden cat’s eyes were filled with intelligence… and hunger. Of all the creatures here, she was closest to Liam and the one with my mother. Possibly the same species, although her teeth and ears weren’t as pointed. She could pass for human. If supermodels could be considered human.

  “Tell me a secret, Alex, and I will tell you a story. That is the deal.” She held out a slender hand. She chuckled. “There are things better than flowers, and my hand is among them. Tell me a secret, and I’ll tell you a story.”
/>
  Caught in her gaze, I tried to fathom her request. Everything she said was filled with traps and misdirection, like a magician’s sleight of hand. Nimby had said the fey could only tell the truth. She’d also said something about “neither a borrower nor a lender be,” and I figured that had to do with maintaining balance, which seemed a major rule in this place. I had no doubt May was crazy and obsessed—but with what, I didn’t know. My plan to grab Mom might get us through a day or two, but she was pregnant and in love. She was happy; she wanted to be here. So unless I was prepared to keep her locked in her room 24/7….

  “So….” Be careful…. “I’ll give you a secret, and you’ll tell me a story.” As someone who’d spent most of his life keeping his shit to himself, I had a lot to pick from. Like sorting through a deck of cards, I selected one, turned it inside my head, and decided it couldn’t hurt me… not more than it already had. “I have no idea who my father is.”

  “Lovely!” She clapped her hands. “I know we’ll be the best of friends.” She stared at me too long, as though making some decision.

  I shuddered.

  Her tongue clicked against the roof of her mouth. “Closer even. And to show my good faith, I hold the answer to your secret. As one friend to another, I give it now.” She raised her hand and pointed to Mom. But… not to her… to him.

  Before I could respond; I bit my tongue to not blurt out, “My father’s a fairy?” I stared at the handsome man.… She’d called him Cedric. How is this possible? As though sensing my attention, he looked away from Mom and toward me. His eyes were green like mine. He inclined his head and nodded. My mouth hung open.… This was the truth. The fey didn’t lie.

  May sang, “And now for my story.”

  And everything went black.

  Fifteen

  LIGHTS blinked on. Flotsam Fair was gone, and I was in a dainty glass house seated in a wicker chair across from May. It was an indoor jungle, plants everywhere, lush flowers, climbing vines, and fruit-laden trees.