The Father's Son

by Jim Sano

  Luke paused. “I don’t think all women do that intentionally, and they don’t want us just for our looks.”

  “I didn’t say people are fully aware of how sophisticated our biology and senses are to find a fertile and healthy mate. Women tend to have a much more sophisticated sense of smell. Did you ever notice when you hold a woman, how she will breathe in the scent of your shirt? Women aren’t only aroused by the chemical that occurs in men’s sweat, hair, and skin but they can actually determine if the man’s DNA is a good match and is just dissimilar enough from her own to produce offspring with a stronger immune system. She will look for someone tall, for health and status; dark, for testosterone level; and handsome with symmetrical and masculine facial features as signs of genetic health. She is also more social, interested, and physically ready for sex the closer she is to her ovulation.”

  David nodded. “Exactly! Doesn’t that tell you she is willing and interested? It’s only natural for two consenting adults to do what is natural.”

  “Sure,” replied Tom, “but I think we’re back to the same questions we had at the beginning of the conversation. What is the purpose of sex? What is true love? And how does a man treat a woman? When it relates to sex, our entire biology and brain are geared to being attracted to men or women who are healthy and fertile mates. The act of sexual intercourse creates incredible bonding. It’s also geared toward creating life and staying together to care for that family. Why is the ultimate drive for a man to deliver his boys, so to speak? Once he does, there’s a change in desire and a chemical release that makes him want to stay and sleep.”

  Luke lowered his voice to a whisper. “Tommy, do you honestly believe we are supposed to make a baby every time we have sex?”

  “No. You never know when that miracle will happen, but not acknowledging the full meaning of the act makes it less than it is. Real men are thinking about what is absolutely best for their mate, preserving her integrity and dignity. He gives himself completely to her in self-sacrificing love and wants the best for her throughout her life and beyond. When we are more interested in the pleasure for the short term, or when you treat her natural fertility as a disease and you need to neuter her with birth control, we are basically reducing her to raw materials for pleasure, even if you are two consenting adults. How often do you hear guys ask each other, ‘Did you get some?’ or ‘Did she put out?’ Or worse? Jesus emptied himself out of love for us. A real man doesn’t fill himself by using and emptying her. That’s backward. That’s taking instead of giving. She should be worth waiting for and that gift of life-giving intimacy is intended for her future husband.”

  Luke put down his bread and leaned back. “I still don’t get what the big deal is if you are both in love and are both happy.”

  “Luke, love is so much more than a feeling. Love is an act of the will, a deep desire for the absolute best for the other—even at the expense of your own benefit. You mentioned what is natural. Before 1972, when there was little access to birth control, what was the natural outcome of sex?”

  Luke didn’t respond immediately. Tom continued. “And what do you believe that baby deserves from both the mother and the father? A truly committed relationship or two people dating who are trying to figure things out?”

  Luke glanced downward. “You want me to say that an honest man, a real man, wouldn’t put temporary pleasure with someone he wasn’t ready to spend his life with ahead of the entire life of a child that deserves a family and loving parents—right? I agree, but we now have the technology. We have medical discoveries so that the situation won’t occur. It gives us the freedom to love without being irresponsible.”

  Tom said, “I like that you care about the child, a lot. That’s a good sign of maturity. But I have two questions for you. Is that the natural design? And did you know that there is no birth control that is one hundred percent effective?”

  Luke appeared confused by the question as Tom continued, “In practice, there’s a forty-seven percent failure rate for young people in their first year of having sex. Even after that, CDC statistics show that condoms fail fifteen percent of the time and birth control pills about nine percent of the time. Do you think those odds, or any odds, are okay to take when it comes to another human’s life?”

  Luke was quiet and so was David.

  Tom continued, “Did you know the Pill is a Group 1 carcinogen? When you tell her to take the pill, you are asking her to take artificial hormones, to lower her immune system that protects against STDs, to significantly increase her risk of cervical and breast cancer, heart disease, and stroke, to increase risks of nutrient deficiencies and depression, and to risk future fertility issues, as well as often asking her to take an abortifacient. The pill is also called the divorce pill because it actually changes the pheromones that allow her to pick a compatible mate so that when she goes off of the pill, she is no longer attracted to the man she is with. When you tell a woman that her natural fertility that attracted you to her is a problem, what are you really saying to her?

  “Did you know that the more partners a woman has, the more difficult it is for her to conceive when she is married because of the multiple adjustments to her immune system—the body knows something is wrong? And couples who live together are much less likely to marry and much more likely to divorce. There are also twenty million new cases of STDs every year, most not preventable by condoms. Is any of that really willing the best for her?”

  Luke exhaled. “Is there any more good news here?”

  David agreed. “I’m feeling depressed myself right now.”

  “Sure, there is. This isn’t really about a ‘No,’ but a much bigger ‘Yes’ that should be more than good news for both men and women. Yes, to what marriage and sex were designed for. Yes, to a deeply intimate and bonding act of becoming one for life. Yes, to completely and truly giving yourself to another in love that is life-giving with a commitment to build a family together. Yes, to the plan God has for each of you. When you start having sex before you’re married and truly committed, you are telling someone with your body that you are giving your whole self to them, but that’s really not the truth if you aren’t really committed to them and not actually giving yourself to them. John Paul II once wrote, ‘The dignity of every woman is the duty of every man.’ Was he right?”

  The waiter came back to the table to see if they were ready to order dinner. To break the quiet, Luke said, “We just had three full courses of food for thought, so I think we’re ready for some food for the stomach now.”

  David and Tom laughed as the waiter squinted at them, confused while taking their orders. Tom apologized for going on so long and so passionately, but Luke said, “Tommy, you don’t have to apologize to me. You gave me, at least, some things to think about. And you wouldn’t be much of a friend if you didn’t challenge me to become a man even my brother would be proud of.”

  David fiddled with his napkin, then grinned. “So where were you when I was growing up?”

  Tom said, “Hey, we’ll all be learning how to be men until our last day.”

  “Yeah, sure,” David replied, “but it is pretty embarrassing when the priest knows more about women and sex than the eligible bachelors at the table.”

  They clinked their glasses together as Tom grinned.

  The rest of the dinner was enjoyable as the conversation was fun and friendly. It was a good sign they could mix serious and sensitive subjects with lighter humor and banter without ever assuming anything but the best of intentions from each other. The authentic Italian food and comfortable evening didn’t hurt either.

  Chapter 23

  David thought back on last night’s conversation as he sat with his morning coffee. He respected Tom’s perspective, insights, and his desire for the best interests of others. He was starting to open up to the possibility that Tom was a real friend.

  As he mulled over all Tom had said, he thought about Jillian. Had he treated her with dignity? Wasn’t she worth waiting for and
had he thought about her heart as he pursued the relationship and then dropped her off of the Grand Canyon when he needed to pull back?

  He wondered if she might not have sunk back into the depression she had once tried to explain to him. He had talked with the salespeople at the Newton office, but they weren’t able to tell him much since Jillian had pulled back socially at the office. David felt stuck, not knowing what to do without hurting Jillian more. She didn’t want to see him until he was ready to move forward in the relationship. If he saw her, would he hurt her more? Would he be doing it to make himself feel better?

  On Sunday night, Kathleen called to talk about Amy. Her friends seemed to be changing and not for the better. Her attitude was becoming concerning. Kathleen was honest when she said that she wasn’t sure if David’s lifestyle was helping. As David hung up, the perspective on being a true man Tom talked about flashed through his mind.

  Monday and Tuesday were busy days finalizing game plans for the quarter. David got back too late from a meeting at headquarters, so he drove to his apartment instead of going back to his office. The door locks had all been changed, the windows secured from the inside, and alarms were set. Having someone breaking into his apartment on two Tuesdays in a row was concerning and perplexing. He used his new key and the key code to enter the apartment. Trooper was hunkered down on the rug in front of the sunniest window and all appeared to be the same as David had left it. He fixed beef tenderloin steaks for the two of them; they dined by the fire in the den as he started at Jimmy’s diary sitting on the bookshelf. He didn’t remember leaving the diary there and was sure he had put it back in the box from his mother’s house.

  The room suddenly felt quieter, except for his own heartbeat, as he tried to figure out how it got there. He looked carefully around each room and checked doors and windows to see if anything appeared to be tampered with. He saw nothing unusual, nothing different except the diary.

  As David sat back down in his leather chair, he stared at the diary for some time. He didn’t want to read it tonight but knew something was up. The diary was sitting in front of an antique clock that his grandfather had given him for his eighth birthday. Nonno noticed that David was always admiring the small wooden clock with the painted face, brass hands, and a tick-tock for each second being passed. He had kept the clock all these years but had never wound it up since that fall in 1971. The hands were always set at 10:15, except for tonight; the hands were now on the nine and the four for 9:20. Thirty-one years, those hands had been fixed in place and now they had been moved. He got up from his chair to examine the old clock. Just holding it put him back to an earlier, freer time in his life, but the idea that someone else had handled it was unsettling. When he put down the clock, he picked up Jimmy’s leather-bound diary thinking Jimmy had held this in his own hands. He sank back into his chair and opened the book up to the first entry.

  As he flipped through the pages of the diary trying to figure out what was going on, David found something in the book after Jimmy’s last entry that he hadn’t seen before—a photo postcard. On the front was a picture of a three-story building with a white facade, a central entrance with windows on each side, and on the back were letters that didn’t make any sense to him. At the top was the name “Luke” but the rest, “H A U W ? T” didn’t relate to anything he could think of.

  Luke

  H A

  U

  W ? T

  David’s adrenalin increased as he walked around each room again to see if he had missed anything else. He was more perplexed than ever how anyone could’ve possibly gotten into his apartment. All windows were locked from the inside. He was the only one to have the key to all the newly reinforced locks, and Trooper showed no signs that an intruder had been there. He sat back down, and Trooper made himself comfortable again next to the leather chair. The only “Luke” that he could think of was Tom’s brother. He had been moving into an unfamiliar place of respect and even trust with Tom, but this seemed too coincidental, as did the subject matter of the last two messages.

  David had worked so hard and for so long to protect himself from the world and to be in control. He tried to be a good person while building his fortress with success, position, wealth, esteem, power, and possessions. He was independent, self-sufficient, and self-satisfied. As the master of his bounded self, he could manipulate his world, but sitting in front of him was a small picture postcard that seemed to represent an uncontrolled intrusion into his self-manufactured world that unknowingly lacked integrity, values, trust, and love. If he had to really stop to think, that haunting feeling of loss, rejection, abandonment, and emptiness would come crashing in. It had taken many years to learn to sleep again as a child because of the nightmare lurking to meet him, a nightmare where David was awakened from a comfortable bed and pushed into the darkness of a bottomless empty pit, no light, no warmth, and no love. As he fell, David felt overwhelmed with hopelessness as the pit grew even darker and colder, until he woke in a sweat and a sense of panic throughout his being.

  Chapter 24

  David opened Jimmy’s diary again to the first entry: A new year and ready to start my life now.

  As David read the entries, his thoughts drifted away from the journal to his own memories of that year. Jimmy wanted to be with his friends, back in Savin Hill where he felt at home, to be on his own, and working at Dunbar Security helped. David, on the other hand, remembered becoming comfortable at school, and both Bobby and Abbie seemed content with the new surroundings. His most vivid memory of the year was wanting a toboggan. He had written to Santa twice and asked him in person at Macy’s in Downtown Crossing that December. On Christmas morning, after opening his smaller gifts, clothes, and underwear, he had thought he must’ve done something wrong since there was no sled at all under the tree. Finally, Gianni said, “I think I saw something behind the couch,” and sadness turned into joyous energy as David tore through all the red and green wrapping paper that covered a toboggan long enough to hold all six of them.

  When they had a good snowfall that January, everyone bundled up, putting on their boots, coats, hats, and gloves except for Jimmy. Gianni motioned to Jimmy, who was planning on seeing his friends that afternoon. Within a few minutes, Jimmy was putting on his coat and hat and the entire family was heading over to Flagstaff Hill in Boston Common to test out David’s Christmas present. At the top of the hill, David got into the front, then Abbie, Bobby, Jimmy, Annie. Finally, Gianni pushed and jumped on the back of the toboggan and down the hill they went, dodging other families flying down the long hill that ended at the snow-covered baseball diamond. David recalled the snow flying up into his face, how much he loved being in the front to watch the action, and how much more he enjoyed his whole family having fun together. A little more than halfway down the hill, a dog ran in front of the toboggan’s path. Everyone leaned to the right to avoid hitting it and ended up toppling over into the fresh snow. Looking back and seeing his mother laughing and the big smile on his dad’s face was a happy memory. After a good snowball fight that left them soaked, they all trudged home through the snow to enjoy homemade hot chocolate piled high with whipped cream.

  Jimmy’s diary for the rest of January was composed of short entries about working weekends and a few afternoons after school. He talked about becoming eighteen soon and counting down the days until school was finally through. All this time David remembered enjoying his small world of school and family in the North End while his oldest brother was feeling antsy and ready for something bigger and more exciting.

  Jimmy wrote, “I don’t feel any different today than I did yesterday, but I’m officially a man. I can’t walk into a bar through the front door and I can’t vote but I can go to war and die. I hope that doesn’t happen. I can’t imagine dying before I get a chance to even live. It’s a scary thought. I just need to convince Dad to trust me with my own life.

  “I met Tommy C at Mo’s place to celebrate. The rest of the guys were there in the back, and we ha
d fun. Mo had four tickets to the Celtics-Lakers game that he gave me for a present and it was a great win 116-98. It was a great start to a year to remember!”

  David flipped the diary pages to March ’71 and didn’t see a lot of personal comments from his brother except, “I think a lot about the war in Vietnam now. Every night the news shows pictures and film of this never-ending war and the casualties of men no older than me. I don’t even know what they are actually fighting for and it is hitting me for the first time that I could be drafted and be one of them soon.”

  March 8. “Great fight tonight between Ali and Frazier at Madison on the radio. Frazier is tough but didn’t think he’d win.”

  March 10: “It’s official. I can vote. Small consolation for being able to fight and die.”

  March 20: “B’s win 13th straight! I’m smelling Stanley Cup repeat!”

  David skipped down to the last entry of the month, March 31st: “Another month gone. Time seems to be going by fast with all these hours at Dunbar. Need to slow it down and live it!”

  David felt like he was only getting a small peek at who his oldest brother was. He never realized how much the war weighed on Jimmy, but it wasn’t going to be the war that would take the life of David’s idolized brother away. He fell asleep in his chair as his thoughts and feelings drifted back to a time when his family was still all together.

  The morning had come early for David when he awoke in his den chair. Although he packed his basketball and clothes in his sports bag, he was thinking about not playing. The air was getting cool for outdoor basketball, and he wasn’t sure if he was up for confronting Tom with yet another mysterious message.