The Father's Son

by Jim Sano

  David sat and thought for quite a while, then called her.

  Kathleen answered. “Hello.”

  “Hello, Kat, it’s David.”

  “Is everything okay? Did you get home all right?”

  “Yes. Yes. I got here safe and sound.”

  Kathleen hesitated. “Did you leave something?”

  “I guess you could say that. I wanted to talk to you about something and wondered if you might be available for dinner tomorrow?”

  Her voice wavered. “I think my evening is open, but could you tell me what you want to talk about?”

  “Sure. I will let you know tomorrow at seven. Sleep well.”

  He hung up, took a deep breath, and headed to bed.

  Chapter 41

  David left a message that he’d bring a pizza by for the kids and arrived a little before seven o’clock to pick up Kathleen. He was holding the hot pizza when James greeted him at the door, wrapping his arms around his father’s waist. Amy came down with a more reserved greeting and a quizzical expression on her face. Finally, Kathleen descended the stairs looking as attractive as she had when David first met her on campus, dressed nicely but not too formally, since she had no idea what the get-together was all about. They chatted in the foyer for a minute, then drove only a few minutes down the road before he pulled in front a spot familiar to both of them. The quaint Button Island Café was the first place that David and Kathleen had shared a meal when purchasing their home in Hingham.

  They sat at a corner table, overlooking the harbor and tiny Button Island, which would only have been visible if the lights of a boat shone behind it. He ordered a house merlot, and he raised his glass to Kathleen over the small table candle as she did the same, waiting for him to provide some clue for the dinner invitation. Finally, David said, “Thanks for being willing to see me tonight. I know this was out of the blue, and I didn’t even let you know what I wanted to talk about.”

  “No, you didn’t, but I trusted that you wouldn’t have called if there wasn’t a good reason.”

  He leaned forward, just slightly, his fingers playing with the stem of the wine glass. “How could you trust anything I say anymore? I made the most important promises to you and broke them, and I know I’ve hurt you and the kids deeply.”

  Kathleen gazed at him several moments without speaking or her face exposing the chaotic thoughts that probably whirled in her brain.

  Finally, she replied. “As much as I want to tell you not to be too hard on yourself, I’m not going to argue with you on this.”

  “I understand. Well, what I wanted to talk to you about relates to a new friend.”

  The narrowing of Kathleen’s eyes, of her whole face, made David pause, and it dawned on him why: she thought he meant a female friend. He shook his head without even thinking about it. “A priest. This person is a priest. His name is Tom, or I guess it would be Father Tom to you.”

  Kathleen’s eyes widened. “Really?”

  “Yes, really, but don’t get any wrong ideas. Anyway, Tom and I were talking about you.”

  “About me? What were you saying about me to a total stranger?”

  David smiled. “Trust me, he is no stranger. I was talking about you and well—um, he was talking about how you might be viewing marriage differently from me, and that is why, as far as I know, you haven’t dated since we separated.”

  Kathleen shook her head, appearing more confused. “I’m not sure where you’re going with this, and to be perfectly straight on one thing, we didn’t separate, you left.”

  “You’re right. I want to apologize for not being the man I promised you on our wedding day. I didn’t live up to my vows. I didn’t love you as you deserved and still deserve. I deserted you and the kids, thinking solely about myself and not the impact it would have on the family. You would think that I, above all people, should’ve known what broken trust and abandonment can do to a child’s life. Tom tried to tell me what true marriage is and why it’s meant to be forever and not just some nice words to say at the wedding.”

  Kathleen’s eyes filled with tears. “David, what are you trying to say?”

  “I told you that I met my father for the first time in thirty-one years. He made me think about what being a man means and what things in life are important. Almost nothing I’ve filled my life with was on that list except for the time I was with you and the children. I want to be a real man, Kathleen, one that I and my father can be proud of. I don’t know if you would even consider this, but could you ever find it in your heart to forgive me and trust me again after all the pain I’ve caused? Father Tom said you may believe we are still married in the eyes of God, regardless of any legal paperwork. I didn’t know if that would also mean you could love me again as your husband.”

  Whatever their talk may have been about, Kathleen would’ve probably never anticipated it would be this nor been emotionally prepared. A surge of emotions played across her features—disbelief, agony, joy, love, and disbelief again. She quickly excused herself to go into the ladies’ room.

  David stood as she left, then collapsed in his chair. What had he expected? Immediate reconciliation? What was he thinking?! Here, in a restaurant, where showing her emotions openly was impossible. He should’ve known. He should’ve thought it through, gone to a secluded spot where they could’ve talked alone.

  Finally, Kathleen stepped back into the Café and rejoined David at the table. He could tell she’d been crying, as her eyes were puffy and her face red, almost shaking. Once she sat down, she just stared at him and closed her eyes for a few moments before putting her thoughts into words. “I’m—I’m not sure what’s going to come out of my mouth, so forgive me if this isn’t all that coherent. First of all, yes, I believe we are still married, and, yes, I am still very much in love with the David that I married. I think Amy and James desperately need a family with a dad, but I could never subject them to another separation. It would be too devastating to them, and to me. I want to trust you, and I want to believe that you truly believe what you’re saying, but I have to be honest that I’m extremely nervous about where this might go. I need time to let it sink in.”

  David gazed into her eyes. They were even bluer than he remembered. In them, he saw the girl he had fallen deeply for in college. He had dated a number of women since their separation, but none were like Kathleen. “Kathleen, I know you needed no time to answer the first time but take all the time you need now. I don’t blame you for being wary. As a matter of fact, I am glad you are and I’m willing to do whatever you need to help make your decision.”

  Kathleen, her eyes tear-filled, nodded as she exhaled through her tightened lips.

  They had some not-so-fancy fish and chips for dinner and shared a bowl of Indian pudding with vanilla ice cream for dessert. Afterward, David helped Kathleen on with her coat, and they stepped outside into the crisp evening air. As they approached the car, David took her hand and they turned towards each other. She gazed up at him. “David, before I give you an answer, I will need three things.”

  “Anything! What?”

  Suddenly, Kathleen made a step back and then whacked David on his left shoulder and then several times in the chest with all the force she had. It didn’t hurt David, but he could feel her years of pain, the pain he had caused by his disloyalty, being let loose. He knew this because part of him wanted to do the same thing last Saturday against the thick glass at the prison that separated him and his father. Regardless of knowing that his father didn’t intend to hurt him, he had experienced the pain of being abandoned, a pain that still remained deep in the emptiness of his very soul.

  She stepped back and gasped, “David, I’m so sorry. I don’t know where that came from.”

  He put his hands on each of her shoulders. “It’s okay. It’s okay, Kat. I deserved that and a lot more. I want to make up everything to you and the kids.” Then he grinned. “I am a little afraid to ask about the other two things you need!”

  David’s comment b
roke the tension, and they both laughed. Then, to his surprise, Kathleen raised herself up on her toes and kissed him softly on the lips. He put his arms around her and kissed her back as a light snow began to fall.

  David drove her home and gave her a goodnight kiss at the door. “I’m sorry to spring this question on you. Let me know what you need to feel comfortable with the right answer for all of us. I don’t want to hurt anyone, but I don’t want to foolishly let you and the kids out of my life again.”

  “Part of me needs no time at all but another needs some time to process everything. I don’t know what that will mean, but I appreciate your understanding of how important it is. The third thing is to know that the kids won’t be hurt again. I need to know that Amy and James will not be hurt if this isn’t a permanent proposal. I need to trust that you will also take the time to be sure of yourself as well, regardless of how I feel. I need to put them first.”

  David gazed deeply into Kathleen’s eyes until she returned the gesture. “I give my word. I’ll do everything in my power to never hurt any of you again, as long as I live.”

  Kathleen nestled her head into David’s shoulder and chest as he held her close in an embrace they hadn’t shared for many years.

  Chapter 42

  During the first week of December, David made sure that all the large deals were being managed and moving through the proper process. He also worked with the basketball team practice on Wednesday and a scrimmage game on Friday afternoon. David and Tom’s patience working with the boys was paying off as they got more competitive each game they played.

  On Saturday morning, David took an early flight to Richmond and visited his father for the second time. David felt more at ease this visit and could offer more to the conversation by talking about his family, coaching, the food shelter, and very little about his work. Gianni’s eyes were always full of love for the short sixty minutes he had to gaze upon his son, but David noticed that he seemed a little older than he had noticed on his first visit. David wanted to make him as happy as possible and making him proud of his son seemed to be one thing he could offer.

  Gianni didn’t preach at David, but he did try to let him know where his own strength, peace, and purpose continued to come from, despite the harsh prison life. He gave David names of some books he thought would be helpful and encouraged him to stay connected with Angelo and Tom. He felt his father wasn’t judging and rejecting him, but inside he felt as if he needed to earn that trust and love.

  During the second week of December, Kathleen called David to see if he’d be willing to stay in the guestroom at the house a few days a week to see how he felt about things. James loved having David come on Sunday, after they went to Mass, and stay until Tuesday morning. Amy continued to have mixed feelings and was most likely being protective of James, her mom, and herself. David was aware she was watching how he and Kathleen interacted together, and how much her mom was obviously still in love with him, despite his abandonment and infidelity. He overheard Kathleen talking to Amy about marriage commitment, forgiveness, and making sure a young woman expects and demands to be treated with respect and dignity. He was sure it must be confusing for Amy to reconcile those things when she didn’t know if she could trust him yet. They were both well aware that there was considerable risk involved, and that the stakes were large when people opened up their hearts fully.

  David made another trip down to Richmond on December 21. While the old prison facility was never going to feel comfortable, he was getting used to the routine and became familiar with the guards and other regular visitors. Gianni mentioned that only a handful of prisoners tended to get any visitors since they were often too far away from family or friends. Gianni told him that life had taken its time to go from unbearable to being at peace with his life. David couldn’t see how that was possible, but Gianni told him, with great conviction, how much his faith has saved him mentally and spiritually.

  Gianni told David that he didn’t want to see him for Christmas because he wanted him to spend that time with his family. David argued a bit but knew his father was right, so he said he’d be back within a week or two.

  David drove down to Hingham late that Sunday morning before Christmas. The houses along the way into town were decorated with wreaths, lights, manger scenes, and Santa’s sleighs. David had strung the outdoor lights a few weeks before and today they were picking out a tree at a local farm. James picked out a “Charlie Brown” tree that made everyone else glance at each other, but he was so enthusiastic that he had found the perfect tree, no one said a word other than, “We have the perfect tree!”

  When they got home, David put up the tree, while Kathleen made sure the roast and vegetables were making good progress for Sunday dinner. James helped David bring down the boxes of ornaments and lights. David handed him two packages of tinsel he had snuck into the house knowing Kathleen was adamantly against the silver, glittery strands on the tree. David smiled as he got the expression he was expecting from Kathleen, and while she tried to maintain a more serious look, she couldn’t hold back her smile.

  After a dinner with excited conversation, all four of them moved into the living room to begin the much-anticipated tree decorating. Even Amy seemed to relax as they trimmed the tree while listening to Christmas music in the background. Finally, when David turned on the lights to make it official, they all agreed that James did indeed pick out the perfect tree. Kathleen made some hot chocolate while David arranged the logs in the fireplace for a fire. They sat together to watch It’s a Wonderful Life and at the end, James proclaimed, “See, their dad was lost, but came home for Christmas too!”

  David put his arm around him. “That’s right, James, and if you ring a bell, I will grow wings as well.” At that, James’ eyes became big enough to fall out of his head and everyone laughed.

  Kathleen clapped her hands. “School tomorrow, so this party will have to continue in your dreams.”

  David helped bring in the mugs, washed and dried the dishes with Kathleen in the kitchen while telling her about his visit to Gianni, and how nice it was to be home for the tree trimming. Kathleen was quiet, and David noticed tears coming down her cheeks. He quickly dried his hands and turned her towards him. “What is it, Kat? What’s the matter?”

  Kathleen shook her head as she tried to wipe the tears with her hand.

  “Look at me. I’m ready. I want this, and I want you. I’m ready to make a man’s commitment to you and the kids. I’m ready to love you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, all the days of my life.”

  Kathleen closed her eyes, exhaled a deep breath, then looked up at David with emotions she couldn’t control, and she pulled herself towards him. “Every part of me wants this and every part of me is terrified at the same time.”

  David held her close. “I told you to take all the time you need. I’m ready to be your partner, your friend, your champion, your love and to be faithful and committed to not only you but to us. I completely understand if you are still hurt or feel unsure that you can really trust me, and I’m willing to do whatever it is to work through those feelings.”

  Kathleen remained in David’s arms and let her head rest against his chest until her tears finally slowed, and she could collect herself enough to speak. “David, I believe in you, and I so want to trust the beautiful words you are saying. I really do with all my heart. I think we were meant to be truly married and grow old together. I think God meant for us to be together, and I know I still love you and will always love only you. The man I loved and admired left us without an explanation and no reason. That doesn’t mean that you didn’t have a reason in your heart, but I don’t understand it. I’m so afraid of believing you, that your promise that may seem right to you today but not five years from now. I can’t do that to us or to you without believing your heart.”

  One of the reasons David was so drawn to Kathleen was her depth of honesty and insight into a situation and the people involved. This wasn’t an objective work
situation but deeply personal and emotional, and Kathleen had the ability to know all that was at stake, not just for now, but in the future. David didn’t feel hurt or as if he wished he hadn’t let Kathleen know how he felt, but he did feel as if he should go home tonight and give Kathleen some room. “Kat. I have no plans on letting you go, now or ever, but I completely understand what you’re saying. I think we should find a way to talk through each concern until you feel more confident you can trust me. Don’t take this the wrong way, but it might be better if I went home tonight to give you some time. I’d still like to be here for Christmas if you’re okay with that?”

  Kathleen nodded. “I would like that.”

  As they finished cleaning up together, David asked Kathleen to explain to the kids why he wasn’t there in the morning. On the way home, David thought about everything Kathleen had said, agreeing that she was asking the right questions and doing the right thing.

  Despite this being the end of the quarter push for sales, David had planned on taking off Christmas Eve to volunteer at My Brother’s Table with several of the guys at work. Afterward, he would drive down to Hingham for a Christmas Eve party at the house where they had invited neighbors and friends. He was hoping to convince Tom to come down to meet Kathleen. He did drop by the next day at lunchtime and caught Tom in the church watching Sister Helen and a number of the students practice the nativity for Christmas Eve. David stood in the back and watched until Tom noticed him and moved to the back as he continued to watch and make a few gestures. “Happy Christmas, David. Did you want to try out for a part in the play? I think we’re still looking for a realistic looking donkey.”