The Father's Son

by Jim Sano

  David scowled at Tom. “Well, this doesn’t seem very loving.”

  Tom let the moment sit for a bit before responding, “You said your dad had a very strong faith, right?”

  David nodded.

  “To him, this life is just a small part of our entire existence, an existence which doesn’t end. Like it or not, we’re not made to live forever here but forever with God. Our only real decision in life is if we want to live in God’s love or not. God isn’t The Godfather who makes us an offer we can’t refuse. He gives us the dignity of free will, and in that free will we can refuse his love.”

  “So, what?”

  “I think your father’s entire life has been a very resounding ‘yes’ to that offer and I believe that whatever happens from here on, he will be in very good hands. The question is, how will you be?”

  David rubbed his forehead. “I don’t know, but what I do know is that I’m going to do everything I can to get him released and let him have the best care I can. If I can get him back to Boston, I’d like you to meet him and show him where he put thirty years of his earnings.”

  Earnestly, Tom replied, “I’d be honored to meet him—and to thank him in person for his generosity and for his son as my friend. Is there anything I can do?”

  David glanced up at the ceiling. “Yes. Yes, there is, Tom.”

  Tom sat straight up and with his palms open. “Anything. What can I do?”

  David took a deep breath. “I want to become Catholic. I want to be able to take my father to Mass. I think that would make him happier than anything else I could do for him.”

  “Is this something that is in your heart, David, or something you want to do for your dad?”

  “What? What does it matter? This is something we can do for him, and you said you would do anything.”

  Tom stood up and walked several steps back and forth and then sat back down and placed a hand on David’s shoulder. “We can only do this if it’s sincere, truly sincere. He would only want you to do this if it was. I’m impressed with all you’ve been doing over these past several months with the food kitchen, your generosity to the school and the boys, the time you are spending with your family, and your courage to care about your dad. For whatever reason, these are good things, but they are even better if they are done out of authentic self-giving love.”

  David was taken aback. “Why else would I re-prioritize my entire life and do all this if it weren’t real?”

  Tom said, “I didn’t say it wasn’t real. The question is, do we do things to feel better about ourselves or to have others accept and love us? We can even do this with God, trying to make ourselves ‘good enough’ for him to love. I think both God and your father love you already for who you truly are and not conditionally for what you might or might not do.”

  “Of course, I’m sincere. I want to do this.”

  “David, do you know where the word sincere comes from?”

  David shook his head.

  “It comes from the Latin words ‘sine’, meaning without, and ‘cera,’ meaning wax. Ancient merchants who were dishonest would use wax to hide defects or cracks in their pottery to make it look more valuable and to sell it for a higher price under false pretense. The reputable merchants would hang signs over their stalls with the term ‘sine cera’ or ‘without wax.’”

  David’s forehead tightened with confusion. “So? What does this have to do with anything?”

  “We all have defects, and we work really hard to make sure that no one can see them and sometimes think we are worthless because of them. We want to sell a better version of ourselves than our authentic selves. Jesus didn’t come to love, teach, and save the perfect, but sinners like us. He wanted to transform us from selfish sellers of ourselves into the sincere lovers of others. We need to be able to let go and trust enough to hide nothing and know we will never be rejected or valued less. If you want to truly come into the Church that Jesus built, you need to hang a sign around your neck that reads, ‘sine cera.’ You need to do it for authentic belief in Christ and His Body, not as a tool to make your father proud.”

  Tom got up to pour them some more tonic and to give David room to think.

  David was tapping his hands on the table trying to figure out his next move. “Technically, Tom, I already am a Catholic, right?”

  “Were you baptized a Catholic?”

  “I think so.”

  “Did you receive your First Communion?”

  “Yeah. I did, the spring before Jimmy’s death.”

  Tom smiled. “I’d say that you are still a ‘baby Catholic.’ If you are sincere about this, I would be the happiest man in Boston, but you’d still need to do a few things. You’d need to make a full confession of your serious sins to receive the sacrament of the Eucharist, basically say you repent the things that turned you away from God and that you want to be in his loving grace. Then, you would need to be confirmed in the faith. I assume you didn’t receive your Confirmation?”

  David shook his head. “No, but can we do it all this weekend?”

  “I love the enthusiasm, but there are classes that started this past September called RCIA or Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults and I think they would help you. There are four really great people in the class, and it finishes at Easter when you would all be fully received into the Church.”

  David got up and started pacing. “No. No. I don’t want to go to class or wait until the end of April. I don’t have that kind of time. Can you just forgive my sins and do whatever ceremony is necessary for Confirmation?”

  Tom softly spoke, “David. This is a bigger deal than even marriage. You need to understand what you are getting into to be truly in it. The Church isn’t a solo endeavor, but a community of believers. Jesus said, ‘Where two or more of you are gathered in my name, there I am among them.’ How about this? How about if we meet once a week and catch up on what the RCIA group has covered so far this fall and see what you think?”

  David said, “Okay. How about twice a week, to go a little faster?”

  Tom laughed. “All right. Wednesday and Friday nights after basketball for the enthusiastic catechumen.”

  “The cata-what?”

  Tom laughed louder.

  Chapter 45

  On that next Wednesday, David checked in with the law firm to see if they made any progress and also with the prison to see if his father was up for visitors. Both answers were negative. He went to the gym for basketball practice, and after the last boy left, he asked Tom where they were going for his first class. Tom was holding the ball at the top of the key.

  “Here is fine,” He shot with one hand and the ball went through the basket. “David, you know how important it has been for the boys to have the right attitude when they came to learn about the game?”

  David nodded.

  “At work with your sales teams, how important it is that they really listen to your instruction to ‘get it’ versus assuming there’s nothing new to learn?”

  “Okay, I understand.”

  “You don’t ask them not to think or not to ask questions, but you ask that they listen with the right frame of mind to learn. The same goes for anything we talk about with the Church.”

  “I gotcha, chief. Where do we start?”

  Tom held the ball in his hand again. “When you are playing basketball, what is always, always, always the focal point of the game?”

  David pointed to the ball. “The basketball.”

  “Right. I’ll probably get into trouble for this analogy but, in everything we talk about, think of Christ as the ball and keep your eye on him. Jesus said, ‘I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but by me.’ Did you ever hear of the term ‘Incarnation’?”

  “Nope.”

  “Most of us either take it for granted or just don’t believe it, but the Incarnation is that God took on flesh and became one of us, so we could become like Him. Jesus is God Whom we can see, touch, and know, and Who experi
enced everything we experience as He gave His entire self for us. The Incarnation reveals to us things we wouldn’t have known about God otherwise. It reveals to us that God is a community of love in the Trinity, three persons in one God. It’s not an easy concept to get your head around, but Jesus told us He and the Father were one, ‘When you see me, you see the Father.’ In Genesis, it talks about God creating the universe and when it came to creating man, the Word reads, ‘And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness.’”

  “Did you say, ‘Let us?’”

  “Yes, us. God is the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, and we are made for God in Their image to be with God. He made us with worth, purpose, and for His love. We just need to trust in His loving plan for us, in His unconditional and never-failing love. Jesus is the Word of God made flesh, so what He does and what He says is the truth and shows us what life is all about. God gave Adam and Eve everything, but they failed to trust in His love. They grasped for the forbidden fruit in the desire to be God, to be the deciders of what is right and what is wrong for themselves, because they thought God was holding out on them. Jesus shows us that God holds nothing back, not even His only Son, who pours Himself out for us in mercy and love.”

  “Huh.”

  “Who let go and trusted God when faced with an incredible ask?”

  “I guess Jesus?”

  “Sure, but who else?”

  “I don’t know. Who?”

  “Mary. Mary was asked as a young girl to become the mother of God. She said, ‘Yes,’ fully trusting in God’s plan without knowing what was going to happen to her. She was the new Eve and Jesus – ”

  David interrupted. “And Jesus was the new Adam?”

  Tom smiled. “Yes! Jesus was fully divine but also fully human, so He felt the physical and emotional pain and the doubt, yet still trusted fully.

  “Think of this—God made Adam. Then Eve came from Adam’s side. Now the new Adam comes from the new Eve through the Holy Spirit. Perfect symmetry, if you ask me. So, you know the story, Jesus was born as the new King under the most humble of circumstances. He grows up to teach of God’s love for us and what we must do. He gave His life so we may have a life with God in heaven. But what did He do before He ascended into heaven?”

  “Tom, ask me some questions I can answer.”

  “He taught and trained His apostles. He gave them not only instructions but the authority to teach in His name, to perform miracles, to forgive sins, and to bring us the presence of Christ in the breaking of the bread and in the wine. He built His Church. ‘And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock, I will build my church, and the gates of hell will not prevail against it.’ Lastly, Jesus promised them the gift of the Holy Spirit which we fully receive in Confirmation. He told His apostles, ‘I have yet many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now. When the Holy Spirit of truth comes, He will guide you into all truth.”

  Tom took a shot and put it through the net without touching any iron. “That’s probably enough for our first class, young man. Everything we talk about going forward will have this as the foundation, so it is important for this to sink in, even a little bit. Are you up for a quick bite? I promise not to talk shop.”

  David replied, “I’m starving, but I might have a few questions if you don’t mind working overtime.”

  As much as they enjoyed Dempsey’s, they both agreed that tonight Chinese was in order and meandered over as Luke walked toward them. He greeted them with an upbeat smile and hug as he turned to walk with them.

  “Good to see you, Luke,” Tom said. “Are you up for some lo mein?”

  “I’d love to, but I just dropped by to let you know I’m planning on going to Peru for the spring semester. I’ll be leaving on Saturday.”

  Tom exclaimed, “Peru! Why Peru? What’s this all about?”

  Luke had both of his hands in his pockets and was moving his feet back and forth to stay warm. “Okay, I’m going down with a girl from school.” As soon as he saw Tom’s entire being sink out of concern and disappointment, Luke’s hands came out of his pockets to hold his brother’s arms. “It’s not what you think. This girl is really different.”

  Tom shook his head.

  “Tom, we’re going on a mission trip for the semester. Her name is Kathryn. We’ll be properly chaperoned. She’ll be staying in the convent with the Dominican Sisters while I’m staying with a family who’s involved in this mission work to help build homes, medical clinics, schools, and small farms. Kathryn flew down during spring break last year with a Catholic group from school, so you should love her.”

  Tom closed his eyes and let out a sigh of relief.

  “I really like this girl, and I won’t say that it’s not a big part of why I’m going. There’s something deep and real about Kathryn I haven’t run into before. She has a strong set of morals and doesn’t apologize for it. She has a conviction about herself and what is important in life, which I love. So, you don’t have to worry about us shacking-up because she’s already let me know she wants the real thing. She told me on our first date, ‘Women were called to inspire, not to seduce.’ I’ll be okay, and I think this will be a good thing for me.”

  Tom put his arm around his younger brother and pulled him close. “You never cease to surprise me, Luke. I’ll pray for you, though, and you have to promise to write, a lot. Do you need any money for the trip?”

  “Thanks, Tom. I’m okay for money. I’ll let you know how things are going at least once a week.”

  They hugged, and Luke headed back in the direction of his school as Tom and David headed off for some Mandarin cuisine.

  Over the next several days, David wrestled with his conflicting feelings about his dad and some things Tom had said. As they sat in the two cushioned chairs in Tom’s office on Friday night, David wasn’t sure if Church was what he wanted to talk about.

  Tom asked, “How have you been this week?”

  David sighed. “I’m not so sure. I was thinking about some things you had said about knowing what motives were really behind my decisions.”

  Tom sat patiently, probably waiting for David to expound, but David only continued to stare at the floor.

  “How do you feel about this news concerning your father?”

  “I think I’m mostly in shock.”

  “Are you angry?”

  “I don’t know. I guess that I should be.”

  “This won’t sound right, and I’m not saying this because you don’t care but because I know you do, but do you feel any sense of relief?”

  David shot a cold glare at Tom while inside he knew he had experienced a feeling of relief and was ashamed of it.

  “Here’s my concern for you, David. You had what I would call a traumatic event over a long period of time—something you couldn’t just flip the switch on after thirty years. It would be natural to believe the reason you were abandoned might have even been your fault. You might even suffer from a fear of rejection of your true self, whom you are protecting. A lifetime could be spent trying to prove to yourself that you aren’t worthless through a strong drive to be successful, powerful and protected by material things. Deep inside, though, those things don’t remove the fear that you actually deserved to be abandoned or rejected. It would be a natural subconscious relief to not have to face those feelings head-on. Does that make any sense?”

  “I think I put all those issues in the rearview mirror a long, long time ago.”

  “I understand, but that doesn’t always mean you’ve really dealt with them. Often it means working overtime to avoid them, impacting our ability to accept our true selves. This, in turn, affects our ability to be intimate and open with others, to be at peace. I’m not trying to tell you what you feel. I can’t know that, but I think you’ve experienced some pretty sharp pull-backs since we’ve known each other and in your major relationships. I think it could be helpful to see if there are opportunities to peel that well-constructed onion back a few layers. What do you think?”


  “I don’t think so.”

  “Well, it’s always up to you, but we tend to resist changing things, even if they cause incredible anxiety or even deep depression.”

  David laughed. “Are you trying to say that I’m depressed?”

  “No, not at all. I am saying our minds work to fool us at times in ways we think are helping and protecting us, but actually, keep us from living life. Remember when I said that the adaptations we used to cope when we were young tend to become maladaptations when we move into adulthood. If a person is abused when they are young, withdrawal may be an effective way to cope and protect themselves as a child, but then that withdrawal habit can compromise their life as an adult. People subconsciously resist doing things to remove depression, anxiety, or other uncomfortable feelings because they think those feelings somehow provide protection or that they even deserve those feelings. They may also think, if they removed that coping mechanism, they would be vulnerable, or it would minimize what had happened to them. That resistance can be very strong and is very common.”

  “I’m not resistant, I’m just not interested.”

  “Or willing to take the risk or pay the price?”

  David stood up and shot back, “Do you mean like you and Corlie?”

  David knew this would hurt, but there were no signs that Tom took this lash-back personally. David rushed out of the rectory without saying another word. He felt a high level of discomfort with the conversation. Who was Tom to be poking at his mental state when he had his own baggage and uncomfortable truths? What would be the point in talking about how he had felt as a boy? He wasn’t a boy anymore and couldn’t change the past, but only deal with the present. Maybe his life was built on avoiding sensitive areas from his past, but it also provided motivation to drive himself to be the man he was today, and he was working to correct the mistakes he’d made. The more he walked, the more he was starting to feel agitated and uncomfortable with the unsolicited conversation. David found himself replaying the conversation back and forth to himself.